Sniffle

I have a cold.

It's true; I've succumbed to sickness. My throat is sore and my chest is congesty and ... dammit, I have a cold.

I am the world's worst patient. So much so that I'm getting on my own nerves. I am needy and whiney (two of the lesser-known dwarves) and I sniffle a lot. I'm gross.

And all that is to say just this: Sometimes, you get sick. Granted, it's been awhile for me, but there are times when you have to admit that the bug has caught you and lay low for awhile. Do that early on, and chances are (please cross your fingers) it will not hold on for too long. Refuse to take care of yourself and you give the virus something to hold on to. Not gonna do that.

So, much as I want to be at the gym tonight, chances are I'll head home and into jammies. Much as I want to lift weights and dance, there is probably an 80 percent chance that I'll recline on the sofa instead. I hate that, but I also know the quickest route back to my routine is to give my body time to fight off the sickeness. Which is not fun, but it has to be done. (Hey, I made a rhyme.)

There you have it: my silent plea to the universe to let me get better so I can be at my best. I'll slow down for a few days. But after that, all bets are off.

Fall

The weather has been awesome lately. Leaves are just beginning to turn, the down comforter is back on the bed (perfect for sleeping with the windows open) and it's time to face facts: Autumn is here.

That's not a bad thing. Although in my past life, I hated the passing of summer, over the last few years I have grown to enjoy it. Sure, it means that snow isn't far behind, but I'm okay with it. And in the meantime, I'm going to enjoy the beauty that is here, now.

This year in particular, however, fall seems to be bringing on a myriad of other changes. I'm learning to cope with my favorite instructor leaving the Schaumburg location of my gym, but that's a rough one. She will be back about once a month to teach Salsa/Funk, but my regular check-ins with Donna Thomas are drawing to a close. It feels like a break-up to me, the way it affects my soul. I know it sounds super cheesy, but that's where I'm at. I'm so happy for her, because she is happy; the change will be good for her, for her family and for her life. But for me? It's tough to grasp.

Why? Well, I'll tell ya.

Donna Thomas is a rare broad. She's tough, generous and amazing. I've only trained with her once, but I will never forget it. She was so kind as to give me a session to help me work on hip/leg strength and balance, to help me rehab the injury. It was the toughest hour of my life! She is groovy. The woman can dance! She's private but passionate, feminine but strong. And she believes in me, and my ability to reach my goals.

Losing someone like that - someone who has had an integral part in my physical transformation so far - is going to be rough.

Yet, it's an opportunity. This is a time to grow, to let the ebb and flow of life carry me to something new. To learn, to achieve ... and to carry what Donna has taught me out into the world. To be generous, kind, passionate and strong.

There are some at the gym who are not taking the change well. They are vocally making this all about them. This makes me angry. While I am personally sad, I have to honor my friend by sharing in her excitement. This is not a tragedy; this is just a change. It's not the first, and it won't be the last.

So we transition. From summer to fall. From Donna to John (and anyone else who cares to teach and coach us along). We ebb. We flow.

We dance.

45 and 10

It's September. My birthday month has officially begun. (Yes, I claim the entire month.) But as of yesterday, I was not much in the birthday mood.

I was a little off, for no real reason except things didn't seem like they were coming together. Plans got altered or cancelled altogether, and I was just not feelin' the love. But then, my friend Patty posted a note to my Facebook, just to tell me she thinks I'm awesome. My sister Jenn called, inviting me to the water park. And shortly after that, Mike Rice called, just to check in. See, it's like people just know. At that moment when the tears just seem like more than I can handle, people reach out. They remind me that not only will it all be okay ... it already is, if I'm ready to let it be.

I should be whole all the time by now, I know this. But sometimes, it's hard. Not gonna lie to ya; it's still difficult to remember that, 10 years ago right now, I was in Disney World, preparing for my wedding. A wedding that resulted in a marriage that was over before our fifth anniversary. I offer this up as yet another cautionary tale: Do not ever get married on your birthday, okay?

Sometimes it still hurts. Lately it's more a question of "What the hell was he thinking?" thank "Why wasn't I worthy?" See, I know that I was. I am even moreso now. It's possible that I was simply too awesome to be married to That Guy, and he knew it. So he left me for someone more befitting himself.

And all that is to say, today is a better day. Today I got up and went to the gym, I ran two miles and I lifted some weights, I took a long shower and then I treated myself to a little breakfast. Then, I drove to a little running store and picked up race packets for Monday's 5K. Yes, I will mark my 10-year wedding anniversary by doing something I never thought I could do. I will celebrate my 45th birthday by acknowledging that who I am today is so far removed from who I was 10 years ago, I'm not sure I would recognize her if I passed her on the street.

So yes, today is a better day. Tomorrow will be, too. And Monday? Yeah. Monday's gonna rock.

Calling in sick to life

Sometimes, it just has to happen. You burn the candle at both ends long enough, and your body just says, hold on there, chief ... not one more step until you get yourself a little rest.

That's what happened this weekend. And I am so glad it did!

Saturday morning dawned real friggin' early. Friday night, sleep was elusive. Come to think of it, the night before every race is a tough one for sleeping. Not sure why; I know I have 5Ks in the bag now. (By that I do not mean to imply that they are easy; they are not. They are hard. They piss me off. But I know I can finish them.) But still, toss/turn/repeat was pretty much my mantra of the night.

But up and out the door I was on Saturday morning, ready to hit Hoffman Estates and run the Root Awakening. And run it I did, at my best pace yet; I finished 13.1 miles in 44:30ish. To most runners, that's nothing; that's walking. To me, it's everything. It's the first race I have ever finished in less than 45 minutes. I'm damn proud.

Saturday afternoon I was supposed to go to Wisconsin, but that didn't pan out. Misunderstandings and such meant I got an afternoon to relax, which felt like such a good idea. Then, Sunday morning rolled around, and I tried to roll with it ... but my sciatic nerve had other plans. Tingly pain, down my right leg ... so uncomfortable.

So I cancelled my plans and spent the day stretching, applying heat and relaxing. I simply stopped, for an entire day. And as of this morning, I feel 99 percent better. Is it possible that I really just needed a break? Is it possible to be healed in a day? Well, if how I felt at 5:30 a.m. this morning, when the alarm went off and I got up and went for a run is any indication, yes, it is.

For the last few weeks I've been wishing I could take a day off, call the office and just not show up. It never occurred to me that I could take back my weekend and just veg. As much as I missed seeing Amber, and going out on David's boat, I was exactly where I was meant to be.

Sometimes, being still is pure bliss.

I have not been ignoring you

It has been a busy summer! And yet here we are at four months 'til Christmas. (Yes, I know, I'm weird.) Lots going on, lots of fun to be had, and we're gonna keep it going for awhile.

Last weekend was comfortably balanced. I spent a little time alone, a little time with my dad and bro, a little time with friends, and an entire day at the pool with my sister. Near perfect, for sure. While I would give just about anything to have an entire day to myself with nothing to do but putter around Casa Maggie, I'm not complaining. It has been wonderful and, dare I say, fulfilling to have a summer like this one.

I've been consistent with running over the last few weeks, too, which is leaving me feeling somewhat ready to start preparing for the half marathon in February, and also a little nervous about the 15K in November. My mantra? "I just want to finish."

I have a training plan. I will get there. Interestingly enough, the exciting new development is that I have an airline ticket. First, my sister Kathie booked our rooms. Then, I registered for the race. Yesterday, my sister Jenn booked our flights. Ladies and gentlemen, I'M GOIN' TO DISNEY WORLD and I'm gonna run 13.1 miles while I'm there.

I can't wait, and yet I'm glad I have to wait. Lots of training to do in the coming months, and I'm concentrating on proper running form so I don't get injured. Eyes on the prize, folks.

And naturally there are lots of fun things coming up in the next few weeks, too. This weekend I'm heading up to Lake Geneva after running a 5K. There is boat time on the schedule; woo-hoo! Next weekend is, of course, BirthdayFest, which includes another 5K and probably a meal with the family, plus time with Linda's visiting family as well. Hopefully some much needed rest will happen then, too.

At any rate, life has been a bit of a whirlwind of late. I'm looking forward to what lies ahead ... but I really want a nap.

Collision

Welcome to August 7, the end of what I have come to think of as the week in which the world I am confident and the world in which I am not collide. (A concept which, I must admit, I have stolen from the character Dana Whitaker from Sports Night. She's not using it anymore, so I borrow.)

July 31 was Muddy Buddy, my original athletic foray - the world in which I am not confident. August 6 brought the Summer Showcase with Liberty Town Productions, an annual revue which I've been fortunate to perform in now for two years running - the world in which I am confident.

Now that the second year of all that is in the books, I find myself strangely at peace. Each time I cross the finish line, each time I take a bow, those worlds collide a little bit. Being able to perform has made me a better runner, because I know how to fake it to make it. Being able to run a race has made me a better performer, because I have proven to myself that I am far more capable than I ever thought.

And the two pursuits together have left me so much more well-rounded. My world is bigger, because it isn't just about fitness or theater; like parents speak of their children, I love them both equally. What they've done for me as a person is immeasurable. But I must admit, my favorite part of either is finishing strong.

Opportunity and the way things sorta fall together

So, I have this bucket of time off to use by the end of the year. I'm taking the first week of December to go to Disney World with Dad. Then, friends called to ask if I can go to Six Flags next week Tuesday. Sure; I'll take a day off.

THEN, the opportunity to spend next Thursday on Lake Geneva with friends from out of town presented itself to me. Well, okay, I can do that; I'll take the day off. Yes, I'll be working every other day next week. Kind of a nifty schedule; a whole week where I don't work two days in a row? Sign me up.

THEN tonight after yoga, I was saying good night to the instructor, and she asked if she could give me her card. Sure, I said; I like her. She's awesome. THEN she tells me she's going to be teaching yoga in the mountains of Colorado in September ... would I like to go along?

Sweet Jesus, yes. But I'm also poor, so I'll need to decline. Granted, this is the sort of vacation I dream of. I've never been to Colorado, and I could go there and just be active, have this amazing opportunity to go outside myself and drink in a part of the country I've never seen. But no. Not this time.

THEN, she says, interestingly enough, I can do vacation for trade. Meaning, if I'm willing to do dishes and laundry, I can go. For free. All expenses paid.

So, we're talking. I need to fully understand what will be expected of me, and I need to be sure both sides will benefit from the arrangement. But from where I sit, I may be visiting Colorado this September, and I couldn't possibly be more excited about it.

Sometimes, things just fall into place. It's been a summer like that. I'm getting good at letting it flow.

So far this summer ...

Okay, so today is the first day of August. We're officially in the "dog days" ... meaning, it's going to get hotter (not sure how, seeing as we've already hit the heat index of 110 for a few days running) and the season isn't ready to release its grip on us yet.

But some will soon begin to bemoan (see that alliteration there?) the ending of summer, what with kids returning to school and all. I say, no way; summer isn't over until September 21, and between now and then, there's lots of time to do what we love, whether it's porch sittin', al fresco dining, playing on the swings or rolling down a hill. No need to panic; you can still check a lot off your summer "to-do" list.

I'm a little proud to say that I've already checked a lot of things off of mine - some of which weren't even on the original list, but they would've been if I'd thought of it! Two months into the season, I have ...

• Completed not one but two races that involved obstacles and mud.


• Spent a day on a boat.


• Spent several days at the pool. Any pool. Lovely.


• Eaten sweet corn. And ribs.


• Gone for a bike ride. Several bike rides. I love having a bike.


• Spent an evening with my friends Dale and Candy, around a bonfire. (Same night I ate the corn and ribs. YUM.)


• Reclined on the grass at the Grand Geneva resort and watched fireworks. Heaven!


• Seen Harry Potter 7.2. Twice.


• Been to Wrigley field for a Cubs game. (They won. Holler. And the hot dog was delicious.)


• Enjoyed my favorite band, Roger Clyne & the Peacemakers, live.

There is more to be done. There is time to do it. So let's enjoy the rest of summer!

Of Tuscany and beyond

Life in Chicagoland has been steamy of late. So today, instead of doing chores around the house - a place that doesn't much get below 80 degrees indoors these days - I reclined on the sofa and watched "Under the Tuscan Sun".

Let me preface my remarks by saying, I love this film. It's beautifully shot, and Diane Lane is simply a treasure.

During the early days of My Divorce, I watched two films that gave me hope while simultaneously making me feel like a total sap. The first was "Calendar Girls". Watching these beautiful, aging women discover their beauty made me believe it could happen, and want it for myself. Perhaps, subconsciously, that movie is what drove me to the gym four years ago. The second, as you've likely guessed by now, was "Under the Tuscan Sun".

I love that movie, and I loved it then, too. It was beautiful for me, in those early days, to watch someone go through divorce and come out on the other side. But one line - just one line - made it completely unrealistic to me.

Frances, the lead character, says, "Unthinkably good things can happen even late in the game. It's such a surprise."

I watched, thinking to myself that this character I loved, this pillar of strength, actually ended the film a simpering idiot. But then, time passed. Bitterness faded. (Though I still wish He Who Must Not Be Named and Judy the Ho would get a mad case of crabs.) And somehow, miraculously, unthinkably good things began to happen.

My life found its way back to me.

Today, I've padded around my little (warm!) one-bedroom walkup in bare feet, loving the cool feeling of the wood beneath them. I've run (on a treadmill), loving the feeling of one-foot-in-front-of-the-other, doing something I did not, even one year ago, know I could do. I've done bicep curls until my muscles cried, and I've done push-ups from my toes. Tonight, I will spend my evening surrounded by girlfriends ... none of whom I even knew the first time I saw "Tuscan".

So what if things didn't turn out the way I'd planned? The truth is ... I simply didn't plan big enough. Unthinkably good things, indeed.

What a weekend!

Yes, I realize that a week ago I officially started my weekend last weekend. (How many times can you use "weekend" in one sentence? Turns out, about three.) Anyhoo ... I had a blissful day and a half off of work, and quite honestly packed the 3.5 days with activity and FUN! It would be difficult if not impossible to tell this story, so I'm going to let the pictures do most of the talking.

First stop: rehearsal for Summer Showcase 2011. There is nothing like working with talented performers who also happen to be friends. Case in point, Polly Ludena. We're singing "Evil Woman" from Xanadu ... it's a freakin' blast.
Next stop: midnight viewing of Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, Part II, in iMax 3D, natch. Complete with popcorn and milk duds. Saw the show with my friend Alexis, Linda and Lorna. Loved it. LOVED it.



Oh, Wrigley Field, I love you so. Justin and Diane treated Linda and I to a Cubs game. And really, you haven't lived until you've eaten a hot dog with thousand island dressing and kraut. To. Die. For. (The Cubs won, btw, and our seats were perfect.)



Remember how I said I loved HPatDH, pt 2? So much so that I saw it again the next night. While seated in a recliner. With a bunch of friends, and blanket that matched my outfit. And beer, calamari, quesadillas and chocolate cake. Hell to the yeah.


The next morning, believe it or not, Linda and I were at the gym for our workout. But Saturday night found us at House of Blues, Chicago to see my favorite Band, Roger Clyne and the Peacemakers. Here's Rog, being awesome.


P.H. Naffah on drums.Nick Scropos on bass, and the divine Jim Dalton (who kissed my hand at the end of the show; no lie) on lead guitar.


More Roger. Because I dig this shot.
What was the setlist, you ask? Well, I'll tell ya. Counterclockwise, Down Together, All Over the Radio, Wanted, I Don't Need Another Thrill, Heaven on a Paper Plate, Mexico, Tell Yer Momma, Maybe We Should Fall in Love, Marie, Banditos, Leaky Little Boat, Switchblade, Suckerpunch, Dinero, Hello New Day, Beautiful Disaster, Mekong, I Do and Nada. Encore was Green & Dumb, followed by a mix of Girly, an awesome cover of the Violent Femmes’ Kiss Off, the theme from King of the Hill, and finishing the last verse of Girly. Awesome.

Here's me and Linda on our way out the door, happy and full of good music.



Sunday morning came too fast, but we had an opportunity to go to the Vernon Hills branch of our gym ... the fancy club, that usually doesn't let in Our Kind of people. So we went, got our dance on for an hour and a half, and then reclined, poolside. Our friend Rebekah brought beverages, I brought sunscreen, and we had a great time. Here's Linda, Donna and me, tired but sublimely happy in the sunshine.



To say that this was a great weekend is a grave understatement. I was so thrilled to have a little time away from work to recharge and remind myself that life is a series of experiences, and when you dive into them ... you can have an amazing result.

Lessons from the Water Park

Twice now this summer, I have joined my sisters for a day at the pool. "Pool", roughly translated, means "holy crap this place is huge and can we go down the slide?" This is what they call a pool. The place is amazing ... and filled with opportunities to learn. Such as:

• My ass fits in an innertube. It's been years, and yet there you have it. Happy little Maggie, floating down a lazy river, or flying down a water slide, tushie encased in what had formerly eluded me. Yeah, that felt good.



• I freaking love water slides! It was a blast climbing up, up, up with Jenn and Bernie, only to go flying down an array of different slides. One dumps you out into a big funnel; another, into what feels like a toilet bowl. Screams and cheers and WOW that was fun! Could've done that all day, but I don't like to wait in line.



• There is a weird "trend" out there for women's swimwear. Seems if your suit is too small, you can just wear your bra under it to provide appropriate coverage. It looks hideous, but for some reason, it happens. There was a woman busting out of a black swimsuit, with a turquoise bra on underneath. Clearly, her suit would not have been street legal without the bra, but here's the thing: bathing suits are available in a variety of sizes. You are not required to squeeze 10 pounds of shit into a five-pound bag. Please stop.



• I have an amazing sense of fashion. I came to the water park in a bathing suit (which covered all the important parts), shorts and a linen shirt. All of which were my size or a little too big. However, it seemed more popular to pour oneself into a denim skirt, use innertubes as a cover-up, or wear a t-shirt into the pool than to use your brain and dress appropriately. Good Lord!



• If you're overweight, accept it. Don't try to hide it under a t-shirt in the pool, because once it gets wet, you just look like the fat guy (or girl) in a wet t-shirt who's trying in vain to cover up the fact that he (or she) is fat. Here's the gig: it's not like all of a sudden someone is going to see you in a swimsuit and realize you're fat. It's obvious, even fully clothed. Adding a t-shirt IN THE POOL just looks like you're fat and dumb. At my heaviest, I still just got in the pool. This is who you are at this moment in time. Just enjoy the pool, and no one will notice or care.



• Dippin' Dots are delicious. And they don't immediately melt in 90-degree heat. Best cooling treat ever.



• My sisters are nuts. I knew this before we got to the pool, but it became more evident as the day wore on. And I wouldn't have it any other way.



• There is no better way to spend a hot day than wooshing down waterslides, floating in a lazy river, jumping in a wave pool and lounging in the sun. Better yet to end the day with hamburgers, fries and family.

Perfect weekend, indeed.

Goodbye to June

This month has been an incredible challenge. Actually, to be more precise, 2011 has been a challenge, which seemed to culminate in an overflowing June. So as I sit here on the final day of this month, I'm more than happy to put it in my rearview mirror.

On the work front, our annual Conference was this week. All the behind-the-scenes work, of course, had to be done ahead of that, and much of it was done by my department. To say that we are all exhausted would be an understatement. This year was particularly challenging, with a lot changing and much of that at the last minute. It's no wonder I've become an insomniac.

Personally, I've had some physical challenges, as well. My Achilles continues to fight me, and although there are days when it feels okay, there are lots of days when it's painful. It's swollen every day. I should find out next week what the MRI says is wrong, and then we'll know how to proceed. Sometimes it's difficult not to feel betrayed by my body. Here I am, trying to give it the care it deserves, and it strikes back with a vengeance. I'm trying to be patient ... but that's a lot harder than it looks!

So I look to July with great hope. Hope that Independence Day weekend brings some relaxation (and fun in Wisconsin, likely accompanied by cheese.) Hope that I'll be able to take part in the races that are on my schedule. Hope that once I know what's wrong with the Achilles, I'll be able to heal it and move on. And hope that, from here on out, 2011 and I will start getting along.

Thank you, June, for showing me how strong and capable I am. (Seriously ... I did the Warrior Dash in June!) Now, don't let the door hit ya where the good Lord split ya. I'm ready for July.

Five years

It was five years ago-ish ... the fateful day when my then-husband and his latest woman (now his latest wife) packed up his stuff and he moved on.

Well, good riddance to bad rubbish, my dear. And the rubbish, as it turned out, was both him and his crap. Sweet Jesus, that boy had horrible taste in just about everything, save for his first two wives.

It was a horribly difficult day, made tolerable by a dear friend who picked me up in his soft-top Jeep Wrangler, and drove me all over the Chicago area. All. Day. Long. Top down, tunes cranked. When the top's down, tears dry quickly. We drove for hours. That friend was Brian Shamie, or Cute Brian, as I call him, and he saved my life that day. Though we've since grown apart, I will never forget what he gave me - smiles and happiness on what was easily one of my top five crappiest days ever.

Five years. Sometimes, it seems like yesterday. Sometimes, if seems like the marriage never happened at all ... like it was just some crazy daydream, never part of reality.

But it did happen, I was once married to someone who took advantage of my every kindness and jumped ship as soon as things got really tough. It left me scarred and strong, and with an uncanny ability to open myself up to receive what he was unable to give me: unconditional love. It has come to me from the most unlikely of sources, and from people I never would have met if we had stayed together.

This blog was born out of a need to vent, to let out the emotion of being discarded like yesterdays newspaper. It's a testament to the healing that has happened over the past five years, and what I find most ironic is this: almost every post is one of great joy. This isn't my public-facing pity pot, it's the story of Becoming Maggie ... the real, whole, honest person I've always been, but needed a little nudge to return to.

Which leads me to wonder, what will the next five years bring? Stay tuned. Much is likely to change, but my need to write about it? Yeah, that's a constant.

Thanks for coming along for the ride thus far.

They're playin' my song/s

In the many years I've walked this planet, one thing is constant: Music. I can remember very vivid dreams as a child, imagining myself singing back-up for my favorite artists. I can recall minute details, such as what I was wearing at the age of six, harmonizing to John Denver. My life has a soundtrack, and it weaves through the most important (and unimportant) moments over the past 44 years.

So when my computer gave up the ghost a few years ago, I panicked. All I had was my iPod - my ancient, second-generation unit, which surely wouldn't be around forever. It had all my music on it, but A) I had no computer on which to update or play it and B) even if I did, iTunes wouldn't allow me to transfer it back.

Enter the new computer. My beautiful new iMac is technical perfection. And now, it houses all my music once again. (Note to self: get an external hard drive for backup.)

Thanks to a bit of software, I was able to pull my 6,000 songs off the 'Pod and back into the world. I was not prepared for how this was going to make me feel. I started toolin' around through some of the old stuff on there (Kung Fu Fighting, anyone?) and it was like a light came on. Seriously. Yes, I know it sounds cheesy, but I have my music; all feels right with my world.

Mud, sweat and beer

I can't remember whose idea it was.

I don't know whether to slap them or kill them, if I ever figure it out.

Suffice it to say, back in January, someone said, "Hey, let's run Warrior Dash." And I said yes.

Yesterday was my Dash, and it was awesome. Perfect? No. I skipped a few obstacles, because I just didn't feel safe. It took me a long-ass time to get through the entire course. But I finished, vertical, with no new injuries; that was the goal.

There was a lot of climbing in the Dash. Enough for me to realize I had a fear of heights. Who knew? But the magic of events like this doesn't come from the course, or the obstacles, or the beer, or the turkey legs. It comes from your fellow competitors. Like my friend Linda, who stuck with me through the entire course, knowing that I was not physically at my best, and wanting to enjoy the experience with me. And like the woman who waited for me atop one of the obstacle walls. You had to scale the wall - angled, but still treacherous - using a rope. At the top, you had to find a way to bend and reach over, so you could climb ladder-style down the back. Up there she waited, grabbed hold of me, hoisted my massive thigh over the top and made sure I could make it down.

The chances of me completing that obstacle without her are somewhere between slim and non-existent.

That one gave me the confidence to take on most of the others. The course was supposed to include 10 obstacles, but in the days prior to the Dash, organizers added two ... plus incredible natural obstacles like creeks and muddy, steep hills. We had to dig in, tighten the core, and hope for the best. Looking back over the day, I can't believe I made it through.

At each obstacle, Linda and I took one band off our left wrist and moved it to the right, and took a moment to honor our friend Barb, who could not participate in the Dash because she's in Ohio with her mother, who is not in good health. Those moments provided a bit of a spiritual nature to our race. The obstacles we traversed were nothing compared to the obstacles we face in real life.

3.28 miles. 12 official obstacles. Two muddy hills that required a rope to ascend. All told, before I could get to beer, turkey legs and sweet corn, I climbed a wall, traversed over a suspended cargo net, made my way up and over a box maze (which was really kind of lame), climbed another wall and dropped down the other side, pulled myself up and over a wooden archway, climbed yet another wall and slid down a fire pole on the other side, made my way up a VERY TALL cargo net only to slowly descend (while shaking) down the other side, leaped over flames ... and crawled through a mud pit.

I was feeling a little bit like a wuss, because I skipped a few challenges. I didn't climb on cars (but I did make it through some of the tires). I didn't climb the rickety platforms. And there was no way I was going to climb the wall that went straight up ... and straight down. I took one step up and my whole self started to shake; that was just not gonna happen. But my friend Linda? Yeah, the wild woman completed them all. And realizing that I completed nine of 12, when there were only supposed to be 10. Yeah, I'm a bad-ass.

Today, it's bruises and laundry. And an incredible sense of accomplishment.

Summer? A list.

This summer, while taking its sweet time to get here, has already offered me splendid opportunities to enjoy things I love. Already this year, I have lounged poolside, been out on a boat, and spent a day at a water park. It's been perfect, and it's not even really summer yet! (The solstice is June 21.) So it got me thinkin' ... what else do I not want to miss? Here is my summer to-do list:

• Participate in another obstacle race. (Doin' it this Saturday.)


• Get a bike. Ride it.


• See a movie at the drive-in.


• Rollerblade (without falling on my touchas like I did last time I tried.)


• Grill the perfect burger. (Much easier since Linda gave me a grill.)


• Spend a day at Millennium Park.


• Take yoga at Millennium Park.


• See/hear a concert at Ravinia.


• Let my friend Dale cook for me.


• Fireworks!


• Road trip to Charleston, IL.


• Take a hike.


• Have a picnic.


• Build a sandcastle.

That's it; pretty doable, I think! What's on your list?

The mirror

There was a time in the not-too-distant past when I didn't like to look in the mirror. The girl looking back at me was just not how I saw myself. Back then, I thought the difference was the extra weight. I thought I didn't like my reflection, because that girl was the fatty-moo-moo version of me.

Fast forward to now. I'm still carrying extra weight (although a lot less) and I'm still never gonna be the prettiest girl in any room ... but it's so different now, that reflection.

Who I am is what is different.

On Monday morning, I set the alarm and got up early for a run. (Yes, I did that.) I dressed in black active pants and the green t-shirt we got for running the Sweetness 5K last Saturday. I had just woken up, so I wasn't all cutesy-cute girl. And I caught a glimpse of myself in the big mirror in my bedroom.

I actually said, out loud, to my reflection, "Damn, girl ... "

That's right. I totally hit on myself.

Made me smile. And it gave me something to think about on that run. Yes, I've made changes. I've lost some weight. But the real changes have happened inside my head. I've accepted who I am. I've become something more than I was before. And that has given me confidence. It's the confidence I'm seeing in the mirror.

See, when a man like my ex-husband leaves you for the type of woman for whom he left me, ya feel scarred. It seems inevitable that, when faced with the knowledge that He Who Must Not Be Named chose Ursula the Sea Witch to yours truly, I would envision myself as less than she. (I know, I know ... but that's where the mind goes. The dark places.) He wasn't good for me when we were married, but after he left? Then he was horrible for me.

My point, I suppose, is that this has been a five-year process. It was five years ago this month that he packed up his stuff and moved out. Five long years.

Five years of growth and opportunity. Five years of peeling an onion, layer by little layer, to find out what's shakin' inside.

That's not to say that we're done; no, not by a longshot. I am still in the process of becoming, and I hope I always am.

Of weekend plans and baby carrots

I'm always hungry. This is not necessarily a good thing, especially with the weekend approaching and, with it, a slew of food opportunities ... which may or may not be appropriate.

Tonight I was planning to go to the gym, but then I thought it through and realized that was kinda dumb. I have a 5K in the morning; overdoing it tonight could make tomorrow difficult. So, tonight I'll be doing laundry and straightening out my abode.

Tomorrow's "race" is the Sweetness 5K, to benefit the Walter Payton Foundation. I was supposed to run it with two of my sisters, but both of them backed out. One has work that is calling her out of town; the other simply has too much work. Which was all well and good, honestly, because my running pals Mama Dee, Pam, Simone, Shelly and Meg are running it, too. But still, my sister Kathie didn't want me to be out there "alone", so she'll be running with me. (And by "with me", I mean "approximately ten minutes ahead of me.")

After the run, we're hoping to spend the morning/afternoon at the water park. There are storms in the forecast, however. Please make them go away.

The rest of the weekend will be comprised of Thai food and theater with Kathleen (my friend Kathleen, not to be confused with my sister, Kathie, who is also a Kathleen) and working on a massive pictorial project for a friend of mine. Should make for a relaxing weekend.

BUT ... I need groceries. I need them to be cheap and healthy. Looks like I'll be cooking some this weekend, too. So, off we go, into the blissful two days of non-work-life. Enjoy it!

Need a break? Try a 24-hour vacation.

Ahhh, Memorial Day weekend. Love it. Summer's distant call steps up close and screams in your ear, "I'M HERE!!!" At some point over the three-day weekend, it becomes time to let summer in.

My weekend started out delightfully over a splendid dinner of chips and guac. I wish I were kidding, but no matter. It was tasty. Saturday dawned bright and early, as the Misfits Run Club gathered at 6:45 (yawn) to get a 30-minute run logged before strength training class. (After which the smart people jumped in the indoor pool. Too cold for outdoors on Saturday!)

Saturday night found me in the living room at a friend's house, enjoying the company of some great girlfriends - especially Gretchen, from CT! So good to finally meet her. Anyhoo, it was a lovely evening (I brought mojitos) but I gave myself an early curfew. This girl is no longer equipped to burn the candle at both ends!

Sunday dawned stormy, and I seized the opportunity to lay in bed with my coffee and "The West Wing" on DVD. Perfection. I followed the storm system on The Weather Channel and determined that I could leave my house at around 5 p.m. to head north for my 24-hour respite.

The drive to Lake Geneva was beautiful. The storm had passed, there were a few clouds in the sky, but mostly it was just pretty. I arrived in time to visit with Amber and Jeremiah, have some spiked lemonade by the pool, and still primp before heading out. Our friend John's band was playing at a bar in Burlington, WI - the Sly Fox - and we wanted to check it out. Drank a little beer, played some darts (I came in last ... and one of the players is blind!) and enjoyed the music. Truly a fun night!

Then, Sunday arrived in all its glory. I headed out for an early morning run, and was surprised (shocked? dismayed?) at how hilly Lake Geneva is. After my warm-up walk interval, I turned a corner and BAM. Hill. Okay, I'll take you on. Thankfully there was a bit of a breeze and a lot of shade along my route, because it could have been brutal! Hills, heat and humidity; guess I'm gonna have to get used to that if I'm gonna run in the summertime, huh?

Back at the house, I dripped sweat and Amber made breakfast. Eggs, sausage, toast, hash browns, coffee ... all from the comfort of my chaise lounge. Delightful! After tidying up, we put on our bathing suits and headed for the pool.

My suit is so cute! I made a good choice; and only $20 at Old Navy. A few hours in the sun was enough for us, because at 1:30 it was time to get on a boat!

Our friend David invited us out onto Lake Como for lunch, beverages and a good time. It was 89 degrees, but out on the water the breeze was so lovely, I wasn't going to complain. We spent several hours out there, talking, laughing and enjoying the scenery. Just beautiful. I definitely felt like I'd truly departed my everyday life.

As 5 p.m. approached, it was time to head to shore, pack my things and point the Jeep south. The drive was perfect - top down, light breeze, complete harmony with the world around me. I can't imagine a better way to usher in summer than with a little activity, a little relaxation, and a lot of time with the best of friends.

Of food, family and friends

What do you do when your weekend plans go awry? You roll with it, make the best of it, and end up having a great time!

I had all-day Saturday plans, but when they went belly-up, I opted to drive to Wisconsin to surprise Kevin and Kelly, who were visiting from out of town. I had previously told Kel that it wasn't in the cards (see previous statement that I had plans), so it was so much fun to surprise her and just show up.

Laughter. Food. Repeat.

There's something about old friends (I've known Kelly for almost 30 years) that can help you make more sense to yourself. It was awesome.

I was able to visit with them guilt-free because on Friday night, I participated in the Augie's Quest fundraiser at the gym, doing a three-hour workout (two of which were cardio) ... so I started off the weekend with a calorie deficit, thereby earning my burger and strawberry shortcake. Sadly, that was my only workout of the weekend; so much going on!

Saturday night found me back home, snuggled in my little apartment and catching up on a few chores. Sunday was scheduled pretty full, so I made it an early night. The alarm went off in the morning and I was off and running (taking time to style my stunning hair, however, which has been lightened and highlighted and I freaking LOVE IT!) I drove to Aurora for my Godson Ross' Sunday School program, which also featured his brother Jack and sister Ro. Can I just say adorable? I love those kids. (Their parents aren't bad, either, and their Mammy? She's the bizzomb.) We had a leisurely lunch afterward, but I think the kids' favorite part of the day was riding around in Aunt Maggie's car with the top down.

Yeah. I'm the cool aunt.

After that it was over to my dad's to help my nephew with a school project and have dinner. I absolutely love spending time with my father. He is wise and funny, and I hope with all my heart to someday be as amazing as he is. I love spending time with my brother, my twin, whose sweetness knows no bounds. Those are the best parts of any visit home.