Sunday, January 27, 2008

Me, reflected in people I love

You know how when you look in a three-way mirror, you never look as good as you thought you did? Maybe it's the lighting, maybe it's the angles, maybe it's you, but it never shows you your good side. It's different, though, when you see yourself reflected in loved ones. This reflection is like the very best fun-house mirror - you're instantly prettier, thinner, and yes even smarter than you were before you gazed upon that reflection.

This weekend, I was fortunate to spend time with four amazing women - Di, Kelly, Aubri and Amber. These past two days were just what I needed - a gentle wake-up call to be good to myself.

While I was at Di's, we looked through some of the new clothing in the line she sells. I shunned the notion that any of the pieces belonged in my wardrobe, and as I heard myself talking, I realized the sad truth. It's hard to hear yourself say that you don't deserve beautiful things. And let's face it, I didn't wake up today with a whole new set of beliefs, but at least I'm aware. And I've got my eye on this amazing brown jacket.

Then Kelly and Aubri arrived, because we were spending the night at "High School Musical on Ice." (Incidentally, I was pleasantly surprised at the wonderful production, and I'm planning to see the professional bullriders at the same venue in April. The bulls, incidentally, will not be skating.) Aubri remembered helping me move into my apartment, and at that time it was all blank walls and boxes and hope. She told me several times while she was here that she likes my home, and coming from a 13-year-old girl, that really meant something. The three of us had a great time, including bop bop bopping to the top, laughing over 10 p.m. breakfast at iHop, and being treated to breakfast in bed. (Aubri makes a mean eggs Benedict. And by "eggs Benedict" I mean "Pop Tart.")

And then today, Amber came over to watch a movie and chill with some girl time. We took a walk around downtown and I got to show her some of my favorite spots. We talked, watched a movie that still has me thinking (have you ever seen "Frailty"?) and had dinner fresh from my crock pot. I love that she will drive 45 minutes to hang out with me.

All these people, all these experiences, bring me to the realization that I am loved, by these four woman and by a solid handful of others living near and far. And if they love me, maybe it's time I start doing a little better job of that myself. Maybe it's time to believe that I deserve the happiness, love and hope that I once thought I had.

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