Thursday, February 14, 2008

Love and other inexplicable phenomena

So it's Valentine's Day. February 14. The international day set aside to focus on love.

It's funny - in all the time I was married, living 24/7 in what should have been a happy romantic world, I never celebrated Valentine's Day. We were so cocky - we didn't need a special day to honor our love. We had Tuesdays, or May 19, or any other day. Trouble was, we didn't have Tuesdays, May 19, or any other day. The days just slipped by into nothing. The romance was gone as soon as we started peeing with the door open.

Our first Valentine's Day together, I received a gift. It came from Christopher by way of my first love, Patrick. He, knowing my erstwhile ex would simply let the day go by as if it was just another day, bought me a beautiful sapphire heart necklace, and gave it to Christopher to give to me.

It is still a treasure to me

That's not to say that one must receive gifts to make it a special day. A card, a song, a cup of coffee - all those things say "I love you" just as well as jewelry, a fancy dinner, or a shiny red Mustang in the driveway (although I may have to reconsider the whole Mustang thing.)

This is my second Valentine's Day since he moved out. It's been a roller coaster, to say the least. There are moments when I wonder how I survived, when I remember the weeping, the begging, the shadow of a woman who didn't think she could survive without my husband. And I also remember the people to pointed out my strength, my support system, my reasons to move forward in this crazy endeavor we call life.

Sometimes, it still sucks. But most of the time, I revel in the strength, support and humor I've found over the past two years. (Of course, it doesn't hurt that the woman my ex is waking up next to these days came with four kids and a face only a blind mother could love.)

So today, I choose to celebrate true love, something I wasn't able to find with the man I married, but seem to find in abundance in my "real" life. To those of you who have showered me with love over the last few years, you truly saved my life, and for that I am forever grateful. And I am pleased to report that tonight, I will be dining with my first love, Patrick, the man who taught me how I deserve to be loved.

Lucky for me his partner, Ed, is working tonight.

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