Who we choose to love (Updated)

This was one of those days to be remembered for a long time. A day filled with the combination of conversation and silence, tears and laughter, coming together and letting go.

Last Sunday, Patrick invited me over for "dinner," which really meant frozen pizza while I helped him unpack the truck he'd just brought back from California. Today, I repaid the favor, by inviting myself over for a "visit," during which I lounged on the sofa in between loads of laundry.

Landry is free at Patrick's. It's $2.50 a load here. Plus, at Patrick's, I have Patrick, Ed, and three dogs to be loved and entertained by. A pretty easy choice, from where I sit.

Patrick with Zoe. He loves her almost as much as he loves me.

There I was, newly single, with the one person in my life who has known me the longest. Well, apart from my biological family, anyway. Patrick is my best friend, my first love, the man who taught me how I deserve to be treated. Patrick is ... well, he's my Patrick. I got to spend the afternoon getting clean underwear, and cuddling on the sofa with one of the people who brings joy to the furthest corner of my heart.

We were curled up listening to CDs and napping on and off, surrounded by dogs and pillows and love, and I was having myself a good cry over the way I seem to be so good at choosing people, except when it comes to romance, when he breaks the silence and says "Do you know how to sew?" The man cracks me up. Yes, I know how to sew. Yes, I will teach you. Now shut up and let me cry.

Oz. He has a longer name, but I don't know how to say it. He's just Oz to me.

Daphne. She's completely bored by me.

Zoe, who thinks she's a lap dog.

Then, tonight, I had dinner with Cute Brian. Cute Brian and I met in college, and at the time I remember looking at him and thinking how much he looked like Patrick, and knowing at first sight we would be friends. He and I have a sordid and interesting past, and he is my closest friend ... geographically speaking. He's the one who drove me all over creation that day last summer when Christopher moved out. He turned a gut-wrenching day into a top-down Jeep adventure, letting me cry and assuring me it was all going to be okay, eventually. And he was right.

Cute Brian being - what else? Cute!

So tonight we made dinner at my place and ate out on the patio. Which is really hysterical, considering I don't have a patio. No, we took our burgers and potato salad and beer (God Bless the Spotted Cow, the official beer of Maggie's divorce) out to the side yard and sat in the grass and ate as if it were the most normal thing in the world. People walking by seemed to get a charge out of it. Especially the couple to whom I felt the need explain, so I said to them with mouth full of burger, "I don't have a patio!" The laughed. And I think they walked a little faster.

After dinner, we took our usual walk all over town. We usually just wander. Tonight we wandered into the ice cream shop. Yum! So then we had to walk it off. The entire time, we never ran out of stuff to talk about, even if it's just me saying in a loud voice, "Yeah, you'd better wanna see me naked!" just to see if I can embarrass him. FYI ... I can't.

And now, I'm home, thinking about today and how much it meant to me. I spent the day with two men who know me - really know me, the good, stuff and the bad. These guys know all my secrets, my flaws, my insecurities, and my not-so-charming quirks. And still, after all this time, they choose to love me.

I'm lucky. I have an abundance of love, spanning this entire country (and recently, I've gone global - thanks, James!) It's a good feeling, to know that people can love you, understand you and accept you as you are, forgive you for your mistakes, appreciate you when you get it right, comfort you when you need it and teach you how to throw a Frisbee so you stop hitting people in the nose.

Here's to more days like this, with those I choose to love.

PS: Brian says he loves me. He thinks I'm keeping it a secret. He's wrong.