Ten on Tuesday, August 3

1. Gas is expensive. I'm learning this the hard way, as I'm driving a lot these days. Back and forth to Aurora twice a week for physical therapy isn't cheap. Thankfully, Rice-a-Roni is cheap! I can always cut the budget in some areas to make up for shortfalls in others. Aging divorcee learns new tricks!
2. Yesterday was a wonderful day. Sure, there was the usual Monday work stuff, but after that I went to Physical Therapy, and then stopped at my dad's for a visit. I got to mooch a little dinner and hang out with Dad and Mike for a bit. Alex and Kathie had to run out to get Alex a pair of shower shoes before he leaves for camp on Thursday, and as I was saying goodbye, Alex told me he'd say goodbye to me when I came back after PT on Wednesday. So, I'll be making another trip to Dad's (which means mooching another dinner - see how the budget works out?) because Alex really seems to want me to. Nothing makes an Auntie feel better than knowing her shining light loves her back.
3. After visiting Dad, I called my sister Jenn to tell her I really liked Bernie's potato salad. She politely informed me that she, not her husband, made the potato salad, and asked me to stop over at her house to pick up a yoga block she was holding for me. So I made my way into the woods ... and ensured myself that I would not need to buy produce any time soon. Potatoes, peppers and tomatoes, straight from the garden. I'm going to make the most delicious stuffed pepper when I get home from the gym tonight!
4. To those who are tired of hearing it, I apologize, but I gotta say again - MUD. So much fun! And I've lost count of the mosquito bites. Yowza, getting up at the ass-crack of dawn makes you a veritable buffet for the nasty blood-suckers!
5. This weekend is show weekend, and after that, a much-needed return to normalcy. Not complaining - I like being busy, and I'm having a blast - but it will be nice to settle down a little bit.
6. I think I have a cold. Woke up this morning with a very dry throat, and I've been sneezing my fool head off. Here's hoping my voice is happy for the weekend!
7. The best job in the world? Fairy Godmother. Not sure how to score that gig, but damn, that would be fun.
8. My mind tends to wander, sometimes in the middle of the conversation. I'll be talking with someone about a vitally important topic and hey, did you see that butterfly?
9. I am ready to upgrade my phone. My plan will allow me to upgrade. And yet, I wait. I'm going the iPhone route, after waiting several years to drink the Kool-Aid, but my (sad, pathetic) Blackberry still works fine. In the new financial reality that is my life, I simply cannot bring myself to upgrade simply because I can. Again, aging divorcee learns new tricks. Maybe a birthday gift, from me to me? That may be the best idea yet.
10. Getting to the gym these last few weeks has been challenging, but I haven't missed a Tuesday night class. That feels good - making time to get there, even if it's just one night. I'm supplementing with near-daily walks with co-worker Lisa at lunch time, which serves a dual purpose. We get a little exercise in, and we return to the office sweaty, thereby keeping people from spending too much time with us in the afternoon. Win-win.

A very dirty story

I did it. I set out to finish the race without injury, and I did it. It took Team Inconceivable one hour, 46 minutes and 28 seconds to cross the finish line, but let's face it - it was never about the time. It was about challenging myself to try something different, and I did that.

I entered, participated in and finished the Muddy Buddy Relay on August 1, 2010.

It was an amazing day. I was scared out of my mind. We arrived at 6 a.m. amidst incredible fog. I couldn’t see the Randall Road exit off of 90 when I was on the exit; that’s the kind of fog we’re talking about. I took a few minutes to mentally prepare, got out of the Jeep, put the front wheel on the bike and made my way to the race site. The event took place on Indian Hill Horse Farm in Gilberts, IL. We’re in farm country, folks. Watch where you step.

I got into line to register and waited for co-worker Mike to arrive. He and his wife, Emily, were coming in from Chicago, so they had a bit more traffic (and the same evil fog) to contend with. Soon, we had signed our waivers and were registered, we got our free t-shirts and goody bags, and it was time to get in line. We were in wave 10 of 17 total waves, and I was having an anxiety attack. What if I couldn’t do it? What if I embarrassed myself, and my friend? What if … ? Fear will do that to ya. I looked around and realized I was one of the larger competitors, and decided not to let it get to me. We are all just people. Our stories are different, but the person who crosses the finish line first is not all that different from the one who crosses last. I was just there to do my best. At that, I cannot fail.

Soon, our wave was at the front. I had to pee, but that’s nerves for ya. The airhorn sounded and I got on the bike, only to encounter an immediate huge mud puddle. And I mean MUD. Gucky, mucky, suction to take off your shoes, mud. I rode through it, hearing Emily’s sweet voice from the sidelines cheering me on. She’s taking pictures of me riding this bike, I thought. Great. The world can see my chunky self. I won’t care if I finish!

Off I went. Soon we were on blissful paved road, and I though, p’shaw – I can handle this. Then we came to hills. Way to go, smart ass. But I trudged forward, quads burning. Determination, thy name is Maggie.

When I got to the first obstacle, it was time to dismount the bike and leave it for Michael, who ran the first leg. And then, it was time to climb a wall.Yeah, I said it. I CLIMBED A WALL! Up and over, and down the cargo net on the other side. It was like a seven-foot climbing wall that you’d find in a gym, with the little toeholds along the way. Yeah, I did that. Felt great. Then, it was time to begin my first running leg.

I thought I was going to die. My shoes quickly got muddy, so it was like running with an extra 10 pounds ... but I kept going. I thought I was going to die. I thought my lungs were on fire. Just before I got to the second obstacle, I contemplated quitting. But then, I wouldn't get to say "I did it". So I kept going. And breathing. And moving through this mucky waterlogged soil direct from hell. Finally, I came to the second obstacle.

Time to do my best military crawl, under nets on my belly. Fun, until I hit my head on a pole. I have a goose egg! I was looking down, because if I looked forward my helmet would get caught on the net above me. And the indoor/outdoor carpet beneath the nets was really scratchy (says the girl who would shortly be covered in mud). Oh, well ... on we go.

Got back on the bike, only to realize that I am not an accomplished off-road cyclist. Tall grass, wet ground, and more than a few twigs and rocks made for slow going, and a great portion of this leg I simply walked the bike. There was just no way I could bike it without endangering the other cyclists. Or runners. Or wildlife. When I was able to, I hopped back on for more of the sick burning quad workout, but most of this leg was just not passable for me on the bike. But that was okay – my goal was not to be perfect. My goal was to finish.

Mike met me before the third obstacle with a glass of water. We took a moment to catch our breath, and then it was time for me to watch him hop on the bike and get back on the trail while I tried my luck on the balance beam. I got up onto the damn thing and just did not feel steady. Remember, my feet at this point were still covered in slimy mud! So I looked at the volunteers and hunky EMTs at the end and asked what would happen if I didn’t complete the obstacle. They waved me forward … so kind! And I was off running again.

Running? Stumbling, panting, praying and running. And walking. And wishing I’d trained just a wee bit harder. But I kept moving forward. Amazing people encouraged me as they passed. “You’re doin’ great!” they’d say, or “You can so do this!” My favorite though was when I was tackling this wooded, hilly area (and secretly thanking God that Mike was on the bike now and not me) and making my way gingerly down a super-steep slope. I was going pretty slowly now, just making sure I didn’t fall, when a woman came up behind me and said, “You’ve got this. Let’s jog down together.” It really filled my soul with confidence. It was a great feeling, knowing that so many truly gifted athletes just wanted everyone to finish.

Fourth obstacle? An inflatable wall with a slide down the other side. We had to climb up what was about a big damn puffy wall via a cargo net type thing. I stared at it, wondering if I could do it. And then I stopped wondering. It wasn’t the time to think about it; it was go time.

I stepped up … and realized that the first rope “rung” on the cargo net was higher than my waist. I had to pull myself up before I could get a foothold, and I did it! Up up up I went, until I reached the top. And let me tell you, the breeze I made on my way down was incredible. From here, I knew I’d make it.

I found the bike and hopped on to finish the last mile, which was mostly – blissfully – paved. Until the end. When I had to dismount and carry the bike while I walked through a long, long, long mud pit. And I did that, too, keeping the bike as clean as possible. Others were just dragging the bike through the mud, but it wasn’t my bike; that wouldn’t have been cool.

Shortly after that, it was time to drop off the bike and find Mike (hey, that rhymes!) to complete the final obstacle – the mud pit – together. We met up, and took a few minutes while I caught my breath. It would have been sad to pass out in the mud pit! And then, sploosh – it was time to get dirty. We laughed the entire way through, even when I accidentally stuck my face further into the mud than I intended. BLARGH!

When we came out at the other side, we crossed the finish line and each received a much-needed energy drink. Sheesh, what a way to spend a Sunday morning! Emily was there to meet us and take the “after” photos, and both she and Mike were incredibly supportive of me. Mike was a great sport through the whole morning, never minding that I wasn’t the fastest partner on the course. I felt tired and lucky.

Finally, it was time to find the beer garden and relax while the fine people at Goose Island provided our complimentary (really, they told me how nice I looked!) beer. Cold and delicious … at 10:15 a.m. But when you’ve been up since 4, one beer isn’t that far out of the realm of normal.

As we got ready to part ways, that overwhelming feeling of gratitude washed over me. I did it. With the help and support of amazing friends, I did something I wasn’t quite sure I was capable of. There’s nothing quite like trying something completely outside your comfort zone and realizing you’re capable of it.

And we’re already planning to do it all again next year.

See the album on Facebook for additional photos.

Ten on Tuesday July 27

1. It's 84 degrees out and I just came in from my afternoon walk. I am slimy.
2. Mixed greens, grilled chicken, tomatoes, avocado, mushrooms, honey roasted pecans and feta, with a little Green Goddess dressing ... lunch, to die for.
3. This week began the busiest two weeks in the life of Maggie in recent memory. Monday night, physical therapy; Tuesday night at the gym (can't miss that); Wednesday night, rehearsal; Thursday night, physical therapy and rehearsal for the other show; Friday night, laundry; Saturday I hope to give myself a day of rest, because Sunday is the Muddy Buddy relay! Yes, I will be running, biking and crawling through mud. I should probably have my head examined, but it's one of those things I want to be able to say I did. After the mud, there's more rehearsal, and then we start a new week on repeat, with shows on the weekend instead of mud. I will relax again on August 9.
4. I am so excited to rehearse for the Libertyville show tomorrow night. I'll be working with Dustin Helvie, one of the most awesome musicians from my theatrical past, and Polly Ludena, a former theater nemesis and current friend. Should be a lot of fun!
5. I finally got to turn the A/C off for about 36 hours. It had been running from July 4 until last Sunday, July 25, at around 9 a.m. Not complaining - you know I do my best not to complain in the summer, because winter almost kills me every year - just sayin' ... it's fixin' to be a long, hot summer.
6. My first physical therapy appointment was last night. It is going to be hard, but worth it. And it will feel less difficult because my physical therapist is a very, very pretty boy. ;) He also worked with my dad after one of his knee surgeries, and my brother when he was having shoulder issues. Seems very capable and knowledgeable. The funniest part of the appointment was when we were talking about my activity level. I told him that I walk most days at the office, and that I have a pretty set gym schedule. "You do a lot," he said. "You would, too, if you had as much weight to lose as I do." He asked if I'd lost weight, and I said yes, and as long as the number kept trending downward I was okay with that. Then he asked if I watched what I ate, and I told him not really - I try to eat well, but I don't really count calories or track anything (although I know I should.) And he says - "You know, you'd lose it a lot faster if you'd be more careful with your food." Yeah, I know. And thanks for sounding like a combination of my sister Jenn and my dad.
7. Andre Dawson ... my favorite Cub, ever. He was inducted into the Baseball Hall of Fame on Sunday. He is a complete gentleman, and one of the most talented to ever play the game. As much of a fan as I am, I only wanted the signature of one player, ever, and that's Andre Dawson. I got it, several years ago at a Home Depot. When I handed him the ball I'd brought, and asked for his signature, he smiled, turned the ball to find the sweet spot, and signed his name. I told him that day, "You know, one day I'd like to go to Cooperstown, but I won't go until you're part of the Hall." He looked up at me and smiled. Now, I can plan that trip.
8. A dear friend of mine lost his brother this week. A 40-year-old man, dead in an instant from an aneurysm. In the blink of an eye, he was gone. And of course this causes me to think of my sisters, with whom I don't always agree. It causes me to wonder how I would react if one of them were taken before we are all old and gray. I'm not ready to lose them, or any of the people I hold dear. So if you have it in your heart, take a moment and make sure the people you love know how much they mean to you. You just never know when you might lose that opportunity.
9. I wake up almost every morning looking forward to going back to bed. Seriously, I do love sleeping. I could win a gold medal in sleep.
10. I hate meetings. The end.

Ten on Wednesday, July 21

1. It's sort of like Tuesday to me, because I took Monday off. I treated my Godson, Ross, to an "Aunt Maggie Day". We went miniature golfing (36 holes in 90-degree temps; crazy!), had lunch at Steak & Shake, and then saw The Karate Kid. It was a great day. I got to spend it with a truly awesome young man, and feel a little like a kid again, myself. (The movie, by the way, was thoroughly enjoyable. I kinda want to take kung fu now.)
2. Last night at the gym, a woman I know but don't see often stopped me. "You're wearing pink," she said. Why yes, yes I was. "It looks different. You look different. Your body; it's changing." I think she meant it in a nice way. "I only see you every few weeks, see," she continued. "I notice." Then today at the office, someone said, "You walk almost every day, don't you?" And yes, I do - even when it's sweltering. "You're losing weight." Well, not sure if the scale agrees, but here's hoping!
3. Tomorrow morning - that's Thursday, July 22 - at 8:30, I will see the doctor and learn the results of my MRI. I'm really hoping it's nothing major, and we can clear it up simply and as painlessly as possible. To be honest, I don't know if I'm up for surgery right now. Guess I'll have to see what the word is ... and try not to panic in the meanwhile.
4. I had Chuckles today for a snack. Fat free and delicious!
5. I have every song on my iPod on shuffle. You wouldn't believe how much Christmas music comes up in an eight-hour workday!
6. The family got together for July birthday dinner (that would be both Pat and Jenn) on Sunday. It was great to see my sisters, brother and of course, Dad. It was a delightful evening of good food, many laughs, and only a few times when I just had to let shit go. If only the eight of us hadn't been squished onto a table more suited for six, it probably would have been perfect.
7. I am as overscheduled as the child of a yuppy couple these days. It's not forever, though, so I'm pretty sure I'll pull through.
8. I would like a new pair of shoes. I'm going to pay my student loan instead.
9. Doing things because we always do them just isn't a good enough reason for me.
10. Every now and then, I go through my Facebook friends and weed people out. People who are always trying to sell me something, people who are mean, people who provide nothing but a constant barrage of ignorance ... gone. If I still show up on your News Feed, it's not you. ;)

Wee victory

Yesterday, my friend Krista got married.

Weddings are important events, and I believe when one is invited to one, it is an honor and a privilege. But in the midst of my monumental pity-pot breakdown yesterday afternoon, I almost lost sight of that fact. I almost gave in to the panic in my heart and stayed home.

See, sometimes I look in the mirror and shudder. I have never been a fan of my reflection. And yesterday, I wanted to feel pretty. I didn't. I had that shell-shocked paralysis that almost kept me home, instead. I sat on my bed and began to text the bride, explaining that I was unable to make it because I just didn't feel up to it.

I didn't feel up to it? As I keyed the words into my phone and read them back, I was shocked at myself. Half of life, after all, is in the showing up. It's about being there for the moments that matter - the big ones, like weddings, and the little ones, too. I want to be someone who shows up.
So I put on my best denim, having been assured that anything we were comfortable would be acceptable for this most eclectic gathering, and I took of for the train.

Along my journey, two friends called out of the blue - almost as if the universe wanted to reassure me that I was loved, no matter how I might feel about myself in that moment.

I arrived at the art gallery (yes, I have friends who get married in art galleries. How cool is THAT?) and wandered around, meeting the groom and wishing the gorgeous bride the best and eventually meeting up with some friends. And ya know what? They didn't seem to notice that I wasn't having a beautiful day. They only seemed to care that I was there, and that we were together to celebrate this day.

It was a hard day, one that found me almost constantly on the brink of tears, but that was okay. Everyone cries at weddings, right? And in the end, there was so much joy. I hope to remember last night as a moment when I wanted desperately to hide in a corner, and I chose awesome instead, and found myself letting go of all the things that would have kept me home as the evening progressed. It was a small victory, but a victory nonetheless.

My stunningly beautiful and talented co-workers - Cinthya, me, Bonnie, Bev, Kyra and Brienne.

Ten on Tuesday, July 13

1. I don't take kindly to being treated poorly. By anyone. Please don't reprimand me in a crowded office by telling me I "screwed everything up", especially when A) I didn't and B) I followed your directions. Please don't shout into the phone to tell me I'm getting old. Please ... just don't. When you're nasty to me a few times, I can let it go, but when it seems to just be the way you do things, I find it very hard to respect or like you.
2. Why is a concoction made up of Mandarin oranges, pineapple, marshmallows, coconut and sour cream referred to as "Hawaiian salad"? Seriously ... there is nothing remotely salad-like about this dish. Although I will take seconds, please.
3. Ever wanted to hear me sing? Well, you'll get your chance in August. On August 7, I'm part of Liberty Town Productions' Summer Showcase. Shows at 6 and 8:30 p.m., and more info is available here. The following day, I'll be participating in the Fox Valley Park District's "Summer Stage Turns 40" Concert of Memories. I was once very active in Summer Stage, and it's a blast rehearsing with old friends. More info on this show can be found here. Tickets can be reserved by emailing summerstage40@yahoo.com. Thank you for allowing me this shameless plug. We now return you to your regularly scheduled blog.
4. Rehearsal for the Summer Stage show last Sunday was like a trip back in time. Really - afterward, I invited myself to Patrick's mom's house for dinner; it was that much like 1987. Some things just don't get old. We ate Italian sausage and seafood salad, we swam in the rain, and we sat on the porch and talked. I'm a lucky girl.
5. So, I'm pretty busy these days. Lots of running around from rehearsal to the gym to work to doctor's appointments. Yeah, the knee is still not solved. On Thursday I go for an MRI, and after we know what's wrong, we'll decide what to do. I'm hoping it's not surgery; if some physical therapy can set me right again, I will be a happy woman (who no longer walks like she's 90.)
6. I already ate my lunch, but I'm hungry. There is no justice in the world.
7. I went to the Chicago Botanic Garden on Sunday. It's not in Chicago. It is, however, beautiful. Patrick, Ed, Javier and I met at Max's Deli for breakfast, and then we headed over to the Garden. So pretty. There were lots of little benches and areas to just relax. I could have spent the entire weekend there. In fact, I sort of wish I were still there.
8. Sometimes I get the urge to write nasty letters to the people who have hurt me. I usually talk myself out of it, though, because I realize ... they don't care. I have to learn to let stuff go, to stop feeling hurt over things that are so long in the past. It's tough, sometimes.
9. I saw one of my favorite families perform in "Seussical" last Saturday night. The Ludenas - Polly, Marc, Ross, Jack and Rosalie - were adorable. As a real fan of Dr. Seuss, I truly enjoyed the show. Especially seeing Ro as the baby elephant bird!
10. My finances will probably always be hard for me to manage. It takes real effort for me to manage my money, but I'm getting there. In fact, in what I consider a monumental event, I received the statement from my 401K yesterday. There is money in it. Not a lot - I've only been active since February - but there's money. More than I have had saved in a long, long time. It feels good.

10 on Wednesday, July 7

10 Things I Loved About My July 4th Weekend

1. House salad with fig balsamic vinaigrette at Ryan Braun's Tavern and Grill. And the chicken Marsala. And the gelatto trio. Delicious!
2. Friday night karaoke with Dale. It was a hoot to walk in the door and see Candy's face, because she didn't know I would be there. Of course, she had me sing her song, which went over brilliantly. We sang, we danced, we had a few drinks and a lot of water (man, the humidity!) and we really enjoyed listening to each other sing. It was a new twist on old times.
3. My haircut. It's not short by any means, but it is a lot shorter. I love it. It's bouncy and sassy (right, Rae?) and it doesn't end up in a complete mess after driving around with the top down.
4. Laying at the pool all day long. Bliss with SPF 30, a good book and even better company. Amber and I lounged throughout the day and chatted with her neighbors. Most of the people in her complex are a little older, and they are just charming, wonderful people. We talked about everything from the goose problem in Delavan to Lady Gaga. What a hoot!
5. Doing nothing for an entire evening. We thought about heading out to hear a band, or see a movie, but in the end I fell asleep on the chaise lounge in the living room and finally crawled to bed around 10:30. Yep, that's me - still a party animal!
6. Coffee and a walk. On Sunday, July 4, we slept in and then got dressed to wander around town. We stopped at Caribou for a delicious, frosty coffee treat and then wandered to the lakefront. So beautiful. It was a windy day and the air smelled amazing. There were so many people along the lake enjoying this amazing day. We found a little spot in the shad to sit and people watch for awhile ... bliss.
7. Big salads for lunch. Romaine, chicken breast, cranberries, nuts, feta and Green Goddess dressing. Does it get any better than that? Nope. Not as far as I'm concerned.
8. Wandering through gardens. We visited the North Wind Perennial Farm, which is part nursery and part gorgeous gardens. So many little nooks and crannies, and a big barn full of stuff my mother would have loved. I'm still thinking about the wind chime made of spoons. We also stopped at a mushroom farm, where they had the most beautiful produce ever. Makes me hungry just thinking about it! And that mango/Key lime salsa ... I would like some now, please.
9. Fireworks and water. Amber's friend David (who is also Patrick's friend, of course, and is now my friend, too) invited us out on his boat to watch the fireworks. He's on Lake Como, and from the middle of the lake, we could see fireworks from Fontana, Lake Como and the Grand Geneva. Incredible! Even though it was a little misty out on the water, it was a wonderful experience. I felt like I was among old friends, and sharing fireworks like that ... well, to me, it matters. Fireworks are meant to be shared with people you love.
10. Coming home. I elected to drive home after the fireworks rather than stay until Monday. While I missed breakfast with Laura, I was happy to be home. Honestly, I think that's the best part of most trips - coming home and realizing that this is where I belong.

Good as new?

I don't know exactly when it happened.

Was it a by-product of being married? The annual addition of a birthday? The moment I realized that my best days were probably behind me?

I don't know what led me to this place. I do know that, somewhere along the way, I stopped seeing myself as fixable. I decided that the aches and pains, the ways in which my body simply didn't behave, were just part of getting older. So my knee hurts. So the little sucker is prone to injury. What do you expect, at almost 44 years of age?

Turns out, I can expect more.

See, I've been really active over the last month or so. Keeping up the gym regimen while participating in relays, serving beers and helping friends move. All the while babying my knee, trying to keep from hurting it, and yet causing some very real pain. It wasn't getting any better, so I went to the doctor.

Who assures me that, with physical therapy, I can be good as new.

Really? After I'd given up and pretty much resigned myself to growing old next week, I learn that it doesn't have to be this way? Evidently. And that's an important revelation: We're never really done. We can never give up. Good enough can never be good enough.

So I have my first appointment next Wednesday at 4 pm. It will probably make me want to cry like a girl. Which is fortunate, because I am. But I'm going to do it, and I'm going to be good as new.

Ten on Tuesday, June 29

1. I don't like moving. I really don't like moving in 92 degrees and high humidity when there are stairs involved. That said ... it was totally worth it to install Millie, Eric and Danny in their new old home. Having my friends a little bit closer makes it completely worth it.
2. Spontanaeity and I still get along. Last Friday when Kathleen called looking for a dinnertime diversion, I initially thought "No; it's a big weekend with lots of activity and I really need to do my laundry." But I changed my mind, because life is short, food is good, and Kathleen is awesome. She met me at P.F. Chang's and we sat on the patio. It was a delightful, wonderful evening. And when I got home, I still had plenty of time do finish my chores.
3. Telling people that you value their opinions is not the same as actually valuing those opinions. That doesn't mean I expect anyone to substitute my judgement for his or her own. It does, however, require one not to assume I (or anyone else, for that matter) am wrong just because we share a different set of circumstances.
4. The car has been officially christened El Guapo. My best friend in the entire universe, the brother I didn't meet until I was 29, is in town on business, and the entire family (minus Rae and Kaylee) got together for dinner. Mike Rice has to pilot my vehicles and name them. He's been doing it since college, and it's the right thing to do.
5. Speaking of Rice family dinner ... it was chicken and dumplings, the way Susan (Mom) Rice used to make them. I have a lot of memories of that particular meal. Sometimes around that big table in the Jacksonville kitchen, sometimes huddled around a plastic bag full of dumplings and eating them cold the next morning. Always delicious. Becky and Cindy made dinner and the most perfect peach custard pie I've ever had. It was a magical meal. And like most magical meals, it wasn't the food, but the people, that made it special. This was the first time in two years that I've been in the same room with all the Rice kids, as James has been teaching in India. It was great to see him - and all my adoptive siblings - if only for one evening.
6. Okay, so this just hit me. We're eating the peach pie, and I ask for the recipe, and little brother Chunk says, "I'll send it to you right now." And he did. From his phone. Which means my little brother has the recipe for peach pie on his phone. How cute is that?
7. I have really effed up my knee. Too much activity over the last few weeks, I guess. It's swollen and cranky. Guess I'll have to take it easy this weekend, huh?
8. VACATION! It's just a long weekend, but it totally counts. Heading up to Lake Geneva on Friday night (pray for nice weather; I'd really love to go with the top down) and staying through Monday morning. In my near future, there will be karaoke, breakfast, pool, lake, sun, conversations and laughter. Sounds like vacation to me.
9. This morning I woke up to a little kitty-vomit minefield. Not sure what the little bastard got into, but it was nasty. And it did not make for a good morning.
10. If you eat a lot of black licorice, jelly beans or gum drops, you will poop brilliant green. No, really.

10 on Tuesday, June 22

1. I bought sunglasses. I had to do it on my own, because while I’ll see Tucson Mike in less than a week, we will not have time to shop. This puts a lot of pressure on me, but I think I did okay. Found two pairs that I really like, and they were buy one/get one half off. What good a pair of half-off sunglasses does me, I’ll never know. At least if they’re half off, they’re also half on.
2. Co-worker Mike is bringing me his bike. And that was an unfortunate rhyme. Anyway, I’ll be using it to train for the Muddy Buddy race on August 1. You should come cheer us on!
3. I have the ingredients to make panzanella – tomato and bread salad. Can I just say, yum?
4. Last Friday, we had some of the most freakish weather ever. The sky turned dark and scary, the wind was crazy and we lost power at the office. So what did we do? Went to the nearest bar for a few beers. Soon, it was safe to drive home and all was well … except I had no power there, either. It didn’t come on until 6:19 a.m. Good thing I have friends who are willing to entertain me in my hour of need!
5. I am not usually excited to perform manual labor. However, this weekend I will be pleased as punch to help move my friends Eric and Millie, and their son Danny, to Aurora. They currently live in DeKalb, which is too far away. Aurora will be much more manageable, for me, anyway. It will be worth the sweat and the icky to have them not living in Iowa.
6. At this time next week, Conference will be happening. Many of our management will be in Milwaukee, and it will be quiet, like the day after Thanksgiving. I’m looking forward to getting my cubicle clean and leaving on time.
7. I’m giving myself a little vacation. Fourth of July weekend will find me in Wisconsin, enjoying the water and the company of good friends. I know it’s not most people’s idea of a great vacation adventure, and I know it wasn’t my first choice of where I’d be heading … but it will certainly allow me to rest, relax and enjoy a little time away from the normal day-to-day.
8. I get to see Tucson Mike in just a few days! Well, the rest of the family, too … but it all started with Mike, and I can’t wait to see him. And eat chicken and dumplings. And hang out with the family. Now, of course, I have to admit … I wish the girls were coming, too.
9. I spent part of the day Sunday at my dad’s, because it was Father’s Day. I got presents. I love Father’s Day!
10. Co-worker Lisa and I still walk every day at lunch, as long as it isn’t raining. Today, it was hotter than hot outside. As my friend Marc said, it was “stupid hot”. And I figured, what the hell … at least it’s a dry stupid hot.

Ten on Tuesday, June 15

1. I am trying my damndest to prep for the Muddy Buddy race on August 1. Co-worker Mike and I will run/bike/complete obstacles/crawl through mud on a seven-mile course on a farm in Gilberts, IL. I just hope I don’t make a jackass out of myself. Or die. Or come in last.
2. I really miss having a patio or balcony. I love my little home, but within the next couple of years, I’d really like to upgrade to a place that gives me outside space.
3. Can I say once again how incredibly proud I am of Choose Awesome? Between our sponsorship and donations to our team of (two) walkers in the Relay for Life, the American Cancer Society received more than $560. It was a great feeling to walk for a cause that really matters – to us personally, and to our organization. For our very first venture, it feels pretty incredible. Or should I say awesome?
4. My dad, sister and nephew are still in Hawaii. Some day, I hope to go there. The pictures they’ve posted so far (yes, they access Facebook from the Big Island) are gorgeous.
5. While I miss my Blackberry (which I never should’ve gotten because I’m a Mac person and that’s just wrong) I kind of enjoy having just a regular ordinary doesn’t-do-anything phone. There’s a feeling of being unhooked that comes from not being reachable 24/7. I like that. I will remember that when I go iPhone, and not feel so attached.
6. My container garden is doing very well! I’m going to have to transplant some of the herbs out to give Tom (that’s the tomato) a chance to grow. I am so excited to have fresh tomatoes!
7. I’m still tired from being up all night Friday at the Relay. I am not as young as I once was.
8. I really dislike accepting copy changes from people who aren’t writers. Conversely, I really like having a job. At times, these feelings run at cross purposes with one another.
9. This Sunday is Father’s Day. As much as Mother’s Day is tough for me, being half orphaned and all, I feel for my friends who have lost their fathers. I talk to my dad almost every day, and I am always grateful for being able to do that – in part because I have a reminder, in the form of my friends, that life is short, and Dad won’t be with me forever. Your loss has given me important perspective, and I am grateful for that. You will be in my thoughts on Sunday.
10. I really (really) try to refrain from being passive-aggressive and snarky. This may come as a huge surprise, because it probably doesn’t seem that way. Just think: what if I didn’t try? My world would be nothing but snark. I’ll pause while you feel grateful.

I like ...

camping
pineapple
believing one person can make a difference
butterfly kisses
travel
different drummers, and moving to their beat
playing catch with whatever’s handy
the ocean
dark chocolate
sarongs
soap
my lawn, which is really a beautiful park
going barefoot
Coppertone
cold chocolate cake and a glass of milk
wishing on a star
hope
the fragrance library of Demeter
with apologies to Kevin Costner, long, slow, deep, soft, wet kisses that last three days
my wrists
being forgiven
forgiving
Snake River Lager
the feel of a dog’s nose in the palm you my hand
honesty (it’s such a lonely word)
feeling good in my own skin
crab rangoon
Loralei Gilmore
El Guapo
old letters
antique cake stands
grande extra shot nonfat mocha easy whip
romantic comedies
the next chapter
Christmas Eve
Spanish
Trixie Belden
garlic
the music of the 70’s
my job
easy silence
Levi's button-fly 501s
two brothers named Mike
sterling
knitting as meditation
drive-in movies
choosing a path
crying when I need to cry
experiences that encompass all five senses
Lush
potato salad
falling asleep

10 on Wednesday, June 9

1. Sometimes I'm overwhelmed with how much I love my actual brother Mike. I was over at Dad's over the weekend, and we decided to give him (Mike, not Dad) a shower. It's nice to be able to help Mike feel secure in a wobbly shower wheelchair made of plastic, but I was able to even make him laugh a little bit. We got him all nice and clean and smelling awesome. I'd wash his toes any day.
2. My dad, my sister Kathie and nephew Alex leave tomorrow morning for Hawaii. I hope they have a great time, especially my dad. At 81 years old, I love that he wants to travel. I especially love that he's finally taking that helicopter tour. Bon voyage, my dear ones.
   
3. Work is called work because it's work. Otherwise, they'd call it recess and you wouldn't get paid. But damn ... lately it's been more work than usual. Not complaining - love my job, love my co-workers, love having a job. But it's a stressful time of year. Bring on July.
4. Our tiny little not-for-profit, Choose Awesome, is sponsoring the Relay for Life at Elgin Community College this Friday and Saturday. I'm incredibly proud. I'm also walking on the Choose Awesome team. Truly looking forward to it.
5. Cats shed. A lot.
6. Sometimes going to the gym becomes a totally spiritual experience. Last night was one of those times. Everything just sort of fell into place, the energy was right and we had a magical hour of dancing. I'm so lucky.
7. Tomorrow (in Chicagoland, anyway) Jimmy John's subs #1-6 are only $1. I'm going with my co-workers. Nothing beats a $1 sammich. Well, several things do, but none that I can get on my lunch hour for a buck.
8. Yankee Candle has this smell called "Sun and Sand" that smells just like I remember my uncle Don's cabin smelling. The perfect combination of Coppertone and fresh air. You should get yourself one.
9. I am craving s'mores.
10. I have really been missing the water lately. It's been a long time since I've spent time lakeside, so I think in a few weeks I'll head North to Lake Geneva. I may not leave the shore for a few days.
    

10 on Tuesday, June 1

1. I love June. Summer makes me happy.
2. What a fantastic weekend! I was able to spend a lot of time either lounging poolside or driving with the top down. I keep sunscreen in my car out of necessity; I think that's the coolest thing in the world.
3. I'm slowly obtaining my summer glow. I know technically it's not healthy to tan, but I use as strong an SPF as I can (30) without breaking out in hella-hives, and I try not to relax out there for too long. I'm not going to spend the summer hiding in the shade.
4. Speaking of lounging in the sun, I came to an important realization on Sunday. I was at Polly's mom's pool, and it was hot and sunny. I had my swimsuit, so I decided to hop into it and cool off in the pool. Polly's cousin Jennifer was there, looking like her beautiful self, and by comparison I'm sure I looked like a sad whale. But as I told Polly, I'm over worrying about how I look. The truth is, I'm overweight. It's not like all of a sudden people will see me in a swimsuit and realize this! So why not take a dip with the kiddoes, relax on a lounge chair, and enjoy every gorgeous moment of summer? Why not, indeed.
5. I had completely forgotten that in Season Three of Moonlighting, the character of Sam is played by Mark Harmon. A very young Mark Harmon. The scene when David knocks on Maddie's door, intent on telling her he loves her, and Sam answers ... it's still heartbreaking after all these years.
6. Sometimes, no matter how hard ya try, ya screw up. The trick is to move on with some semblance of grace and dignity.
7. I really want more of those shishkabobs Polly made on Sunday.
8. The bad news: my scrubby soap thing melted in my gym bag. The good news: it smelled really good, and now everything in my gym bag smells like it. Not a bad trade.
9. It's vacation season and I'm not going anywhere. I wanted to, but airfare is just insane right now. So I'm going to let the money sit in my account and make more of itself for the time being. Besides, I need a new mattress and a new computer and lots of other things more than I need a vacation. I think.
10. Work is crazy in June. The people I work with are crazy in June, too. I fit right in.

Ten - May 26, 2010

1. I relented and put my little window air conditioner in the ... well, doy ... window. The temp climbed into the upper 80s this week, and from my swanky penthouse, it gets pretty steamy. Even with the a/c a'runnin', I can't get it cooler than 75 degrees. But there's a break coming, so it'll be off before we know it. And either way, I'm not complaining. I complain all winter long; I don't bitch in the summer.
2. Green tea mixed with lemonade is completely delicious. Occasionally, I add a splash of lime-infused rum, which just ups the anty a little bit. Tasty.
3. My nose is completely stuffed. I miss breathing. Actually, it's not so bad, except when I'm trying to sleep. I love sleeping, and I hate breathing through my mouth. Icky! Wah.
4. I spent the day last Sunday with the Ludena family - Polly, my old theater friend, her husband Marc, and their three kids - Ross (my Godson), Jack and Ro. Such sweet awesome people; love them! And the boys wanted nothing more than to ride in the back of Aunt Maggie's Jeep. Life is good. Got to see Ross and Jack in their program at church, have lunch with the family, and then see Ross and Jack in their piano recital. Their teacher was my Junior High choir director. (Cue the creepy animatronic puppets; it is a small world!) Had a blast, love the kids, and I really love the way old friends can come back to each other no matter how much time has passed.
5. Memorial Day weekend. Well, hello, summer ... you look good.
6. Boo-yah! At what age am I no longer allowed to say it? It's just so much fun!
7. On the financial front, may I have a drumroll please? I am no longer in default on my student loan. Within a few months, something good will actually be reported to the credit reporting agencies on my behalf. It's been awhile ... boo-yah.
8. There are storms in the forecast tonight. Yummy.
9. Today is my mom's birthday. She would have been 79. She was a witty, wonderful, wacky woman. I miss her every day ... even more during baseball season.
10. I don't believe ignorance is bliss. Ignorance is the one trait that really makes me crazy, because it's a choice. A little research makes all the difference between ignorant and not-so.
    

Habits - the good and the bad

I walked at lunch today. The sky is a clear and perfect shade of cerulean. The breeze is warm. The trees are brilliantly green and the two-mile trail is almost free of water after the flooding last week.

I go every day, at around noon, as long as there isn't a torrential downpour. It feels good. It's a welcome break from sitting at my desk. I smile almost the entire way. Today, I walked by myself because my walking buds were either busy or late, so I had time to myself to think. And I thought to myself, "This walking thing is a pretty good habit."

It's not something I've done on purpose. It started out as just a way to break up the day. It wasn't my intention to create a habit, but if you do something often enough, regularly enough, it just sort of happens.

As I rounded the first curve, around the pond at the corner of Devon and Mittel, I came to the harsh realization that that is simply the way life works. Do something often enough, regularly enough, and you have yourself a habit.

Which probably explains the low self-confidence I've battled my entire life, or why the bad stuff is easier to believe, even if I'm the only one saying it. It's a habit. I've habitually let myself believe the worst, and I've kept repeating to myself over and over.

You're not good enough. You're too heavy. You're not pretty. Your head is too big. (Okay, that one is true.) You don't deserve it. Everyone else is better, smarter, prettier and/or more talented than you.

I've heard the whispers. Most of them are mine; I am a master of self-doubt. But today, I heard other voices. You walk fast. You are powerful. You could totally knock the crap out of that creepy old runner guy. I'm going to start listening to them; that's a habit I'd like to cultivate.

Change ... it isn't always for the better

I have this friend who really isn't much of a friend any more.

I felt bad about it for awhile, until I realized I really didn't like him any more. Not the "like" of a 13-year-old girl, mind you ... nothing remotely romantic here. He'd just changed, and he's no longer someone I want to spend time with.

This particular friend thinks that, depending on the circumstances of the day, it's okay to cut in line. To basically step in front of 30 or so other people and put himself first. I confronted him; he told me I was wrong. He apologized, but only as a way to open up the conversation again.

Then he called me a bully. He told me people are afraid to call me out when I do things wrong. He should meet my sisters. Hell, he should meet most of my true friends.

Which got me to thinking ... first of all, he doesn't really know me. Second, he's just not the kind of person I like to spend my time with. I don't feel any particular animosity toward him, I just don't want to be in his toxic presence.

I worry, because I know he talks to other people I know. But my friends know better. The people who know me are above this seventh-grade bullshit. So I'm at peace, because I've grown beyond friendship with this person. And there's something quite freeing about that.

Second star to the right

There are lots of bloggers out there. There are a few bloggers who dedicate themselves to evaluating community theater in our area. I tend to disagree with either their assessments (because they are self-important blowhards) or their ethics (because they accept free tickets).

So, just this once, I'm going to use this space to publish a review. While I'm not a national champion actor (whatever that is) nor currently theatrically active in any capacity other than audience member, I believe my opinions are valid.

Last night, I saw K-Pax at the Geneva Underground Playhouse (GUP). I went with a group of friends who gathered at Bistro Thai two blocks East of the theater beforehand. (I won't review the restaurant here, but trust me ... try the yellow curry.)

The GUP is quickly becoming one of my favorite venues to see a show. It's small, so you experience performances in a way few theaters allow. And with a show like K-Pax, it's perfect.

K-Pax tells the story of Prot (Scott Surowieki), an alien from the planet K-Pax. A kinder, gentler planet, if you will. Prot finds himself admitted to Ward Two of a mental institution, and here we meet not only his psychiatrist, Dr. Gene Brewer (Pat Able) but the other patients in the ward as well.

And I just told a lie. I said K-Pax is the story of Prot, but I really don't believe that. K-Pax is about what you, the audience member, decide it's about. You get to decide. Is it about mental illness? The fragility of the human condition? Going beyond ourselves? All I can say is ... yes.

Surowieki relishes this role. There are moments when he seems to devour it ... literally. His approach to his character is full-on acceptance of who Prot thinks he is. Able, as Dr. Brewer, has the unique ability to blend in and let the character of Prot be the star of the scene. This, in my opinion, is the mark of a truly great actor - someone who is willing to fade and let his fellow cast member shine. Particularly difficult when only the two men are on the stage, yet Able does it with a grace not often seen ... at least not by me. His portrayal of Brewer (a character, incidentally, named after the playwright) provides the audience with an understanding of the comfort level his patients have with him. If I didn't know he were an actor, I'd hire him to listen to my problems. (Dr., I have this rage thing against certain bloggers ... )

The first resident of Ward Two isn't a patient, but nurse Betty McAllister (Angelicque Cate). Cate brought to her character facets of many different medical professionals I've met throughout life - the nurse who comforted me and the doctor who sympathized with me over loss, to name a few. Cate's portrayal made me believe she cares about her patients. And when there was a moment of levity, Cate seamlessly helped us find the laugh.

The other residents of the ward include Chuck (Steve Lord); Ernie (Russ Devereaux); Bess (Angela Bend); and Howie (Peter Lemongelli). We watch their stories unfold as Prot gets to know them, and there are some stellar performances here. Lord shows his comedy chops and his tender side as we learn of Chuck's losses and yearnings for more. Devereaux introduces you to Ernie in a way that breaks your heart and then puts it back together again as he faces his fear and moves past it. Way past it. Bend beautifully embodies the impact violence has had on Bess, and soon you find yourself rooting for her the same way Prot seems to be.

And then there's Howie. Lemongelli moved me to applause and to tears almost simultaneously with his portrayal of this damaged soul. Howie is a jewel just preparing to shine.

Actually, that description works for every patient of Ward Two. And it's Prot who points them toward their next steps, who ties the story together and who shows the impact one person can have on the lives of others.

The character of reporter Giselle Griffen (Kathy Richardson) is introduced in Act I, and I'm still not sure why. She doesn't move the story forward a great deal, and she doesn't help us understand the other characters. But Richardson has taken her character and created someone who, while possibly a candidate for Ward Two herself, is searching for her story as she writes it. There's a little bit of all of us in Giselle.

This is a true ensemble show, and the cast is a true ensemble. While Lemongelli gives a standout performance, he doesn't overshadow his castmates. What we have here is a collection of actors who clearly care more about their story - and each other - than they do about personally stealing any moment of any scene. I attribute this to great casting, great directing and quite simply great people. I'd like to have coffee with each and every actor in K-Pax.

Was there anything I didn't like? To be honest, scene changes dragged a bit. There aren't great transformations to be made on the set, and the show would flow more effortlessly if these could be tightened up. And while it was a tiny bit obvious that some dialogue was bungled early on during the May 14 performance, I have no doubt that the actors will correct this before their next performance; those errors generally happen only once. And while I'm on the subject, it did not go unnoticed that the actors steered the story right back on track, while including all the important information and remaining flawlessly in character the entire time.

So take my advice. See K-Pax. Let yourself be moved.

The fine print: I am not an unbiased critic. Several members of the cast are friends of mine. I've known the director since we were both young (and quite adorable, I might add). But I am also a very honest, very critical audience member. If I had the money, I'd pay for your ticket.

Ten on Tuesday - May 11 edition

1. Dull girl? Not a chance, but there’s a risk of life becoming (almost) all work these days. Lots of projects. Lots of deadlines. Lots of me pulling my hair out (which isn’t pretty because, let’s face it, at my age it’s already starting to thin.) But I’m capable, and I know where the coffeepot is. I’ll get through it; you just might not hear a lot from me until July.
2. I walked at lunch today, even though it was raining.
3. The Code stands strong. I have an ethical code that runs along my spine, and when challenged, Maggie gets cranky. My challenge is to learn to respect people whose ethical boundaries differ from my own. It’s not easy. That’s why they call it a challenge.
4. I hate my mattress and my couch. And my budget, which doesn’t currently allow for replacement. Not looking for a solution, just venting.
5. I love ending the day with a hot cup of something. Maybe it’s just because the nights lately have been super-chilly, but when 10 p.m. approaches and there’s cocoa or tea or decaf in my cup, I’m a happy woman.
6. Ground flax seed has the consistency of potting soil, but it makes my yogurt stick to my ribs so I’ll keep eating it.
7. Edy’s makes a S’mores flavor ice cream. You should eat it.
8. I spent Mother’s Day with my dad, and Patrick’s family. (Not at the same time, but in that order.) It was a lovely day. It was the first time being without Mom on Mother’s Day really hit me, maybe because this year we didn’t gather as a family. But it was good. It was exactly how it should have been. Time with Dad is a strong connection to family, and to the woman who was my mother. Time with Patrick’s family is loud and accompanied by great food. What more could you ask for?
9. Last week, co-worker Lisa and I put together some displays of jewelry and she photographed them for our magazine. We created something really quite pretty, and useful. It reminded me of the last-minute photo shoots for the feature page at the Daily Eastern News … except not.
10. When the money is tight, there’s nothing better than cheap food, shared with friends. Hell, that’s true even when the money isn’t tight.

A kinder, gentler driver

I love driving my car.

Tell me when you get tired of hearing that.

But I think the best part is that whole Wrangler brotherhood thing. Or sisterhood, what with the boobs and all. The Wrangler kinship, I'll call it.

It's simple, and I've written about it before - the way most Wrangler drivers acknowledge one another as we drive past. Most of the time, it's a wave. Often, it's a peace sign. Occasionally, it's a salute. I've even had a few blown kisses. (Incidentally, to date, every single Wrangler driver who has not offered some sort of greeting was driving what I consider the non-Wrangler. The four-door yuppified version. So it doesn't really count.)

Anyway, it always makes me smile, and today I got to really thinking about it. How cool is it that having one thing in common - the car we drive - makes us treat each other kindly? How incredible that we intentionally greet one another, simply because we all share a certain fondness for a particular type of automobile.

So here's what I'm thinkin': start waving at cars like yours. Drive a minivan? Be proud! Wave at other minivans! Own that mustang and wave at your fellow enthusiasts! Be truly edgy: drive a mercury Grand Marquis like my 80-year-old dad, and start waving at others who drive them.

Sure, most people will think you're a special kind of nutso. But ... what if it caught on?

It's been quite a week

I have never been quite so happy for Friday to come along. This week has absolutely kicked my ass. Anything that could possibly have gone wrong, has gone wrong. Some things that could not have gone wrong went wrong just to spite me.

Yeah, it's been one of those weeks.

And yet, I'm still smiling. I took my lumps - and there were plenty. As I told a co-worker this morning, there's plenty of room on the blame train for all of us, so let's just get on, ride to the next station, and leave the damn thing behind us.

Suffice it to say that I'm exhausted, and there's no real end in sight. Until maybe July-ish.

The best part is, even through the mayhem, I've kept my sense of humor. I've listened to good music, taken my lunchtime walks and left work on time every day but one. I've made it to the gym for all my regular classes. And today, co-worker Lisa and I walked to Dairy Queen at lunchtime. There's something quite decadent about eating ice cream in the middle of one's mid-day workout, don't you think?

I'm not saying it hasn't been a challenge. Au contraire, mon cher ... it's been moment to moment sometimes, in this quest to Choose Awesome. But I've done okay. And there's only one day left! I can see Friday from here, and I'm pretty damn happy about that.

Ten on Tuesday - April 27, 2010

1. Songs get stuck in my head so easily. It’s particularly annoying when they stay there all night long, and at 3 a.m. when I’m up peeing, they’re still blaring around in my noggin. Last night, the song was “Joyful Sign” by the band Girlyman. I fell in love with their music on Saturday night, when they opened for the Indigo Girls. Amazing music; they are awesome. (Girlyman, and the Indigo Girls.) But I digress … “Joyful Sign” is about the way sometimes people leave you, and sometimes, that’s a good thing. It’s my new theme song.
2. What a whirlwind! I drove up to Madison on Friday, taking a half day off. The drive was interesting, because a rusty hunk of metal fell off my car. I don’t know what it was, but Frank will tell me when I get el guapo in to see him later this week. Anyway, I drove to Madison. Hung out with Elaina and her husband Chris (yes, she married not one, but two men named Chris) and their two kids. Then we were off to the show, stopping for sandwiches beforehand (grilled veggies and provolone, how do I love thee?). Amazing show. I laughed, I cried. No, really. Then on Saturday, we had breakfast (Elaina made homemade chocolate chip pancakes) and then she, the kids and I ran my errands. Beer for co-worker Lisa, bagels for me, Sonic goodies for all. By the time I got home Saturday night, I was exhausted but happy. Life sometimes twists and turns, but somehow it brought together two women (who used to be married to the same guy) and turned them into friends.
3. I either have nasty allergies or yet another cold. Just sayin’. And complainin’.
4. My budget is a constant struggle. I spend too much money on food. I like good food. Good food is expensive. I should probably eat less!
5. I started walking outside during my lunch break. There is a two-mile walking path near the office, and I’ve been enjoying a little sunlight each day at noon. Heaven, and good for me, too!
6. I dislike people who think they are more important than other people. This probably annoys me more than any other attribute. We all share the same world, and no one is more important than anyone else. Even on my princess days, I know that to be true. Why is it such a difficult concept? Why do people think the rules apply to everyone except them?
7. It’s a little after 3 p.m. and I’m already looking forward to going to bed tonight. Yeah, I think I have a cold.
8. Sometimes when I’m driving to work and singing along to the radio, I’m pretty sure anyone who sees me thinks I’m having some kind of psychotic breakdown. Then I laugh and keep on singing (and playing the steering wheel).
9. When I talk to my dad on the phone, often my brother is in the background holding his own half of the conversation. It is hysterical hearing him repeat everything my dad says, milliseconds after Dad says it. He absolutely cracks me up. (For those who may be unaware, my brother Mike is my twin and has cerebral palsy. My dad is his caregiver – yet another reason he should apply for sainthood. Mom took care of Mike up until she got sick, and I will always believe that he has the best sense of humor ever created. It’s been an interesting life.)
10. Smile more. It doesn’t hurt, and it makes other people smile more. We could start a smile revolution!

Grace

I'm not perfect.

But then, you knew that.

I am a work in progress, with oodles of ways I need to improve. Two major areas spring to mind: my physical health, and my financial health. I've come a long way in both areas ... and yet, I have so far to go.

When I'm not perfect in either of those areas - which is most of the time - I struggle to find the grace to let it go. I'm 43 years old, the little voice inside my head tells me. I should have my financial house in order. I should have built a strong and healthy body. But I'm trying.

It's a struggle.

I'm heading out of town this weekend, and I feel guilty doing it, because I don't have as much money in the checking or savings accounts as I wish I did, and gas to Madison won't be free. To say nothing of the fact that last year at this time I was showing up regularly for court date after court date, dealing with the bankruptcy while simultaneously fending off lawsuits from creditors. To say nothing of the fact that I now actually have a savings account. I've come a long way, and it still doesn't feel like enough.

I only made it to the gym twice this week. I feel bad missing my Saturday morning workout, because I'm missing a regularly scheduled gym day. Yet I can't seem to acknowledge the fact that two years ago, I was about 70 pounds heavier than I am now. All I can see is the 70 I have left to go. Two years ago, I didn't pay any attention to what I ate because then I'd have to be accountable. Those days, for the most part, are over, and it still doesn't feel like enough.

I know the road to both destinations will be long and often tedious. I know that anything worth having is worth the hard work it takes to get there. But I have such a hard time giving myself the grace to enjoy the process. Because I know that it isn't about getting there; it's about the lessons you learn along the way.

I've learned a lot, but there is so much left to learn!

So for the moment, today, this weekend, I'm going to find a little grace to share with myself. I'm going to set a budget for myself, and I'm going to eat with care, and maybe even take a walk around one of my favorite cities. I'm going to soak up the joy of spending a day with a most unlikely friend, revel in some amazing music, and let myself enjoy myself.

I'm going to forgive myself for my mistakes, and accept the opportunity to not make the same ones again and again.

Ten, on Wednesday

1. I’ve got to be a wee bit nutso. I’ve signed up to participate in the Chicago Muddy Buddy Race on August 1. It’s a relay, and my partner is co-worker Mike. The race is seven miles of off-road running and biking, and we trade off tasks; while he runs I bike, then we work through an obstacle together, and then he bikes while I run. My goal is to finish it, and not get injured. Or, ya know, die. In all honesty, I’m really looking forward to it. It gives me something to look forward to, a goal to keep my eye on so I keep plugging away at my fitness goals. Power on, Team Inconceivable!
2. Which reminds me … I started logging my calories and workouts again this week. Which sucks when you eat a half-pound cheeseburger, but I logged the calories anyway. (And it was worth it, lemme tell ya.) My re-established goal is to be in good enough shape to do well in the race on August 1, and be at my goal weight by Christmas. After all … 2010 is the Year of the Maggie. Might as well get everything I can out of it!
3. Blame is a waste of time. Just freaking move on.
4. My cubicle at work is in the flight pattern for planes landing at O’Hare. Anyone who really knows me also knows this is a horrendous distraction. I do love airplanes. And fire trucks. Although the office is not located in proximity to a firehouse, so I don’t see them nearly as often as I do planes.
5. It’s almost smoothie season! I got out my Jamba Juice recipe book and I’m fixin’ to make some delicious breakfast smoothies once the weather is warmer. May I say, yum.
6. I am headed to Madison this weekend. Just overnight Friday, when my ex-wife-in-law and I will take in an Indigo Girls concert; I don’t want to drive back that night, so I’m couching it at Elaina’s house. I’ll be missing my Saturday morning workout, but I think it will be totally worth it. I hope to get to Brennan’s Market to pick up beer for co-worker Lisa, and Gotham Bagels for a little somethin’ for me. It’s a little overnight vacation, and I’m pretty much ready NOW!
7. In July, my cell contract will be up, and by then I am determined to go iPhone. I’ve wanted one for more than three years, and I’m ready to stop waiting. The Blackberry has served me well, but it’s just wrong for a Mac girl to use a phone made by someone else. I have spoken.
8. I have a hot-pink streak in my hair. Just on the underside, so it’s understated. Well, as understated as hot-pink hair can be. I was at my friend Millie’s house over the weekend, and she wanted me to do her hair (all over pink streaks) so we did that … and there was bleach and color solution left over. Had to happen, right? I think it’s neat, and maybe even a little bit fun.
9. I don’t drink enough water. I drink water all the time, and still it’s not quite enough. I want to get my eight glasses in before the end of the work day, so I don’t spend the night peeing instead of sleeping. So far, EPIC FAIL.
10. I signed up to get travel deal updates from Travelzoo. It’s torture. I found a six-night Aruba vacation for $600, including airfare. Seriously? I may need to opt out of the e-mails just because it’s starting to feel personal!

Six years

Sometimes it seems like only yesterday Mom was sitting in her chair, wearing her "Queen" robe and watching baseball.

Other times, it feels like she's been gone for ages. So much has happened in the span of those six years, it's hard to believe that's all it's been.

Six years.

When Mom was sick, I began teaching myself to knit. Chemo took her hair, and she wasn't the type to wear a wig, so she opted for scarves and hats. My goal was to knit her the softest cashmere hat anyone had ever worn. But she was gone too soon, and the "hat" - really just 20 or so rows on double-pointed needles - is buried in a Zip-loc bag, waiting for me to find the courage to finish it. I made other hats; oh, I've finished countless other projects. But that hat defeated me. She left before the rows of yarn became anything at all.

I remember the day I shaved her head for the first time. Her hair was falling out in clumps and it was time to just give up the ghost. Her skin was so dry, I rubbed her noggin with mineral oil to keep it soft. She'd lost so much weight, but she never lost her spirit.

I remember making her chicken soup. I learned to make it, just for her. And she liked it. I felt like I'd really accomplished something with that first pot. I felt horrible when some of it spilled on the floorboards of my then-husband's car. (Looking back I think it's funny that in the summer his car smelled like an old refrigerator.) But Mom loved it (the soup, not the smell in the car) and I was so proud to have made something that she wanted to eat.

There wasn't much she enjoyed eating. It's odd all the ways the chemo/cancer combo affects the body; her sense of taste was just a mess. There were just a few things she really liked - namely, my chicken soup and brother-in-law Bernie's cherry cobbler. Any time she asked for either, we would make it. I think we both felt honored.

One day, her legs were so dry and itchy, she was uncomfortable. So I got some emollient salt scrub - I'm sure it was Kathie's - and I sat with a basin of water and rubbed her calves with the scrub, sloughing off the dead skin and leaving behind some rich moisturizer to hopefully keep the dryness at bay for the day. Sitting on the floor washing my mom's feet, I felt the role reversal. She who had once bathed me could now use a little help. And once again I was overwhelmed with a feeling of honor for being able to care for her.

At the time, I was only working part-time at the bookstore at College of DuPage. I had a little time on my hands, having been laid off by my fulltime gig a few months earlier. So I spent a lot of time at the house I grew up in, letting the woman who raised me lean on me when necessary and relishing the opportunity to be there with her, sometimes just sitting in silence.

And then that day came, all too suddenly for me, and she was gone. I was left with memories, a great recipe for chicken soup and a half-finished hat.

I think this winter, I'll wear it myself.

Ten, whenever

1. I have discovered what I consider the perfect pot of coffee. It’s a mixture of Starbucks House Blend and Café Du Monde’s signature coffee/chicory combo. I use equal parts of each, and it’s divine. I call it Maggie’s Blend. You should stop by for a cup.
2. Did you know they make vacuums specifically for bare floors? I didn’t; now I do. For $59.99 and a little elbow grease, I now have pristine hardwood. But I had to keep the beast so I could clean the area rugs. Or maybe I’ll just get rid of the area rugs.
3. With all the sickness and injury that has plagued me since November of last year, I’ve put on a little weight; all told, probably 10 pounds. Which is nice, coming in to swimsuit season. I’m trying to balance my need to take off the weight with my need to not overdo my workouts. This is not as easy as it sounds.
4. The gym. Oh, how I love the gym. Yes, I am being more careful, but I’m not missing my salsa/funk classes. I’m just having to be more careful. I am there as much for my mental state as I am for my physical health. I’d say it keeps me sane, but you have to have something before you can keep it.
5. Theater is like an old friend to me. To be sure, most of my experience of late has been as an audience member, but I truly love it. Which is why I get a little riled up when a self-proclaimed actor (whom I saw in a production in which he was one of the better performers, but when 99 percent of cast members make me want to read my book instead of watch the show, being “one of the better” is not good enough) decides to write a review blog and rips into actors who, on their worst day, were far and away better than he. He is the very epitome of douchey.
6. I’m writing a lot these days. I’ve hit my stride (finally) at the office and am being trusted to do some pretty cool projects, from naming jewelry to writing fresh copy for a super-cool upcoming launch of something … well … super-cool. I’m also working on a book project that details life in my world over the past four years or so. Will it ever be published? I don’t know. But it’s an interesting process, and one that I am enjoying immensely. And yes, in one way or another, you are all featured. The names, however, have been changed to protect the innocent. (Those who aren’t innocent, however, go by their real names.)
7. Forgiveness doesn’t come easily to me. But at least I’m an equal-opportunity grudge holder; I find it just as difficult to forgive myself as I do others. I’m working on it. Because it would seem that the first step in moving forward, putting the past where it belongs (ahem; in the past) is to forgive yourself. Then, you can have the clarity of mind to forgive others. Only then can the intense freedom that comes from letting go be yours. Or that’s what I’m learning, anyway.
8. I would really like to take a vacation. I don’t know if that will happen this year, because I’m trying to be verrry careful with my money. But I’m just putting it out there to make the universe aware.
9. My friend Russ is on a mission. He wants to collect a 10-line poem from every human being. You, gentle reader, are human … so go here and share a poem! Even if you’re not a poet; that’s the whole idea – that everyone has thoughts worth sharing. Do it!
10. Life is short, and words are powerful. The future is uncertain. Years ago, I saw an old friend for the first time in years. It was such a treasure seeing her - young Andrea, an amazing woman. I saw her in a musical and she was, as usual, stunning. We laughed a little, and when we said goodbye, I told her I was proud of her, and that I loved her. Days later, she was in a car accident that claimed her life. I remember that when I'm tempted to part ways with someone, having to have the last word ... the last, biting, sarcastic word. Life is short. Words are powerful. The future is uncertain. Leave people with words you would be proud to have them carry with them forever.

In review

Once I was just a little girl with a dream. A dream of being a princess. And an astronaut. And an astronaut princess. I knew I’d have to work hard to achieve my dream, because I didn’t know any princes, and was never terribly good in astronaut studies. But I did my best. And yet, I did not achieve my dream.

Alas, I became a writer, instead.

Trying to fulfill dreams and failing doesn’t seem to stop some folks, though, from continuing to pursue them. Even if they lack the talent required to be truly good at that which their hearts desire.

For instance, there’s this blogger. Let’s call him BB. BB wanted to be an actor, so he was active in community theater. He wasn’t very good, but that didn’t stop him from pursuing his dream. Then, he changed direction. “I think I’ll be a critic,” BB said. So he started a blog.

See, folks, you don’t have to be talented or even know how to correctly form an engaging sentence to get an audience on the Web. You just have to sign up for an account at www.blogger.com.

And that’s what BB did.

To say that he lacks finesse would be a gross understatement. To say that he doesn’t know the first thing about theatrical criticism would be another. To point out that he obviously is a throwback to the golden days of monospace type is blatantly obvious, as he insists on double spacing between every sentence. (This should provide a clue as to how “professional” he is, in case his uber-snarky 14-year-old-girl-with-a-slam-book delivery doesn’t do the trick.) But the real issue is his structure. He works through the show, character by character, constantly telling readers what he wrote in his notes.

The first rule of journalism is “show, don’t tell.” Don’t tell me what you wrote in your notes. If I gave a good God damn, I’d just ask to read your notes. Explain. Don’t tell me that an actor “never invests himself into the performance”; explain why that’s your opinion. And for the love of all that’s good and holy, do not criticize a teenaged actor portraying a teenaged character for needing “more time to mature as an actor.” At least not until the universe stops giving roles to Miley Cyrus. The teenager in question, while not perfect, gave a realistic portrayal of the angst of growing up.

To put it mildly, BB has no earthly idea how to write a review.

Would you let just anyone perform surgery on you, just because he or she had a scalpel? Get in an airplane piloted by someone who merely had a deep desire to fly? Probably not. You’d want to know that they had the education and credentials to carry out these tasks without incident.

Now I’m not saying that reviewing theater is a life or death situation. What I am saying is, if we’re going to take someone seriously, we should at least expect them to know more about the subject than we do. We should require them to be educated, write in a manner that is both fair and consistent, and entertain us. BB’s review is perhaps entertaining, but only to the lowest of his readership - those also willing to blindingly tear apart the cast, crew and staff of the show he most recently reviewed without any thoughtful analysis whatsoever.

I understand that any single review is also simply one person’s opinion, but unless you actually know how to write theatrical criticism, I won’t be taking you seriously. Dearest BB, I found your review to be froth with errors. Like that one; what you mean is “fraught.” But that’s okay. You can leave the actual writing to the actual writers.

The tough and the good

So I totally blew past my Tuesday posting. Could this be because my Tuesday totally blew?

Yes, yes it could.

See, here's the thing: If you're reading this, you know that I'm a sensitive person. Perhaps too sensitive. I've been advised on numerous occasions to gain a thicker skin, but it doesn't seem to be in the cards for me. Besides, science will tell you that as we age, our skin gets thinner, so it's probably not even possible.

Anyway, I accidentally stepped in it on Tuesday. I hurt a friend because I was in the wrong place at the wrong time, doing the wrong thing. No, it's no like I kicked a puppy or anything. Oh, hell, if I try to describe it without explaining it, it's just going to be bulky and awkward, so here's the Reader's Digest version:

Tuesday was my Salsa/Funk instructor's birthday. It was also my first time back in class after missing two weeks. A group of classmates got together and bought gifts and things for the instructor, and made an announcement and had us sing Happy Birthday (with apologies to the representatives of Mildred and Patty Hill) and made quite a spectacle. A friend of mine handed me her video camera and asked me to tape the festivities.

Now, I hate cameras at the gym. They don't belong there. This is supposed to be a safe place, where we can jiggle and dance and not worry about being captured on film. But in the moment, I grabbed the camera and did what was asked.

Until my instructor looked at me and, in front of the class, said, "Maggie, please don't tape this."

It was a simple request. There isn't a nicer way she could have asked. And yet, I felt destroyed. Because I am such a sensitive girl, I shut down the camera, handed it back to its owner, and tried to hold back the tears. Now I know what you're thinking. "What on earth made her cry?" I'm not 100 percent sure, but I think it was the combination of being back after being sick and injured, the sensory overload of the celebration, and the knowledge that I had disappointed someone I admire greatly. And try as I might, I couldn't hold it together.

I made my apologies to my friends, and I got out of there. I drove home in tears. Because evidently I'm a 13-year-old girl. It was a perfect storm of emotion, and I got caught in the eye of it.

I'm okay now. I'm sad that my relationship with my instructor seems to have been damaged. I'm sad because I really try not to do things that upset people, and I failed miserably at that. And I'm sad because my apple cart got upturned. But life goes on, ever forward.

Back at the gym last night, I went to a class taught by a different instructor. Before class began, we were saying hi to each other, and I told her how pretty she looked, because she did - her hair was all curly and stunning and she just looked ethereal and beautiful. I just said it because it was true, and I certainly didn't realize how much it meant to her. But after I got home and logged on to Facebook, I saw the note she left for me, thanking me for my kind words, because they helped after she'd had a hard day.

And I thought to myself, sometimes, I get it wrong. Sometimes I miscalculate, and I make mistakes, leaving the people I care about wounded in some way. But sometimes, in a moment when I am just being myself, sharing the truth of life as I see it ... sometimes, I get it right.

Ups and downs

My Aunt Shirley had a theory. She believed that once the gallbladder was removed, it was all downhill from there. No medical science backed her up, but that's what she believed. Take out the gallbladder, and other things will begin to go wrong. Factor in that Aunt Shirl was an RN, and you start to wonder ... is there any truth to the theory?

If you look at the way my life has bumped along since last July, you'd have to wonder. I feel like I've gone from one illness or injury to another since having that damn thing taken out, but I refuse to be sucked in by the hair-brained idea. Sooner or later, I have to get well, don't I?

This latest round of my unwellness is related to my left knee. I injured ages ago, and I have to be careful of it. Something I did at the gym last Saturday really did me in, although as long as I don't have to walk, I'm fine. I've been limping since Saturday night, and now the muscles in my leg that allow me to limp hurt, too. I'm hopeful that rest will heal the sucker ... and you know how much I love sitting at home doing nothing. I limp in to the office every day, sit in my comfy chair, write for eight hours and limp home. I'm pretty sure that, when all is said and done, my sofa will have a butt-shaped dent in it.

In other news, my dad, sister Kathie and nephew Alex are in Disney World right now. I'm exceedingly jealous. Airfare is so high these days, I don't know if I'll get to take a vacation to an exotic locale, but I'm incredibly grateful to have inexpensive options, even if it means I'm hanging out in Lake Geneva for a week.

I love sleeping with the windows open. Last night it was particularly captivating, because there was a chill in the air and a full moon. Snuggle and dream.

Do you have a recipe for the perfect Bolognese sauce? Please share it with me.

I think this weekend it will be warm enough to take the top off the car. I'll bundle up if I have to, but I can't wait!

Oops!

I missed my Tuesday posting this week! I'm a little thrown off these days, but here I am, prepared to share what's been going on. Maybe not ten things, maybe more. I'm not counting today.

I've been deaf in one ear for a week. It makes me feel like Kelly, except it's on the other side. When I want to see "Flanagan's Wake" on St. Patrick's Day with Marge, I had to make sure she was on my left so I could hear her if she talked to me. She said it was like sitting next to Kelly in reverse. (The show, by the way, was hysterical. People who are really good at improv amaze me.)

The deafness has been driving me crazy, mostly because it causes a ringing in my ear that keeps me from sleeping. So I went back to the doctor and he found no infection, but did see a lot of inflammation in my ear, and congestion in my nasal cavity. (Pretty, huh?) So he prescribed a steroid and more rest. Turns out this burning-the-candle-at-both-ends thing has probably lead me to not fully recover from anything, and that's why I haven't really felt great since November. So I need to slow things down in order to get healthy. I can still go to the gym, he said, but I probably can't do everything else I want to do. It's hell getting old.

I went to the gym last night but was only able to do the first hour of my workout - the strength training part. My heartrate was way too high - like in a heavy cardio zone - during part of the workout, and that was a clear sign to me that an hour of cardio would not be a good idea. So I took myself home and made dinner, took a bath and was in bed early. Aging divorcee learns new tricks.

My friend Eric made me a box set of CDs for in my car. I'm enjoying the old-school manner of listening to music; instead of having every song in my library on my iPod, I'm choosing CDs and loving it. So here's my challenge to you: Make me a CD to listen to in the car. Put together songs you think I'd like to listen to, burn 'em to a CD and send it my way. Please?

I saw the absolute worst show. I'm not going to tell you what it was or where I saw it, because everyone should judge for him or herself, but oh my God. At the end of the show, I thought the cast should apologize. I thought they should offer me twice the cost of the ticket back, for paying and then sitting through this atrocity. It still hurts my brain. It makes me not want to see any community theater for awhile. It also makes me want to hit people who can't act or direct but insist on trying.

I look adorable today. My hair turned out like I always want it to but can never do on purpose. It's a good Maggie day.

I love having girlfriends. It's not something I'm used to; I've always been one of the guys. But suddenly these days I have strong and wonderful women at my side, enjoying conversation and laughter and a glass of wine and occasionally a night of really bad theater. It's a nice place to be, a part of this aging sisterhood of the travelling vino. I like it.

And that's all, for now. Later, friends!

No ten today, only joy

I know it's Tuesday, gentle reader, and that you've gotten used to learning ten things that are swimming through my brain. But not today, darlings. Today I'm on my pity pot and you're just gonna have to suffer through it with me.

I have a sinus infection. Now, if it were an isolated incident I wouldn't complain. But this is probably the third or fourth bout of crap I've had to deal with this winter. I'm quite done with it. And frankly, this damn thing hurts. I've never had a sinus infection before. I don't want one again. My routine these days is: Neti pot, cup of tea, saline spray, nap, repeat.

I'm simply not good at being sick. I would, thank you very much, far prefer to have someone dote on me and bring me tea and rub my feet while I whine. The cat has yet to learn how to do that, so I'm on my own. And none too happy about it.

In other news, there's a lot of death stuff flying around lately. A few weeks ago was the seven-year anniversary of Mama Rice's death. Experiencing the loss of Sue alongside Mike and the family helped prepare me for losing my "real" mom about a year later; we'll "celebrate" that next month. Today is the three-year anniversary of my friend Millie's mom's early departure from earth, in May it will be a year since we lost Eric's dad and to sit on top of everything like the grieving cherry on a horrible cake, my friend Gretchen's husband died of a heart attack late last week. See what I mean? Lots of death.

Now it does offer a bit of perspective. After all, I have a sinus infection, but I'm not dead. It serves as a reminder that life is short, and we should play while we can. We should smile and get out into the sunshine, because those who left us too soon would have wanted it that way. It doesn't help a whole lot in those moments when my jaw aches from the sinus pain (yes, it's that bad) but it does remind me that, even in the painful moments, there is still so much joy.

And at the end of it all, that's what we all need. As much as we need food, shelter and clothing, as readily as we require oxygen, we need joy. If you haven't had any lately, may I suggest going outside and dancing in the grass, listening to a baby giggle, or playing Springsteen's "Born to Run" with the windows down (cracked just a little if it's cold where you are) while driving for an ice cream. Because that's how they would've wanted it.

Ten on Tuesday

1. Photographs and Memories. It saddens me in ways I can't really explain that one of my dearest friends has checked out. Cute Brian was someone I leaned on pretty heavily during the early days of what I like to call the Great Marriage Collapse of 2006. He took me for a four-hour drive the day Chris moved out of our apartment. He met me for coffee or breakfast or whatever, every time I asked. He infused one of the toughest times of my life with increments of great joy; he just never ceased to love me. So it hurts a lot now, because I haven't heard from him since July, shortly after the gallbladder surgery. In the movie in my head, he was the first co-pilot of the Wrangler, since I was the first co-pilot of his, years ago. It sucks, but it is what it is.
2. Lady in Red. And white. And that God awful purple furry-looking thing. The fashion at the Oscars ranged from the sublime (oh, Penelope Cruz, you never disappoint) to the ridiculous (Zoe Saldana, really ... first of all, eat a damn cookie. Second of all, do you not have a full-length mirror?) I don't watch the Oscars. They annoy me. But I do follow the fashion, and there were some definite hits, misses and "what the hell was she thinkings?" All I know for sure is, my darling Penelope, Queen Latifah and Helen Mirren (can I be that pretty when I get to be her age?) were simply beautiful. Everyone else should take note.
3. Hooked on a Feelin'. I work hard. I play hard. I sleep hard. Those three things seem to go hand-in-hand. And I'll be damned, a lot of it has to do with finding stuff I love to do at the gym. Like Strike class - or ninja, as I like to call it. Kickboxing and combat drills, done with weights. For real. My shoulders are killing me today, and I can't lift my arms above my shoulders, but it's a really awesome feeling. Now if I could just convince a few more people to stop showing up at the gym so I can get a decent parking space ...
4. She Got the Gold Mine, I Got the Shaft. Okay, so he got a lot in the divorce by way of money, covered debts, wardrobe and worldly goods. (Sometimes I still miss that damn couch.) But I really did get the gold mine; I got my self respect, and some amazing people. Including (but not limited to) Elaina Burklow Seep, with whom I'll be seeing the Indigo Girls in April. What an odd pairing - two ex-wives of the same dude. Yet, we get along famously. I think I definitely ended up with the better deal.
5. Dirty Laundry. What are you doing August 1? You should come watch me and co-worker Mike in this race. Yes, I'm going to do it. Yes, it's going to be awesome. Yes, I'm probably going to get hurt. No, I don't care.
6. Look Out Any Window. It's gray today, but you can still see it. Spring. It's out there, waiting. Can't wait to see the first robin!
7. The Night that the Lights Went Out in Georgia. Or Arlington Heights. So, last spring, my electricity was shut off. Yes, my bill-paying was that bad. I lived for a few days with no power. Every day when I walk into my home and have light, it makes me smile. After years of living paycheck to paycheck, it's a good feeling to know that I can take care of myself.
8. That's Amore. Or just a distinct desire for Italian food. I have this jar of spaghetti sauce in the pantry that I cannot open. It taunts me.
9. Margaret's Car. Oh, I know what you're thinkin'. "What is she up to? All the other headings here are song titles, but that isn't." Well, you'd be wrong. My old friend Eric used to be in a band, and that was one of their songs. It was also the name of the band. See? I inspire art. Or I did, 18 years ago. Anyway, Eric created for me the Margaret's Car CD Box Set, four CDs to play in the Jeep. It's awesome. So what I'm thinking is this: You have music. You should probably make me a CD, too. You would if you loved me.
10. Good Morning, Starshine. Well, good morning yourself. I'd like the waffles, please.

What's goin' on?

I know it's Tuesday. I just don't feel like posting the usual list. Sue me.

Last weekend, I took my near-Godson to LegoLand Discovery Center in Schaumburg. Ross is the eldest son of my friends Marc and Polly. Ross' actual Godmom sorta fell down on the job. This is not okay where Aunt Maggie is concerned, so I stepped up to the plate. And had a great time! He is such a sweet, thoughtful and polite eight-year-old boy. I thoroughly enjoyed the entire day.

When I took him home after we built and raced cars, rode dragons and watched how Legos are made, I hung out with his mom, dad, brother, sister, grandma and assorted extended family into the night. It was incredibly fun, eating their food and talking as the sun went down and the laughter ramped up. This is family. And I'm included!

Okay, so it's no secret that last year my friend Jessica and I launched a non-profit organization. Did you not know? Well, feel free to check it out. Buy a t-shirt. We're incredibly proud of Choose Awesome, and though we aren't quite where we want to be yet, we're getting there. This week to the Awesome Blog we posted an interview with Rob Meadows, an organic berry farmer in Vermont. I love connecting with people who have made awesome choices, even when faced with sometimes unawesome reality.

I didn't make it to the gym last night. I got stuck at work a little late, and then I couldn't find a parking place. This irritates the Maggie.

Spring is in the air. Every morning when I wake up and open the blinds, I get a little thrill when I realize I don't have to sweep snow off the car. It's the little things, you know, that make life wonderful.

I'm good at my job. Lately, I've started to feel like I've really hit my stride. I've begun to challenge myself. I've begun to actually beat deadlines (with a club, no less.) It's such a blessing to get paid to do something I enjoy.

Every time I clean my rugs, the cat pukes on them. I think he knows.

I love you.

That is all.