Thursday, July 24, 2008

Ten on Thursday

This idea is stolen, fair and square, from my friend John's far too beautiful sister's blog and then shared with my sister Bex and brother James. It's a good idea, so I'm running with it ... although it may not always appear on Thursdays.

I give you ... my ten for today:
  1. Sometimes, a signature holds more value than anything you own. For example, when you're signing your divorce papers.
  2. Hindsight really is 20/20. Cliches are cliches for a reason, and the reason behind this one is ... IT'S TRUE! It was nice to look across the table at my ex and think to myself, "what did I ever see in him?" It was even nicer to walk home and realize that even though there were only two fat cats in my apartment, I was not alone.
  3. Alone is as much a state of mind as it is a state of being. For a long time, I lived in fear of being alone. And then I realized that I can be by myself when I choose to be, but I am never alone.
  4. It is very revealing that, even when I was "happily" married, when I referred to the happiest time of my life, I recalled college ... the time I spent truly coming into my own. I never thought of my time with Christopher, as amazing as some of those times were, as my best or happiest.
  5. The people who don't make a commitment to you but live committed to you are the ones who matter. My People - and you know who you are - have no need to promise they'll be with me for the long haul. Promises don't matter; how you live does.
  6. How you deal with anything is how you deal with everything. I picked this tidbit up from Rae on vacation. It's someone's signature line, I think she said. Those are words to live by. I kept thinking of that during dinner. I think I dealt with it pretty well.
  7. Pride, patience, perseverance. That was Ryan's advice approaching this evening. Keep those in mind, he told me, and I will make it through unscathed. He was right.
  8. A friend can hold your hand from hundreds of miles away. "Pretend I'm sitting next to you tonight," Rae told me "holding your hand, and reminding you that you're fantastic just as you are." She was right, too. And it gave me intense comfort to soak up that love, all the way from Tucson.
  9. I know how to walk. We met tonight at a restaurant here in Arlington Heights. I walked from my apartment - it's only a few blocks. As I turned the corner toward the restaurant, I saw my ex sitting on a bench outside. I felt my back straighten, felt my steps become very deliberate, and felt how my ass shakes less now than it did a few months ago. I had two blocks before I reached him, and I worked the walk the entire way. See this? See what I'm creating underneath the layers of ice and stone you helped me build up over our ten years together? See who I'm becoming? With apologies to Eddie Vedder, "This is not for you."
  10. Love lives. I see evidence all around me - in a new marriage between one of my adoptive dads and his amazing Amazon temptress; on the face of a girl at work (I cannot call her my friend, for I do not make friends at work) when she talks about the new man in her life; in the voice of a dear friend from out of town when he describes a woman "far more beautiful than anyone I have ever dated." Love is out there. And if it doesn't find me, I will remain content to rock my own damn world. Because, seriously ... have you seen me walk?

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

You walk like a dancer.

Oh, and when you set your mind to it and work it...damn.

I bet he sat at that bench oblivious to it, because he was oblivious to it while he had you, why wouldn't he be now? He's dumb.

It's good that it wasn't for him, because the people around you, watching you glide, stride, and strut to that bench saw the real, authentic Mags.

She is something to behold. You should see her through my eyes.

She's the one who knows what she wants, when she wants it, and how she wants it and if she doesn't want it, well that's okay, too.

I like her. She's a fighter, a lover, a sister, friend, daughter, woman, girl, giving, amazing, shining, stunning, wonderment.

I'm glad that you found her again.

It's fitting that you liken yourself to a willow.

The willow is a dancer, it bends and gives to the wind and the elements much the same way that a dancer bends and gives to the music.

It also has it's own music and it's a joy to see the beauty in it's strength.

I like the way you walk.
I love you, too.
Welcome home.