Ten - May 26, 2010

1. I relented and put my little window air conditioner in the ... well, doy ... window. The temp climbed into the upper 80s this week, and from my swanky penthouse, it gets pretty steamy. Even with the a/c a'runnin', I can't get it cooler than 75 degrees. But there's a break coming, so it'll be off before we know it. And either way, I'm not complaining. I complain all winter long; I don't bitch in the summer.
2. Green tea mixed with lemonade is completely delicious. Occasionally, I add a splash of lime-infused rum, which just ups the anty a little bit. Tasty.
3. My nose is completely stuffed. I miss breathing. Actually, it's not so bad, except when I'm trying to sleep. I love sleeping, and I hate breathing through my mouth. Icky! Wah.
4. I spent the day last Sunday with the Ludena family - Polly, my old theater friend, her husband Marc, and their three kids - Ross (my Godson), Jack and Ro. Such sweet awesome people; love them! And the boys wanted nothing more than to ride in the back of Aunt Maggie's Jeep. Life is good. Got to see Ross and Jack in their program at church, have lunch with the family, and then see Ross and Jack in their piano recital. Their teacher was my Junior High choir director. (Cue the creepy animatronic puppets; it is a small world!) Had a blast, love the kids, and I really love the way old friends can come back to each other no matter how much time has passed.
5. Memorial Day weekend. Well, hello, summer ... you look good.
6. Boo-yah! At what age am I no longer allowed to say it? It's just so much fun!
7. On the financial front, may I have a drumroll please? I am no longer in default on my student loan. Within a few months, something good will actually be reported to the credit reporting agencies on my behalf. It's been awhile ... boo-yah.
8. There are storms in the forecast tonight. Yummy.
9. Today is my mom's birthday. She would have been 79. She was a witty, wonderful, wacky woman. I miss her every day ... even more during baseball season.
10. I don't believe ignorance is bliss. Ignorance is the one trait that really makes me crazy, because it's a choice. A little research makes all the difference between ignorant and not-so.
    

Habits - the good and the bad

I walked at lunch today. The sky is a clear and perfect shade of cerulean. The breeze is warm. The trees are brilliantly green and the two-mile trail is almost free of water after the flooding last week.

I go every day, at around noon, as long as there isn't a torrential downpour. It feels good. It's a welcome break from sitting at my desk. I smile almost the entire way. Today, I walked by myself because my walking buds were either busy or late, so I had time to myself to think. And I thought to myself, "This walking thing is a pretty good habit."

It's not something I've done on purpose. It started out as just a way to break up the day. It wasn't my intention to create a habit, but if you do something often enough, regularly enough, it just sort of happens.

As I rounded the first curve, around the pond at the corner of Devon and Mittel, I came to the harsh realization that that is simply the way life works. Do something often enough, regularly enough, and you have yourself a habit.

Which probably explains the low self-confidence I've battled my entire life, or why the bad stuff is easier to believe, even if I'm the only one saying it. It's a habit. I've habitually let myself believe the worst, and I've kept repeating to myself over and over.

You're not good enough. You're too heavy. You're not pretty. Your head is too big. (Okay, that one is true.) You don't deserve it. Everyone else is better, smarter, prettier and/or more talented than you.

I've heard the whispers. Most of them are mine; I am a master of self-doubt. But today, I heard other voices. You walk fast. You are powerful. You could totally knock the crap out of that creepy old runner guy. I'm going to start listening to them; that's a habit I'd like to cultivate.

Change ... it isn't always for the better

I have this friend who really isn't much of a friend any more.

I felt bad about it for awhile, until I realized I really didn't like him any more. Not the "like" of a 13-year-old girl, mind you ... nothing remotely romantic here. He'd just changed, and he's no longer someone I want to spend time with.

This particular friend thinks that, depending on the circumstances of the day, it's okay to cut in line. To basically step in front of 30 or so other people and put himself first. I confronted him; he told me I was wrong. He apologized, but only as a way to open up the conversation again.

Then he called me a bully. He told me people are afraid to call me out when I do things wrong. He should meet my sisters. Hell, he should meet most of my true friends.

Which got me to thinking ... first of all, he doesn't really know me. Second, he's just not the kind of person I like to spend my time with. I don't feel any particular animosity toward him, I just don't want to be in his toxic presence.

I worry, because I know he talks to other people I know. But my friends know better. The people who know me are above this seventh-grade bullshit. So I'm at peace, because I've grown beyond friendship with this person. And there's something quite freeing about that.

Second star to the right

There are lots of bloggers out there. There are a few bloggers who dedicate themselves to evaluating community theater in our area. I tend to disagree with either their assessments (because they are self-important blowhards) or their ethics (because they accept free tickets).

So, just this once, I'm going to use this space to publish a review. While I'm not a national champion actor (whatever that is) nor currently theatrically active in any capacity other than audience member, I believe my opinions are valid.

Last night, I saw K-Pax at the Geneva Underground Playhouse (GUP). I went with a group of friends who gathered at Bistro Thai two blocks East of the theater beforehand. (I won't review the restaurant here, but trust me ... try the yellow curry.)

The GUP is quickly becoming one of my favorite venues to see a show. It's small, so you experience performances in a way few theaters allow. And with a show like K-Pax, it's perfect.

K-Pax tells the story of Prot (Scott Surowieki), an alien from the planet K-Pax. A kinder, gentler planet, if you will. Prot finds himself admitted to Ward Two of a mental institution, and here we meet not only his psychiatrist, Dr. Gene Brewer (Pat Able) but the other patients in the ward as well.

And I just told a lie. I said K-Pax is the story of Prot, but I really don't believe that. K-Pax is about what you, the audience member, decide it's about. You get to decide. Is it about mental illness? The fragility of the human condition? Going beyond ourselves? All I can say is ... yes.

Surowieki relishes this role. There are moments when he seems to devour it ... literally. His approach to his character is full-on acceptance of who Prot thinks he is. Able, as Dr. Brewer, has the unique ability to blend in and let the character of Prot be the star of the scene. This, in my opinion, is the mark of a truly great actor - someone who is willing to fade and let his fellow cast member shine. Particularly difficult when only the two men are on the stage, yet Able does it with a grace not often seen ... at least not by me. His portrayal of Brewer (a character, incidentally, named after the playwright) provides the audience with an understanding of the comfort level his patients have with him. If I didn't know he were an actor, I'd hire him to listen to my problems. (Dr., I have this rage thing against certain bloggers ... )

The first resident of Ward Two isn't a patient, but nurse Betty McAllister (Angelicque Cate). Cate brought to her character facets of many different medical professionals I've met throughout life - the nurse who comforted me and the doctor who sympathized with me over loss, to name a few. Cate's portrayal made me believe she cares about her patients. And when there was a moment of levity, Cate seamlessly helped us find the laugh.

The other residents of the ward include Chuck (Steve Lord); Ernie (Russ Devereaux); Bess (Angela Bend); and Howie (Peter Lemongelli). We watch their stories unfold as Prot gets to know them, and there are some stellar performances here. Lord shows his comedy chops and his tender side as we learn of Chuck's losses and yearnings for more. Devereaux introduces you to Ernie in a way that breaks your heart and then puts it back together again as he faces his fear and moves past it. Way past it. Bend beautifully embodies the impact violence has had on Bess, and soon you find yourself rooting for her the same way Prot seems to be.

And then there's Howie. Lemongelli moved me to applause and to tears almost simultaneously with his portrayal of this damaged soul. Howie is a jewel just preparing to shine.

Actually, that description works for every patient of Ward Two. And it's Prot who points them toward their next steps, who ties the story together and who shows the impact one person can have on the lives of others.

The character of reporter Giselle Griffen (Kathy Richardson) is introduced in Act I, and I'm still not sure why. She doesn't move the story forward a great deal, and she doesn't help us understand the other characters. But Richardson has taken her character and created someone who, while possibly a candidate for Ward Two herself, is searching for her story as she writes it. There's a little bit of all of us in Giselle.

This is a true ensemble show, and the cast is a true ensemble. While Lemongelli gives a standout performance, he doesn't overshadow his castmates. What we have here is a collection of actors who clearly care more about their story - and each other - than they do about personally stealing any moment of any scene. I attribute this to great casting, great directing and quite simply great people. I'd like to have coffee with each and every actor in K-Pax.

Was there anything I didn't like? To be honest, scene changes dragged a bit. There aren't great transformations to be made on the set, and the show would flow more effortlessly if these could be tightened up. And while it was a tiny bit obvious that some dialogue was bungled early on during the May 14 performance, I have no doubt that the actors will correct this before their next performance; those errors generally happen only once. And while I'm on the subject, it did not go unnoticed that the actors steered the story right back on track, while including all the important information and remaining flawlessly in character the entire time.

So take my advice. See K-Pax. Let yourself be moved.

The fine print: I am not an unbiased critic. Several members of the cast are friends of mine. I've known the director since we were both young (and quite adorable, I might add). But I am also a very honest, very critical audience member. If I had the money, I'd pay for your ticket.

Ten on Tuesday - May 11 edition

1. Dull girl? Not a chance, but there’s a risk of life becoming (almost) all work these days. Lots of projects. Lots of deadlines. Lots of me pulling my hair out (which isn’t pretty because, let’s face it, at my age it’s already starting to thin.) But I’m capable, and I know where the coffeepot is. I’ll get through it; you just might not hear a lot from me until July.
2. I walked at lunch today, even though it was raining.
3. The Code stands strong. I have an ethical code that runs along my spine, and when challenged, Maggie gets cranky. My challenge is to learn to respect people whose ethical boundaries differ from my own. It’s not easy. That’s why they call it a challenge.
4. I hate my mattress and my couch. And my budget, which doesn’t currently allow for replacement. Not looking for a solution, just venting.
5. I love ending the day with a hot cup of something. Maybe it’s just because the nights lately have been super-chilly, but when 10 p.m. approaches and there’s cocoa or tea or decaf in my cup, I’m a happy woman.
6. Ground flax seed has the consistency of potting soil, but it makes my yogurt stick to my ribs so I’ll keep eating it.
7. Edy’s makes a S’mores flavor ice cream. You should eat it.
8. I spent Mother’s Day with my dad, and Patrick’s family. (Not at the same time, but in that order.) It was a lovely day. It was the first time being without Mom on Mother’s Day really hit me, maybe because this year we didn’t gather as a family. But it was good. It was exactly how it should have been. Time with Dad is a strong connection to family, and to the woman who was my mother. Time with Patrick’s family is loud and accompanied by great food. What more could you ask for?
9. Last week, co-worker Lisa and I put together some displays of jewelry and she photographed them for our magazine. We created something really quite pretty, and useful. It reminded me of the last-minute photo shoots for the feature page at the Daily Eastern News … except not.
10. When the money is tight, there’s nothing better than cheap food, shared with friends. Hell, that’s true even when the money isn’t tight.

A kinder, gentler driver

I love driving my car.

Tell me when you get tired of hearing that.

But I think the best part is that whole Wrangler brotherhood thing. Or sisterhood, what with the boobs and all. The Wrangler kinship, I'll call it.

It's simple, and I've written about it before - the way most Wrangler drivers acknowledge one another as we drive past. Most of the time, it's a wave. Often, it's a peace sign. Occasionally, it's a salute. I've even had a few blown kisses. (Incidentally, to date, every single Wrangler driver who has not offered some sort of greeting was driving what I consider the non-Wrangler. The four-door yuppified version. So it doesn't really count.)

Anyway, it always makes me smile, and today I got to really thinking about it. How cool is it that having one thing in common - the car we drive - makes us treat each other kindly? How incredible that we intentionally greet one another, simply because we all share a certain fondness for a particular type of automobile.

So here's what I'm thinkin': start waving at cars like yours. Drive a minivan? Be proud! Wave at other minivans! Own that mustang and wave at your fellow enthusiasts! Be truly edgy: drive a mercury Grand Marquis like my 80-year-old dad, and start waving at others who drive them.

Sure, most people will think you're a special kind of nutso. But ... what if it caught on?

It's been quite a week

I have never been quite so happy for Friday to come along. This week has absolutely kicked my ass. Anything that could possibly have gone wrong, has gone wrong. Some things that could not have gone wrong went wrong just to spite me.

Yeah, it's been one of those weeks.

And yet, I'm still smiling. I took my lumps - and there were plenty. As I told a co-worker this morning, there's plenty of room on the blame train for all of us, so let's just get on, ride to the next station, and leave the damn thing behind us.

Suffice it to say that I'm exhausted, and there's no real end in sight. Until maybe July-ish.

The best part is, even through the mayhem, I've kept my sense of humor. I've listened to good music, taken my lunchtime walks and left work on time every day but one. I've made it to the gym for all my regular classes. And today, co-worker Lisa and I walked to Dairy Queen at lunchtime. There's something quite decadent about eating ice cream in the middle of one's mid-day workout, don't you think?

I'm not saying it hasn't been a challenge. Au contraire, mon cher ... it's been moment to moment sometimes, in this quest to Choose Awesome. But I've done okay. And there's only one day left! I can see Friday from here, and I'm pretty damn happy about that.