Thursday, November 22, 2007

Torture for no good reason

I went to the gym, but it was closed. My pre-emptive strike against the pumpkin pie didn't work, so I headed home to do a bit of cleaning before heading over to Dad's for the feast.

And for some stupid reason, I started poking around on my computer.

I found my instant message history between Christopher and I. And may I just say ... ouch.

How can two people go from "I love you, and I just thought you should know" in October of 2003 to "i do not know how to give you what you need and still keep my sanity and self-respect" in January of 2006.

It still breaks my heart. And yet I continue to read. Maybe one day, this failure will make sense. Maybe one day, I'll figure out where the lies began. Maybe one day, I won't feel like the wind's just been knocked out of me, remembering how it felt to be loved and then have it disappear so quickly, it's like it was never there to begin with.

Maybe one day. But today, it's torture and turkey.

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