I'm a bit overcome with all kinds of bittersweet emotions. Home from Princess weekend, I've hung up my long-run shoes for awhile. It's expensive to Run Disney, and I have different financial priorities right now, so I have to let the crazy running plans take a back seat to moving into my own place and re-certifying my independence. I figure in a few years, it will be time to re-evaluate, but for now, this princess has hung up her glass slippers.
The raw emotion of this race just fills me up. It's one of those things I was never really sure I could do, and then I did it, and then I did it again, and then I did it again. It's pretty awesome to prove something to yourself.
I'll be honest: this race was tough for two reasons. First, because I ran the 10K and the half knowing I was saying "so long" to Run Disney for awhile, and second (and most importantly) because I wasn't as well prepared for the races as I needed to be, and therefore I failed to meet my goals.
I didn't fail, per se, but I didn't do what I wanted to do. I didn't train as hard throughout the full cycle, and I screwed up big time, nutritionally speaking. (I mean, a sundae the day before the half? Not my smartest move.) I finished, even when I didn't think I could (lots of biological stops!) and I got my medals, but not the way I wanted to. It just wasn't my race.
It's obvious from the photos, honestly. They're a little depressing. I look happy; I'm smiling, like I'm supposed to. But I look terrible. I look heavy.
Because I am heavy.
Still carrying Christmas weight, and it's almost March. If I'm not careful, I'm going to become a full-fledged fat girl all over again. And that scares me.
So here I am, back in Illinois (aka the frozen tundra) and back to figuring my shit out. I have a few races (a 5K and a sprint tri) to train for, and it's time to get serious. Because life is short, and I don't want mine to be full of pictures of the fat girl. I don't need to be perfect (thank heaven) and I certainly don't want to be skinny ... but healthy? Toned? Yes. Those are worthwhile goals.
Goals worthy of a princess.