It's not like you remember everything about a fantastic vacation, a week on the beach with those you love. No, you take with you memories of moments strung together with a ribbon laughter and love.
It's not like one moment a marriage was thriving and the next it was over. No, there were moments along the way - moments of disappoint, hurt and anger on both sides, combined with moments of desparation, trying to patch things up and make it better and begging - yes, begging - him to love you again. It all led up to that one moment when the knife went in and stayed there.
And it's not like all of a sudden you no longer need your mother to answer all your questions. No, in time you learn some of the answers, and you realize you don't need the others, so in a moment of clarity you're finally ready to let it go.
And the moments just keep on coming.
This morning, I reached into my Huge Bag and dug all the way down to the bottom to locate my Perfect Lip Gloss. I came up with a tube of Vicious Trollop and sand under my fingernails, causing me to ponder so many moments that have come to define my life over the past few years.
- The moment on the beach a month ago, singing in perfect harmony ... and knowing that perfect harmony went a whole lot deeper than just the song.
- The moment I walked toward Christopher to finalize the paperwork and didn't feel the need to run into his arms.
- The moment I looked at my baby nieces and realized they were, indeed, my nieces, even though we share no blood relation.
- The moment my father asked if I needed money before I left on vacation and realized that, to him, I'm still a little girl.
- The moment I realized that when I need a hug, all I have to do is ask.
- The moment it sunk in that sometimes I haven't seen James for two years, and it's been okay ... but it sucks now because I know he's really far away.
- The moment "home" started being defined by the people, and not geography.
- The moment, just scant hours after meeting Clan Carlson, I knew they would be in my heart forever.
- The moment a friend insulted me and I realized our relationship was changed forever.
- The moment Cute Brian and I swayed to "Green & Dumb" with countless people we didn't know ... and all was right with the world.
- The moment I woke up in the middle of my bed for the first time in ten years.
- The moment Rae gave me "the look," and I understood exactly what it meant, and loved her for loving me enough to give it to me.
- The moment I joined the gym, and never looked back.
There are more, but if you're reading this, you probably know a bunch of 'em. We've probably shared plenty, and many more as time goes on. I just pray we're wise enough to know that the bad ones will fade, and to treasure the perfect ones while they're here.
Life's too short for anything else.