Sunday, July 18, 2010

Wee victory

Yesterday, my friend Krista got married.

Weddings are important events, and I believe when one is invited to one, it is an honor and a privilege. But in the midst of my monumental pity-pot breakdown yesterday afternoon, I almost lost sight of that fact. I almost gave in to the panic in my heart and stayed home.

See, sometimes I look in the mirror and shudder. I have never been a fan of my reflection. And yesterday, I wanted to feel pretty. I didn't. I had that shell-shocked paralysis that almost kept me home, instead. I sat on my bed and began to text the bride, explaining that I was unable to make it because I just didn't feel up to it.

I didn't feel up to it? As I keyed the words into my phone and read them back, I was shocked at myself. Half of life, after all, is in the showing up. It's about being there for the moments that matter - the big ones, like weddings, and the little ones, too. I want to be someone who shows up.
So I put on my best denim, having been assured that anything we were comfortable would be acceptable for this most eclectic gathering, and I took of for the train.

Along my journey, two friends called out of the blue - almost as if the universe wanted to reassure me that I was loved, no matter how I might feel about myself in that moment.

I arrived at the art gallery (yes, I have friends who get married in art galleries. How cool is THAT?) and wandered around, meeting the groom and wishing the gorgeous bride the best and eventually meeting up with some friends. And ya know what? They didn't seem to notice that I wasn't having a beautiful day. They only seemed to care that I was there, and that we were together to celebrate this day.

It was a hard day, one that found me almost constantly on the brink of tears, but that was okay. Everyone cries at weddings, right? And in the end, there was so much joy. I hope to remember last night as a moment when I wanted desperately to hide in a corner, and I chose awesome instead, and found myself letting go of all the things that would have kept me home as the evening progressed. It was a small victory, but a victory nonetheless.

My stunningly beautiful and talented co-workers - Cinthya, me, Bonnie, Bev, Kyra and Brienne.


Anonymous said...

She Walks In Beauty
--Lord Byron

She walks in beauty, like the night
Of cloudless climes and starry skies;
And all that's best of dark and bright
Meet in her aspect and her eyes:
Thus mellowed to that tender light
Which heaven to gaudy day denies.

One shade the more, one ray the less,
Had half impaired the nameless grace
Which waves in every raven tress,
Or softly lightens o'er her face;
Where thoughts serenely sweet express
How pure, how dear their dwelling place.

And on that cheek, and o'er that brow,
So soft, so calm, yet eloquent,
The smiles that win, the tints that glow,
But tell of days in goodness spent,
A mind at peace with all below,
A heart whose love is innocent!


You are more beautiful today than I've ever seen you.

The beauty & grace that pours out of you comes across in all that you say & do.

Don't despair, we all have Platypus days.

Know that you are loved, both near and far.

Know that you are cherished.

Know that you are beautiful.

Janie said...

You did better than I did. I couldn't find my courage on Saturday to say the hell with it and leave town on my own with Liam in tow. Taking him overnight on my own quadruples my work load and much as I wanted to visit my friend Mary . . . I just couldn't work up the stamina for it. :(

What I really want to do is go visit someone who just wants to see me and doesn't care if Liam is along or home with Daddy.

maggie said...

Kim - thanks. I less than three you!

Janie - can you catch a flight? I would love to see you!