Ten on Tuesday

1. In less than two weeks I will be in Tucson! It can't come quickly enough; winter is really starting to get on my nerves. It is so cold at my desk I'm pretty sure I'm never going to be warm again. At least not in Illinois.
2. While in Tucson, I will enjoy the company of two of my favorite ladies - Kaylee and Racheal. I will not, however, enjoy the company of my "brother," Mike, who is wisely leaving town. I'm going to pretend we planned it this way on purpose, to give us some "girl time."
3. I had a wonderful and disastrous weekend. Lets see ... lots of friends, a fair amount of foolishness, delicious breakfast, cuddling with a baby, hanging gorgeous art, playing with princesses (no, I don't mean Kelly and Amber,) making grilled cheese, great music, good Scotch - what's to complain about? My tendency to not keep my big mouth shut, risky conversations, tears and consonants, that's what.
4. My bathtub is clogged. The foaming pipe snake mocks me.
5. I was talking to my friend Eric last night and he tells me when he reads the blog, he understands that I have an apartment, but he doesn't know why. I'm always out with friends or at the gym dancing in the pool or some such other thing. Which is kinda true. But here's the thing: The away-from-home stuff is what I write about. If it weren't - if I just blogged about the day-to-day life at home, it would go something like this: Today, I woke up and went to work. While I was there, I wanted to throttle my whiny co-worker and considered it an accomplishment when I didn't. After I got home, I ate food, sat on the couch and knitted while a DVD played in the background. Really, who wants to read that?
6. But honestly, that's pretty much what I did last night. I didn't feel up to the gym, so I went home and made pasta with meat sauce, played on the computer a bit, and then worked on Amber's Christmas present. I hope she thinks it was worth waiting for.
7. Remember back in November when I started working on a novel for National Novel Writing Month? Yeah, that didn't go as well as I'd planned. But I'm still rolling on it. Sometimes it sits for awhile before I pick it back up again, but it isn't dead or dying. The people and events of my life inspire me to create stuff. I like that.
8. I have not slept well for the past few nights. It's getting sort of old. I really like my sleep, and if you ask anyone who knows me, they'll tell you they like my sleep, too. Without it, I am pretty much a bitch on wheels. Let's face it ... even with my full eight hours, I can be a bit of a pill. But without it? Stand back. WAY back. So I'm hoping tonight is a good night for sleeping.
9. One of my favorite things in my worklife is writing something, having it go through the approval process, and having it come back with little or no red ink. That's happening a lot these days. It feels good.
10. Looks like Shakespeare and I picked a pretty good weekend to head to Lake Geneva. No snow in the forecast, and a near heatwave, with temps predicted to be in the 30s! I'm looking forward to fun times with friends.

It's all downhill after breakfast with Keith Richards

Okay, so not really. No breakfast with Keith Richards, thank God. But the day started out pretty ugly, so Keith comes to mind. How do you come back from that?

Well, if you're me - and I realize you're not, but just come along for the ride - you head into Chicago to get a dose of some pretty amazing people who love you, no matter what.

Today, I met Koen Alexander Rand. That little guy completely stole my heart, and I really don't want it back. Diane and Justin's family grew from four to five, and I was lucky enough to get a little playtime with each of the kids, a little yarn shopping with Di, and some good-natured pokes at my favorite lawyer, the singular sensation known as Justin "Meat" Rand.

I got to see Eva's new tap shoes and Aidan's stuffed monkey and listen to Koen coo and holler, and there's no way I would have rather spent the day. I wasn't ready to leave when it was time to leave. I miss their hugs and love already.

Aidan, being Aidan. Sneak peek of Koen in the lower right-hand corner. Sweet!

Eva. This girl is a piece of work. She took time out from artwork to hang with us.

Koen and Diane. He's so funny and adorable, he cracks me up! Diane is, naturally, one of the most beautiful women on the planet. I'm not sure how she does it, but it sure as hell pisses me off.

I just love his expressions! The only thing I really don't like about this picture is that I'm in it, but nobody's looking at me, anyway, they're looking at that awesome little bundle of wiggles and gurgles.

These are the days

Sometimes, when everything aligns itself perfectly and the world is on our side, we achieve something almost other-worldly. It's a moment, a flash, a heartbeat that speaks to the soul.

Sometimes, it lasts all night long.

Our story begins over dinner last night, at a great little restaurant I like to call Chez Mags. Tonight's menu included grilled cheese sandwiches (three kinds of cheese, really good bread, roasted red peppers and tomatoes - nirvana!) and a lovely salad. Cute Brian brought dessert - Scotch. Do we know how to live, or what?

Eventually, Kelly and Amber made it to my place from Wisconsin, and the four of us headed into the city to see Shakespeare's final show with her band, Spherical Banana. Because we're nothing if not a comedy of errors, between Amber's GPS and Cute Brian's super-human sense of direction (not to mention Kelly's cat-like reflexes) we made our way to Elbo Room. Kelly got in even without her ID (don't even ask; she can't remember who she is) and Brian and I found a place to park the car.

The band was great. Shakespeare's voice is like a whiskey-soaked rainstorm, at once intoxicating and refreshing. It doesn't hurt that she's gorgeous, either. The set was so delightful, we didn't even mind that bananas are not, in fact, spheres.

Soaking up the music drew me in to what can only be described as sensory overload. Listening to my friend sing, I was surrounded by so many of my favorite people. Never before in my life have so many of my loved ones been in one place at one time. Patrick, Dan, Javier, Ed, John, Kelly, Amber, Shakespeare, Cute Brian, me ... so many of the people whose love and friendship matters down to the depths of my soul. Relationships in which I'm confident, independently. Putting them all together was scary, intimidating, daunting.

Click.

It worked. Kelly fawned over John (seriously, have you seen his arms?) Cute Brian, Kelly, Amber and John blended like they've known each other forever. In the running for favorite moment of the night would be when a John caught a girl checking him out. "I didn't know what to do," he said. "So I looked away." Oh, John, what ARE we going to do with you?

I suffered the occasional Minor Maggie Meltdown over the course of the evening, but I'm allowing it. After all, there was so much to take in. Scotch, song, love, emotion, rhythm, truth, bacon, laughter, acceptance, reality checks and genuine affection.

These are the moments, the hours, the days that make it possible to survive the hard times. This is the finest collection of intertwined lunatics a girl could hope for. Here's to life.

An original Amber Fox

I received a Christmas gift today. My friend Amber is a teacher, an actor and an amazing artist. Over the summer, she admired a photograph taken of two of my nieces, Kaylee and Alice, while we vacationed at the lake house. She liked the colors, she said, she thought they'd inspire her.

Little did I know what they were inspiring her to create. Pictured here is my gift: an original painting of two young ladies whom I love more than words can express, created for me by a woman whose talent, heart and soul make me wish I were more like her.

Pictured here is love, plain and simple. Young cousins enjoying their time at the beach, a doting aunt who could watch them all day long, and the incredible spirit of an artist who sees not only with her eyes, but with her heart.

I love the art that hangs in my home. I love that people I love have created it for me. Come by the Chez Maggie Gallery sometime. I would love to share it with you.

Sore muscles, barbecue and two lousy points

It's Thursday, and my body is still aching from Monday night's workout. Hip-Hop found me on the floor for some of the choreography, and I dunno if you noticed, but I'm not as young as I once was. Anyhoo, I came, I saw, I danced ... and I have the pain to prove it. Thank God for Advil Liquigels. They really do work fast.

The pain didn't stop me from tearing up the elliptical trainer last night, and it won't stop me from going to Salsa tonight. So there. Bring it, muscle soreness. I know where the hot tub is.

So when I got home from the gym last night, I was eternally grateful that I'd gone grocery shopping on Tuesday, because the smell of chicken barbecue tickled my nose from the bottom of the stairs. I'm a semi-decent cook all the time, but there are some things I make that completely rock. Barbecue sauce is one of them. And when you cook up the sauce and throw some into a slow cooker with chicken breasts and let it cook all day, it shreds itself if you speak to it sternly. Served with really good buns, it was delicious last night for dinner. It was delicious today for lunch, served with a lovely green salad. It will be lovely for as long as it's in my refrigerator. I impressed myself.

I did not, however, impress myself in my latest Scrabble game against Mike Rice. He beat me by two lousy points. Two lousy points! After scoring two bingos, he still beat me. I remain proud of my comeback style, never giving up and attempting to claw my way back on to the board, but in the end, Design Boy still beat Word Girl by two points.

Two. Lousy. Points.

The Scrabble board is a wicked mistress.

Ten on Inauguration Day

1. It's one of those things I think I'll always remember. Not unlike remembering where I was when the planes hit the towers, Reagan was shot, the Challenger went down, I accepted my job at an undisclosed company, I learned of my mother's diagnosis, I took the phone calls telling me Racheal and Janie were pregnant (not, of course, together) or when Barack Obama was elected President of the United States. As human beings, I believe we remember the extraordinarily joyful and sorrowful moments in life with such startling clarity that we can recall minute details of those moments. So, too, I believe I will always remember gathering with my fellow employees this morning, watching our 44th President take the oath of office. I will remember the happiness I felt when Aretha didn't mangle "My Country, 'tis of Thee," the chills I got hearing the promise of hope over fear, the peace that seemed to hang in the room like a curtain of unification. God speed, Mr. President. You have my respect, admiration and trust.
2. You haven't seen synchronized swimming until you've seen me, Shakespeare and John perform Hip-Hop in the pool. We laughed so hard we cried. Last night was the first time all three of us were in class together in months, and we made the most of it, capping off our workout with several dips in several pools. Life is good, no matter what. Life is even better when shared with friends.
3. There's a girl I work with who got Jesse Jackson and Martin Luther King mixed up. The same girl asked me who John Williams was during the inauguration coverage. Further proof that I do not work in a think tank.
4. I have four knitting projects going at once. It's like I have crafty ADD.
5. I am humbled every time I think about my friends. A few years ago, I moved to Arlington Heights knowing only one person in the area other than my husband. Subtracted him from the equation, leaving me out here with only Cute Brian in any real proximity. Yet, as true friends do, those who lived far away proved that love is like a rubber band, pulling us closer beyond the reach of geography. Some moved back to the area (it's a joy to have Patrick and Ed close by!), some popped up online after years of separation (Eric, Tony, Kathleen, half the DEN and more) and yes, some new people have taken up residence in my heart. I am never far from the love of a friend.
6. I really have to clean my apartment, and it's gonna happen tonight. The place looks like a cyclone hit it. I believe this is evidence of a life well lived.
7. This Sunday I am going to see my friend Diane and her family. I get to hug the new baby and make her older children cry. It's what I do.
8. Over the weekend, Ryan, Britt and I made a special trip to the bookstore to purchase Scrabble dictionaries. We're studying. Some day, I may beat someone from Clan Rice/Carlson, but I'm not holding my breath. In related news, Ryan is displeased with me for having brought him his very own Scrabble game, because Britt promptly beat him at his own game. Take heart, handsome fella ... everyone loves a gracious loser. I know. I lose a lot.
9. I have the ugliest headboard in the universe. I hate it with a passion that cannot be measured, described or understood. It's cold and boring. And yet, I can't seem to find the perfect replacement, so I'll live with it until I do. For the record, I'm looking for something dark and substantial - the antithesis of what I currently have. Got any ideas?
10. Mike left a message on my voicemail last night on his way home from work, to tell me he was driving home with the top down. I'm sure he didn't mean to rub it in, but rather wanted to preview what I'll enjoy in a few weeks when I visit Tucson. But the best part was when I called back and Kaylee answered the phone. Hearing her little voice say "Hi, Maggie!" just thrills me down to my toes. She is quite a girl!

Either old or new, it's pretty amazing

What do you get when over the course of 36 hours you spend time with an old friend you haven't seen in 12 years and two new friends you've only known since July?

Well, if you're me, you end up with some pretty amazing feelings of love and acceptance, topped off with some awesome Mexican food.

Yesterday afternoon found me at Chez Ryan Carlson, talking, hanging out, watching movies (Yes, I cried. No, Ryan didn't poke fun at me. Much.) and having gourmet sliders with the darling Brittany. There's an easy comfort to our time, like we've known each other for a really long time ... like family. And yes, Cindy, he was a perfect host and a delight to spend time with. Be warned, Rice family ... we have Scrabble dictionaries, and we know how to use them!

Then last evening, it was my pleasure and privilege to be in the audience for a production of "The Cripple of Inishmaan," a dark Irish comedy set in 1930s Ireland. There's nothing like a gimpy Irish fella to get me chuckling, lemme tell ya. But in all seriousness, the performance blew me away. The inimitable Matt Fear, whom I haven't seen since 1997, was in rare form, and the entire cast commanded my attention throughout the show. It was at once poignant and funny, and it's no wonder they continue to sell out performances.

After the performance, I joined Matt and several cast members for tasty libations, and if it weren't for the fact that I knew I didn't know any of these people, I would've thought we were all old friends. What is it about the people in my life that makes us blend with each other, and each other's "people"? How is it possible that I can meet someone one evening, crash their group breakfast the following day, and miss them when I leave?

Shakespeare called tonight, looking for a little company and inexpensive Mexican food. Over dinner, we compared notes of our weekend and our lives. A quick check in the time machine shows we've only really known each other since mid-June, and yet we feel as comfortable as my favorite old shoes.

And ya know ... I really do love my shoes.

Ten on Tuesday

1. Crap, it's Tuesday. The week passed pretty darned quickly. I'd better come up with something to say, and quickly.
2. I don't believe in love at first sight. I do, however, believe in love at third beer. Which is why I don't drink. Anymore.
3. I went to the gym last night and made it to the lockers before I realized I didn't have shoes. I've decided to be gracious with myself and just let it go, but damn, I did miss dancing. Have no fear: I have everything I need for tonight's workout.
4. I hate Post-It Notes. They are unauthorized, floating pieces of paper that serve no purpose other than to annoy me. Anything I need to know is written in my planner. Anyone who hands me something on a Post-It and expects me to remember it really needs to reconsider whether this is a realistic expectation or not.
5. I am trying really hard to not hate on the Midwest, but right now we're in the middle of yet another snowy period with sub-zero temps and windchills mixed in for the fun of it. Why don't humans hibernate? Life would be much better if I didn't have to come out until March.
6. Sometimes you call your fake stepmother about mittens and you end up getting meaningful career advice just when you need it.
7. The cat has developed a limp. Sometimes it's worse than others, so I'm thinking it's arthritis. Great, now I have everything. The only thing I was missing was the arthritic cat.
8. I think I left my earphones and my flying monkey in Jacksonville. My life is unfulfilled without them.
9. Does anyone ever look into third-floor windows? I don't think so, because if they did, someone probably would have carted me off to the nearest loony bin. I dance in my apartment. Fully clothed, thank you, but still ... alone at Chez Mags there is an almost daily dance festival. I sometimes wonder if anyone notices. I mostly don't give a damn.
10. I wish my life away. During the week, I count the days until Friday. During the winter, I count the days until summer. I need to knock it off, because life is too short to wish it away. So, hey - yay! It's Tuesday! Let's enjoy the whole of Tuesday!

A visit to Maggie's home

Sometimes life is the most enjoyable when it's simple and not a whole lot is going on. Case in point: a Sunday at Chez Mags. For your enjoyment, a pictorial tour of Sunday, January 11.

The first thing I saw when I woke up this morning was the world's laziest cat, Benld.
What he lacks in ambition he more than makes up for in cute.

This is my view out my bedroom window.
It's like nature's own window treatment.

When I finally get up for a better view, this is what I see.
I love those trees ... they are so incredibly tall and beautiful,
and when they're covered in snow they look even moreso.

On my way to the kitchen, I pass the front of the apartment,
and I can't help but look out the window there because it's huge.
This is part of my view - a parking structure in downtown Arlington Heights.
Yes, even the parking lots are pretty in my town.

I almost lived in this building, but I chose my current abode instead.
Although I'd like to live in a chichi highrise,
I think I prefer knowing who all my neighbors are.

This is the tree that's right outside the front window.
In the summer, I put the sofa right in front of the window,
and it feels like I live in a treehouse.
In the winter, when the tree is covered in snow,
it has an entirely different feeling.

The street below. My kingdom for a plow!

My kitchen counter. My point here is that you
should notice the touches of pink. This will be important later.

The happy pink mixer. This is where the snickerdoodles and oatmeal chips happen.

Pink rugs and the cutest cat in the universe.
He's asking politely for his Fancy Feast.

Yes, I do often dance in my kitchen.
No, I don't care who knows it.

The real point of this post, and the reason pink is important.
Pink in the kitchen, you ask? I love it; it makes me happy.
It makes me feel like I'm making dinner in a chocolate shop.
Which is why these art pieces mean so much to me.
They were painted by my dear friend, Cute Brian,
specifically for my kitchen. They give me joy
every time I look at them. Aren't the cool?

The full view - two of my favorite things in my kitchen,
the coffee maker and the art.

So that's my place; well, some of it, anyway. You should visit soon.

Five-day work weeks

Wow, having to work five days in a row really sucks.

After weeks of shortened time on the job - oh, how I loved December - we're back to the grind. And it brought my happy attitude (my haptitude?) to a grinding halt. With that in mind, I thought I'd better shift my focus a bit and think about some of the great things January brings.

Return to the gym. Not that I took December off, but life got so busy last month it was a lot harder to make my usual appointments. Starting this week, I'm back a minimum of four times a week. December left me feeling like a puff pastry, and I'm looking forward to leaving that feeling behind.

Speaking of the gym, I am beyond excited that the former Monday night Hip-Hop instructor is out and the lovely Laurel is in. Laurel teaches a dance class; at the end of an hour with her, you feel like you can dance. Yes, even I feel like I have moves. It's refreshing. It's exhilerating. It's exhausting, in the best possible way. (Plus it doesn't hurt to dance next to John, who is just awesome and makes me want to be a better dancer. Alas, he plays for the other team.)

Fresh start at the office. As January 8 was my two-year anniversary, I had my evaluation this week. It wasn't as stellar as I'd hoped. Don't get me wrong, it wasn't bad, per se. But you know me. You know that "meets some expectations" or even "meets expectations" is really not my goal. I had a great year, personally, when it comes to work. I have exceeded some of my own expectations, and they are very high. So I view this as an opportunity to look at things with a fresh eye and ensure that what I portray in the workplace is the way I want to be perceived.

24. Yes, Keifer Sutherland is back. I don't watch a lot of television, but this is one show I'll try not to miss.

Knitting for me. The last few months were pretty much dominated by the need to knit things for other people - gifts and stuff. Now, it's all about me. I saw a great pattern for a sweater that I just might try, and my Wicked Step Mother bought me the most beautiful yarn in Springfield that I just know is going to make a fabulous scarf, and I want to learn how to make socks, and I'm gonna need a hat to go with the scarf, plus the brown alpaca for a shawl in the office ...

Unwritten chapters. It's a new year. A brand-new start for everything. I don't know what the story of 2009 is going to be about, but I'm excited to get started on it. I'm glad to have a place to record it, and I'm glad you are a part of it.

Ten on Tuesday

1. Had my annual physical today. Needed a tetanus shot (OUCH!) and got a flu shot as long as I was there, and also had blood drawn for tests and stuff. I don't like needles. This did not make for a good morning. All things considered, though, it was a great meeting with my doctor. She's pleased with my weightloss and my general health. I'm pleased that I don't have to have another shot any time soon.
2. Got caught in some freaky snow on the way to the doctor. I could see what I thought was fog in the distance, and then I was in it. Visibility of about zero, when the sky was clear just minutes before. Thankfully the doc understood my tardiness. Or maybe that's why I "needed" shots?
3. It was a glorious un-Christmas in Jacksonville last week. I don't know what I can say that I haven't already tried to say and failed miserably because words simply don't suffice. I'll try to sum it up in the form of a recipe. Combine old friends, babies, butts, whiskey, Scrabble, gift wrap, Nerf, meatballs, tears, hugs, Target, turkey, yarn, bunk beds, good-night hugs, small-town tours, bowling, Skype, missing the people who weren't there, and blankets. Stir gently; savor.
4. At my appointment this morning, my doctor asked how I got the bruise on my left shoulder. "Full-contact Scrabble," I replied. She looked at me quizzically. I just smiled and said, "We play rough."
5. The Valentine's Day ads are already starting. It makes me want to kick the crap out of Hallmark and every marketing "genius" who thinks it's appropriate to cram romantic love up my nose every year as soon as the Christmas decorations come down. Hmm ... bitter much?
6. I have created Incredible Disappearing Cookies. I brought to Jacksonville roughly four dozen Oatmeal Chip cookies and four dozen Snickerdoodles. There was one Snickerdoodle in the bin when I left on Sunday. This is the highest compliment a baker can receive.
7. Facebook continues to amaze me. I crossed paths with an old theater friend/fellow community college student/all around swell guy, Kevin Trudo, out there a few weeks back. Kevin is a musician who recorded a song, "Aristotle," that we listened to until we wore out the tape back at EIU. But thanks to the marvels of modern technology, and because he's an awesome guy, we were able to download it and listen to it again after about nine years. It has a very 90s sound to it, but it makes me smile every time it comes up on the playlist. His new stuff isn't bad, either. It's fun to have such talented friends!
8. Speaking of, Cute Brian made art for my kitchen. This is my second original Shamie design. I love it. It is so perfect, it made me cry. I haven't hung it yet - still recovering from five days away from home - but maybe this weekend. I will take a photo so you can see how awesome it is. I love my pink kitchen!
9. After much deliberation, I came up with a few New Years resolutions. First, I'm going to spend at least one hour each week practicing yoga. I have horrible posture and my flexibility isn't getting any better, so lets reverse that trend, okay? Second, I will get at least three servings of calcium each day. According to the doctor, I'm at an age where my body will steal from my bones if I don't take in enough each day. Damn, it really is hell to get old. And finally, I will track my expenses - all of my expenses - for three months to get a better financial picture, and build a budget accordingly. These are relatively manageable goals, and I'm looking forward to achieving them!
10. This is a deep one, so if you wanted the happy, light version of the blog, feel free to log off now. It's not really a resolution, it's more of a realization - I am having a world of difficulty accepting love. In my brain, it doesn't make sense that amazing and wonderful people love me when the one person who promised to always do so (hello, jackass?) failed miserably at it. To my mind, how can someone possibly choose to love me when I'm so obviously unlovable? So here's the thing: I'm just going to assume you are telling me the truth. I'm going to believe that you love me, that you want me around, until you tell me otherwise. The bad stuff is usually easier to believe, but I'm gonna believe the good stuff for once. You love me, dammit, and I can either think of all the reasons why I don't deserve it, or just take it all in and accept it with an open heart. The latter seems a much better option, don't you think?

My turn

On a warm day in June of 1997, a guy in a gold Taurus followed a girl in a burgundy Probe to the exit for one last goodbye until they met again.

The guy was Mike Rice. The girl was me. We had just packed up most of my belongings and stuffed them into a vehicle far too small to hold them, and I was returning home. In that moment, I didn't know where the friendship would go. I had faith that the relationships we'd built during our time together at EIU would continue, but there was no knowledge. On faith we moved forward with our lives, trusting each other to sustain the friendship that, for me, mattered as much as any degree.

On a cold day in January of 2009, a girl in a black Jeep followed a family in a black (or was it dark plum?) Mazda to the exit for another goodbye, to be followed closely by another hello. And so it goes.

The girl was me. The family was Mike, Racheal and Kaylee. The trip to the exit ended our celebration of Christmas and began a new year filled with hope, anticipation and celebration.

I am a complete jumble of emotions after the time I spent in Jacksonville. Sitting in the living room, I thought back to the first time I visited 125 Caldwell. Back in the mid-90's, I was a guest, meeting the family, relocating James so I could sleep in his room, and feeling a little uncomfortable when Mike would leave the room. I didn't know these people, and being left alone with them was a little scary!

Fast-forward to now. I'd had every intention of making the trip to Jacksonville, thinking that Mike, Racheal and Kaylee weren't even going to be there. I spent a good portion of my time last week with an assortment of Rices or Carlsons who were neither Mike, Rae or Kaylee. Somewhere along the way, when I wasn't paying attention, the Rice family accepted me as their own. When Charlie married Cindy (or as Ryan would say, "after the merger,") the Carlsons followed suit. These are my people. I could not love them more if their blood were in my veins.

So the girl in the Jeep followed the Mazda to the exit, we waved our goodbyes and returned to our respective homes. Sort of. While we were getting ready to leave on Sunday morning, something Ryan said to me really struck a chord. "Every time this family gets together," he said, "it turns into a vacation, even though we're really just coming home." I will come home to this place, these people, every time I am invited. Maybe even when I'm not invited. They fill my heart. And in those moments when my insecurities don't allow me to believe I'm one of them, one of them always seems to remind me that wherever they are, I belong.

Making Memories

The older I get, the more I realize that every moment is a memory in the making. And since I arrived in Jacksonville Wednesday morning, we've made so many.

Watching my dearest friends as they blossom in parenthood. Sitting and doing a little bit of nothing, and having not much matter as long as we're all together. Meals shared around the table. Nights that stretch into the wee hours of morning because we're just not finished talking. Meeting JJ, the Carlson I had not yet met, and feeling the tug of friendship from the word "go." Spending a day in Springfield with The Women, having lunch, shopping for yarn, trying to shop at several stores that were closed and enjoying time to bond with each other.

The thing that just gets me is, I know in my brain that these people aren't "mine." But it doesn't matter, really; they don't treat me any differently than they treat each other. It's a little disconcerting sometimes, in a good way. I love these people; they hold my heart in their hands, and they treat it with dignity. They love me unconditionally, and I cannot describe how grateful I am.