Heavy is my heart. I love my town (are you tired of hearing about that already?) and I am so completely in love with the life I have built for myself here. But here's the real shocker:
I am completely, utterly in love with the person I have become here. I am, now more than ever, completely, utterly Maggie. I got to know who I am here. I acknowledged the parts I didn't like, and then ...
I changed them.
Here, I became an athlete. I am a runner, a swimmer and a cyclist. I am a triathlete, and a half-marathoner. (And I'm only half crazy!)
Here, I became a divorcee. He left because I had changed. I'm pretty sure he wouldn't recognize me today, and that's fine by me. Maggie 2.0 would likely have nothing to do with him, anyway. Suck it.
Here, I became a better friend. My world expanded, and I grew a sort of misfit family. We became a place in which not fitting in makes you fit in. I love that.
Here, I became a cook. Dabbling in the kitchen, I created odd things like curried popcorn and peanut chicken soup, and perfect things like grilled cheese direct from heaven (I am so not lying about that) and green tea ice cream. I flexed my kitchen muscles here.
And here, I became strong enough to take this life, and put it somewhere else. During a recent freak-out, my friend Eric put it this way:
"The life you have built out of nothing is still your life. Think of it like transplanting a plant. It can't grow any more in the flower pot - so you move it to the garden. And I know you, Margaret. You will find your little spot anywhere. You will find your little stores and coffee shops and park benches. You will find the magic wherever you go. The hidden treasures. You will find the things that are your little secret to share with people you care about. There are very few people at good at life as I think you are."I never thought of me in that way - being "good at life" - but I think he's right. I know he's right. The next chapter will be interesting. It will be bumpy. It will be fun and stupid and ridiculous, but it will be well-lived, too.
So now, as my friend Janie puts it, it's time to leap and trust that the net will appear.