In review

Once I was just a little girl with a dream. A dream of being a princess. And an astronaut. And an astronaut princess. I knew I’d have to work hard to achieve my dream, because I didn’t know any princes, and was never terribly good in astronaut studies. But I did my best. And yet, I did not achieve my dream.

Alas, I became a writer, instead.

Trying to fulfill dreams and failing doesn’t seem to stop some folks, though, from continuing to pursue them. Even if they lack the talent required to be truly good at that which their hearts desire.

For instance, there’s this blogger. Let’s call him BB. BB wanted to be an actor, so he was active in community theater. He wasn’t very good, but that didn’t stop him from pursuing his dream. Then, he changed direction. “I think I’ll be a critic,” BB said. So he started a blog.

See, folks, you don’t have to be talented or even know how to correctly form an engaging sentence to get an audience on the Web. You just have to sign up for an account at www.blogger.com.

And that’s what BB did.

To say that he lacks finesse would be a gross understatement. To say that he doesn’t know the first thing about theatrical criticism would be another. To point out that he obviously is a throwback to the golden days of monospace type is blatantly obvious, as he insists on double spacing between every sentence. (This should provide a clue as to how “professional” he is, in case his uber-snarky 14-year-old-girl-with-a-slam-book delivery doesn’t do the trick.) But the real issue is his structure. He works through the show, character by character, constantly telling readers what he wrote in his notes.

The first rule of journalism is “show, don’t tell.” Don’t tell me what you wrote in your notes. If I gave a good God damn, I’d just ask to read your notes. Explain. Don’t tell me that an actor “never invests himself into the performance”; explain why that’s your opinion. And for the love of all that’s good and holy, do not criticize a teenaged actor portraying a teenaged character for needing “more time to mature as an actor.” At least not until the universe stops giving roles to Miley Cyrus. The teenager in question, while not perfect, gave a realistic portrayal of the angst of growing up.

To put it mildly, BB has no earthly idea how to write a review.

Would you let just anyone perform surgery on you, just because he or she had a scalpel? Get in an airplane piloted by someone who merely had a deep desire to fly? Probably not. You’d want to know that they had the education and credentials to carry out these tasks without incident.

Now I’m not saying that reviewing theater is a life or death situation. What I am saying is, if we’re going to take someone seriously, we should at least expect them to know more about the subject than we do. We should require them to be educated, write in a manner that is both fair and consistent, and entertain us. BB’s review is perhaps entertaining, but only to the lowest of his readership - those also willing to blindingly tear apart the cast, crew and staff of the show he most recently reviewed without any thoughtful analysis whatsoever.

I understand that any single review is also simply one person’s opinion, but unless you actually know how to write theatrical criticism, I won’t be taking you seriously. Dearest BB, I found your review to be froth with errors. Like that one; what you mean is “fraught.” But that’s okay. You can leave the actual writing to the actual writers.

The tough and the good

So I totally blew past my Tuesday posting. Could this be because my Tuesday totally blew?

Yes, yes it could.

See, here's the thing: If you're reading this, you know that I'm a sensitive person. Perhaps too sensitive. I've been advised on numerous occasions to gain a thicker skin, but it doesn't seem to be in the cards for me. Besides, science will tell you that as we age, our skin gets thinner, so it's probably not even possible.

Anyway, I accidentally stepped in it on Tuesday. I hurt a friend because I was in the wrong place at the wrong time, doing the wrong thing. No, it's no like I kicked a puppy or anything. Oh, hell, if I try to describe it without explaining it, it's just going to be bulky and awkward, so here's the Reader's Digest version:

Tuesday was my Salsa/Funk instructor's birthday. It was also my first time back in class after missing two weeks. A group of classmates got together and bought gifts and things for the instructor, and made an announcement and had us sing Happy Birthday (with apologies to the representatives of Mildred and Patty Hill) and made quite a spectacle. A friend of mine handed me her video camera and asked me to tape the festivities.

Now, I hate cameras at the gym. They don't belong there. This is supposed to be a safe place, where we can jiggle and dance and not worry about being captured on film. But in the moment, I grabbed the camera and did what was asked.

Until my instructor looked at me and, in front of the class, said, "Maggie, please don't tape this."

It was a simple request. There isn't a nicer way she could have asked. And yet, I felt destroyed. Because I am such a sensitive girl, I shut down the camera, handed it back to its owner, and tried to hold back the tears. Now I know what you're thinking. "What on earth made her cry?" I'm not 100 percent sure, but I think it was the combination of being back after being sick and injured, the sensory overload of the celebration, and the knowledge that I had disappointed someone I admire greatly. And try as I might, I couldn't hold it together.

I made my apologies to my friends, and I got out of there. I drove home in tears. Because evidently I'm a 13-year-old girl. It was a perfect storm of emotion, and I got caught in the eye of it.

I'm okay now. I'm sad that my relationship with my instructor seems to have been damaged. I'm sad because I really try not to do things that upset people, and I failed miserably at that. And I'm sad because my apple cart got upturned. But life goes on, ever forward.

Back at the gym last night, I went to a class taught by a different instructor. Before class began, we were saying hi to each other, and I told her how pretty she looked, because she did - her hair was all curly and stunning and she just looked ethereal and beautiful. I just said it because it was true, and I certainly didn't realize how much it meant to her. But after I got home and logged on to Facebook, I saw the note she left for me, thanking me for my kind words, because they helped after she'd had a hard day.

And I thought to myself, sometimes, I get it wrong. Sometimes I miscalculate, and I make mistakes, leaving the people I care about wounded in some way. But sometimes, in a moment when I am just being myself, sharing the truth of life as I see it ... sometimes, I get it right.

Ups and downs

My Aunt Shirley had a theory. She believed that once the gallbladder was removed, it was all downhill from there. No medical science backed her up, but that's what she believed. Take out the gallbladder, and other things will begin to go wrong. Factor in that Aunt Shirl was an RN, and you start to wonder ... is there any truth to the theory?

If you look at the way my life has bumped along since last July, you'd have to wonder. I feel like I've gone from one illness or injury to another since having that damn thing taken out, but I refuse to be sucked in by the hair-brained idea. Sooner or later, I have to get well, don't I?

This latest round of my unwellness is related to my left knee. I injured ages ago, and I have to be careful of it. Something I did at the gym last Saturday really did me in, although as long as I don't have to walk, I'm fine. I've been limping since Saturday night, and now the muscles in my leg that allow me to limp hurt, too. I'm hopeful that rest will heal the sucker ... and you know how much I love sitting at home doing nothing. I limp in to the office every day, sit in my comfy chair, write for eight hours and limp home. I'm pretty sure that, when all is said and done, my sofa will have a butt-shaped dent in it.

In other news, my dad, sister Kathie and nephew Alex are in Disney World right now. I'm exceedingly jealous. Airfare is so high these days, I don't know if I'll get to take a vacation to an exotic locale, but I'm incredibly grateful to have inexpensive options, even if it means I'm hanging out in Lake Geneva for a week.

I love sleeping with the windows open. Last night it was particularly captivating, because there was a chill in the air and a full moon. Snuggle and dream.

Do you have a recipe for the perfect Bolognese sauce? Please share it with me.

I think this weekend it will be warm enough to take the top off the car. I'll bundle up if I have to, but I can't wait!

Oops!

I missed my Tuesday posting this week! I'm a little thrown off these days, but here I am, prepared to share what's been going on. Maybe not ten things, maybe more. I'm not counting today.

I've been deaf in one ear for a week. It makes me feel like Kelly, except it's on the other side. When I want to see "Flanagan's Wake" on St. Patrick's Day with Marge, I had to make sure she was on my left so I could hear her if she talked to me. She said it was like sitting next to Kelly in reverse. (The show, by the way, was hysterical. People who are really good at improv amaze me.)

The deafness has been driving me crazy, mostly because it causes a ringing in my ear that keeps me from sleeping. So I went back to the doctor and he found no infection, but did see a lot of inflammation in my ear, and congestion in my nasal cavity. (Pretty, huh?) So he prescribed a steroid and more rest. Turns out this burning-the-candle-at-both-ends thing has probably lead me to not fully recover from anything, and that's why I haven't really felt great since November. So I need to slow things down in order to get healthy. I can still go to the gym, he said, but I probably can't do everything else I want to do. It's hell getting old.

I went to the gym last night but was only able to do the first hour of my workout - the strength training part. My heartrate was way too high - like in a heavy cardio zone - during part of the workout, and that was a clear sign to me that an hour of cardio would not be a good idea. So I took myself home and made dinner, took a bath and was in bed early. Aging divorcee learns new tricks.

My friend Eric made me a box set of CDs for in my car. I'm enjoying the old-school manner of listening to music; instead of having every song in my library on my iPod, I'm choosing CDs and loving it. So here's my challenge to you: Make me a CD to listen to in the car. Put together songs you think I'd like to listen to, burn 'em to a CD and send it my way. Please?

I saw the absolute worst show. I'm not going to tell you what it was or where I saw it, because everyone should judge for him or herself, but oh my God. At the end of the show, I thought the cast should apologize. I thought they should offer me twice the cost of the ticket back, for paying and then sitting through this atrocity. It still hurts my brain. It makes me not want to see any community theater for awhile. It also makes me want to hit people who can't act or direct but insist on trying.

I look adorable today. My hair turned out like I always want it to but can never do on purpose. It's a good Maggie day.

I love having girlfriends. It's not something I'm used to; I've always been one of the guys. But suddenly these days I have strong and wonderful women at my side, enjoying conversation and laughter and a glass of wine and occasionally a night of really bad theater. It's a nice place to be, a part of this aging sisterhood of the travelling vino. I like it.

And that's all, for now. Later, friends!

No ten today, only joy

I know it's Tuesday, gentle reader, and that you've gotten used to learning ten things that are swimming through my brain. But not today, darlings. Today I'm on my pity pot and you're just gonna have to suffer through it with me.

I have a sinus infection. Now, if it were an isolated incident I wouldn't complain. But this is probably the third or fourth bout of crap I've had to deal with this winter. I'm quite done with it. And frankly, this damn thing hurts. I've never had a sinus infection before. I don't want one again. My routine these days is: Neti pot, cup of tea, saline spray, nap, repeat.

I'm simply not good at being sick. I would, thank you very much, far prefer to have someone dote on me and bring me tea and rub my feet while I whine. The cat has yet to learn how to do that, so I'm on my own. And none too happy about it.

In other news, there's a lot of death stuff flying around lately. A few weeks ago was the seven-year anniversary of Mama Rice's death. Experiencing the loss of Sue alongside Mike and the family helped prepare me for losing my "real" mom about a year later; we'll "celebrate" that next month. Today is the three-year anniversary of my friend Millie's mom's early departure from earth, in May it will be a year since we lost Eric's dad and to sit on top of everything like the grieving cherry on a horrible cake, my friend Gretchen's husband died of a heart attack late last week. See what I mean? Lots of death.

Now it does offer a bit of perspective. After all, I have a sinus infection, but I'm not dead. It serves as a reminder that life is short, and we should play while we can. We should smile and get out into the sunshine, because those who left us too soon would have wanted it that way. It doesn't help a whole lot in those moments when my jaw aches from the sinus pain (yes, it's that bad) but it does remind me that, even in the painful moments, there is still so much joy.

And at the end of it all, that's what we all need. As much as we need food, shelter and clothing, as readily as we require oxygen, we need joy. If you haven't had any lately, may I suggest going outside and dancing in the grass, listening to a baby giggle, or playing Springsteen's "Born to Run" with the windows down (cracked just a little if it's cold where you are) while driving for an ice cream. Because that's how they would've wanted it.

Ten on Tuesday

1. Photographs and Memories. It saddens me in ways I can't really explain that one of my dearest friends has checked out. Cute Brian was someone I leaned on pretty heavily during the early days of what I like to call the Great Marriage Collapse of 2006. He took me for a four-hour drive the day Chris moved out of our apartment. He met me for coffee or breakfast or whatever, every time I asked. He infused one of the toughest times of my life with increments of great joy; he just never ceased to love me. So it hurts a lot now, because I haven't heard from him since July, shortly after the gallbladder surgery. In the movie in my head, he was the first co-pilot of the Wrangler, since I was the first co-pilot of his, years ago. It sucks, but it is what it is.
2. Lady in Red. And white. And that God awful purple furry-looking thing. The fashion at the Oscars ranged from the sublime (oh, Penelope Cruz, you never disappoint) to the ridiculous (Zoe Saldana, really ... first of all, eat a damn cookie. Second of all, do you not have a full-length mirror?) I don't watch the Oscars. They annoy me. But I do follow the fashion, and there were some definite hits, misses and "what the hell was she thinkings?" All I know for sure is, my darling Penelope, Queen Latifah and Helen Mirren (can I be that pretty when I get to be her age?) were simply beautiful. Everyone else should take note.
3. Hooked on a Feelin'. I work hard. I play hard. I sleep hard. Those three things seem to go hand-in-hand. And I'll be damned, a lot of it has to do with finding stuff I love to do at the gym. Like Strike class - or ninja, as I like to call it. Kickboxing and combat drills, done with weights. For real. My shoulders are killing me today, and I can't lift my arms above my shoulders, but it's a really awesome feeling. Now if I could just convince a few more people to stop showing up at the gym so I can get a decent parking space ...
4. She Got the Gold Mine, I Got the Shaft. Okay, so he got a lot in the divorce by way of money, covered debts, wardrobe and worldly goods. (Sometimes I still miss that damn couch.) But I really did get the gold mine; I got my self respect, and some amazing people. Including (but not limited to) Elaina Burklow Seep, with whom I'll be seeing the Indigo Girls in April. What an odd pairing - two ex-wives of the same dude. Yet, we get along famously. I think I definitely ended up with the better deal.
5. Dirty Laundry. What are you doing August 1? You should come watch me and co-worker Mike in this race. Yes, I'm going to do it. Yes, it's going to be awesome. Yes, I'm probably going to get hurt. No, I don't care.
6. Look Out Any Window. It's gray today, but you can still see it. Spring. It's out there, waiting. Can't wait to see the first robin!
7. The Night that the Lights Went Out in Georgia. Or Arlington Heights. So, last spring, my electricity was shut off. Yes, my bill-paying was that bad. I lived for a few days with no power. Every day when I walk into my home and have light, it makes me smile. After years of living paycheck to paycheck, it's a good feeling to know that I can take care of myself.
8. That's Amore. Or just a distinct desire for Italian food. I have this jar of spaghetti sauce in the pantry that I cannot open. It taunts me.
9. Margaret's Car. Oh, I know what you're thinkin'. "What is she up to? All the other headings here are song titles, but that isn't." Well, you'd be wrong. My old friend Eric used to be in a band, and that was one of their songs. It was also the name of the band. See? I inspire art. Or I did, 18 years ago. Anyway, Eric created for me the Margaret's Car CD Box Set, four CDs to play in the Jeep. It's awesome. So what I'm thinking is this: You have music. You should probably make me a CD, too. You would if you loved me.
10. Good Morning, Starshine. Well, good morning yourself. I'd like the waffles, please.

What's goin' on?

I know it's Tuesday. I just don't feel like posting the usual list. Sue me.

Last weekend, I took my near-Godson to LegoLand Discovery Center in Schaumburg. Ross is the eldest son of my friends Marc and Polly. Ross' actual Godmom sorta fell down on the job. This is not okay where Aunt Maggie is concerned, so I stepped up to the plate. And had a great time! He is such a sweet, thoughtful and polite eight-year-old boy. I thoroughly enjoyed the entire day.

When I took him home after we built and raced cars, rode dragons and watched how Legos are made, I hung out with his mom, dad, brother, sister, grandma and assorted extended family into the night. It was incredibly fun, eating their food and talking as the sun went down and the laughter ramped up. This is family. And I'm included!

Okay, so it's no secret that last year my friend Jessica and I launched a non-profit organization. Did you not know? Well, feel free to check it out. Buy a t-shirt. We're incredibly proud of Choose Awesome, and though we aren't quite where we want to be yet, we're getting there. This week to the Awesome Blog we posted an interview with Rob Meadows, an organic berry farmer in Vermont. I love connecting with people who have made awesome choices, even when faced with sometimes unawesome reality.

I didn't make it to the gym last night. I got stuck at work a little late, and then I couldn't find a parking place. This irritates the Maggie.

Spring is in the air. Every morning when I wake up and open the blinds, I get a little thrill when I realize I don't have to sweep snow off the car. It's the little things, you know, that make life wonderful.

I'm good at my job. Lately, I've started to feel like I've really hit my stride. I've begun to challenge myself. I've begun to actually beat deadlines (with a club, no less.) It's such a blessing to get paid to do something I enjoy.

Every time I clean my rugs, the cat pukes on them. I think he knows.

I love you.

That is all.

10 on Tuesday

Well, here we are again. Another Tuesday. So what's been going on?

1. Let's Get Physical. Since I started wearing my heartrate monitor religiously (long about January 9,) I have intentionally burned 17, 785 calories. Yes, you read that correctly. I have spent 2,295 minutes working out, or roughly 38 and a half hours. It's no wonder I'm sore.
2. The Lion Sleeps Tonight. And mostly on my head. I am the proud owner of the sweetest, dumbest cat in the universe. He is whiny. He eats all my food. It's not unlike being married, except he hasn't yet spent my money. And yet, at the end of the day when I curl up on my sofa and he curls up on his Maggie, all is right with my world.
3. Beat it. Or that's what I'd like to do, anyway. We have this system at work for publishing to the Web. It was set up by another company. It works the way it's supposed to maybe 25 percent of the time. Therein lies my workday remorse. It makes me stabby.
4. Take the Weather With You. It snowed Sunday night. Not nearly as badly as it had threatened to snow, but it snowed. And I'm still enjoying it! With every snowfall, I keep thinking it might be the last of the season, and it makes me a little melancholy. I'm enjoying winter this year. This new leaf was a good one to turn over.
5. Bitch. There is a group of women - a small group, mind you - who insist on coming in to Salsa/Funk class early, before we've finished putting our equipment from Strictly Strength away. If I accidentally bruise one of them with a 15-pound body bar, it's not my fault.
6. Bring Me Some Water. Not that I'm thirsty, mind you ... I'd just like to sit near a body of water and let a little time pass. Soon, the weather will turn warm, and I'll sit on my towel at Lake Geneva, or I'll find myself on Lake Michigan, and be one with the waves.
7. Time Passes By. I've been feeling my age lately, missing the youthful talent I once had. We all get older, and it sure beats the alternative ... but sometimes, I miss the younger version of me.
8. I Gotta Feelin'. And it more or less feels like I need to stretch. My quads and hip flexors are very tight, and my shoulders are knotty. I wish I could afford a massage every couple of weeks, but I will have to settle for a soak in the hot tub.
9. Getting to Know You. I'm loving the Olympics. Not watching all that much, really - I caught the Opening Ceremonies, and I've seen a little skiing and skating, and of course the edge-of-your-seat action of curling. But what I've mostly enjoyed is when I catch the back story of the athletes, and I learn who they are and where they've come from. We've got some interesting people competing, and I've loved learning about their lives.
10. Sky. This week, the forecast is pretty much gray until closer to the weekend. But we've seen more blue skies and sunlight in the past few weeks than we have since September, and it's a welcome change. Come on spring! I know you're out there! Welcome back!

Two sides, one coin

Tonight, I went to the theater. And as remarkable as the show was, the most important dramatic moments happened in my mind. As it turned out, I sat between my friend Millie, whom I've known less than a year, and my favorite ex-boyfriend Stuart, whom I've known for more than 20, but with whom I've had almost no contact since 1994.

During the second act, it hit me: these two people, these two precious friends, know me as two different people. Stuart knew me when the tough parts of my life played out in secret. Let's not talk about the struggles of bulimia or scrapes that require legal representation or any of a myriad of other horrible facets of me at the time; as long as it's dressed up in a pretty package - as long as the world still sees me as a Good Girl - it's all good.

After he and I lost touch (which happens a lot, post-breakup) I began a very different journey, and one that landed me where I am today. The woman Millie knows is a college graduate, an accomplished cook, and someone who makes her mistakes out loud. Today, I'm a bit of a wild child (a hard-earned title, to be sure) and I consistently seek out joy, whereas in the past, I waited for it to find me.

I've become a person who has traveled to Singapore, been married and divorced, learned to make incredible margaritas, and discovered the importance of looking at life as an adventure. I wondered, for a moment there in the second act, whether or not Stuart and I would be friends if we'd just met. I honestly don't know, but the truth is, it doesn't really matter. There's so much water under so many bridges, and the only really important thing is that we've forgiven the past hurts and reached a place where we can just enjoy one another's company.

So I sat there, thinking about how I'm one person to the woman on my left, and another entirely to the man on my right, and it hit me: Nah, not really. I'm still me. I'm still authentic Maggie, or Margaret, or Mugs. I'm still the same person I've always been, deep down. Today's version is a little more brash, a lot more accepting of others, much more honest and way more comfortable with herself, and that's the important distinction. Because this is me, right now, today.

And I think she's pretty cool.

The bylaws

The bylaws originated years ago, when a bunch of us decided we needed rules to govern our semi-nutty behavior. As life has moved forward, so have the bylaws. Here are mine, as of today:

• Coffee first; then, face the day with a smile.
• Be loving and be kind. If you can manage that, you're way ahead of the pack.
• Don't listen to music that doesn't make you want to sing along, dance or smile.
• 80 percent of life is showing up. If you say you'll do something, follow through. Or learn to say "no" more often.
• If you practice gratititude, you'll discover you have more to be grateful for.
• Read the ingredients. Try to eat more "real" than "fake" food. Your body deserves it.
• Laugh. Especially at yourself.
• Spend time around people who inspire you.
• Take naps.
• Learn something new every day.
• Leave your work at the office whenever possible.
• Let people in at the merge. It won't kill you.
• Drink more water.
• Stop wishing for things you don't have or, worse yet, a life that isn't yours. Love what you have. Be joyful right where you are. Joy begets joy.
• Choose awesome.
• Enjoy something artistic as often as possible. See a play, read poetry, visit a museum. It feels indulgent, and it's often a great bargain.
• Develop your sense of wonder.
• And above all else, be your own priority, because you matter ... to me, and to a whole lot of others.

Rambling

Maybe I'll ramble about 10 things. Maybe I won't. I just don't feel like be restricted or required by the number 10 today. Ergo ... ramblings.

I don't like being treated poorly. The vast majority of the people in my life treat me beautifully, so there is such a stark contrast when someone treats me like poopy. I don't like it. I also don't tolerate it. This is why I have car keys.

I love Valentine's Day. I don't think of it as a particularly romantic holiday; for me, it's a day to love and be loved, by others and myself.

Salt and pepper brownies. You can blame the movie "Chocolat" for my latest creation, and I'm quite proud of them. They're a little surprising, but man are they delicious.

I spent Sunday afternoon through Monday morning in Lake Geneva. It was a tremendous break from my day-to-day, complete with my friend Laura's surprise birthday party (she's a Valentine baby) and lots of laughs with Amber. I hope I'm able to make it up to that neck of the woods more often this summer. I miss the tranquility that comes from being up north.

When I got back from Lake Geneva and unpacked my bag, Benld wanted to let me know how much he didn't want me to go away again. Sneaky, isn't he?

It's been four years now since my marriage ended. It seems like a lifetime ago. I don't recognize the person I was back then. I like me, now, a whole lot more than I liked me, then.

Last night I had dinner with some of my old theater pals. Kathleen and Shawn invited Tony, Eric, Millie and I over for a pot-luck festival of laughter and deliciousness. We are very funny people. Being with them makes me miss doing theater (a little) and them (a lot.) I'm so lucky to have them in my life ... even if only for the soup. Good God, the soup!

This is why I'm sometimes late for work. At the risk of showing the world my Inner Crazy-Cat Lady, I can't resist snuggling with this fat furry fella.

10 on Tuesday

Baby You Can Drive My Car. Actually, no ... no, you can't. But I can, and I really dig it! We're in the middle of what's shaping up to be some serious snow here in Chicagoland, and my drive to work was a blasty-blast. I don't really drive any differently. I'm still cautious, still careful, still taking my time ... but I sure do have a lot of fun doing it. (And Mike? Yes, you can drive it. You just need to get here.)

Are You Ready for Some Football? Again, no. I'm not. I hate football. But I had an awesome Super Bowl Sunday, thank you very much. Back in the day, the ex and I had a pseudo-tradition of spending Super Bowl evening with our friends Melissa and Ken. We'd curl up and everyone would watch the game while I read a magazine or knitted or something. There would be good food and great people, and we'd laugh through the evening. This year, Ken had to work, but the three of us had breakfast together and spent some time in their nursery (they're expecting their first in April) before he had to go. Then I was off to my dad's for a visit before I headed back for the evening with Melissa. It was a wonderful day; a new twist on old traditions. Reconnecting is a very good thing.

I Just Called to Say I Love You. I decided this week to share a little love on Facebook. I'm popping on to profiles of people I don't talk with often, just to say hello and I love you. It's kinda fun!

Let's Hear it for the Boy. I'm an "understudy Godmother." My friends Marc and Polly have three kids, and one of their boys' Godparents dropped the ball. Enter Maggie! I invited the little dude, Ross, to spend a day with me at Legoland. His mom wrote this to me by way of explanation: "He yelled 'yes' while pumping his arm in the air." It makes me grin super big to make that happen!

Sugar, Sugar. Do you like cut-out cookies? I do, but I don't have the patience for them. Which is why I love holidays, because my boss gets cookies from this place and they are so much better than any I've ever made. Now, one of my co-workers gets them, too, so this Valentine's season, I get TWO!

You Better, You Better, You Bet. I won the fourth quarter of the office Super Bowl pool. The Year of the Maggie continues.

The Way You Make Me Feel. Flannel sheets. Seriously. I love them. They are old and soft and lush. They make me happy. They also seem to lull me into perfect sleep. I kinda want to go home and go to bed now.

Let it Snow! It's pretty. And it's February 9; in three weeks, it'll be March! This might be the last real storm of the winter. (Probably not, but it might be!) So I'm enjoying it. Although I will say, winter and I got along really well there for awhile, but we've had a bit of a falling out. He'd better start behaving, or he'll get the silent treatment.

If You're Happy and You Know It. Clap your hands, stomp your feet, do whatever ... just get happy and do something! Happy is a personal state of mind. It doesn't have to depend on outside influences! Don't get me wrong - they can certainly help or hinder - but happy is a choice! Just be happy. Or fake it ... see if it rubs off in reality.

Boogie Shoes. After a tough December (thank you, bronchitis) I'm working really hard to make my normal schedule at the gym. I seriously love my regimen. How can you not love dancing three times a week? Sometimes it's ungodly crowded. Sometimes people are rude. But most of the time, it's a sweaty bit of heaven.

The Wrangler Protocol

Drive a Jeep Wrangler, and something strange happens.

You're instantly included in this wacky sorta brotherhood, in which every other Wrangler driver acknowledges you. A wave, a peace sign, and even a tipped hat have come my way in the scant few days I've been driving El Grillo. It's kinda neat. You should come take a drive with me, so you can experience it, live and in person.

10 on Tuesday

Another Tuesday, another 10.

1. Life is a Highway. Sweet Jesus, I love my car. There are moments when I can't believe it's mine. I have wanted a Jeep Wrangler soft-top my entire adult life. There's something about them that just speaks to me. Maybe it's the way they seem unafraid of the elements. Maybe it's the way they can shimmy out of their tops to welcome in the sunlight. Or maybe it's just the simple spirit of fun they seem to embody. But now, it's mine. When I get behind the wheel, I feel oddly untethered. There's a simple, pure freedom about this car. It is even more fun than I imagined it would be. I can't imagine what I'll say when the warm weather comes!
2. I Saw Her Standing There. I had a bit if an altercation at the gym last Saturday. My Saturday workouts begin at 8:15 with strength training under the direction of the Magnificent Pam. She guides the class through a gruelling hour of weightlifting, muscle toning and endurance. It's a great way to begin a weekend. Salsa/Funk with Laura comes next, at 9:30, and it's the easiest hour of hard work you can imagine ... unless a woman comes into class 12 minutes after it's started and stands literally right next to you. The class is always crowded, and this woman, whoever she was, made it so crammed that I couldn't really move, much less work out. So, I collected my belongings and addressed her, to let her know that if her workout was that much more important than mine, she was welcome to it. "Thank you," she said. Anyhoo, I went out onto the cardio floor and finished my hour on an elliptical trainer. But damn I was pissed! If it weren't for the fact that I think one of us was going to get hurt, either accidentally or passive/aggresively on purpose, I would've stayed to protect my turf. I think I made the awesome choice, and I'll be back this weekend. With a taser.
3. Hooray for Hollywood. Oh, Oscar, I love you so. Not the awards; I never watch. But I do love the nominations, and making an effort to see the nominated films.
4. Crazy for You. I'm ready for Lady Gaga's 15 minutes to be up. Now, hear me out. I think she has a phenomenal voice, and she's a talented musician, but there's so damn much production behind her, you'd never actually know it. Get a clue, Ga; Madonna did it before you, and she did it better. Cher did it before Madonna, and pretty much wrote the book. Madonna and Cher made it work. Ga, on the other hand, has created a scenario in which people consistently talk about what she wore, but never the vocal quality of her music. And there is quality there ... you'd just never know it. I wish she'd go away for awhile, and re-invent herself as singer rather than spectacle.
5. Kung Fu Fighting. After a tough (albeit interrupted) Saturday workout and a Monday night return to Ninja school, I am in serious knead of a massage. Just sayin'.
6. What's Your Name? The Jeep doesn't have an official name yet. Why, you ask? Because there are two things I generally don't do without the help of Mike Rice. 1) Buy sunglasses. He's the best judge of what fits my big head. Left to my own devices, I end up with things that are less than perfect. Over the last few years, I've had to do that, with less-than-stellar results. 2) Name my cars. I have never named my car. He first named my car back in college, when he christened my old Ford Probe "Lolita," because she had a little shimmy in the front end. So until I get a visit from Clan Rice Tucson, the Jeep will go by it's interim name, "El Grillo" (Spanish for "The Cricket.") My friend Shakespeare gave it this temporary name when we went for the first-ever joyride in El Grillo on Friday night. So El Grillo it shall be, until Mike drives it.
7. Drive South. Shakespeare is in a production of "Steel Magnolias" at the Geneva Underground Playhouse. The Southern-twang infused play opens mid-February. I'll be going; care to join me? (Yes, Bex, I know you're coming along!)
8. Doctor, My Eyes. I just want Taylor Swift to open hers all the way. She always looks like the sun is blinding her.
9. Workin' for the Weekend. Last weekend was pretty jam-packed, while this weekend appears to be blissfully open. Which is good, because the weekend after that is President's Day Weekend, and I've got lots going on! Heading up to Lake Geneva on Saturday night to hang out with Amber, and coming home on Monday, in time to make it to Kathleen's for a potluck Fab Four dinner. (The Four being me, Kathleen, Tony and Eric. Shawn and Millie round out the group.) I'm bringing cheesecake, and already looking forward to the extended weekend.
10. Home. On Saturday night, my little apartment was filled to the brim with girlfriends (and a work dude) all crowded together for a lia sophia Show. Yes, I work for the company, but I really do love the jewelry, so why not invite friends over and try on some of the pieces I rarely see in person? We had a blast, and it served as a sweet reminder that my place may be small, but it seems to expand to fit in as much love as anyone has to share.

Ten on Tuesday

1. I'm really tired. Usually, my alarm goes off at 6:30, and I tumble out of bed and stumble to the kitchen at around 7. This morning, I was up by 5:15, out the door by 6 a.m., so I could make it on time to ...
2. My mammogram. You'll be happy to know, my boobs are photogenic and "normal." And here's the honest truth: It's uncomfortable, but it doesn't cause grave pain, like some would have you believe. It's a necessary evil, but well worth going through each year. Not unlike ...
3. The dreaded Pap smear and annual physical. Had that today, too. Even had the doc check out all my moles and make sure there wasn't anything questionable going on. Got my flu shot (yes, it's late in the season, but Dr. K says it's still active, so now might be the smartest time to get it) and had her look at my ankle. Which hurts because ...
4. I over-extended the tendon that runs along the top of my foot. I can't go to the gym until I'm 100 percent pain free. This does not make me happy. If I can't shake my groove thing, I worry my butt will expand.
5. Dad made turkey and stuffing last Sunday, just because. So incredibly delicious. I could live on my father's stuffing.
6. He also took me to lunch today, since my doc and mammo appointments were in his neck of the woods. There's very little in the world I enjoy more than eggs and hash browns at noon.
7. I'm still looking for a car.
8. I don't think it's wise to be passive-aggressive and immature on Facebook. Maybe one or the other, but not both.
9. Olives in martinis are classic, but lately I've discovered the simple pleasure of a lemon twist. Oh, gin, you delight me.
10. My dad used to sing "Oh, give me a home where the buffalo roam, and I'll show you a house full of shit." It still makes me laugh, and ya know, he's got a point. If the buffalo roam in the house, you get what you get.

Ten on Tuesday

1. It feels good to re-establish the routine. Last night was the first time I took a Strike! class at the gym in a long time. It is probably the toughest cardio workout in my repertoire, and last night I burned 681 calories during the one-hour class. I call it Ninja School, because it's kickboxing with weighted bars and weighted gloves; by the time the hour is over, I feel totally ninja. It's a great feeling to be able to complete the hour, and last night my instructor checked my heartrate monitor to see how many calories I'd burned. Then came the best part: she told me that in order to burn that many calories, I must have great muscle tone. It may be under several layers of other stuff, but I've got muscle, baby!
2. A can of WD-40 would be a worthy investment. There is a crew in the office today building cubicles. Every time they bring a load of equipment in or out, they use these carts that sqeal like Flipper on crack. It's like fingernails on a chalkboard to me.
3. I now officially hate car shopping. I had narrowed down my choice. I had done so much research my hair was starting to hurt. And then I called my mechanic, who advised me against the car I really want. Unless I can buy new - which I can't - he said no. I have to listen to him ... and now I'm back to the drawing board. I'm worn down and I'd settle for a roller skate at this point.
4. I find Meryl Streep undeniably charming. I didn't like her for the longest time, but as she's begun to take herself less seriously, I've gravitated toward her a bit. Hers was the only acceptance speech I saw on the Golden Globes (because I don't do award shows but I was flipping channels,) and I loved it. Humble and grateful; that's class.
5. I look really cute today. I was in a really good mood on the way to work, but with the way my day's going - computer crashing, construction noises and assorted other BS - I've gone from zero to cranky in less than 60 seconds. Stay beyond an arm's length if you know what's good for you.
6. Sushi. I want some.
7. Last weekend, I drove up to Lake Geneva. I didn't go for karaoke this time, and it was an incredibly relaxing and wonderful visit. I got my hair cut (it's all wild and curly now) and spent a lot of time just catching up with Amber. I miss that girl, and her critters, when I can't get up to visit as often as I'd like. Hopefully it won't be as long between visits now.
8. I don't like grocery shopping. I used to, but lately it just seems to be a huge time-suck. See, toldja; I'm cranky.
9. I'd really like to go back to school. Before too long, I'm going to have to move forward and just do it.
10. I had plans for this weekend, and they got cancelled. I'm a little excited to have nothing to do, except I'll be continuing the Never-Ending Automobile Search. Wish me luck!

The most depressing day of the year?

With apologies to Bex and Matt who celebrate their seventh wedding anniversary today, when I saw that headline on MSN I just about broke a rib laughing. January 18, the most depressing day of the year.

It also happens to be the ex-husband's birthday. I think he's 40 today, though I'm not exactly sure. I'm also pretty sure he looks a lot older than that.

Anyhoo, I'm not sure if MSN took that into account when they christened today the most depressing, but I certainly enjoy the irony. Because while it may be a depressing day, I'm not really depressed at all. I have an amazing life and amazing friends and a future that, frankly, has a lot more going for it than it ever did before.

So here's to you, Chris. Happy birthday. Thanks for setting me free.

Ten on ... Thursday

Oops.

I was home sick on Tuesday, so no blogging got done. My apologies for the delay!

1. I am loving "United State of Pop 2009," D.J. Earworm's mashup of Billboard's Top 25 pop songs of 2009. Yes, all 25 songs. Check it out; I think it's genius.
2. Curried carrot soup. This year, I want to continue experimenting with new flavors and treating myself kindly when it comes to food. That means delicious and nutritious. So far this year, I've made that soup, chicken with poblano cream sauce, sea salt brownies, roasted garlic cauliflower and my personal favorite, black bean tortilla pie. More to come, for sure!
3. Wanna participate in a twist on a book club? A friend and I have challenged each other to read two plays a month in 2010. Each month, we'll blog about our impressions, book-club style, and invite others to join in the online discussion. Interested? I'll keep you posted.
4. If money were no object, I would have a pair of boots for every day in the month. At least February.
5. I've been a little bit down lately, because I felt so crappy all of December, then started to feel better, and BAM, over the weekend caught another cold. I haven't made it to the gym yet this week, but my workout gear is in the car and I'm headed there after work. I love the way I feel after a good workout, and I miss it horribly when I'm not able to make it. Hopefully, tonight will be the start of my return to the routine.
6. The search for a car continues. I've decided not to make four-wheel-drive a necessity, and it has opened a lot of possibilities. It's the first time in a long time that I've chosen a car without having to please anyone else with my decision, and I'll be honest ... I kinda like it.
7. I am up to date with all my bills. All of them. Today is payday, and I still had money in my wallet. I'm not perfect by any means, but I am doing a much better job of knowing where my money is, and where it's going. It's a good feeling.
8. I think I'm going to paint my apartment this spring. Mike and Rae helped me think through colors when they were in for an overnight in November, and Shakespeare shared her opinions a few weeks back. So all of you who have offered to lend a paintbrush-laden hand? You're about to be called up.
9. After two years of focusing on my health, I still don't drink enough water.
10. I've been at my job for three years. I still like it, most of the time. One of my favorite co-workers is leaving; tomorrow is his last day. It's the first time someone has left our team, and I miss him already. He's a fantastic Web designer, with a knack for thinking of new ways to "wow" people with my words. There are far too few people like David in the corporate jungle, and I wish him only the best.

Ten on Tuesday

I'm publishing a day late, but only because my Internet connection at home is kinda wonky these days. It counts as 10 on Tuesday, because I wrote it last night. So there.

1. I washed my slippers over the weekend. They are these awesome "foot duvets" from Restoration Hardware, a gift from my sister Jenn a few years ago, and they're machine washable. Filled with down, they are the warmest things my feet have ever known. How was I to know that there were tiny holes in the bottoms, through which oodles of down would sneak out during the dry cycle? Yeah, there are fluffy feathers all over everything else in that load of wash.
2. Tonight was my first night back to the workout routine since I came down with Ebola, or bronchitis, on December 4. I'd gone a few times, but was so miserable that finally a few weeks ago I decided to call it quits until I was feeling better. So tonight I did an hour of strength training followed by an hour of cardio, and it was a lot of work ... but it felt effing fantastic!
3. My New Year's Eve was amazing, thanks for asking. Years ago, I worked with a performing company that did a show ever New Year, and that ended when I returned to school in 1994. But this year marked my return, as I participated in the New Year's Eve Party at the Geneva Underground Playhouse. I sang one song, forgot my words halfway through, saved it with my sparkling sense of humor and that of a dear friend who was willing to through himself on my grenade. It was the perfect way to usher in a new year - surrounded by friends old and new, all of whom were ready to celebrate a clean slate.
4. On New Year's Day, I ate my weight in fondue. Which is un-good, because from the time I got sick in early December, I've put on some poundage. It's hell to get sick during the holidays! But we had a blast, a bunch of friends who gathered at Eric and Millie's house to celebrate Eric's December 31 birthday. Nothing says "I love you" like melted cheese. And nothing means more than sharing a friend's birthday for the first time ever, even though you've known each other for almost 20 years.
5. My performance evaluation is coming up at work. I hate evals. I'd rather systematically peel off my skin than sit in a closed room and discuss my performance over the past year. Just sayin'.
6. I'm in desperate need of a good moisturizer that doesn't give me a rash. The winter cold does a number on my skin, and right now my neck and throat are covered with the remains of an itchy, disgusting outbreak, the result of a new moisturizer I tried. Anybody have any recommendations for something gentle but uber-emollient?
7. It's cold. Not getting much above 20 around these parts all week. I'm not complaining - it's Chicagoland in winter, ya know - but I got so chilled tonight that I had to get into a hot bath so I didn't climb into the oven. So yeah, that's cold.
8. I'm happy. Like, really happy. As in, happier than I think I ever was when I was part of a couple. It's funny, because someone insists on sending me photographs every now and then of the ex and his latest wife, thinking they'll make me feel good. And yeah, it's nice to see that the latest installment is ... how can I say this politely? ... not like me. But I think what's most telling is the fact that I have never seen a picture of the two of them in which either one of them looks even remotely happy. Photos of me, on the other hand? I'm either smiling the genuine, toothy, big-head grin, laughing, or making a face at the camera. My life isn't perfect, but it's happy.
9. I've been asked several times over the past few weeks for the secrets of my weightloss success, which cracks me up because I'm still 70 pounds from my goal. But here's the straight poop, the ground-breaking secret no one else will tell you. To lose weight, you only have to do two things: Eat less and move more. That's it. So, put down the butter and take a walk. Make healthy choices (in life, not your grocer's freezer) and you'll get there. I promise.
10. Speaking of healthy choices, maybe it's a reflection of how much unhealthy food I've eaten in the past month, but I'm craving vegetables. If I were you, I wouldn't stand between me and cauliflower.

Ten on Tuesday

This is my last post for 2009, so I'm doing a bit of "year in review." It was a year of growth, which pretty much means it wasn't an easy one, but I'm glad to have had it, because the future looks pretty good from where I sit.

1. I went through the process of filing bankruptcy. It's not something I'm terribly proud of; in fact, I've carried my share of shame over it. But I discovered, the more I was just willing to accept it and move on, the more I was able to respect myself.
2. The people who have been by my side through the ordeal of filing have been wonderful. From Emily who stayed with me overnight when my electricity was shut off to Shakespeare who reminded me that it sucks and it's scary but I have a choice in how my life goes, from Eric who listened to me cry over the phone and offered me every penny he had (which was roughly $7.83) to my dad who gave me great advice and encouragement, from friends near to friends far, I've known I'm not in this alone. Thank you.
3. My friends Jessica and Adam, along with yours truly, founded a not-for-profit organization this year. Choose Awesome is dedicated to reminding people that they have a say in how life goes ... and we might as well choose awesome. If you haven't already, check out our Web site or our Facebook page. We'd love to count you among our fans.
4. I took a week's vacation this year to have my gallbladder removed. Worst. Vacation. Ever. I'm glad it's gone, but I hated the process. And the scars are still ugly.
5. I had my share of out-of-town guests this year. Chris, Janie and Liam Early stayed with me during the Chicago portion of their vacation from the Pacific Northwest, and Mike and Racheal were here the week before Thanksgiving. And for a few months, I had a semi-permanent houseguest while my friend Em looked for the perfect place to call home in Chicago. Every time someone I love comes into this place and makes him or herself at home, it becomes even more of a home to me, too. Y'all come back, now, ya hear?
6. I've discovered some of life's greatest simple pleasures, not the least of which is enjoying the smell of bread baking. No, I don't do it by hand, but the bread that's baking in my bread machine right now is enough to put a smile on anyone's face. I make bread almost every week, because it's delicious, and because it's so much cheaper than the crap you can buy at the store.
7. I sold my car. I'm still looking for a replacement, but in the meanwhile, I'm grateful to my sister Kathie for allowing me to drive her Jeep. I really don't want to give it back!
8. I discovered Millennium Park. I can't believe how simple it is to get there; you get off the train, you walk a mile, and you're there. It's heavenly. I can hardly wait for summer, so I can get back to my lawn, my stream, my bean ...
9. Even more today than when this year began, I believe my father is the finest man in the world. While it's true that I am fortunate to have many amazing men in my life, my dad is just the best. He can be gruff and frank, but he's also got the kindest heart in the universe. Glenn Bieritz doesn't give up on anybody, and I'm fortunate to call him Dad.
10. As for 2010, I have a few dreams and goals. I'm hopeful that once I get back on my gym regimen (this bronchitis has kept me to a very understated schedule) I'll be able to focus again on my health, and continue the trend toward taking care of myself. I need to buy a car - hopefully one that I'll be happy in for at least a couple of years while I save for the car I really want. And I'd like to travel a bit. Summer may find me in France, thanks to a dear friend having family there, and I'll surely spend a few weekends in Wisconsin and I'd really like to get back to Arizona. You can trust that, wherever you are, I'd like to be there, too. I can't do everything, but if France pans out, I'll send you a postcard.

Here's to the year we leave behind, and here's to the year ahead. Much love as we move ever forward, toward the best year yet.

Ten on Tuesday

1. It's almost Christmas. This year has been very different. No baking, no shopping, and very little knitting. I haven't felt up to much, but it has been very enjoyable. Things do seem to work out the way they're supposed to.
2. I'm beyond ready to start not feeling like crap. Unfortunately, my body disagrees. I went to the gym last night for an hour of cardio and wound up feeling like crap on a cracker. Taking it very slowly from here on in.
3. Over the weekend, I made chicken enchiladas in pumpkin sauce. Probably the best thing to come out of my kitchen, ever. I'm quite proud. And hungry.
4. Spending Christmas this year at my friend Linda's, because my family isn't getting together until Sunday and I'm just not up to much travel. I'm honestly looking forward to life slowing down a bit and just taking it easy. Although I do have to bake some cookies.
5. One of my co-workers brought me homemade raspberry jam that his wife made from berries she picked herself. I can hardly wait to go home and eat some! And may I say, with rare exception, I am incredibly lucky to work with such an amazing group of talented people. And no, they do not have access to the blog, so I'm not sucking up.
6. 2009 was not a good year to be a celebrity. Man, they were droppin' like flies! Further proof that you just don't know what the future holds, and life is too damn short to live with fear, resentment or worry. Just live.
7. Snow. We have it. I'm determined to go sledding this year.
8. I believe in Santa Claus.
9. The office is closed on Christmas Eve. I like this, because Christmas Eve is my favorite day of the entire year. Ever since I was a kid, I've found Christmas Eve to be more magical than any other day. I'll be having breakfast with my friend Di, a tradition we started back in 1997. We agreed back then that each year, Christmas Eve would bring us together for a meal. It's one of those days that usually isn't full of plans. Even when she lived in Boston, we still got together for Christmas Eve. It's one of those things I can count on, no matter what.
10. I feel like I'm circling back to the beginning of this list, but really ... this year is different. Some of the change is good, and some difficult. Perhaps I'll always miss going to church with my family at 11 p.m. Christmas Eve, and getting out at midnight, knowing Christmas was here. Perhaps I'll always miss my mom, frosting the coffee cake at well past the last minute for Christmas breakfast. And perhaps I'll always miss the little things - our green felt stockings, decorating the big tree in the front yard, and buying presents for the dog. This year is different. This year is taking a little effort to enjoy. But this is Christmas, and I'm determined to celebrate ... differently, but with all I've got.

Ten on Tuesday

1. I have bronchitis. I've never had bronchitis. I don't much like it. I started feeling fatigued on December 2. Felt like I was coming down with a sore throat on December 4. Finally went to the doctor on December 14. I'm beyond ready to be feeling better, but I need to give the drugs a few days to work their magic.
2. I'm glad I got my Christmas decorations up before I got sick, otherwise I might not have put them up at all. I have gotten zero baking done (except for the two batches I did on December 3, which were for an open house) and not a lot of knitting, either. But at least while I'm laying on the couch feeling like poop, there are twinkly lights to make me smile.
3. General Foods International Coffees now makes a Chai Latte, and it's really good. I can't bear to spend $4.50 at Starbucks when I can an entire tin of something this tasty for less than that. Delish!
4. I hate Celine Dion. Her whiney voice ruins my favorite Christmas songs.
5. That being said, I don't think anything could possibly be better than "A Charlie Brown Christmas" by Vince Guaraldi. Christmas perfection!
6. I haven't been to the gym in a week and I'm feeling very sloth-like. I'm hoping to feel up to a good workout by the end of the week.
7. I love the biscuits from Red Lobster. However, I have learned to make a reasonable equivalent at home. Use the Drop Biscuit recipe on the side of a box of Bisquick. Add to it a handful of shredded cheddar cheese when you mix the dough, and drop them onto your baking sheet in heaping spoonfuls. Then, before baking, glaze them with a mixture of melted butter and garlic. I've used fresh garlic (chopped really finely) and garlic powder, and both taste delicious. Bake according to the directions and enjoy. If you're like me, you'll enjoy an entire batch in a single evening.
8. I'm beginning to get the hang of this whole budgeting thing. It isn't easy, and sometimes I fall off the wagon. Sometimes I can't remember where I put the wagon. Sometimes I just want to buy a new wagon. But most of the time, I feel like I've got a handle on it and I trust myself with money again. It's a good feeling.
9. Still on my quest to find the perfect car at the perfect price. Hope to have this project finished before Christmas, because I think my sister will appreciate the gift of her car back!
10. Flannel sheets are still one of my greatest winter pleasures. Now factor in a cup of hot apple cider laced with cinnamon schnapps while cuddled under those same sheets and you have a perfect night ... even though it's just me and the cat!

Ten on Tuesday

It's been awhile since I posted one of these. Actually, I've been a little lax on the blogging of late, and if I don't start getting back to the routine, people are going to start referring to me as "Becky." So I figure one of my goals for 2010 will be to update - really update - weekly. But why wait?

1. The bankruptcy was discharged. I have been cleared of all my debt, with the exception of my student loan and one year of Illinois taxes that the Ex was supposed to have "taken care of." I think his idea of "taken care of" meant filing and forgetting. I'm hoping to get him to pay for at least half of it. It's the least he can do after I cashed in about $10k in investments when he moved up here and had no job and needed a car and money to live on. Not that I'm bitter, mind you, but I'll be damned if I'm gonna pony up 100 percent of an expense he was supposed to take care of. I look a lot less like a doormat these days, don't you think?
2. Hot apple cider and a shot of Captain Morgan really makes me happy. I have this nasty cough, but the Apple Captain makes me feel all better.
3. I think I found a car. It's a 2001 Cherokee - not grand, just a Cherokee, and not my soft-top Wrangler, either. Now is not the time to have my dream car. Now is the time to buy what I can afford and get used to the idea of owing someone a little bit of money for a car I will enjoy driving. I hope it's still at the dealer when I get the time to go visit it. Cross your fingers!
4. It's becoming much more of a reflex for me to decide to be happy, and focus on the good instead of the things that make me want to poke myself in the eye with my knitting needles. So many of the people I run into in my daily life are hell to live with during the snowy season, and today I just kept thinking, "You live in Chicago, one of the most beautiful cities in the world. Snow does not come as a surprise. Snow comes with the territory. If you don't like it, move." From my window right now, the snow is heavy in the branches of the tree right outside and a blanket of white covers everything as far as I can see. It is beautiful and perfect and I wouldn't have it any other way.
5. Cancer sucks. My friend Jon's partner Steven just discovered cancer of the esophagus just a month or so after they got back from their honeymoon. (And let me tell you, the gay boys know how to throw a wedding!) My sister is hoping for good news after the bone marrow biopsy last week; please let the leukemia be in complete remission! And I know there are more that I just don't know about. For anyone who has battled this horrible disease, or loves someone who has, I salute your strength.
6. Speaking of strength, I've been weight training more. Maybe that explains why the weight isn't dropping off on the scale ... or maybe that's because I've also been baking cookies. Either way, I'm starting to find my muscles. I like it. There's a six pack in there; it's just behind the keg.
7. A few weeks ago, my Tucson family was here. After they left, I went through the process of decorating for Christmas. It made me miss them more and drew them closer to me, all at the same time. When I'm on the phone with them and I hear Kaylee's voice, it just fills me with glee. So many babies have come into my life since that time four years ago when Christopher drifted away ... so many signs that there is life after love ... so many little beings who call me Auntie. I am the luckiest person I know.
8. Sometimes members of my actual family make me want to bang my head against a very large brick wall.
9. Have you seen those candles with the wood wick? They sound like a fire when you burn them. It's a little disconcerting, until you get used to it, but it's really cool!
10. I'm not shopping this year. At all. I'm knitting a few tiny projects, but I'm not buying anything for anyone. This is not the year for Maggie to be spendy; if I've learned anything in 2010 it's that the people who love me don't want stuff - they want me, whole and healthy, in their lives. So, you've got me! Do not shake before opening!
    

So This is Christmas

This year, I refrained from listening to Christmas until after Thanksgiving. It's started to really get on my nerves the way businesses seem to want to push us right past back-to-school and into Christmas. (Target, by the way, has signage that reads "Merry Christmas," in addition to other greetings. Whatever you celebrate, I hope yours is happy!) I waged a one-woman crusade against losing Thanksgiving in the shuffle, and it feels so good now to be in December and have Christmas be fresh.

And so here I am, poised for another Christmas. I'm not shopping this year; the budget simply won't have it. I'm doing a little baking, a little knitting, and a lot of enjoying. It's a nice change. Last night, after the lights were all hung, I just sat there, cup of nog in hand, and let it all was over me. The music, the lights, the spirit. I looked down from my third-floor window and saw a couple walking their dog look up at my window; they smiled and waved in that way that makes you realize no one is a stranger at Christmas.

And so it's different, but then it's not. My focus isn't on purchases at all, because I'm just not making any (except for a few pounds of butter for the cookies.) It's on surrounding myself with the people I love and letting the season unfold.

As I write this, the first snowflakes of the year are dancing outside my window, as if to say, "Hey, it's December in Chicago. I'm here! Love me!" And I'm smiling because this year, I'm going to enjoy it. Every moment, even the chilly ones, carries with it infinite possibilities.

May your December be filled with light and hope. May your Christmas bring you joy beyond measure. May you know that you are loved.

Son of Haiku

Christmastime is here
I need to put up my tree
Effing tangled lights

Return of the Haiku

Not much time to blog these days, but who can't come up with 17 syllables?

Thanksgiving is done
I have a turkey coma
Please pass the Rolaids

The art of practicing medicine

Over the last few weeks, I've been given examples of the amazing work being done by doctors. My sister Jenn has finished five rough rounds of chemotherapy for leukemia, and so far has refused to lose her hair. (It's true, they don't make 'em much more stubborn than my sister Jenn.) Cancer can be such a scary thing, what with the body seeming to turn on itself. But with the help of physicians and treatments, it can be held back or halted altogether. This to me is nothing short of miraculous.

Then there's my niece, Isabel. Born with a hole in her heart (and if she took after me, it would've been in her head,) she had surgery last Thursday to repair it. By Saturday night, she was home. By Monday afternoon, she was holding court like the perfect giggly princess, ready to see visitors. She's not out of the woods yet, but it did my heart good to be able to hold her and squish her and see with my own eyes that her healing has begun.

And so I feel confident that my friend Jon's partner Steve will kick his own cancer to the curb, and that I am faithful Janie's mom's doctors will figure out what's going on with her eye and fix that, too. Because medicine is an art, and good art is something to be appreciated.

The medical answers aren't always what we want. Sometimes we have to say goodbye too soon, sometimes we have to give our cat stool softeners to keep him from getting backed up, and sometimes the old parts need to be replaced. But we keep trying. We keep moving forward, looking for answers and believing anything is possible.

And isn't that the best outlook to have, no matter what?

Solitude

This weekend was the first weekend in a few months with no plans and no company. It was utter bliss, and it caused me to realize something about myself:

I like living alone.

I like waking up when the sun tickles my nose. I like bringing my coffee back to bed. I like lounging around in a flannel shirt all day long. I like heading out to the gym when the mood strikes and coming home whenever I damn well feel like it. I like eating frozen pizza and drinking apple cider and watching DVDs in bed and doing whatever I damn well please whenever I damn well want. I like heading out to a chocolate-tasting party and making future plans, knowing that no one else will be weighing in on what I can/should/will be doing at any given time.

Not that, if the right prince turned up, I wouldn't be flexible ... but it certainly would take a prince.

Am I getting too set in my ways? I don't know, but it works for me.

TGITWE

Back in the days when Ellen Degeneres had a sitcom called Ellen, there was an episode when she introduced the idea of TGITWE. Let's not just thank God for Friday ... thank God it's the weekend!

And this week has been one of those I will gladly put behind me. An entire issue of the monthly magazine (really a fancy newsletter) I edit got blown up and had to be re-written. In less than 24 hours. I DO NOT LIKE TO TAKE WORK HOME, but it had to be done. It's behind me now, and I'm trying not to be bitter, but now I'm behind on every other project on my plate. All that, plus I'm still having issues adjusting to the glasses. Eye strain is not my friend.

I'm just a little complain-y right now, but that's all gonna be over as soon as 4:30 rolls around and it's officially The Weekend.

Tonight, I'm going to a friend's book signing. Tomorrow, scrapbooking with my sister. Sunday, lounging around and spending some time with an old friend. It's the weekend, my friends, and it can't come soon enough.

Update - 10 on Thursday

Yes, Michael, I got your comment. And shame on me for not updating the blog. If I keep this up, you'll have to call me Becky.

Life's been pretty crazy in Maggie's World lately. Here's a little update of what's shakin' in my little corner of the universe:

1. I wear glasses. Not just glasses, mind you; bifocals. It's a huge adjustment, and really not one I'm making with a whole lot of grace, but I think eventually it will be a good thing.
2. I have a roommate, at least for another week. In mid-September, the ex-girlfriend of an old friend from college moved in with me. Emily was working at U of I, and got a job at Northwestern. Rather than hurry up and find a place to live, she's been crashing on my sofabed since then. She moves in to her place on November 6, and my home will be mine again. This is the only time I've ever shared my home with anyone except my family or my ex. It's been nice. Not something I'd want a steady diet of, but quite comforting to come home and have company.
3. I need to make chili, but I don't know when I'll have the time.
4. My sister Jenn finished her last round of chemo, and we're hoping leukemia has had the good sense to move on. Jenn's sense of humor and stubbornness have served her well as she's gone through therapy; I'm so proud of her. She has a bone marrow biopsy in November, so please pray for the "all-clear."
5. I spent last Sunday at Dad's house. Kathie and I frosted cut-out cookies in the shapes of leaves, and dusted them with fall-colored sugar. It reminded me of long-ago times when we'd help Mom put the finishing touches on cookies. There's something about being home that takes me back, and I kinda like it.
6. I sold the Jeep. My friend Amber's boyfriend bought it (and I hope he can keep it running!) so I'm now officially automobile-less. But not really; my sister Kathie generously offered to let me driver her car until sometime in January when I'm ready to buy. I love driving Kathie's car! I don't know if I can go back to something less luxurious, but I'd really like my next car to be my Wrangler. Time will tell.
7. I have decided on a Halloween costume. Twice. I think I've finally settled on it, and I hope it works. I have two parties on Halloween, one for a child and one for not a child ... it's hard to dress appropriately for both!
8. A few days ago, I went to dinner with a bunch of old friends. For sushi. Never was there a better evening; I'd forgotten how much I enjoy the stuff ... and the entire experience. The warm sake, the atmosphere, the sharing from plate to plate. The only thing more delicious than the meal was the company. Old friends really are the best.
9. It's almost time for Christmas music! Just sayin'.
10. There are Godiva truffles in a box on my desk. I eat one each day. Jut one. It took me 43 years to get this willpower, and I'm a little proud.

Along the Trail

I'm not really one to get into the whole historical reenactment thing. (Sorry, Charlie.) It was just never my thing. So while I enjoyed spending time at the Lincoln Log Cabin while in college, or delighted in the occasional trip to Blackberry as a kid, it wasn't something that I relished.

So when Shakespeare (aka Jessica) asked me to come with her and her boyfriend to Trail of History over the weekend, I said yes not because I was eager to go, but because it was important to her. And I had a historically fantastic time.

The property of Glacial Park in Richmond, IL is truly beautiful. The three of us spent the day wandering through history and meeting up with Jessica's old friends. You see, Jess' Aunt Mary has a long history (pun intended) with Trail, and she is the reason Jessica got involved in the first place. So each time we ran into another friend, they wanted to know how Aunt Mary was doing. And Jess would have to explain that she was not doing well, that ALS was running its course and if they wanted to talk with Aunt Mary, it would be best to call sooner rather than later. "Right now, she's just waiting on a miracle," Jess would say. And tears would fall and hugs would comfort and support would be offered.

And so it was on this perfect autumn day that Jess' boyfriend and I got to know Aunt Mary, or the history of her, at least. It brought both of us closer to Jess, and all of us closer as friends. It introduced me to some wonderful new people and gave me a new appreciation for history, and the people who offer up its lessons, live and in person.

It was a beautiful day full of heart and humor, and I'm profoundly glad to have shared in it.

The lovely Shakespeare, aka Jessica Keith.

Isn't it beautiful?

Puffy clouds and history ... the perfect day.

The scrapping experience

So off I went to Scrapbookland over the weekend. I thought it might be a little difficult, because the first album I was going to work on was the half-done book of my last trip with Christopher. But it wasn't tough at all. It was remarkably simple, and quite matter-of-fact, like turning the final page of one book, eager to get on with the next. Awesome.

And on to the EIU book. Before going to the hotel where the weekend was to take place, I stopped by my dad's house, and my sister Jenn was there. We all talked about the scrapbooking, and what I was working on, and Jenn says I have to go to her house to look through the letters I sent to here while I was at school. Holy crap, I was funny! Those letters will definitely get integrated into the album.

The album itself is a total labor of love. Most of the pictures are from my last semester, although I have none from spring break. But the memories absolutely crack me up on every page. I'm probably only a third of the way done, because there are a lot of photos of graduation, but that's okay. I'm taking it slowly, enjoying the process, and just really having a blast.

As the weekend was drawing to a close, a woman I had just met on Friday night held up a few sheets of scrapbook paper and asked me if I would use them. They had words all over them, phrases about joy and loving life and stuff like that. "It reminded me of you," she said, "so if you'll use it, I'd like you to have it."

Wow. I made that kind of impression in just two days? That's pretty amazing. Made me feel pretty good, that someone I hardly know thinks of me as someone who loves life.

So I returned home with renewed energy for working on my albums. I love my photographs so much, it would be a shame to let them sit in a box, waiting for someday. I'll be carving out a space at Chez Mags to serve as my craft spot. And why not? I deserve a space to do the things I love.

Scrap that!

I used to be an avid scrapbooker. My photographs came together in beautiful albums to tell a story. And then, I stopped liking the story.

The happy ending disappeared along with my husband and at least half of everything I owned, and I stopped creating books that told the story of my life. Then, a few weeks ago, a friend invited me to spend the weekend scrapping with her. I didn't even think about it; I just said "yes." If I'd taken the time to think it through, I probably would've backed out. I'm so glad I didn't think.

I'll be spending this weekend at the Sweet Scrappin' Escape with my friend Di. So last night, I had to go through photos and supplies to see what project I should work on. Realizing where my scrapping efforts ended hit me like a blow to the gut. The last album I worked on - which is now only half done - was the last trip to Disney I took with Christopher. The trip he admits was the last time he was ever truly happy with me. The trip during which my mother went through her first round of chemo. The trip before life began to unravel.

I'm going to finish that album this weekend. It's a story that deserves a place. And then I'll move on to either our trip to the Pacific Northwest in 2002, or my years at EIU. I haven't decided which, but I'll have all weekend to figure it out and work on it. And you know what? I'm excited. There's been enough time that I can look back and remember the good times. I can accept that it was a blast, even if it wasn't meant to last. And I'll create albums that tell the stories, knowing that there are more stories to tell every day. I can't wait to get my weekend started!

A few of my favorite things

Interestingly enough, "The Sound of Music" is not one of my favorite things. These, however, make the list every time:

• Pumpkin pancakes. Even better when someone else makes them. Yes, the cook at iHop counts as "someone else."
• Trader Joe's Sea Salt Brownies. I promise this list won't only be food.
• All the people who call me their Aunt. There's only one blood nephew out there, but I'm Aunt Maggie, Margaret or Margot to a ton of kids (does Scoop count as a kid any more?) and I wouldn't have it any other way.
• Billy Joel's greatest hits.
• My ankles.
• My car. I sold it - it's time - but I'm going to miss it. I'll be driving my sister's Jeep for a few months and then buying new (used) wheels.
• Talented friends. Come to think of it, I don't think I have a single friend who isn't talented. That's pretty awesome.
• Yoga. It's new to me, or should I say re-new. I've just begun a solid practice, and I have a wonderful teacher who continually reminds me that yoga is something we're always moving in the direction of ... we never completely reach it, or there is no more practice. I like that. And I think it applies to everything in life.
• Apple cider. The real stuff. The kind you can't see through. Anything else is just juice.
• My bed. It's like a little nest for sleeping, complete with fat fuzzy cat.
• Poetry. I can't write it very well, but reading it puts me in a very happy place.
• Squishy babies.
• Office supplies.
• The new shampoo Shakespeare gave my in my festive birthday bag. My hair smells delicious!
• My gym. Even if they are replacing the tile with more tile that looks just like the old tile.
• Weddings. When they're good, they're awesome, and there's something about weddings and babies that just shouts optimism.
• Steak, medium rare.
• Harvest Moon Pumpkin Ale.
• You

Bliss

Yesterday I did something I've never done before: I attended my first gay wedding. My darling friend John and his partner Stephen were taking the plunge, publicly, to dedicate their lives to one another. Shakespeare came as my guest (because why not have a girl as my date to my first gay wedding?) and may I say, the two of us were among the top five prettiest women in attendance. No lie.

We didn't know what to expect. Who would walk whom down the aisle? Would they be pronounced man and man? What side should we sit on?

It was different, and yet not. It was just two people vowing to support and encourage each other through whatever the future brings. The only difference was that neither one was wearing a dress. And thank God for that!

The ceremony was beautiful. John's sister Jodi sang, and the John and Stephen walked down the aisle together. The minister spoke of their longstanding relationship - they've been a couple for nine years - and what it means to marry when there are no legal benefits. It was an honor to observe these two gentlemen as they declared their intentions for their lives together.

In true stereotypical fashion, both John and Stephen looked dashing. Their tuxes did not match, but they did coordinate, John wearing a bit more color than Stephen ... how fitting. But the shoes ... I'm still amazed by Stephen's shoes. These fellas have style, for sure.

The reception ... my heavens. If you want a great meal and good music for dancing, be sure and have a gay man plan the day. Starters, salad, chicken and steak, cake to die for and a full sweets table with coffee. I'm still full. We danced the afternoon away (shamelessly pulling out steps from Salsa/Funk class) and revelled in our belief in true love.

Wait a second ... really? Do I really still believe? Has the sappy side taken over my cold, black and loveless heart?

I guess I have to say yes, because there are so many great examples of very real love in my life. There's Mike and Rae, who have perhaps the greatest partnership I've ever witnessed, and a true affection for each other that just doesn't quit. There's Cindy and Charlie, who so clearly demonstrate the possibilities life offers if we're wise enough to notice. There's Justin and Di and their house full of little ones, laughing every step of the way. There's Chris and Janie who have enough love to share with the world, Ken and Melis who laugh their way through life ... I can't even begin to remember everyone. There are more, many more, who prove that it does happen.

In my life? I'm not counting on it. But knowing it exists, even if just for those I love, is enough.

Time out!

I was a child before the days of "time out." In kindergarten, we had the naughty box, which was really just a little stool in the coat closet. No, I never had to sit there. And I've never been given a time out.

But sometimes, I think it's okay to give ourselves one. Not because we're misbehaving, but because we just need to unhook. I spend so much of my day tuned in to something other than myself. It can be my work, the computer, the people I'm around, the chores that need to be done ... the list goes on and on, and sometimes, we deserve a break.

Last Friday I took the day off, not meaning to unhook, but because I had a really tough chore that needed to get finished. It was my Meeting of Creditors, the final step required of me before the bankruptcy is done. The meeting was not traumatic; none of my creditors attended, probably due to the obvious lack of funds in my possession with which to pay them. It was just a series of questions regarding the case, all with yes or no answers. No, I am not currently married. Yes, I once was. No, I have not recently (or any other time) received an inheritance. Yes, my budget remains as it was in the original documents. Stuff like that; pretty simple, really. But when it was over, it was pretty emotional. I needed to have a bit of a cry, so I walked to Millennium Park.

I can't explain what it is about this place that makes me feel so completely at home. A beautiful garden, in the middle of a beautiful city ... it's breathtaking. So I went and sat with my feet in the water (sorry, Bex) and just let all the stress wash away. I sat, read my book and relaxed for hours. Long enough to get a little sunburn on my shoulders.

After awhile my friend Shakespeare and her boyfriend joined me, and the three of us sat and talked and soaked our feet. And it struck me, just how meaningful my time out was. I gave myself permission to feel all of it ... and then let it go. Isn't that what giving a child a time out is all about? Sit there, think about it, and move on. Don't pretend it never happened, but learn from it. Time out can be a good thing.

Within 60 to 90 days, I should receive word that the bankruptcy is final and my included debts have been discharged. Meanwhile, I'll be sticking to my budget, learning when I fail and consistently looking for ways to be wiser with my money. And along the way, I'm pretty sure I'll be giving myself a few time outs.

Eight years

So much has happened in the last eight years. I lost my mom (to cancer, not because her homing device stopped working,) re-started my career not once but twice, got myself a shiny divorce, moved into a place that truly feels like home, made new friends, lost 70 pounds, learned to love Indian food, re-connected with old friends, became an aunt more times than I can honestly count, watched friends bury loved ones, said goodbye to a beloved dog and a somewhat beloved cat.

All of those are vivid memories, but none as vivid as the morning of 9/11.

It was my first day back at work after the honeymoon. I was filled with joy after spending a week and a half surrounded by love ... and then the news reports started coming in. "A plane hit the World Trade Center," my boss said, and I laughed. I had this picture in my head of a little Cessna, pilot error and foolish New York tourists. I was wrong.

The reports kept coming. Another plane struck another tower. The Pentagon was hit. And a fourth plane crashed in a Pennsylvania field. No one got any more work done that day. We could do nothing but watch and pray.

I called Patrick, who tried to reach Victor, our only New York connection, to make sure he was okay. It took us about a week to get word. And the pictures kept coming, the video kept rolling ... destruction at the hands of lunatics.

My mother remembered Pearl Harbor, and could describe the moment news reached the Midwest with such crystal clarity, you'd think it happened yesterday. I think it will be that way with 9/11 for me. When Michael Jackson died, some crackpot news announcer called it a "tragedy." And I thought, no, you tool, the death of one man by his own stupidity is not a tragedy. 9/11 was a tragedy. Hurricane Katrina was a tragedy. The 2008 Indian Ocean tsunami was a tragedy. These are events that touch us all, change us in one way or another.

And if nothing else, they serve as a reminder that you never really know. You can plan all day long for what your future will be, but none of us is guaranteed to live it. And so today, as I remember, I also look forward to spending time with the people I love. At the gym tomorrow, I will hug my friends. At my dad's house on Sunday, I will hug my family. Back home Sunday night, I will welcome my new temporary roomie and relish her company. Because life is short, love is amazing, and people have an uncanny way of making my life awesome.

Post birthday post

By now, we're well into September, which everyone knows is also My Birthday Month. The actual birthday was last Saturday, but one day simply isn't enough. I require an entire month to celebrate.

Kicking of the Birthday Month with Labor Day weekend is generally perfect, and this year was no exception. We were allowed to leave work a little early on Friday, so rather than wait for my train I drove up to Lake Geneva, and it was grand! Amber and I went to our favorite dive bar on Friday for karaoke, and it was a small, wonderful gathering. I think everyone in the rotation was a friend! There was a lot of love and a little beer, and by the end of the night we were all tired and content.

Saturday morning, I woke up hungry. Somehow, cereal tastes better at Amber's house. She was such a good sport, never once telling me to shut the hell up when I raised my hands above my head and shouted "IT'S MY BIRTHDAY!!!" We spent it lounging out by the pool, with Tim (the handsomest poolboy ever) and Laura, when she finally got moving. Pizza for lunch (Amber really knows how to order!) rounded out the perfect afternoon. Eventually Tim had to leave us to go to work, and Amber had to go out to dinner with someone who wasn't me, but Laura stayed and we enjoyed my favorite meal: grilled cheese and tomato bisque. So delicious!

We watched two movies - The Secret Life of Bees (wonderful) and Keeping Mum (freaking AWESOME). You should see them. By the time our movies were over I was tired, so Laura hit the road and I hit the hay, even though I had an invitation to bar hop a bit with Tim after he got done with work. You know I'm tired when I turn down the opportunity to have a drink with a cute boy!

Sunday would have been very romantic, had it not been just me and Amber. We went to Pop More Corks for a wine tasting (I bought a bottle of a lovely Rioja) and then ate our way through the gourmet shop. We bought some bread and then sat in the park noshing, watching the water, reading and relaxing. Up until Tim called and invited us to come for coffee. Mmmm, coffee.

That night, the three of us met up with Tom at the Walworth County Fair. If it was fried, we ate it. I'm still not recovered, but it was delicious. We listened to Styx until we got tired of them playing just a few of their hits, and then it was back for more fried food.

By the time Monday rolled around, I was ready to head home. Even though Dale had promised delicious seafood, I got in the car and pointed it toward Arlington Heights. It was good to be home, to sleep in my own bed and be with my extremely demanding cat. As for the rest of the month, there will be trips to Millennium Park, dinner with Patrick, a day with my dad, my first gay wedding (yeah, John & Steven!) and will have my official Meeting of Creditors to finalize my bankruptcy. It's a big month - a month of celebrations and important stuff. And if you haven't discovered it yet, this month a few friends of mine and I launched chooseawesome.org, a non-profit organization dedicated to the global spread of Awesome and Choices. Pardon my shameless plug, but we think it's Awesome. Check it out!

So that's it, the recap of my Birthday Weekend and the stuff that's shakin' in my world. Now if only Becky would update her blog ...

Reflection

I do believe I've officially reached middle age; tomorrow I'll turn 43. The gray hair is becoming more prominent, and I'm using anti-aging moisturizers. I am not as young as I once was, but I don't think I'd go back.

The past year has presented some unique challenges, and with the support of my family and friends, I've faced them, head on. Still, it's impossible to look at the past year without taking a moment or two for reflection.

During year 42, old friends found me again. Through the magic of Facebook, Eric, Kathleen and Tony are back in my life, offering reminders of the Maggie that Was, and showing me all too plainly that she's not that different from the Maggie that Is. I absolutely adore you guys, and I am grateful for your ceaseless love, humor and inspiration.

During year 42, I was part of two special celebrations with the Carlson Rice family - Christmas and Ryan's commissioning into the United States Marine Corps. Being included and loved by this family is such a privilege. I hope you dole out extra Maggie hugs to each other this weekend!

During year 42, I've watched my sister battle Leukemia while simultaneously running a home, working full time and helping to take care of our brother. Refusing to give even one strand of her hair over the chemo, the woman keeps going. She has amazed her doctor, as she has amazed me. If anyone can kick cancer's ass, it's my sister Jenn.

During year 42, I hosted one of my favorite families during their vacation. Janie, Chris and Liam Early spent several days at the Bieritz B&B last June, and it stuns me how my little apartment seems to expand to fit loved ones. They left a little love behind, and a couple pads of paper, and helped my place feel even more like home.

During year 42, my dad turned 80. Moreover, I started really talking with my dad. The brutal honesty that comes from finally accepting that this man is really going to love me, no matter what, opens doors I didn't even know were closed. My life is full of wise and wonderful people, but this man is the finest of them all.

During year 42, I started writing again. There's no novel - yet - but I spend a decent amount of time with pen to paper, and one of these days something will be finished. Stick around and I'll let you read it!

During year 42, I stood by while friends grieved over the loss of a parent. It changes you, and I think in a way only someone who has been there can truly comprehend how it feels. I hope I was able to offer a shoulder and an ear to help them through the dark times.

During year 42, lots of stuff happened. I can't possibly include all of it here; besides, it would take a year to get through it all. But suffice it to say that during year 42, I learned a lot. There were tears, and there was an abundance of laughter. There was a beautiful balance of fear and anticipation, joy and sadness.

So what's gonna happen during year 43? I have no clue, but if I've learned anything over the years, it's that the unknown can be a whole lot of fun. So, here goes; care to join me?