With apologies to Billy Joel for the title of this post, I just want to let y'all know - in case I haven't been shouting it enough from the rooftops - that I'm leaving in a few days for Hawaii. While I'm there, I doubt most sincerely that I'll be updating the blog.
Instead, I'll be spending a day learning about the culture of the Polynesian islands. I'll tour Pearl Harbor and the Punchbowl Cemetery. I'll visit the Dole Pineapple Plantation, and take a helicopter tour. I'll run through Kapiolani Park and hike Diamond Head, try my luck on a stand-up paddleboard and float down a lazy river.
I will eat hula pie (and hope not to gain weight) and let myself be entranced by the island spirit.
There will be photos upon my return, but for the duration of my trip I will attempt to "unhook" a bit. So until mid-October, be well, and be good to yourself.
Aloha
Thursday, September 27, 2012
Thursday, September 20, 2012
Love
I'm lucky. In a world full of sadness and pain, hatred and animosity, I have a lot of love. I'm also fortunate to have a lot of examples of love, even when it's not directed at me. Families, friends, couples ... the love is so huge, it's immeasurable.
Which makes it all the more tough to take when life takes a turn, and the love - or the life - is over.
In the past week, I've been served up examples of both. A couple I admire, individuals whom I love, are parting ways. It's sad, and yet beautiful the way people can acknowledge that they've grown apart, and move on to create a new, separate happiness. There's honor in that; I can respect it even as I love them both. And I'm fortunate that during my divorce I had examples of folks who did not take sides; I'm grateful for that example, because now I stand poised to offer that same support and love to my friends.
But the true tragedy of the past week is a love that was ripped apart by death. My friend Jack died last weekend after having a heart attack. He was only 58. His death leaves his wife - my friend Sherry - and their college-aged children, Heidi and Jackson, without a larger-than-life guiding force. I cannot imagine how much their souls must be hurting.
I didn't know Jack very well, but I sure did love the man. Back in the late 80s (or was it the early 90s?), my friend Tony asked me to assistant-direct "Cat on a Hot Tin Roof" with him at the Riverfront Playhouse in downtown Aurora. Jack and Sherry were cast as the leads, and I'll tell ya ... Jack scared the piss out of me. He was an intimidating force with a booming voice, full of talent and authority. But what I learned throughout the process is that he was also full of mischief and wonderment, and by the time opening night rolled around, I had completely pulled a 180.
I, like so many others, found him so easy to love.
When faced with loss, even when it's not mine personally, I often find myself taking stock. I accept it as an opportunity to reflect on what's important. Does it matter that people make foolish choices and screw up along life's path? Well, yes, but it's not life or death. Does it matter that I still have several boxes to unpack? No. Does it matter that I have no shorts to take to Hawaii? No, dumbass, you're going to Hawaii, shut up.
What matters, truly, is love. Living in the moment. Doing your best. Letting the people you love know how much you love them, by your actions more than your words. Being kind to people and critters less fortunate than you. If there is one legacy my friend leaves behind, I hope it is that we realize that we can choose where to put our energies. We can focus on the bullshit, or we can focus on love. We can worry about stuff we can't control, or we can concentrate on the relationships that matter to us.
I'm going to do my best. I invite you to join me.
Wednesday, September 12, 2012
Trivial matters
For months now, my old friend Jeff has been inviting me to Tuesday night trivia at Ballydoyle, and Irish pub, in downtown Aurora.
And by "months" I mean months; as in, I think it was a year or more ago that the invitations started. It was just never convenient! And I'll be honest: it's still not convenient. I got home far too late and I'm convinced I'm actually asleep as I write this, but the whole point is ...
It was so worth it.
I arrived at Ballydoyle and was almost immediately enveloped into a hug from DJ. He and I met in Spanish class at Waubonsee Community College. We lost touch years ago, when I was married and just didn't have my shit together. DJ is now the superintendent of schools in Lockport, IL, not far from my job in Joliet. Weird how things sorta realign over time.
Of course Jeff was there, too, and he was acting as host for the evening. He was my editor on the paper when we were at Insight, and my neighbor when we transferred to Eastern. He found me on Facebook awhile back, and I think it's safe to say that even after a lot of time has passed, I love this guy. In some ways, I went off the grid after college. In some ways it was necessary; I needed to get my shit together and figure out how to be on my own. But in others - namely the "I found the man I'm going to spend the rest of my life with" part - I screwed up royally. I let go of friendships and connections that were my lifeline, and I did so willingly. Jeff was one of the people I lost, and I'm so glad he found me again. Earlier this summer, we had the occasion to visit for a few minutes during a town festival. And last night, seated next to him and DJ in an Irish pub in Aurora, it felt like the years just melted away. It mattered. Our shared history mattered.
At the helm of trivia last night was our mutual friend Brett, who was also a Waubonsee grad and an EIU alum. The four of us - the Dream Team, as it were - were joined by Brett's brother Rory, who is (God help me) a firefighter in a nearby town, and Brett's friend Bob, who is funny and awesome. It was like old times with old friends - some of whom only just met - as we sat, contemplated the trivia questions and drank a few pints of Guinness.
In a word, it was awesome. We laughed hysterically at each other, we talked each other right on out of correct answers, and we had a blast. And, we tied for first place! I couldn't have asked for a better night. Three old friends, seated around a table, with two new friends joining the fold, and one of the old crew running the show. Yes, this is what living a good life looks like.
And by "months" I mean months; as in, I think it was a year or more ago that the invitations started. It was just never convenient! And I'll be honest: it's still not convenient. I got home far too late and I'm convinced I'm actually asleep as I write this, but the whole point is ...
It was so worth it.
I arrived at Ballydoyle and was almost immediately enveloped into a hug from DJ. He and I met in Spanish class at Waubonsee Community College. We lost touch years ago, when I was married and just didn't have my shit together. DJ is now the superintendent of schools in Lockport, IL, not far from my job in Joliet. Weird how things sorta realign over time.
Of course Jeff was there, too, and he was acting as host for the evening. He was my editor on the paper when we were at Insight, and my neighbor when we transferred to Eastern. He found me on Facebook awhile back, and I think it's safe to say that even after a lot of time has passed, I love this guy. In some ways, I went off the grid after college. In some ways it was necessary; I needed to get my shit together and figure out how to be on my own. But in others - namely the "I found the man I'm going to spend the rest of my life with" part - I screwed up royally. I let go of friendships and connections that were my lifeline, and I did so willingly. Jeff was one of the people I lost, and I'm so glad he found me again. Earlier this summer, we had the occasion to visit for a few minutes during a town festival. And last night, seated next to him and DJ in an Irish pub in Aurora, it felt like the years just melted away. It mattered. Our shared history mattered.
At the helm of trivia last night was our mutual friend Brett, who was also a Waubonsee grad and an EIU alum. The four of us - the Dream Team, as it were - were joined by Brett's brother Rory, who is (God help me) a firefighter in a nearby town, and Brett's friend Bob, who is funny and awesome. It was like old times with old friends - some of whom only just met - as we sat, contemplated the trivia questions and drank a few pints of Guinness.
In a word, it was awesome. We laughed hysterically at each other, we talked each other right on out of correct answers, and we had a blast. And, we tied for first place! I couldn't have asked for a better night. Three old friends, seated around a table, with two new friends joining the fold, and one of the old crew running the show. Yes, this is what living a good life looks like.
Tuesday, September 11, 2012
Reflecting
It's been 11 years since that fateful day. I, like everyone else, remember vividly the events of 9/11/01 as if it were yesterday. It was my first day back at the office after my wedding and honeymoon. It was supposed to be a joyful re-entry into the workplace. What it became was something else entirely.
Time passed, and the following year found Christopher and I visiting our friends Chris and Janie in Oregon. We spent 9/11/02 with friends who warmed our hearts, and it seemed to make it all better, somehow. The wounds had begun to heal.
It didn't hurt that we spent a good portion of the day listening to Bruce Springsteen's album, "The Rising". If you don't think art can have a profound effect on the human soul, listen to this album. If it doesn't somehow touch you, please get checked; something is wrong with you.
And now, we fast forward to 2012. For me, as for many, it's a different life. I came to work today and marveled at the blue sky, reminded that the weather 11 years ago was eerily similar. I walked onto our beautiful campus and felt grateful for the job, the people I work with, and my friends and family. It's a day to be grateful.
At 8:30, the campus community gathered around our bell tower to share in a memorial ceremony. The sky was blue, and the sun was warm. I stood shoulder to shoulder with colleagues, students and faculty, and I offered up a silent prayer for those we lost that day, and for those we've lost in the years since.
And then, I opened my eyes and raised my head, looking up at the sky just in time to see a plane cross my field of vision. I smiled as a lone tear made its way down my cheek.
Time passed, and the following year found Christopher and I visiting our friends Chris and Janie in Oregon. We spent 9/11/02 with friends who warmed our hearts, and it seemed to make it all better, somehow. The wounds had begun to heal.
It didn't hurt that we spent a good portion of the day listening to Bruce Springsteen's album, "The Rising". If you don't think art can have a profound effect on the human soul, listen to this album. If it doesn't somehow touch you, please get checked; something is wrong with you.
And now, we fast forward to 2012. For me, as for many, it's a different life. I came to work today and marveled at the blue sky, reminded that the weather 11 years ago was eerily similar. I walked onto our beautiful campus and felt grateful for the job, the people I work with, and my friends and family. It's a day to be grateful.
At 8:30, the campus community gathered around our bell tower to share in a memorial ceremony. The sky was blue, and the sun was warm. I stood shoulder to shoulder with colleagues, students and faculty, and I offered up a silent prayer for those we lost that day, and for those we've lost in the years since.
And then, I opened my eyes and raised my head, looking up at the sky just in time to see a plane cross my field of vision. I smiled as a lone tear made its way down my cheek.
Tuesday, September 4, 2012
Balancing act
That's life, really - a balancing act. You balance what's important to you with what must be done ... and hopefully, at times, the two intersect.
The older I get, the better I get at balance. Living a balanced (or somewhat balanced, or almost balanced) life means first figuring out what's important to you, and then living that way.
For years, I said that my health and my financial well-being were at the top of my list of values - right up there with friends and family. But did I walk my own talk? No ma'am; I said it, but I didn't live it. So when the opportunity came to join a gym a few (okay, six) years ago, I took the leap and I never looked back. That decision had a profound effect on my ability to achieve balance in that part of my life. As for finances, well ... that's been more of a challenge, but not a bad one, really. Especially now, because I'm living rent-free while I save to buy my own place, I am able to achieve and remain in balance.
So the true challenge is making sure I spend time with the people I value. That point was driven home over the weekend by a visit to Wisconsin that turned into an opportunity to celebrate my birthday with a near birthday-twin, and while up there, help out a friend who wasn't feeling well.
Does it take effort to road-trip north of the border for a weekend? Yes. It takes time and gas, plus a good playlist. But is it worth it? Again, yes; hell yes, in fact. The journey northward takes me to people who fill my soul with love and my belly with bread and cheese. I come home with a new freckle on my nose from time in the sun, and sore abdominals from laughing. And I get to feel like I've made a contribution, small though it may be, to people who matter.
It's the best kind of balance there is, and it makes for a return to work (or "re-entry", as I call it) that's a little nostalgic, wishing I had a bit more weekend. Which, I guess, is a sign that balance has been achieved.
The older I get, the better I get at balance. Living a balanced (or somewhat balanced, or almost balanced) life means first figuring out what's important to you, and then living that way.
For years, I said that my health and my financial well-being were at the top of my list of values - right up there with friends and family. But did I walk my own talk? No ma'am; I said it, but I didn't live it. So when the opportunity came to join a gym a few (okay, six) years ago, I took the leap and I never looked back. That decision had a profound effect on my ability to achieve balance in that part of my life. As for finances, well ... that's been more of a challenge, but not a bad one, really. Especially now, because I'm living rent-free while I save to buy my own place, I am able to achieve and remain in balance.
So the true challenge is making sure I spend time with the people I value. That point was driven home over the weekend by a visit to Wisconsin that turned into an opportunity to celebrate my birthday with a near birthday-twin, and while up there, help out a friend who wasn't feeling well.
Does it take effort to road-trip north of the border for a weekend? Yes. It takes time and gas, plus a good playlist. But is it worth it? Again, yes; hell yes, in fact. The journey northward takes me to people who fill my soul with love and my belly with bread and cheese. I come home with a new freckle on my nose from time in the sun, and sore abdominals from laughing. And I get to feel like I've made a contribution, small though it may be, to people who matter.
It's the best kind of balance there is, and it makes for a return to work (or "re-entry", as I call it) that's a little nostalgic, wishing I had a bit more weekend. Which, I guess, is a sign that balance has been achieved.
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