Sniffle

I have a cold.

It's true; I've succumbed to sickness. My throat is sore and my chest is congesty and ... dammit, I have a cold.

I am the world's worst patient. So much so that I'm getting on my own nerves. I am needy and whiney (two of the lesser-known dwarves) and I sniffle a lot. I'm gross.

And all that is to say just this: Sometimes, you get sick. Granted, it's been awhile for me, but there are times when you have to admit that the bug has caught you and lay low for awhile. Do that early on, and chances are (please cross your fingers) it will not hold on for too long. Refuse to take care of yourself and you give the virus something to hold on to. Not gonna do that.

So, much as I want to be at the gym tonight, chances are I'll head home and into jammies. Much as I want to lift weights and dance, there is probably an 80 percent chance that I'll recline on the sofa instead. I hate that, but I also know the quickest route back to my routine is to give my body time to fight off the sickeness. Which is not fun, but it has to be done. (Hey, I made a rhyme.)

There you have it: my silent plea to the universe to let me get better so I can be at my best. I'll slow down for a few days. But after that, all bets are off.

Fall

The weather has been awesome lately. Leaves are just beginning to turn, the down comforter is back on the bed (perfect for sleeping with the windows open) and it's time to face facts: Autumn is here.

That's not a bad thing. Although in my past life, I hated the passing of summer, over the last few years I have grown to enjoy it. Sure, it means that snow isn't far behind, but I'm okay with it. And in the meantime, I'm going to enjoy the beauty that is here, now.

This year in particular, however, fall seems to be bringing on a myriad of other changes. I'm learning to cope with my favorite instructor leaving the Schaumburg location of my gym, but that's a rough one. She will be back about once a month to teach Salsa/Funk, but my regular check-ins with Donna Thomas are drawing to a close. It feels like a break-up to me, the way it affects my soul. I know it sounds super cheesy, but that's where I'm at. I'm so happy for her, because she is happy; the change will be good for her, for her family and for her life. But for me? It's tough to grasp.

Why? Well, I'll tell ya.

Donna Thomas is a rare broad. She's tough, generous and amazing. I've only trained with her once, but I will never forget it. She was so kind as to give me a session to help me work on hip/leg strength and balance, to help me rehab the injury. It was the toughest hour of my life! She is groovy. The woman can dance! She's private but passionate, feminine but strong. And she believes in me, and my ability to reach my goals.

Losing someone like that - someone who has had an integral part in my physical transformation so far - is going to be rough.

Yet, it's an opportunity. This is a time to grow, to let the ebb and flow of life carry me to something new. To learn, to achieve ... and to carry what Donna has taught me out into the world. To be generous, kind, passionate and strong.

There are some at the gym who are not taking the change well. They are vocally making this all about them. This makes me angry. While I am personally sad, I have to honor my friend by sharing in her excitement. This is not a tragedy; this is just a change. It's not the first, and it won't be the last.

So we transition. From summer to fall. From Donna to John (and anyone else who cares to teach and coach us along). We ebb. We flow.

We dance.

45 and 10

It's September. My birthday month has officially begun. (Yes, I claim the entire month.) But as of yesterday, I was not much in the birthday mood.

I was a little off, for no real reason except things didn't seem like they were coming together. Plans got altered or cancelled altogether, and I was just not feelin' the love. But then, my friend Patty posted a note to my Facebook, just to tell me she thinks I'm awesome. My sister Jenn called, inviting me to the water park. And shortly after that, Mike Rice called, just to check in. See, it's like people just know. At that moment when the tears just seem like more than I can handle, people reach out. They remind me that not only will it all be okay ... it already is, if I'm ready to let it be.

I should be whole all the time by now, I know this. But sometimes, it's hard. Not gonna lie to ya; it's still difficult to remember that, 10 years ago right now, I was in Disney World, preparing for my wedding. A wedding that resulted in a marriage that was over before our fifth anniversary. I offer this up as yet another cautionary tale: Do not ever get married on your birthday, okay?

Sometimes it still hurts. Lately it's more a question of "What the hell was he thinking?" thank "Why wasn't I worthy?" See, I know that I was. I am even moreso now. It's possible that I was simply too awesome to be married to That Guy, and he knew it. So he left me for someone more befitting himself.

And all that is to say, today is a better day. Today I got up and went to the gym, I ran two miles and I lifted some weights, I took a long shower and then I treated myself to a little breakfast. Then, I drove to a little running store and picked up race packets for Monday's 5K. Yes, I will mark my 10-year wedding anniversary by doing something I never thought I could do. I will celebrate my 45th birthday by acknowledging that who I am today is so far removed from who I was 10 years ago, I'm not sure I would recognize her if I passed her on the street.

So yes, today is a better day. Tomorrow will be, too. And Monday? Yeah. Monday's gonna rock.