On resolutions and other stuff

I've been thinking lately about two things: flinging oneself into the great unknown, and resolutions. I think the two can come together quite nicely, but before we do that, we need to consider what we resolve.

Like many people, I have spent the last few weeks in a gluttonous frenzy. There hasn't been a meal I haven't relished. Not a drink I've passed up. (Well, maybe one. But only one.) Not a truffle I've turned away, and if I'm honest, I haven't seen a green vegetable in weeks.

And all of it - every last bit - has made its presence known on my thighs.

I woke up this morning and put on my Fat Pants. (Thankfully, they're loose.) And for a moment, self-loathing washed over me. How could I do this to myself? Why did I let myself go? What the hell is wrong with me?

And then I realized this was all bullshit. People who loathe themselves don't take the time for self-care the way I do. I've done nothing that can't be un-done. I did not, in fact, "let myself go," unless the "go" I have in mind is "to the buffet." And there is nothing wrong with me. I am a normal human at the holidays, and what's more, I started the holiday season with an illness that didn't allow me to work out for almost a full two weeks. I consider the fact that I didn't need new pants a groundbreaking success. Take that, Fat Pants. You'll be back in the drawer in two weeks.

With all that realization coming on the heels of itself, I had to take a moment and think about what my resolution/s should be. I always want to challenge myself, give myself somewhere to stretch. A few years back, it was participating in 12 races or events over the course of a year. Then it was doing four half marathons, and last year it was three sprint triathlons. This year, I am switching my focus a bit and looking to increase my strength and flexibility. While I will still train and participate in races, I will be making strength training and yoga more of my focus.

Which leads me to a most interesting development which came full circle just today. Starting in January, I will begin Yoga Teacher Training. I'll take this moment to remind you that I once gave myself a black eye in yoga. Go ahead, laugh. God knows I'm cracking up.

But yeah, this is happening. A fantastic yogi friend is teaching. Several other yogi friends have offered support and encouragement. What I am most humbled by, though, is the fact that the organization through which I will take my training has granted me a scholarship. When I applied, I was hopeful, but I wasn't really prepared for the overwhelming feeling of actually receiving it. This is not something I take lightly; I hope that at the end of our six-month period of learning, I will have done the company proud.

This is a stretch goal for me, in more ways than one. Am I ready to embark on a journey like this? No, not hardly. But I think sometimes if we wait until we are ready, we'll never go for it. As my friend Janie likes to say, "Leap, and the net will appear." I'm leaping.

And stretching, and sweating and learning.

So, happy new year, friends. Try to focus on the best of you. Try to see yourself the way others see you. You're gorgeous, right down to the soul. See that as you set your goals for 2015.

The forgiveness of yarn

It took a little memory jog to realize that it was this time of year nine years ago when life as I knew it began to unravel. And that's exactly the way my mind put it together - life, as I knew it, unraveling. The fella to whom I said "I do" ... well, he didn't. Commence unraveling.

But the truth is, life is always in a ravel/unravel state.

The art of unraveling is something that becomes very evident when one learns to knit. You'll get through part of a project and find the flaws ... and before you move on to the next row, you unravel the whole damn thing and start over.

Making it right. Making it better. Learning from your mistakes.

We are all, my friends, continually raveling and unraveling. And thank heaven for that.

I'm always making mistakes. Big ones, little ones, medium-size ones. Some of my best lessons were the result of mistakes. Lessons about how much I deserve to be valued (in every relationship, not just the romantic ones), or how strong I am. Lessons about traveling light and being resilient. Lessons of self-care and truth telling.

It's worth it, in the end. We find ourselves when we're willing to unravel.

Which is a long way of saying that I know lots of people who are at this very moment in a period of great transition. Looking at the knitwork of their lives thus far, it's time to figure out how far back to unravel before continuing on. And the beautiful thing about life is that we get to do this.

Yarn, and life, is forgiving.

It's okay to make a mistake. It's important to learn from it. It's wise to ask forgiveness. (Most of the time). It's imperative to move on.