Thursday, July 26, 2007

Cranky is as cranky does

While driving to work this morning, I looked in the rearview mirror. The car behind me was following so closely I almost couldn't see it. But then it came into focus - a red two-door Ford Escort (with a black hood for the sake of variety) and a really angry woman at the wheel. So intent was she with maintaining near contact with my bumper, I thought she actually wanted to ride inside the Jeep.

I breathed a sigh of relief when she turned off.

But then, of course, she turned up again in my rear-view mirror, looking even angrier this time. (This isn't a picture of her, but it is a reasonable facsimile.) All I could do was laugh - ha ha, you pathetic weasel, your feindish plot to take a shortcut was thwarted by my superior wit and guile!

Quick as a flash, she was around me and causing havoc for every other driver southbound on 83. Which was fine with me, because I prefer to keep all the crazy drivers in front of me. With every lane change she proved my Universal Truth that the crappier your car is, the more people will just stay the fuck out of your way. But I just kept thinking to myself, "self, why don't people get their weary asses out of bed earlier instead of causing themselves so much stress on the morning drive? Have some coffee, play some Bach, relax and get to work happy, rather than looking like a constipated chicken."

As luck would have it, she and I hit every red light together. It was sort of a bonding experience. And when I finally turned on Foster to get to the office, I smiled and waved. She shook her fist at me. I'm guessing I had a much better day than she did!

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