Just One on Tuesday

I cried at work today.

Not the "oh my gosh I hate my job" sort of crying. No, the sort of crying that happens when your best friend who lives 2,000 miles away calls to tell you he is in Illinois. Not just in the state, mind you, but in the exact home you're driving to in a few days. And not just him; no, he's brought with him two of your favorite people in the universe - his wife (my friend Rae) and their daughter, Kaylee.

If I'd had the balls to wish for such an amazing surprise, I don't think I would've wished for it, because the disappointment would have been too great if my wish hadn't come true.

So yeah, he called me this morning and I was at my desk when I answered. He started handing the phone around so I could hear the other voices and I got really confused, wondering what they were all doing in Tucson. It really did a number on my wee little brain, lemme tell ya. And then it started to hit me ... they were all together. I in an old Victorian house in Jacksonville, IL, where so many of my best memories from college happened. It almost didn't sound like my voice when I said "You're here!" into the phone.

I think my boss called the paramedics.

They're here. So many of the people I love are in Central Illinois right now. I'm leaving early, abandoning my New Year's Eve plans so that I can hug them tomorrow. I simply cannot wait. Life is grand. How fortunate am I to begin 2009 surrounded by so much love?

Resolve

For the first time in my adult life, New Year's Eve is approaching and I am not making the traditional resolution. For years I've been promising myself I will get healthy, take better care of myself and basically lose the excess weight. For the first time, I won't be starting over in January. Instead, I'm continuing what I began in 2008.

Even when I consider that I had all year and I still have work to do, it's a pretty incredible feeling. I don't have to begin an exercise routine; I get to continue doing all the things I love, with people I love. I don't have to pour over books and magazines and Web sites to figure out what I should be eating; I get to keep doing what I'm doing with that whole "everything in moderation" thing, being mindful - not obsessive - about what I eat. In short, I get to continue being the healthy person I sorta morphed into over the course of 2008, and improve on her progress.

Pretty amazing, really.

But it leaves me without a resolution! Is it possible to resolve not to resolve? Or should I resolve to make the bed every morning (which I do almost every day, anyway) or to save money for a new car (which I desperately need but managing money has always been something that eludes me so it scares me) or to be a better sister/daughter/friend/writer/person/wookie?

I don't know the answer. I think the best news is that I don't really have to. Really, if I simply resolve to try and make the best of every gorgeous moment 2009 brings me ... isn't that enough?

Ten on Tuesday

1. It's almost Christmas Eve, my favorite day. It doesn't matter how old I get ... the anticipation just doesn't go away.
2. Ryan from my office had his wife bring their baby, Nolan, into the office yesterday. He's eight months old. I have determined that eight months is the perfect age for squishing. I just love this kid! He just smiles and gurgles at me. I wish he was here every day.
3. Speaking of babies, my friend Diane is going to have one any moment now. I can't wait to meet him.
4. It's snowing again. We can't have more than 24 hours without snow here, it seems. It's crazy, but I'm managing it okay. Just taking it easy, and trying to travel at off-peak times so I don't have to make another three-hour drive to go nine miles.
5. Patrick and Ed's house in Oak Park is perfection. Sure, it's old, a little bit run down, a little bit drafty. But somehow it feels like home. At least that's how it felt on Sunday when the Lake Geneva Rathundes plus Amber and me descended upon it. It was a wonderful day of being surrounded with love.
6. I'm gonna have more days like that! Tomorrow I will be with Patrick's family in Aurora, after which I will be with my actual blood family in Montgomery, through dinner on Christmas. Then the following weekend, I will be in Jacksonville with the Carlson/Rice family. It's like a two-week love fest, and I'm in the middle of it right now, soaking up the goodness!
7. I am the proud owner of a shiny new airline ticket. On February 6, I'm heading to Tucson to spend a weekend with Mike, Racheal and Kaylee. It's a short trip, as most of mine are, but it will be great to get out of the cold for a little while, and only miss a half day at work.
8. How did I procure said airline ticket, you ask? I had made a deal with myself that if I got a bonus this year at work, I would give that to myself with no guilt. And I'll be damned - today bonuses came through. I was hoping I would be able to afford both a plane ticket and a digital camera with this year's bonus, but they were smaller this year since our sales aren't as rockstar high as they've been in the past. So guess what? The ticket (before the service charges) amounted to about $2 less than my bonus. Isn't that amazing?
9. On the subject of my work, I can't say enough how grateful I am to be working for a company that seems stable and maybe even a little bit thriving in today's economy. I have learned so much in the last two years. I am a better writer, a better employee, a better person since I began working for an undisclosed company. After the rocky road I took to get here, I do not take it for granted. I realize with every day that I am indeed fortunate to not only have a job, but a job I love.
10. My Christmas wish this year is pretty simple. I wish that all those I love would be healthy, happy and surrounded with love; that they would all treasure fulfilling work and joyous relationships; that the coming year brings them more smiles than tears; and that Santa would bring me Kenny Chesney.

10 ... I mean 11 ... on Wednesday

1. Update at 12:12 p.m: Mike is out of surgery. Doctor says the trouble was indeed the gall bladder. It's out now. And there was much rejoicing.
2. Oh shut up, it's been one of those weeks. So I'm a day late. Life goes on.
3. I live nine miles from the office. It took me a little more than three hours to get home last night due to the most evil snowstorm ever. Yeah, you're doing the math, aren't you? An average of three miles an hour. After awhile, I had to roll down the windows to avoid claustrophobia. I didn't make it to the gym (duh) but got home at about the time I would have if I'd gone to the gym on a normal (read: not snowy) day. Precious, ain't it?
4. One of my friends thinks those of us who live in Northern Illinois shouldn't complain about the snow or the cold. Is it wrong to step on his neck?
5. My brother is in surgery right now; they are removing his gall bladder. I was talking to my sister Jenn earlier this week and we concluded that, while they're in there, they ought to take out any other non-essential organs that might cause problems down the line. Hello, appendix? But alas, the surgeons did not agree. I'm a little worried about him going through all of this. It scares me to think of him, so childlike and trusting, enduring so much pain. Say a prayer, if you would. I'm saying mine.
6. Thinking about all that Mike is going through has made me realize how much he inspires me. Isn't it crazy how a man who is so much like a child - who has never written a word or spoken an entire "normal" conversation, taken a step or taken a photograph - can be an inspiration? This week, I have heard what it sounds like when my brother is hurting. In 42 years, I have never heard him complain. Well, not really. There have been occasional bouts of frustration, but they pass, usually as quickly as the Cubs pennant hopes. My brother is the most joyful person I know. And isn't that a lesson we should all take to heart?
7. My apartment looks like a cyclone hit it. I have just been too busy to keep up with it. I trust that anyone who visits is there to see me, not to admire my talents as housekeeper.
8. On Monday, John and I went to Hip-Hop and Salsa/Funk class. For a few weeks, we'd taken the lazy way out and only did one class, but on Monday, we were back. We were talking to some friends about why we hadn't been in Salsa for awhile, and we determined we'd both just been lazy. At which point we looked at each other and I said "But ya know what?" and together we said, "We're not lazy any more." Wow. Quite a statement. And man, did it feel good to get out and dance for two hours! Look at what the human body will do if you'll just take it out every now and then!
9. Last Sunday, I went to a movie with Cute Brian. We saw "Eagle Eye" at the cheap theater in the next town. Really, for $2, I'll see movies I don't really want to see. Anyway, the movie was good (I love that damn Shia LaBeouf, no matter what Rice says) and the company was even better. Brian and I can turn a two-hour movie into an entire afternoon with very little trouble. From the theater we went to Trader Joe's, where we walked around and tasted food and bought cookies (the peppermint Joe-Joes are to die for!) and wine and talked to the coffee girl. This elf of a person was an absolute delight! She hugged me and told me she loved my personality, and that she hoped I'd come in again soon. It was just what I needed to hear. Isn't it funny how sometimes you get just what you need in the most unlikely manner?
10. I filled out my self-evaluation last week, because my two-year anniversary (and my performance appraisal) are coming up in January. I hate filling out these things! I'm afraid I will either come off like an egotistical diva or a mutant mouse. I hope I found some middle ground.
11. One week from today is Christmas Eve, my favorite day of the entire year. I'm planning to have lunch with Diane (if she doesn't louse up our plans by giving birth,) dinner with Patrick and his family (they're Italian; bring on the Feast of Seven Fishes!) and then church with my family. Ever since I was a young girl, I have thought there was magic to Christmas Eve. It was the one night of the year when I felt beautiful. Maybe it was the music, maybe it was the candlelight, or maybe it was just joy shining through. No matter what, it's still my favorite day, filled with traditions and surprises and love.

Genetic complications

I'm a complicated person.

I know, big surprise, right? Yeah, newsflash, people - I'm complicated.

Over the last few weeks, I've been dealing with my fair share of bitterness and anger over the events of three years ago. At the time, I was too blind to see that my then-husband had already checked out. I'd just lost my job, and he took money out of our account to purchase gift cards for an "old friend from high school" so this old friend could buy her children Christmas gifts. He chose that same year to be too sick on Christmas morning to join my family for our traditional breakfast and instead stayed home. Perhaps alone, perhaps not, I'll never know. But the point is, I had already lost him. It just took me three or four months to figure it out.

The complications that serve as a cornerstone of my life are probably part of what caused him to seek comfort elsewhere. To put it bluntly, he simply could not handle the thought of being inextricably linked to me and mine until death did us part. He always wanted to move away, to make a life for ourselves in Florida, Georgia, anyplace warm. But every time I seriously considered it, I thought to myself ... what if I got the phone call telling me my brother was sick, and I couldn't catch a plane right away? I couldn't go. I just can't bring myself to be more than a day's drive away from my family, because some day, that call's gonna come.

In fact, it came last Friday. Kathie called at around 10 a.m. to say that Dad and Jenn were taking Mike to the hospital. After hours of poking the poor guy, they finally ascertained it was likely related to the gall bladder, and they were able to give him something to get him out of pain.

He was released from the hospital today, but returned tonight with more of the same symptoms. I hope to all heaven that they are able to either remove the offending organ or assure of somehow that he can be cured.

My heart hurts for my twin, unable to explain his pain, unable to understand that the doctors and all those around him are trying to help; for my dad, who certainly misses my mother all over again when their son is in pain, knowing that even though they couldn't make him feel better, they could support each other through it; and for my sisters, who live nearby and would give anything - are giving everything they have - to help Dad, to distract Michael from what hurts, to keep us all in the loop.

And no, I haven't rushed to Mike's side; I've stayed in Arlington Heights, never far from the phone, pretty much in touch 24/7 if need be. As Jenn put it, "It's not like your his favorite or anything," and it's true. Just knowing that I could be there within about an hour gives me great comfort.

But while it gives me comfort, it also makes me want to lash out at the childish SOB I married, who put his own needs above mine time and again, who could never wrap his feeble mind around my need to stick close to home, who took up with Judi the Ho (should I call her the Ho Ho Ho during the holidays?) when my future stopped looking rosy.

I'm complicated, folks, and I won't deny it. I like my shoes Italian, my coffee with cream and Splenda, and my people sincere. I like my vacations long, my feet warm, and my family - however I choose to define them - close. I only wish Christopher had figured out that he couldn't handle that for the long haul before I'd given him my heart, because I'll be damned if I can figure out how to heal it.

But until that happens, and even if it never does, at least a great number of the people I love are nearby.

In a funk

Yeah, that's me. I'm in a funk. Maybe it's the snow, the barometric pressure, the fact that winter's here and stretches on ad infinitum ... I dunno what it is, but it's got me in its grasp and it's shaking me up.

NEVER SHAKE A MAGGIE!

So I'm trying to counteract it. I'm going to the gym even when I'd sincerely rather not. I'm trying to get a decent amount of sleep even though lately insomnia has been cuddling up to me a little too closely. I'm buying good, fresh, real food and preparing it myself (you should've seen last night's pork chop) and spending time doing what I love.

In short, I'm doing whatever I can to bring on the funkectomy. But until it's gone, bear with me.

Ten on Tuesday

1. Welcome to Illinois, where we can't seem to choose a Governor. Corruption makes me sad. What is it about power that brings out the best in some and the worst in others?
2. I had a most wonderful weekend, filled with friends and love. My tree is up, I shared boozy cocoa with good friends, took time to sit by the fire, dealt with the snow, baked and fed my knitting bug. As Cute Brian, Diane and I got the tree all decorated - thanks to Brian's willing trips to the store to replace lights - I had some mixed emotions. There are so many memories on my tree, from the angel at the top to the skirt below. In a way, it represents who I am. In another way, it represents the ingenuity it takes to determine that a Christmas tree skirt that was put away while covered in cat hair comes clean quite easily when you toss it in the dryer with a damp towel and a sheet of Bounce.
3. I haven't gotten any new ornaments in a long time. I think I'm at a point now where I can pick up a few. Over the last couple of years, I haven't been Happy Maggie, and any ornaments I bought would be associated with sad memories. This year, I will be remembering good times. I think I need an ornament to commemorate that. I probably should have picked one up at Dutch Village!
4. As the weather gets colder, my motivation to get to the gym is waning. But not because I'm comfortable to hide under layers of sweaters and stuff until summer ... no, it's mostly because I don't want to drive any more than absolutely necessary. I went last night, even though freezing rain was in the forecast. I just keep remembering ... even sweaters look better on a thinner, healthier frame.
5. I love to bake. However, I shouldn't eat everything I bake. So I've discovered a secret: Invite people over when I bake. I sent home cookies with Diane (whose husband ate them) and Cute Brian (who probably ate his portion before he made it home) and kept just a few for myself. Feeds the need to bake without adding more dimples to my booty!
6. I'm making a list ... a grocery list, that is. I am notorious for not knowing what I'm buying until I'm at the store, which means I often end up with frozen pizza, hot cocoa mix and brown sugar, and not much else. So I'm going to see if this whole listy thing will help me stay within my budget and also keep me fed. It's so crazy it just might work!
7. I now have three knitting projects going at once. And that's not counting the one I had barely started last time I was at Becky's and left there on accident. I have to work out a schedule so that I know what I have to finish first, based on when I'm celebrating with whom. Some people will just be receiving a yarn sample, because their gift will just not be done in time. Good thing I have understanding friends!
8. Last week was a great week at work. I've been here almost two years now, and it has been an incredible learning experience. Over the last week or so, I've written pieces that I'm particularly proud of, and they have been very well received. I feel fortunate that almost every day I go to work with talented, kind people who love what they do and appreciate each other.
9. I talked to my dad on the phone this morning. As we were hanging up, he said to me, "You be good." To my dad, I'm still seven years old. I wouldn't have it any other way.
10. Benld sleeps under the Christmas tree. I will take a picture next time ... it's the sweetest thing. It also explains how the skirt gets covered in cat hair.

Ten on Tuesday

1. Thanksgiving was delicious. Especially my sister Pat's pumpkin pie ... it is truly food of the gods.
2. My cat quit pooping again. I have to take him to the vet in an hour. When will he learn that he won't get the enema if he will just stay hydrated and poop like a normal cat?
3. A friend let me down late last week. It's no one who reads the blog (in fact, the individual in question may not be into English polysyllables at all) and I hesitate to air dirty laundry, so I'll just leave it at this - I was disappointed. But the reason I bring it up here is this because so many people have been in my life for so long, and have yet to disappoint me. I am humbled by the generosity of heart that my true friends show without question, every day.
4. I'm not shopping. Unless it's to walk through Woodfield and be part of the crazy throngs of people, I am content to snuggle up at home with some cocoa and schnapps and knit my way through the Christmas season. Although now that I think of it, I do need to pick up some more yarn.
5. I beat my friend Eric at Scrabble. He has pretty much handed me my ass on a platter during every other game we've played. I feel vindicated.
6. Another old friend and I found each other on Facebook. Technology is an amazing thing! It has reunited me with theater folks, newsroom colleagues, people I've missed and people who have long seemed forgotten only to tug on my heart strings when they reappear on the page. I'm so thankful Al Gore invented the Internets.
7. My landlord raised my rent. Not by much, and I'm really okay with it, because it is in line with what comparable properties rent for in my area. If only he could assure me that I would have heat when it's cold and hot water when I want it. We'll see how that conversation goes.
8. I love the Christmas decorations in my neighborhood. There's a house down the road with a leg lamp in the window. No tree, nothing else Christmas-y, just a leg lamp. It cracks me up every time I drive by. The same house puts one up in October, too. Same lamp, but the leg is skeletal. Genius, I tell ya.
9. I bought ingredients to make cookies last week, and I still haven't made them. Maybe tonight?
10. I am eligible for an upgrade on my phone, and I would dearly love to go the iPhone route. Instead, I am saving my money for an airplane ticket to Tucson. Looking at the first weekend in February ... I can't go any longer than that without seeing three of my favorite people in the universe. And scorpions.

Jammies

So I went to Target. Because if Target doesn't have it, you don't need it. That's the basic rule of my life.

Anyway, they have great pajamas by Nick & Norah. Adult size jammies, with feet in them.

I picked out this pair for Mike.

I know the picture's crappy, but they have a whole sock-monkey motif. So adorable! Too bad they're in the Ladies department.

Ten on Tuesday

1. It's late, but if I write quickly, I may publish this one under the wire on Tuesday!
2. Had dinner with an old friend tonight, whom I haven't seen in an entire high school graduate. (That's 17 years, for those of you playing the at-home version.) Over margaritas and various tortilla laden goodies, Eric and I caught each other up on everything from his adventure in New Mexico, his lovely wife and his work to my adventure in college and my seemingly endless supply of brothers who aren't really brothers. I came away from dinner once again reassured that I make more sense to myself when I spend time with people who loved me before I became who I am today, and love me today because of who I was back then.
3. The cold has become just a nasty, pain-in-the-neck cough from hell. Soup helps, thank God.
4. My mother-in-law had heart surgery today. She called while I was at dinner to say she's resting and working on healing. I'll be helping with that over the weekend; we're having a two-night slumber party. What could be better for the heart?
5. After I fell down the stairs last week tripping over the cuff of my pants because my pants were falling off of me, I decided it was time to clean house. Which left me with one pair of pants. Which led me to buy a few pairs. I went to Old Navy, where I haven't been able to shop (except for the few stores that have big girl sizes) in about seven years. It felt good to buy pants that were three sizes smaller than the ones I donated to Goodwill. Have you seen my butt lately?
6. Tomorrow after work (we get sprung early!) I am going to my dad's for the traditional Chinese pre-Thanksgiving dinner. I'm staying over so I can wake up there on Thanksgiving and watch the Macy's Parade with my brother and sister. Just like old times, only I'll be grown up enough to slip a little Bailey's in my coffee.
7. One month until Christmas!
8. Was it four years ago that Chris and I spent Thanksgiving in Tucson? That is one of my favorite memories - eating turkey outside, meeting Mike and Rae's friends, making new memories. Part of my heart is with you, celebrating Thanksgiving and Kaylee's birthday. Sometimes geography really bites, keeping me away from those I love at all corners of the world (or more specifically the Pacific Northwest, the Southwest and ... well, India. Curried turkey, anyone?)
9. I had a fantastic workout last night, and while I really missed Shakespeare and John, it was wonderful to be back after what seemed like a never-ending illness. I probably worked too hard, but it felt damn good to get the body moving again.
10. If you are reading this, there is a high degree of likelihood that I am grateful for you. For being my friend, for choosing me as part of your family, for loving me at my least lovable, for standing up with me and for me, for bolstering me when I am down, for providing me with angels to guide my path, for accepting me as I am, for offering to bump off those who hurt me ... because of those reasons and a myriad for which I cannot find words, I understand what Thanksgiving means.
    
11. I did it! It's not quite midnight!
    

Food, love

We're closing in on the holiday season, a time that often seems to be as much about food and family as it is about the holidays themselves.

Like music, food taps into my memories so much more than memories alone. Dad's pie crusts, which my sister Pat has now perfected; Toots' luscious dessert; Jenn's pecan pie; Dad's stuffing; Bernie's mashed potatoes ... all necessary flavors for the perfect Thanksgiving dinner. Like I said, it's as much about the food as it is being thankful. And I don't think it's an accident that so much of my memories are tied to dessert!

Well, anyway, I haven't felt much like eating over the past week, because I've pretty much felt like crap on a stick. So today, when I woke up hungry, I took that as a good sign. And I went to the grocery store and purchased ingredients for two food memories: bread and soup.

The only argument my ex and I ever had in front of my family was about bread flour. I don't even remember what the argument was about any more, but bring up bread flour in my presence and I will still laugh about it. It was funny even at the time, this insane bread argument. So when I got out the bread machine today to make potato cheddar bread (because Christopher loved potato bread but he's lactose intolerant, so this is pretty much a happy loaf of "screw you") I couldn't stop smiling. It's a good memory of happy times, even though it started with an argument. And now it's baking, and it smells divine. (Addition at 10:30 p.m. - it is good!)

The soup? Well, when my mom was sick, she didn't hunger for much. Bernie (my sister Jenn's husband) used to make her cherry cobbler when she craved it, and I would make her chicken soup, the old fashioned way. I never buy whole chickens unless it's to make soup, and I haven't made soup since Mom died. So tonight, as I chopped the vegetables and cooked the chicken and my kitchen filled with aromatic memories, a few tears landed in the water ... and hey, what's a little more salt?We are nothing if not the sum of our experiences, both the good and the bad. And though Christopher chose to leave and Mom had to answer a higher calling, the food and the love remain.

Ten on Whenever I Get Around To It

1. Okay, I'm over having a good time with the illness. It's been four days; I'm done now. Please send a cure.
2. Someone I know saw my ex and the woman who is now with my ex not too long ago and thought to herself, "Who is that man with Christopher?" At least I wake up every day next to an astonishingly handsome male, even if it is a cat.
3. No jury in the world would convict me for tossing a toaster in the pool after the woman who "edited" my writing last week. From beautiful narrative to bulleted list ... how I love corporate journalism.
4. I have an awesome new cellphone. Too bad it thinks I live in China. (James, maybe Camber could figure it out!) It was a gift from Shakespeare, who used to work for Motorola, and I swear it's the coolest phone outside the realm of iPod. I just have to try and have it configured to work in the U.S. I've felt like poop most of this week, so I haven't really tried, but when I do ... look out, world!
5. When I first moved out of my parents' house, I lived in this great apartment in downtown Oswego, in the attic of a house that just oozed charm. It was perfect, except it didn't have a bathtub. I'm a bathtub girl, see, and every now and then, I need a long damn soak. I loved that old apartment, but not as much as I love my bathtub.
6. Wouldn't it be cool if we could find a use for phlegm? Swear to God, if we could run a car off of the stuff, I could solve the energy crisis.
7. I got a phone call this morning. Actually, I got a voicemail this morning, because I missed the call. Turns out the evil stepmother isn't so evil after all. Cindy called to check on me. Somehow, knowing people care help me feel better. Like when my sister sends an e-mail, or Kelly calls on break at work, or a co-worker brings me a cup of tea. Sometimes when we feel our lowest is when people lift us up.
8. I love my sewing machine. Working on my Halloween costume was so much fun, and I think I'm actually getting comfortable with it. I may graduate to a project I actually want to use every day, and not just a costume. Janie would be so proud!
9. I want cookies. Is it feed a cold, starve a fever, or the other way around?
10. I miss my babies. I'm going to have to visit Alice after Team Bathje come home from Thanksgiving. Aunt Maggie has to have someone to squeeze!
    

*sniffle*

I woke up this morning with a sore throat. Needless to say, I am not feeling like my usually sparkling and delightful self ... but don't feel too bad for me.

Nah, I'm sitting in my somewhat clean apartment, drinking cinnamon tea laced with amaretto, toasty warm in my flannel jammies (no feet in them, but I'll survive) and thinking how much nicer it is to have a cold now than it was before.

Christopher didn't cope well with me when I was sick, so I sorta felt like I couldn't give in to it and just let it run its course. So now here I am, with a full box of Puffs and a stock of vitamins and cold medicines and cocoa mix and tea and booze and books and movies (I love my library!) and I'm perfectly content to feel better when it's time to feel better. For now, I'm just going to finish my tea and my movie, maybe take a little nap, and relish the ever-changing party we call life.

They named a wine after me

When I became part of the Rathunde family, which honestly happened long before I married my ex and will remain long after, I became known as "the Other." There was already one Margaret in the family, and that was Kevin and Chris' mom, the Original Margaret. So I became the Other, and after we were married, I was the Other Margaret Rathunde. It's a term of endearment, something that never fails to make me smile.

So imagine my gleeful surprise to realize a wine had been named after me! What's more, it's delicious. And, um, gone.

Ten on Tuesday

1. I burned 1,225 calories last night at the gym. I took hip-hop class and salsa/funk; both were fun. Not so coincidentally, John was in both classes with me. It was a great way to kick off the week.
2. I'm listening to Christmas music. I love the album "Christmas Offerings" by Third Day. It has some new twists on traditional carols; just beautiful. I know I'm early, but I really love the stuff. And I'd much rather to listen to mine than the local radio station that will play only holiday music from now-ish through Christmas, because I swear they only have 12 CDs that they just play on shuffle for about six weeks every year. At least on the iPod, there's variety. I've got everything from Bing to the Boss, Nat to the Nylons ... I may not repeat at all between now and December 25.
3. I am participating in National Novel Writing Month. We'll see how it goes; I'm supposed to write 50,000 words in November. Cute Brian encouraged me with a topic last weekend; it's based on a true story, but with a good deal of embellishment because it's fun. A lot of work, but I think I can do it.
4. Ever since we got back from our summer vacation in South Haven, the commercials for Michigan's travel and tourism board have been stalking me. I was so hopeful that they'd be done when the weather turned cold; not so. This morning, I woke up to a very well-spoken man telling me this: The temperatures cool down but the excitement and hospitality heat up. Experience the snow-covered landscape of a Michigan winter. When natural beauty, brilliant exhilaration and good times come together, the sensation is Pure Michigan. No, it wasn't a guy in my home, it was that damned announcer, making me miss my extended family all over again and wish we were all together again in a place that seemed magical until we realized that the magic wasn't Michigan; the magic was us.
5. Our office dress code policy was just re-done. They now allow corduroy. No other fabric was given special mention, so I have to assume velvet, cotton, linen and wool are not allowed. Better get myself some new corduroy!
6. With each week, I get closer to having a working budget. By the beginning of 2009, I hope to be able to say that I am not just following it, but it has become a habit. I look at it this way: If a former couch potato can transform into someone who loves the gym as much as I do, well, anything is possible!
7. There are only 11 get-ups until Thanksgiving. It's my very favorite holiday, and I am very excited to spend the day with the Bieritz clan. I have so many memories of Thanksgiving as a child ... going to Nana and Papa's for turkey and all the trimmings, sitting at the kids' table with the other kids, even when we were all teenagers, piling on Toots' bed and watching Chitty-Chitty Bang-Bang. This was my first exposure to family being more than just who you're related to. For us, Thanksgiving was spent with the neighbors. Nana and Papa lived next door to us when we were growing up, and they were as much of a staple in our lives as our Grandma and Grandpa who lived a block away. Toots (Annette, from whom I got my middle name), Spike (Eugene), and Dave (who somehow never got a nickname) were their kids, and they were our people for as long as I can remember. Time has altered the group, with Nana, Papa and Toots now gone (and probably enjoying turkey with Mom,) but Thanksgiving will always be our holiday in my heart. This year, Kathie and Alex will be in Disney World, so it will just be Dad, Mike, Pat, Jenn, Bernie and me, and that's allright. More stuffing for me!
8. I could really use a massage. Years ago, my sister Jenn was studying to be a certified massage therapist, and my other sisters and I got to be her guinea pigs. I miss that. Massage is expensive, and I am poor. There is no middle ground.
9. Can a 42-year-old woman use the word "werd"? Can she also refer to friends 10+ years younger as "dude"? Or does that just make me the creepy old lady who maybe needs a couple more cats?
10. I started logging my calories and workouts on Spark again. If you have any interest in becoming more healthy and fit, I would highly recommend the site. It's free, thorough, free, helpful, free and motivational. Did I mention that it's free? I love it; it has helped me lose about 40 pounds so far, on the way to many more.

Ten from Tuesday on Friday

1. On Tuesday, November 4, when I should have posted this entry, I was busy feeling stuff. I have not felt as moved and excited about the possibilities of our country since 1992. Yes, I realize that I am aging myself as I write, but when I cast my vote for Bill Clinton in his first bid for the White House, I felt like I was voting for my future. In 2008, I feel like I voted for my future, and that of so many others. Hope is indeed a precious commodity, and one worth striving for.
2. Having voted early, I spent election day working and occasionally checking out election results. That night, I hopped on the Metra with my friend Shakespeare and joined the crowd in Grant Park in Chicago. History unfolded before my eyes. It was magical, spiritual and hopeful, all at the same time.
3. My family thinks I was either adopted or switched at birth. With the exception of yours truly, I come from a long line of rather conservative folks. They blame my education at a liberal institution of higher learning, but if you remember back a bit further (do you remember, Stu?) I've always been much more left-leaning than them. The real difference, though, is I respect their position even while I don't understand it. They, on the other hand, can't seem to do the same. I find this to be a uniquely Republican trait, and anxiously await evidence to the contrary.
4. Speaking of my family, we have agreed not to exchange gifts this Christmas. In my Happy Place, I am trying to believe this has more to do with the global economy than with everyone's knowledge of the fact that I am a complete financial bubblehead, and Christmas shopping only serves to create an even-less-sunny financial picture for yours truly.
5. At the gym earlier this week, I borrowed Shakespeare's shampoo and conditioner. You should smell my head! I just want to hang out and sniff myself.
6. I received a lot of amazing traits from my mother. My hair, my smile and my willingness to strike up a conversation with a complete stranger can all be traced back to Patricia Weston Bieritz. But of all the things I could receive from her, the one thing I didn't want was her gallbladder. Alas, I did not get to choose. Overnight on Wednesday, I experienced pain the likes of which I have never experienced. All I wanted to do was sleep, but all I could do was lie there and feel like I was going to die. As the minutes turned to hours, I tried to distract myself, tried to get comfortable, tried to will myself well. Nothing worked. So until further notice, the girl is on a very low-fat diet in an attempt to not go there ever again. I wouldn't wish that pain on anyone, least of all me.
7. I've started my holiday knitting. If you're getting a Christmas gift from me, there is a high degree of likelihood it will be knitted, or jewelry. Although my sister Jenn wants an afghan, and that might take up all my time between now and December 25. Sorry, everyone else.
8. I am having breakfast with Cute Brian either Saturday or Sunday. I haven't hung out with him in awhile, and I'm really looking forward to it. Wonder what tastes good for breakfast and still fits in the "Don't wanna hurt from the gallbladder" diet.
9. I really dig Facebook. It has become a place where my past and my present converge, and it's been amazing to catch up with people from college, my old theater days, and today. This week, I reconnected with my editor from the college newspaper and a few other "Newsers" ... it's gratifying to see who they've become, and that we are all still essentially the same rockin' cool people we were back then, only now we're a little bit older and a lot more responsible. For the most part.
10. It's November. On my drive to work this morning, I stuck more to the side streets, and thoroughly enjoyed the journey. Leaves have fallen in Arlington Heights, and everything is awash in the warm hues of autumn. I realize this season will soon give way to freezing temperatures and snow (maybe even as soon as Sunday!) but for now, I'm going to enjoy the moment.

History in the Making

There are so many thoughts and feelings, it's hard to put it into words. But I'll try.

Anticipation. Riding the choo into Ogilvie station, the feeling already started to build. A train full of people, eagerly awaiting what we hoped would be the announcement we were waiting for.

Overwhelmed. Arriving at Grant Park, you just could not believe the people. Everywhere you looked, wall to wall people, standing together in hope. Black, white, rich, poor, straight, gay, young, old ... none of that mattered. We were more than just a group of individuals. In those moments as we gathered, we represented for one another the very best we expect from our country.
Support. Friends stood with friends, strangers became acquainted, hugs, smiles and stories were shared. My dear friend Jessica (or Shakespeare, as I like to call her) and I danced to the music, cheered with the crowd as results began to come in, and soaked up the atmosphere.

Excitement, for each other and for all. One way or another, however this election turned out, America was going to be different. At one point in the evening, Jessica looked at me and said, "We're gonna have a new President, and I hope it's a black one!" I think she spoke for all of us in that moment.

Joy. Before we could really get our bearings, the announcement came. All eyes were glued to CNN's coverage on the jumbotron and we heard the news - Barack Obama has won the presidency. The cheers were deafening. The joy palpable. Our hope had become a reality. And as we began to settle down, it was almost as if no one knew quite what to do. I have never seen a celebration quite like it.

Then, this image caught my eye. A little girl, perched atop her father's shoulders, waving an American flag. This, I thought to myself, this is why we're here. This child, witnessing history happening around her, brought my thoughts to the children in my life, and how hopeful I am for their future.

Peace. It was tough to get a signal on my phone, but the one call that did come through was from Ryan, and I could hear the joy in his voice as we celebrated from Chicago to Champaign. And it started to wash over me ... my Marine, my brother, my friend will have a new Commander in Chief. While this cannot guarantee his safety, and I will always hope that he will somehow end up in a wacky branch of the Marine Corps that cuddles bunnies instead of tanks, I am at peace in the knowledge that he and every member of our armed forces will soon be led by a man whose agenda is not self-serving. I have a renewed hope for the men and women who truly put Country First.

Disbelief. Hundreds of thousands of people, and not a single fight broke out.

Pride. Hundreds of thousands of people stood and listened to a prayer to begin the festivities. We stood with hands over our hearts and recited the Pledge of Allegience. We sang our National Anthem. We eagerly waited for the next President of the United States to take the stage.

When President-Elect Barack Obama took to the podium, it was to the resounding chant of "Yes We Can." I looked around at people smiling, crying (yeah, that was me,) hugging friends, calling family, and hearing the very first public address from our next President. Oh, yes, we can. Sometimes we have to wait, sometimes the wait is difficult, but yes, indeed, we can.

Tired. We'd been standing for hours! Following Obama's speech, the music began to play, and the people began to disperse. What a happy bunch of tired and thrilled people! We sang along to Bruce Springsteen, we held hands and cried a little more, we marvelled at having just seen our future unfold before our very eyes. We stopped to take a picture of a couple on the very edge of the park. This was the gentleman's third election, he explained, as he had come here from India in search of a better life. He and his wife thanked us and wished us a good evening as if we were old friends. And then, we turned and headed for the street once again.

Community. The scene on Michigan Avenue was surreal. People as far as the eye could see, smiling, walking, making their way back to real life, stopping for a photograph with a Chicago police officer, stepping over poop from the police horsies, walking together chanting "Obama" and "Yes We Can." Looking up at one of the buildings, you could see they had illuminated the windows to showcase the letters U.S.A. Even the buildings were happy last night.

Even more tired. This morning, it was hard to shake myself awake. Four hours of sleep isn't nearly enough! But I'd do it again in a heartbeat. There is no way to accurately portray what it was like to be in Grant Park, to share in this experience. All I can really do is echo the words I heard last night.

“It’s been a long time coming, but tonight, because of what we did on this day, in this election, at this defining moment, change has come to America."

Seeing me naked

Well, now, that got your attention, didn't it?

Relax, gentle reader, it's metaphoric, not literal.

There are a few things that I do a lot. There are a few more things that I do probably more than I should. Like drink coffee, drive over the speed limit, and think. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, my name is Maggie, and I'm an overthinker.

So I've been thinking lately about something Bex said to me last weekend, how different I look now than I did in photos from seven years ago. That would have been 2001, the year Mike and Rae got married. And, not so coincidentally, the year Christopher and I got married. I had to get photographs out to see what she meant ... and she was right.

It's not just one thing, either. Yes, I was heavier then, but not by a whole lot. No, here I was in what should have been the happiest time of my life, and it just didn't show. It was as though I had put on an armor of ugly. My hair was cropped short in what could have been fun or funky, but instead looked almost masculine. My clothing was baggy and shapeless. My smiles, fake. Looking at those pictures, it was obvious that I wasn't taking care of myself, and no one else was, either.

How sad that it took losing my husband to regain Maggie.

As I continued to think (because that's just how I roll) I asked a few questions. I asked Kelly if she thought I looked different now, and her answer was a little surprising, and a lot Kelly. In her inimitable way, she doesn't tend to see people by the way they look. Instead, she sees people the way the are. So when she gave it some thought, she realized not that I look different, but that I seem different. Happier, more accepting, more comfortable with myself ... that's how she describes it.

So I begin to take this all in and I realize, these days I am unafraid (most of the time) to be (metaphorically, of course) unabashedly naked in front of those I love. You've seen me in times of great joy and sadness, anger and peace, wisdom (however rarely) and utter foolishness. You see the real me, the one who was hidden for years behind layers of frozen stone. It can be a scary thing, to allow people to see you for who you really are. And I won't kid you - it terrifies me to think about ever being involved in a relationship again, knowing my tendency to lose so much of myself. So if that time ever comes ... if there is ever someone Racheal approves, since she gets the final say ... please know that I'll be relying on you to remind me of who I am. Because I get the sense that you kinda like her.

And so do I.

Ten on Tuesday

1. I'm grateful. As I said to Patrick last night, I don't have much, but I have great people. My "posse" is made up of the family I was born to and the family I have hijacked, and I wouldn't trade a single person for anything. Even the ones who annoy me from time to time. And in times when I feel like I don't have enough of something - money to wash my clothes, food to nourish my belly, courage to face the day - there is always someone (and oftentimes many someones) to pick up the slack. To say that I appreciate it is a monumental understatement, but I'm not sure how else to put it into words.
2. My sister is in Philadelphia working for the law firm on a case involving secondary insurance. It doesn't sound like too much fun - 17 hour days, big rainstorms in Philly, rowdy baseball fans keeping her up at night. But I might put up with it if I got turndown service and chocolates on my pillow at night.
3. That being said, the case was supposed to be tried in Barbados, but somehow it wound up in Philly. Bummer.
4. Alice Ruth is two years old! It was awesome to spend birthday time with her and the Clan Rice Carlson Bathje. Between catching up with my CharlieDad, bonding with the girls, forgetting my knitting and annoying Ryan, it was a pretty full visit. So awesome to see Chunk, even though I did have to withstand a great deal of Big Head jokes as he provided a suitable stand-in for Mike. It's funny how being together makes me miss those who weren't there even more.
5. Speaking of which, Alice's birthday means Kaylee's is right around the corner. I can't help feeling nostalgic because last year Clan Rice Tucson was with me on her birthday. I miss that little peanut so much. Trust me, I am saving my pennies for February.
6. My Halloween costume is coming together quite nicely. Hopefully by next Ten on Tuesday I'll have pictures to post.
7. It's lunchtime and I really want beer.
8. I voted. Those who know me probably already know for whom. However, in case you don't ... it was for the NOT CHEESEDOODLE.
9. I am out of Rumpleminze. I cannot survive winter until the stash has been replenished. Right now it's 41 degrees here in Chicagoland. Overnight, we'll get down to 30. Thank heaven for the heated mattress pad.
10. I have a cape. No, not the "I think I'm a super hero" kind. I have two winter coats, but neither one of them fit. Really, I look like a refugee in them. So when my sister Jenn and I were down in the cedar closet at Dad's a few weeks back, looking to clear out anything in there that wasn't any good anymore, Jenn came across her old cape. (Now, on what planet does someone just have an old spare cape laying around?) And she says to me, "You should take this," knowing that I have nothing to keep me warm that doesn't look like I stole it off of someone three sizes larger than I. At first I thought she was joking, and then I remembered ... Jenn doesn't really joke. See, she knew a new coat wasn't in the budget. She's also a little proud of me for taking better care of myself. And she doesn't want me to be cold. The cape is kind of special, because Jenn and our mom went in on it together many years ago. Neither of them could justify the cost for just one of them. But it's been hanging in the cedar closet for years, and now, it's being worn. It's a little dramatic, a lot warm, and sort of like getting a hug from Jenn and Mom. It might be a bit much for every day, but then again, so am I.

Procrastinators Unite Tomorrow!

All day today, I had a deadline looming. It was like pulling teeth to make it happen. I'm happy to say I did, eventually, but man ... I really wanted to be pretty much anywhere else, doing pretty much anything else.

And today I meant to write to James, but that didn't happen. I meant to clean up my desk at work, but no. I meant to go grocery shopping, clean the bathroom and check in on my downstairs neighbor who's been feeling under the weather.

None of it's going to get done today. Sorry.

Nope, today in Chicagoland, we had snow. So if all I can really bear to do is put on my jammies and cuddle a cat tonight, so be it.

I guess I'm just ... different

I was talking to my sister Jennifer on the phone last night. She's going on a business trip to Philly on Sunday, and there were a few things I needed to tell her in preparation for her trip. Like, eat a cheese steak, and bring me back hotel toiletries.

As we were talking, the subject of the gym came up. I had called her on my way home from my workout, having spent a glorious hour dancing with John (and a disastrous ten minutes in a strength class taught by a cross between Brigitte Nielsen and the Energizer bunny,) so I was high on endorphins and friendship.

Tangent number one: It was so good to have John back! He behaved and kept both feet on the floor most of the time. I've missed him horribly while he was recuperating from respiratory issues. Hard to believe, but one uses one's lungs during cardio classes.

So we danced, we sang, we got yelled at for talking ... it was just like high school! After class the high school feeling continued, with the crew hanging out and jabbing. Lena was worried I was upset because she was in "my spot" in class; Kim was confused because I said I didn't know Carter, but that was just because I call her by her first name, Jen; and Shakespeare assured me that the strength class was not an hour of torture as it seemed in the first ten minutes.

Tangent number two: Shakespeare and I are thrift shopping tonight to finish off our Halloween costumes. She's going as a slutty Christmas tree. Seriously. Should be a fun time! Oh, and by the way, I am not angry at John for suggesting I held Great America in a place of higher importance than the upcoming election. I'm just a little touchy sometimes. Just ask Kelly; she'll tell you, sometimes I'm just bananas.

So anyway, I spend the evening at the gym with all these amazing people, feeling like the luckiest girl in the world (or the happiest girl in the whole U.S. of A., with apologies to Donna Fargo) when I call my sister. And the conversation seques to the gym and my workout, which I describe to her as a blast. And she doesn't get it.

My other sister in the background says, "yeah, people who like working out are either lying or crazy." They didn't mean it nasty, I promise you ... they just don't get it. Maybe it's because we do such different things when we work out. While I treat myself to variety, they've settled into a routine. Maybe it's the people. While they have each other, I have lead characters like Shakespeare and John, plus a hysterical cast of supporting players in the movie that is my life. Well, the gym scenes, anyway. I come home from the gym not only feeling like I've had a great workout, but like I've just been out with friends.

Probably because I have.

So here we have yet another example of how I am different. How the black sheep still fits with the family, but is obviously not the same. I don't think it's a baaaaad thing, but I do think it's interesting. The best part, though, is that lately the beige sheep have been really good to the black one. Is it possible that after all this time, they've come to realize that it's okay that I'm not just like them, and maybe they can be frustrated by me and appreciate me at the same time?

I hope so. Because they're an important part of my herd.

Ten on Tuesday

1. Today is Ryan's birthday. The middle child of Clan Carlson turns 22 in the beautiful town of Champaign. Hope your day is full of sunshine and good friends.
2. You know that thing Bex taught me about getting rid of fruit flies? It works. Sure, the vinegar makes my bathroom smell a bit disconcertingly like a deli, but who cares as long as the pesky little bastards drown themselves.
3. I forgot my pants. Last night, I arrived at the gym ready to work out. I was so excited, because John was back after taking time off to get over a little thing we like to call "pneumonia." So I'm in the locker room, stripped down to my skivvies, when I realize the black pants I packed to wear during our workout were actually a black t-shirt. And since I like the people at the gym, I decided going without pants was not an option. Dammit all. But today's another day.
4. The hideous haircolor incident is still with us. It's not washing out nearly as quickly as I would prefer. If I loved it, it would be gone by now. But no, that's not how life works. Grr.
5. This weekend is going to be fabulous. I get to celebrate Luisa's citizenship, Alice's birthday (surrounded by the family - can't wait!) plus spend Sunday morning with my brother. There's a distinct possibility I'll be sick of family by the time Sunday night rolls around, but I'm not thinkin' so.
6. Speaking of family, I wish either A) I was independently wealthy or B) those I love lived closer. I would love to be in Tucson or Hermiston right now, loving the people I miss instead of missing the people I love. And don't even get me started on India.
7. My feet are cold. I'm going to bitch about this for about six months, so get used to it.
8. My co-worker had a baby yesterday, Ella Marie. For a newborn, she's kinda cute. I wanna squish her with love. Another of my co-workers brought her three-week-old in yesterday. I held him and squished him and cooed him to sleep. Then he puked on me. Too much squishing?
9. I'm wearing the glasses almost every day now at work. My eyes, along with the rest of me, are getting old. Shut up, Mike.
10. I really, really love my job. In the past week I've written about an exotic location for our next incentive trip, brainstormed ideas for our Conference logo, been treated to lunch by a print vendor, been thanked by the VP of Sales for simply doing my job, and been listened to when I provided feedback. They trust me to do my job, they tell me when I screw it up, and they appreciate me when I get it right (which, thankfully, is most of the time.) For a girl who was out of work just two short years ago, I feel gratified just to have a job. I feel blessed beyond measure to be enjoying it, too.

Got jewelry?

I know, I know ... I work for a jewelry company, so what the hell am I doing looking at jewelry?

It's simple: This jewelry is made by the sister of a friend of mine. You've GOTTA check it out.

Clicque vous, sil vous plait.

Don't see anything you like? Keep clicking. And buy someone you love the "Yes We Can" necklace in the Politics section. While you're at it, I'd love one of the hardware bracelets. Really, you should do your Christmas shopping here.

I swear, I have the coolest friends.

Becoming an American

I can't help but feel choked up. Today, one of my dearest friends will become a citizen of the United States.

I first met Luisa Fernanda Garcia de Rico when we worked together at Nalco. She transferred from Nalco Columbia to take a position in our Corporate Training department, and her cubicle was next to mine. Her accent captivated me, and we became friends. I taught her colloquial English. She taught about Celia Cruz and guacamole and the lush beauty of her homeland. We taught each other how to laugh.

On our lunch breaks back then, a bunch of us would sit together and oftentimes she would ask us to translate something. I will never forget the day she looked at me and said, "Maggie, what is the word for when you peel a sheep?"

She meant shear. It still cracks me up.

That was years ago. Since then, she has met and married the man of her dreams, grown into an even more beautiful woman, given birth to two beautiful boys and supported me through some of the roughest times of my life. And today she will take an oath and become an American citizen. That's not to say that she doesn't love her country of Colombia; no, I believe she will always feel the pull of her birthplace. But her life is here now. Unlike most of us, she has chosen to be an American. She has chosen us, with our flaws and confusion, our wars and our declining economy. May her belief in our country inspire us all.

Welcome, mi hermana. We're glad you're here.

Once a journalist, always a journalist

I am so proud today to call myself a journalist.

Granted, I "sold out to the man" upon graduation from college, taking a job in corporate communication. Call me what you will - spin doctor, corporate mouthpiece, hack. I have always considered myself a corporate journalist. My objectivity is often stretched and tested by my boss and our leadership, just like my colleagues in the mainstream media deal with publishers and editors. But we are all journalists, governed by ethics that run as strong and sure in us as our morning coffee.

So why am I waxing philosophical about my profession and that of so many of my near and dear friends? It's simple, folks. Today, the Chicago Tribune, the publication I have called "my paper" since high school, endorsed Barack Obama for President. This is the first time in the publication's history that it has endorsed the Democratic Party candidate for President.

In other new, hell froze over.

See what I mean?

Reading their endorsement gave me the chills. Here's just a tiny bit of what the paper has to say:

On Dec. 6, 2006, this page encouraged Obama to join the presidential campaign. We wrote that he would celebrate our common values instead of exaggerate our differences. We said he would raise the tone of the campaign. We said his intellectual depth would sharpen the policy debate. In the ensuing 22 months he has done just that.

Many Americans say they're uneasy about Obama. He's pretty new to them.

We can provide some assurance. We have known Obama since he entered politics a dozen years ago. We have watched him, worked with him, argued with him as he rose from an effective state senator to an inspiring U.S. senator to the Democratic Party's nominee for president.

We have tremendous confidence in his intellectual rigor, his moral compass and his ability to make sound, thoughtful, careful decisions. He is ready.

The change that Obama talks about so much is not simply a change in this policy or that one. It is not fundamentally about lobbyists or Washington insiders. Obama envisions a change in the way we deal with one another in politics and government. His opponents may say this is empty, abstract rhetoric. In fact, it is hard to imagine how we are going to deal with the grave domestic and foreign crises we face without an end to the savagery and a return to civility in politics.

But don't just take my word for it. Read the whole damned editorial. See if it gives you the chills, too.

Yet another great Shakespeare quote

So I'm at the gym with Shakespeare (otherwise known as Jessica) tonight, and we're whooping it up on the elliptical. We're talking about tonight's debate and whether or not we'll watch it, (we will) whether or not we'll enjoy it, (we might) and how excited we are to head to the polls. And who says something that cracks me up? Not me, THAT GIRL.

She says, "Have you ever seen Jesus Christ Superstar?" she asked. No, that's not what was funny. What was funny came after I answered in the affirmative. "During the first debate, I could not stop singing ...

Obama, hey-Bama
Bama Bama, hoBama
HeyBama, hoBama
Hey Barack Barack,
can you save Iraq?
Bama hoBama hey, Superstar"

In poor taste? Perhaps. But no more so than the opposition's "The One" ad campaign. So if you're gonna compare the Democratic candidate to a savior of any religion, well ... we will too.

Sing along if ya want; it's a good time.

Ten on Tuesday

1. I miss Josie Lou, but I think Benld misses her more. He wants to be held all the time, and when he's not in my lap, he's crying and pacing around the apartment. It's like he's having a conversation with himself. "Meow? Merrrrow. Meow meow, MEEEOW!" I have no idea what it's about, but at 3 a.m. it's a little annoying.
2. The Hideous Hair Incident of 2008 has occurred on my head. I covered the gray last night. The strand test worked perfectly, but apparently didn't really show any indication of what it would look like on my whole head. I now have Deep Brown Hair of Death. Thank goodness it's only semi-permanent, otherwise I would have to dress as Elvira for Halloween.
3. I started working on my Halloween costume last night. No, not as Elvira. I'm not telling you what it is, because if I can't pull it off I'm just going to go as an aging divorcee. I will post pictures after Halloween if all goes well.
4. I saw gas for $3.05 a gallon in Lyons, WI over the weekend. Where I live, it's still $3.50-ish. It felt like such a great deal to fill up the tank for $3.18! I guess bargains, like everything else, are relative.
5. I've been craving creamy mashed potatoes, yet I have no potatoes. This is my quandary.
6. One of my assignments at work over the last few weeks has been to write the text for our incentive trip brochure. Have you any idea how hard it is to write about Cancun when you've never been to Cancun? Yeah, not as much fun as it sounds. And it's starting to really bug me. dammit. But I'm not bitter. Nope, not me.
7. I have got to learn to grocery shop more effectively. I find myself going on this marathon trip once a month, and then having to trudge the packages up to the third floor, cursing all the way. Why not weekly, when I know what I want to eat and can pick it up fresh?
8. I'll tell you why: I am the worst budgeter (and yes, it's a word, as far as I'm concerned) in the world. If I only buy groceries for the week, there will not be any money for groceries the following week. I am that bad. Yes, I know that needs to change. No, I'm not sure how long it'll take me to learn the lesson. But when cat euthanasia throws your "budget" into a tailspin, you know you've got to get real about the finances.
9. I am really good at procrastinating. It's a special gift.
10. There's lots of fun stuff coming up in the next couple of weeks! I have chili night next week, then Alice's birthday, where I'll get to see most of Clan Rice/Carlson. The next day is Bonnie's birthday, which will bring together a bunch of folks who used to be involved in theater to sing a little, dance even less and celebrate the woman who can make anyone sound great. Cap the month off with Halloween and a trip to Fright Fest at Great America, and I'm golden!

Things that happened along the way

Friday night, I drove to Wisconsin to see Kevin perform in "A Funny Thing Happend on the Way to the Forum." I love Sondheim. I think he is a genius. I think he is everything people thought (think?) Andrew Lloyed Weber was (is?) and more. Sondheim is a genius. I'll even forgive him for that damn clown song.

So imagine my distinct pleasure when, on my way to Elkhorn, WI, I took a curve along northbound Route 12 to see a sunset that made me almost pull over just to appreciate it.I'll apologize now for not bothering to PhotoShop my windows clean.

It was breathtaking in person; it made a long stretch of highway beautiful. But I did not choose to pull over to appreciate it because I was running late for Chinese food.

We ate delicious crab Rangoon and headed to the theater to see the show. Kevin was a hoot. The guy who played Hilarium was hilarious. How fitting. The show itself was ... well, it was a community theater production of one of my favorite shows. There were some shining moments, most of which featured Kevin.

Of course after the show we went for a little karaoke, which was weird beyond words. There were lots of people, many of whom I didn't know, and a little more eighth-grade drama of the "do you think he likes me?" sort than I generally enjoy at the ripe old age of not 30. Really, I don't care whether he likes you or not. I wish you cared a little more about all the other people here to have fun with you, and a little less about one guy who isn't showering you with attention.

Which I suppose brings me back to the sunset and what it came to symbolize for me. There are two kinds of people in this world, as far as I'm concerned: People who choose to be happy, and people who aren't happy. None of us have a perfect lot in life. In fact, for some, the day to day has the potential to really suck. We all go through rough patches, but those of us who decide to be happy generally succeed in feeling that way. I've long been surrounded by people who help me make that decision, and I hope I've helped them do the same. Because along the most boring stretches of straight, flat land, sometimes you round a curve and you're treated to a sunset that is like no other. Sure, it can't balance my household budget or provide me with a shoulder to cry on when the nights get lonely, but most of the time, it's enough.

A hard day

She never grasped how to do the laundry, but she sure liked to get in the thick of it. She loved any soft, comfy spot.

From the first moment she came into our lives, Ms. Josie was a prima donna. Why jump up when she could be lifted? Why eat dry food when the canned is so much more tasty? Why be quiet when her meow was so pleasing to the ears?

Really, she could be more demanding than some people I know. And I know a lot of people.

She was Christopher's cat, his little girl. Given any lap that happened to be at home, she wanted to be on his. So I am sure it was hard on both him and her when he moved out and she stayed behind. See, part of the reason we took her in was because Benld wasn't coping all that well on his own, so Christopher elected not to separate "the boys," as I call them. I think I am at least as grateful as Benld and Josie for that decision.

So today was her final day with me. Dr. Judy and I agreed that, given the events of the last few days, Josie was showing signs that the bad was outweighing the good. Her quality of life was diminishing quickly, and it was time to say goodbye.

I may never be able to explain the way our animals seem to master unconditional love so much better than we humans are able to do it. Up until two nights ago, every time I was home, all she wanted was to curl up in someone's lap - anyone's lap, really - and soak up some love. It didn't matter whether I was particularly charming or cranky or if I shaved my legs or swore or burned the roast or made bad choices or sang off key. No, to this petite princess, all that mattered was food, water and love.

But mostly love.

I'll miss you, Josie Lou. Thank you for the years you gave us.

My obstructed view out the front window. She was always ready for her close-up.

Ten on Tuesday

1. It's October. That means it's Breast Cancer Awareness Month. (This is not to be confused with Breast Awareness Month, which to most men is every day of every month.) As I get out my pink ribbons and schedule my mammogram, I'm reminded of the strong and beautiful women in my life who have dealt with this disease. It ain't pretty, but we can win the battle. So ladies, take care of yourselves and your tatas!
2. I have a nasty crick in my neck/shoulder on the right side. Some might say that's what I get for doing three hours of cardio on a Monday night. I prefer to think it's because a fat cat chose to sleep in my face so I was trying to make room. Either way, it just plain hurts.
3. I'm wearing a sweater that I thought fit me last year. Turns out, I was wrong; it looks completely different this year, with the New and Improved Smaller Maggie inside. It really is amazing what a difference a few pounds makes.
4. I found my planner! Remember the one I thought was lost after vacation last July? Well, it turned up in a tote bag in my apartment. That tells me that A) I have too many tote bags and B) I don't need to be quite so anal-retentive about having my planner with me at all times. I survived pretty well without it!
5. Hard to believe, but I'm already trying to figure out where I'm going to be at what time over the holidays. I am so looking forward to the season, but not the weather!
6. Need. Cute. Boots.
7. Also need new curtains. The new windows are so pretty, I would like something equally so to show them off. Alas, I am poor, so for the time being I'll just enjoy the pretty windows and the pretty trim and the blinding sunlight.
8. I want to be Shakira when I grow up.
9. Yesterday, I sent out a one-word survey, asking some of my friends to describe me in just one word. I got back everything from anti-oxidizing to fierce, vivacious to old (and yes, Bex, I know you were kidding ... mostly.) But my favorite response, which came from two different people, was simply Maggie. "She's just ... Maggie!" one said, and "You're you and only you can be you, so your name says it all," said the other. I like that.
10. I love to dance. Last night, I spent an hour in Salsa Funk class, and another hour in Belly Dance, and those two hours just fill me with joy. Even though my "peeps" weren't there, (dammit, why must illness plague both My John and My Jess at the same time?) it was a grand night. And there were moments when I caught myself in the mirror and actually admired the way I was able to move. It's a great feeling to realize I'm becoming comfortable in my own body, at ease in my skin.
11. Bonus: Maverick!

Time well spent

It's an overcast Sunday afternoon in Maggie's World, and I'm really quite okay with that. It's been a weekend full of love and people who share it willingly, and I'm gonna spend the rest of this day relaxing with myself and my two furry roommates.

Friday night my friend Diane came over. We were going to knit and relax and catch up with each other, and we only got to two of those things. We talk a lot; no time to knit! We talked into the wee hours of the morning, and it was time to go to bed. I gave my room over to my guest, Di being seven months pregnant and all. I think she was much more comfortable in my nest than she would have been on the pull-out twin sleeper! Saturday dawned far too early, and we headed to IHOP for breakfast before she had to return to her husband and two little ones. I miss her already, so I guess that means I'll be going into Chicago before too long to see her again.

I spent Saturday with my dad, taking his old computer to the Geeks to see if it could be fixed (um, no) and setting up his relatively new laptop so he could surf the 'net and decide whether or not to buy a new computer. I did my laundry at Dad's house and visited with him and the rest of the family. Jenn brought me a "shitslew" of candles, so my house smells sooooo yummy, and we just had a great time visiting with each other. Sometimes I get the feeling my family doesn't "get" me, or even like me very much. Yesterday was not one of those days.

This morning, I met Cute Brian for breakfast. We were both bleary-eyed and in desperate need of coffee, and we spent a few hours just talking and relaxing and getting sufficiently caffeinated. I miss him when we're too busy to spend time with each other, especially since last week we sorta had harsh words. Well, I had harsh words, followed by some hanging up. But with real friends, the harsh words don't matter nearly as much as the apology, and the apology doesn't matter nearly as much as the genuine love for one another.

The only thing that kinda sucks right now is that John from the Gym is feeling under the weather. Like way under the weather. In a different zip code from the weather. We chat on the phone and do the IM thing, but dammit, I miss him. Being healthy isn't nearly as much fun without him.

But for today, I'm just gonna hole up here at home, cuddle with the cats, watch some movies and relax, knowing that I'm pretty damn lucky.

Here's to life

One of my favorite Roger Clyne and the Peacemaker's songs is actually an old Refreshments tune, by the name of "Mekong." You know, as in "As cliché as it may sound, I’d like to raise another round. If your bottle's empty, help yourself to mine, thank you for your time, and here's to life."

There are a lot of toasts in my life that go just like that, so as I share a few pictures from the September 24 show with you, I am actually raising a glass and offering it up to you, to me, to us.

Here's to life.

The RCPM still life, pre-show.

Jason Boots. Opening act, merchandise dude, horn player and all-around swell guy.

Roger. His shirt is only about half-soaked in sweat at this point.

Close-up of Roger's guitar. Cool, huh?

Nick, or as I call him, T.B. Player. He's just a gracious, quiet guy.

Roger. The man's antics just cannot be described.

I have to say it again ... what an amazing night. We spent the entire show this close to the guys, and just feeling the electric community created by good music and the people who enjoy it. Thanks for enjoying it with me.

Ten on Tuesday - Exciting #11 just added!

1. My fellow bloggers are loafing; I'm the only one who has kept up with Ten on Tuesday! But I love them, so I will cut them a little slack from up here, high atop my pedestal.
2. It's happening again! Last year, for I think the first time ever, I embraced the change of seasons from summer to fall. This year, I'm having that warm-inside feeling as the heat of summer gives way to the crisp fall air. Maybe it's because I have friends who like to do stuff in the fall, like pick apples and go to Fright Fest (what are YOU doing on November 1?) Maybe it's because I'm no longer influenced by a roommate who was miserable six months of every year. But I honestly think it has more to do with the fact that I'm just becoming a happier, more content person every day, no matter what the weather is. Incidentally, today's blue sky looks like it was picked right from the Crayola box of 64.
3. I can bake pie! I will prove it to you!
4. Taking a few days off last week was a delicious treat. Sometimes it just feels good to shake up life a little bit! But, it did mean missing my workouts for a full week. I'm feeling sluggish and lazy ... must hop right back into the routine tonight!
5. Tina Fey is my idol. I love her. I want to have coffee with her. And frankly, I think my foreign policy background is pretty strong, too, what with Illinois bordering on Wisconsin, which we all know is practically Canada.
6. Speaking of Canada, say a little prayer for my dear friend Janie and her family. Janie's from Almost Canada, and as last week's Ten on Tuesday explained, she lost her dad not too long ago, and could use a little extra love. And while you're at it, if you're lucky enough to have a parent or grandparent still with you, take a moment today and tell them how much you love them. You just never know.
7. Sometimes I wonder if I'm destined to be alone. Sometimes that makes me sad. Then, sometimes, I wake up in the middle of the bed with a fat cat on one side and a skinny one sleeping on the small of my back and I wonder why on earth I would want to allow another person to invade that happiness. Unless he's okay with bringing me coffee in bed, there's really no point. I realize that makes me sound a little bit like the crazy cat lady, and I don't give a damn.
8. I'm just putting this out to the universe, but I swear to God if Ryan Carlson doesn't send me his mailing address, I am going to walk the streets of Champaign on October 21 shouting his name and claiming to be his long-lost half-sister who only recently got released from prison. And that's just the beginning of how embarrassing I can be. Don't believe me? Ask around.
9. The new windows are just beautiful. Sure, part of that is because they are clean, but really ... they make a huge difference! They put beautiful molding around them, too, painted my favorite - glossy white. It really works to expand the view. You should come see!
10. I love my job. I feel fortunate to be working for a company that is continuing to grow, albeit slowly, at a time when many industries seem to be either leveling off or cutting back. The work is fun (mostly,) the people are a hoot, the discount is great and they pay me. Seems like a pretty good gig, as far as I'm concerned.
11. Seriously, a vote for McCain is a vote for a couple of cheese doodles. I don't generally wax political on the blog, but I just can't help myself. Check out the latest Katie Couric interview: http://latimesblogs.latimes.com/washington/2008/09/palin-couric-mc.html

Good music and fruit

How many times do you attend a great concert from the front row? I can't say for sure, but I'll bet it's not very often. But that's what we did Wednesday night.

Not that I have proof. Dale and Tim were the only ones with cameras, and they have yet to cough up the goods. Suffice to say that we drank shots with the band, danced our fannies off, and reveled in some great music. I'll post photos when they're available.

On Thursday, I saw Colleen at karaoke. She would have sung, but she was high. (Better, Col?)

On Saturday I picked apples and baked pies with Patrick, Ed, Dan, Javier, "New Guy" (aka PJ) and the Wisconsin Rathundes. We had such a great time! Turns out, I make a mean apple pie. And the best part? Jav shared his photos already, so I can show you a little bit of our day!

It was a near-perfect day to be out in the orchard. Here's Edwin, Patrick, me, Aubri and Kelly, ready to select the perfect apples.

Patrick with the apple picker, which allowed him to reach the apples at the top of the tree, and do a mean Cornholio impression.

The peeling and slicing begins. Here we are in Amber's kitchen, making the magic that is apple pie. In the foreground is PJ, with Dan behind him.

I'm not sure why I have that pouty look on my face, but here's the other side of the counter - me, Edwin and Kelly, and part of Dan's noggin.

I finally remembered to photograph my handiwork when I got home. Of all the pies we baked - and it was about 10, I think - this one was my favorite. I almost didn't want to cut into it, because it's so darned pretty! But I'm glad I did. I have to share the rest of it, though, or it'll all end up part of my thighs.