Ten on Tuesday

This is my last post for 2009, so I'm doing a bit of "year in review." It was a year of growth, which pretty much means it wasn't an easy one, but I'm glad to have had it, because the future looks pretty good from where I sit.

1. I went through the process of filing bankruptcy. It's not something I'm terribly proud of; in fact, I've carried my share of shame over it. But I discovered, the more I was just willing to accept it and move on, the more I was able to respect myself.
2. The people who have been by my side through the ordeal of filing have been wonderful. From Emily who stayed with me overnight when my electricity was shut off to Shakespeare who reminded me that it sucks and it's scary but I have a choice in how my life goes, from Eric who listened to me cry over the phone and offered me every penny he had (which was roughly $7.83) to my dad who gave me great advice and encouragement, from friends near to friends far, I've known I'm not in this alone. Thank you.
3. My friends Jessica and Adam, along with yours truly, founded a not-for-profit organization this year. Choose Awesome is dedicated to reminding people that they have a say in how life goes ... and we might as well choose awesome. If you haven't already, check out our Web site or our Facebook page. We'd love to count you among our fans.
4. I took a week's vacation this year to have my gallbladder removed. Worst. Vacation. Ever. I'm glad it's gone, but I hated the process. And the scars are still ugly.
5. I had my share of out-of-town guests this year. Chris, Janie and Liam Early stayed with me during the Chicago portion of their vacation from the Pacific Northwest, and Mike and Racheal were here the week before Thanksgiving. And for a few months, I had a semi-permanent houseguest while my friend Em looked for the perfect place to call home in Chicago. Every time someone I love comes into this place and makes him or herself at home, it becomes even more of a home to me, too. Y'all come back, now, ya hear?
6. I've discovered some of life's greatest simple pleasures, not the least of which is enjoying the smell of bread baking. No, I don't do it by hand, but the bread that's baking in my bread machine right now is enough to put a smile on anyone's face. I make bread almost every week, because it's delicious, and because it's so much cheaper than the crap you can buy at the store.
7. I sold my car. I'm still looking for a replacement, but in the meanwhile, I'm grateful to my sister Kathie for allowing me to drive her Jeep. I really don't want to give it back!
8. I discovered Millennium Park. I can't believe how simple it is to get there; you get off the train, you walk a mile, and you're there. It's heavenly. I can hardly wait for summer, so I can get back to my lawn, my stream, my bean ...
9. Even more today than when this year began, I believe my father is the finest man in the world. While it's true that I am fortunate to have many amazing men in my life, my dad is just the best. He can be gruff and frank, but he's also got the kindest heart in the universe. Glenn Bieritz doesn't give up on anybody, and I'm fortunate to call him Dad.
10. As for 2010, I have a few dreams and goals. I'm hopeful that once I get back on my gym regimen (this bronchitis has kept me to a very understated schedule) I'll be able to focus again on my health, and continue the trend toward taking care of myself. I need to buy a car - hopefully one that I'll be happy in for at least a couple of years while I save for the car I really want. And I'd like to travel a bit. Summer may find me in France, thanks to a dear friend having family there, and I'll surely spend a few weekends in Wisconsin and I'd really like to get back to Arizona. You can trust that, wherever you are, I'd like to be there, too. I can't do everything, but if France pans out, I'll send you a postcard.

Here's to the year we leave behind, and here's to the year ahead. Much love as we move ever forward, toward the best year yet.

Ten on Tuesday

1. It's almost Christmas. This year has been very different. No baking, no shopping, and very little knitting. I haven't felt up to much, but it has been very enjoyable. Things do seem to work out the way they're supposed to.
2. I'm beyond ready to start not feeling like crap. Unfortunately, my body disagrees. I went to the gym last night for an hour of cardio and wound up feeling like crap on a cracker. Taking it very slowly from here on in.
3. Over the weekend, I made chicken enchiladas in pumpkin sauce. Probably the best thing to come out of my kitchen, ever. I'm quite proud. And hungry.
4. Spending Christmas this year at my friend Linda's, because my family isn't getting together until Sunday and I'm just not up to much travel. I'm honestly looking forward to life slowing down a bit and just taking it easy. Although I do have to bake some cookies.
5. One of my co-workers brought me homemade raspberry jam that his wife made from berries she picked herself. I can hardly wait to go home and eat some! And may I say, with rare exception, I am incredibly lucky to work with such an amazing group of talented people. And no, they do not have access to the blog, so I'm not sucking up.
6. 2009 was not a good year to be a celebrity. Man, they were droppin' like flies! Further proof that you just don't know what the future holds, and life is too damn short to live with fear, resentment or worry. Just live.
7. Snow. We have it. I'm determined to go sledding this year.
8. I believe in Santa Claus.
9. The office is closed on Christmas Eve. I like this, because Christmas Eve is my favorite day of the entire year. Ever since I was a kid, I've found Christmas Eve to be more magical than any other day. I'll be having breakfast with my friend Di, a tradition we started back in 1997. We agreed back then that each year, Christmas Eve would bring us together for a meal. It's one of those days that usually isn't full of plans. Even when she lived in Boston, we still got together for Christmas Eve. It's one of those things I can count on, no matter what.
10. I feel like I'm circling back to the beginning of this list, but really ... this year is different. Some of the change is good, and some difficult. Perhaps I'll always miss going to church with my family at 11 p.m. Christmas Eve, and getting out at midnight, knowing Christmas was here. Perhaps I'll always miss my mom, frosting the coffee cake at well past the last minute for Christmas breakfast. And perhaps I'll always miss the little things - our green felt stockings, decorating the big tree in the front yard, and buying presents for the dog. This year is different. This year is taking a little effort to enjoy. But this is Christmas, and I'm determined to celebrate ... differently, but with all I've got.

Ten on Tuesday

1. I have bronchitis. I've never had bronchitis. I don't much like it. I started feeling fatigued on December 2. Felt like I was coming down with a sore throat on December 4. Finally went to the doctor on December 14. I'm beyond ready to be feeling better, but I need to give the drugs a few days to work their magic.
2. I'm glad I got my Christmas decorations up before I got sick, otherwise I might not have put them up at all. I have gotten zero baking done (except for the two batches I did on December 3, which were for an open house) and not a lot of knitting, either. But at least while I'm laying on the couch feeling like poop, there are twinkly lights to make me smile.
3. General Foods International Coffees now makes a Chai Latte, and it's really good. I can't bear to spend $4.50 at Starbucks when I can an entire tin of something this tasty for less than that. Delish!
4. I hate Celine Dion. Her whiney voice ruins my favorite Christmas songs.
5. That being said, I don't think anything could possibly be better than "A Charlie Brown Christmas" by Vince Guaraldi. Christmas perfection!
6. I haven't been to the gym in a week and I'm feeling very sloth-like. I'm hoping to feel up to a good workout by the end of the week.
7. I love the biscuits from Red Lobster. However, I have learned to make a reasonable equivalent at home. Use the Drop Biscuit recipe on the side of a box of Bisquick. Add to it a handful of shredded cheddar cheese when you mix the dough, and drop them onto your baking sheet in heaping spoonfuls. Then, before baking, glaze them with a mixture of melted butter and garlic. I've used fresh garlic (chopped really finely) and garlic powder, and both taste delicious. Bake according to the directions and enjoy. If you're like me, you'll enjoy an entire batch in a single evening.
8. I'm beginning to get the hang of this whole budgeting thing. It isn't easy, and sometimes I fall off the wagon. Sometimes I can't remember where I put the wagon. Sometimes I just want to buy a new wagon. But most of the time, I feel like I've got a handle on it and I trust myself with money again. It's a good feeling.
9. Still on my quest to find the perfect car at the perfect price. Hope to have this project finished before Christmas, because I think my sister will appreciate the gift of her car back!
10. Flannel sheets are still one of my greatest winter pleasures. Now factor in a cup of hot apple cider laced with cinnamon schnapps while cuddled under those same sheets and you have a perfect night ... even though it's just me and the cat!

Ten on Tuesday

It's been awhile since I posted one of these. Actually, I've been a little lax on the blogging of late, and if I don't start getting back to the routine, people are going to start referring to me as "Becky." So I figure one of my goals for 2010 will be to update - really update - weekly. But why wait?

1. The bankruptcy was discharged. I have been cleared of all my debt, with the exception of my student loan and one year of Illinois taxes that the Ex was supposed to have "taken care of." I think his idea of "taken care of" meant filing and forgetting. I'm hoping to get him to pay for at least half of it. It's the least he can do after I cashed in about $10k in investments when he moved up here and had no job and needed a car and money to live on. Not that I'm bitter, mind you, but I'll be damned if I'm gonna pony up 100 percent of an expense he was supposed to take care of. I look a lot less like a doormat these days, don't you think?
2. Hot apple cider and a shot of Captain Morgan really makes me happy. I have this nasty cough, but the Apple Captain makes me feel all better.
3. I think I found a car. It's a 2001 Cherokee - not grand, just a Cherokee, and not my soft-top Wrangler, either. Now is not the time to have my dream car. Now is the time to buy what I can afford and get used to the idea of owing someone a little bit of money for a car I will enjoy driving. I hope it's still at the dealer when I get the time to go visit it. Cross your fingers!
4. It's becoming much more of a reflex for me to decide to be happy, and focus on the good instead of the things that make me want to poke myself in the eye with my knitting needles. So many of the people I run into in my daily life are hell to live with during the snowy season, and today I just kept thinking, "You live in Chicago, one of the most beautiful cities in the world. Snow does not come as a surprise. Snow comes with the territory. If you don't like it, move." From my window right now, the snow is heavy in the branches of the tree right outside and a blanket of white covers everything as far as I can see. It is beautiful and perfect and I wouldn't have it any other way.
5. Cancer sucks. My friend Jon's partner Steven just discovered cancer of the esophagus just a month or so after they got back from their honeymoon. (And let me tell you, the gay boys know how to throw a wedding!) My sister is hoping for good news after the bone marrow biopsy last week; please let the leukemia be in complete remission! And I know there are more that I just don't know about. For anyone who has battled this horrible disease, or loves someone who has, I salute your strength.
6. Speaking of strength, I've been weight training more. Maybe that explains why the weight isn't dropping off on the scale ... or maybe that's because I've also been baking cookies. Either way, I'm starting to find my muscles. I like it. There's a six pack in there; it's just behind the keg.
7. A few weeks ago, my Tucson family was here. After they left, I went through the process of decorating for Christmas. It made me miss them more and drew them closer to me, all at the same time. When I'm on the phone with them and I hear Kaylee's voice, it just fills me with glee. So many babies have come into my life since that time four years ago when Christopher drifted away ... so many signs that there is life after love ... so many little beings who call me Auntie. I am the luckiest person I know.
8. Sometimes members of my actual family make me want to bang my head against a very large brick wall.
9. Have you seen those candles with the wood wick? They sound like a fire when you burn them. It's a little disconcerting, until you get used to it, but it's really cool!
10. I'm not shopping this year. At all. I'm knitting a few tiny projects, but I'm not buying anything for anyone. This is not the year for Maggie to be spendy; if I've learned anything in 2010 it's that the people who love me don't want stuff - they want me, whole and healthy, in their lives. So, you've got me! Do not shake before opening!
    

So This is Christmas

This year, I refrained from listening to Christmas until after Thanksgiving. It's started to really get on my nerves the way businesses seem to want to push us right past back-to-school and into Christmas. (Target, by the way, has signage that reads "Merry Christmas," in addition to other greetings. Whatever you celebrate, I hope yours is happy!) I waged a one-woman crusade against losing Thanksgiving in the shuffle, and it feels so good now to be in December and have Christmas be fresh.

And so here I am, poised for another Christmas. I'm not shopping this year; the budget simply won't have it. I'm doing a little baking, a little knitting, and a lot of enjoying. It's a nice change. Last night, after the lights were all hung, I just sat there, cup of nog in hand, and let it all was over me. The music, the lights, the spirit. I looked down from my third-floor window and saw a couple walking their dog look up at my window; they smiled and waved in that way that makes you realize no one is a stranger at Christmas.

And so it's different, but then it's not. My focus isn't on purchases at all, because I'm just not making any (except for a few pounds of butter for the cookies.) It's on surrounding myself with the people I love and letting the season unfold.

As I write this, the first snowflakes of the year are dancing outside my window, as if to say, "Hey, it's December in Chicago. I'm here! Love me!" And I'm smiling because this year, I'm going to enjoy it. Every moment, even the chilly ones, carries with it infinite possibilities.

May your December be filled with light and hope. May your Christmas bring you joy beyond measure. May you know that you are loved.

Son of Haiku

Christmastime is here
I need to put up my tree
Effing tangled lights