So I'm behind

I've been house-sitting for a friend, and her computer is in the basement. I don't like basements, so I haven't been online much; so I'm behind.

Suffice it to say that my 10 will be back next week. Until then, happy new year. Close out 2010, and ring in 2011, in whatever way you deem awesome!

My Top Ten Christmas Memories

Growing up Bieritz was not the stuff of opulent Christmases. There were never mountains of gifts under the tree, but Christmas was magical all the same. You want proof?

1. Stockings. Dad affixed nails into the stone wall, so our stockings always hung by the chimney with care, and each year they held an orange, an apple, and some walnuts. Usually some chocolate Santas, too. Opening to stocking was awesome. They were made of green felt, an original Patricia Bieritz design, and they rocked.
2. Decorating the church. Times have changed, but back in the day, decking those halls was the sign that Christmas had come. Hanging roping around the choir loft, putting up the mitten tree, putting red satin balls on the big tree up front ... with every addition, the place began to fill with the scent of pine and the spirit of all that is good within us.
3. The year I figured out that, on Christmas Eve, I'm pretty. The rest of the year, I may be a sow by the side of the road, but there's magic to Christmas Eve. One year, when I was a teenager still stuck in a horribly long awkward stage, I had a red velour dress to wear to church at 11 p.m. on Christmas Eve night. I took a bath, did my hair, put on my face and looked in the mirror ... and the young woman who looked back was strangely familiar. I saw me, but I also saw beauty. This was a first ... and it happens every Christmas Eve. I don't know about you, but I think that night brings out my absolute best.
4. Midnight parties. When we were children, my parents used to invite the entire church over to the house after the Christmas Eve candlelight service. Doesn't sound like a huge deal, until you realize the service started at 11 p.m. and got out at midnight. Beef sandwiches, relishes, that incredible punch, a big platter of cookies ... we had guests until the wee hours, and no one seemed to mind; even Mom and Dad, when we were up after only a few hours of sleep!
5. Nana's coffee cakes. It was wonderful living in a neighborhood that shared treats with one another, and our neighbor Nana made these incredible coffee cakes. We looked forward to them every year. She taught my sister Jenn how to make them, and my mom learned, too, so the legacy lives on.
6. Magi, with a twist. Back in 1993, I was out of work. Circumstances sucked, and two of my favorite gifts - a plaid taffeta skirt for myself (oh, shut up; it was cute on me in the 90s!) and a camel hair jacket for then-boyfriend Stu - had to go back. I had less than no money; I couldn't afford them. On Christmas night, Stu came over for dinner with my family and we opened our gifts. Mine were meager, because I had no job and was starting college in January. We had just finished saying our thank-yous when two additional packages arrived. His contained his jacket, and mine contained my skirt. My sister Kathie and my mom conspired to fulfill Christmas wishes that had been abandoned. It still makes me cry when I remember how thoughtful that moment was. And trust me, I was adorable in that skirt.
7. Rice's first legal drink. My best friend and brother, Mike Rice, turned 21 on December 20, 1996. (That was the year, wasn't it?) Anyway, I was still at school wrapping up stuff before heading home for the holidays, and Mike was back in Jacksonville, IL. And it sucked, because he was turning 21 and there was no one with whom to celebrate. Well, why not? I jumped in the car and headed his way, as any good sister would. I loved being in that house at Christmastime, and I loved being able to make my dear friends birthday a little more special, even if it just meant flat beer at a townie bar.
8. The opal. Years ago ... years and years ago ... my friends and I used to exchange gifts. Many were homemade. None were extravagant. Except for the year when Kelly, Patrick and Darrin gave me an opal ring - the very ring I had admired in the window at Page jewelers. I should have known, when Kelly insisted I point it out to her ("is it that one, Margaret?") over and over again, that sometime was up, but it totally flew past my head. I still have that ring. It still gives me great joy, because of the thoughtfulness behind it.
9. Christmas Eve with Diane. When we were in college, my friend Diane Schmelzel and I realized that we were heading "home" to places near each other - I to Montgomery, and she to Naperville. So we agreed that every Christmas Eve, because we would probably always venture home at that time of year, we would share breakfast or lunch together. We've missed a year or two due to illness, but it is a most welcome tradition to share with an old friend.
10. The year Mom bought Dad a new saw. She drove to Morris ... through a blinding snowstorm ... and tried to tell the story over the din of Christmas morning. It always makes me giggle to remember her shouting over our chatter, "IS ANYBODY LISTENING TO ME???"
11. Bonus reason! Not that it's a memory, really, just a feeling I have. I bet, somewhere back in the old house, where my dad, brother and sister still live, there are Christmas gifts, unwrapped, in plastic bags, hidden so well even Mom couldn't remember where she put them. She was very good at that.

Ten on Tuesday, December 14

1. I love my cat. Like, really love my cat. Which explains why I feel an extraordinary amount of guilt for the way he is not adjusting to our new, temporary digs. He and I moved about 30 minutes north for a month, to watch a friend's house and critters while she (the homeowner, not the cat) is travelling. The fuzzy dude is not handling this as well as I'd hoped. But then, this is only day one. Hopefully tomorrow will bring Good Things.
2. I'm going to learn how to snowshoe. On January 9, I'm taking a snowshoe clinic. Then, on January 30, I'm participating in a snowshoe 5k. I probably need my noggin examined.
3. This has been a hard week on the diet. Most days, I've been over on my calorie intake. I need to nip this in the bud so it doesn't get out of control, because let's face it - I like wearing pants.
4. Sometimes, things work out when you least expect them to.
5. I'm pretty good at meeting deadlines, but when I miss them, I miss them big. Things at work are flying fast and furious these days, and I totally blew past a deadline this week. I was supposed to turn copy over yesterday. I just started routing today. That is probably the first time this year that I've been in this situation, but that really doesn't help me feel any better.
6. On the good side of things, I learned last evening that my niece Kaylee in Tucson wants to spend Christmas with me. I would love to spend Christmas with her, too (not to mention her mom and dad,) and think maybe in a few years I should plan a December trip. Wouldn't it be nice to wake up on Christmas morning to a cactus, instead of two feet of snow? I mean, just once?
7. One of my favorite memories - even if I do have to share it with my ex - was of the first Thanksgiving after my mom died. We went to Tucson. We had Thanksgiving dinner outdoors. It was completely wonderful, the perfect antidote for the sadness of it being that first year sans mom.
8. I need a haircut.
9. I feel guilty because I didn't make it to the gym tonight, although I'm pretty sure getting Benld and I moved in to the Country House was the right thing to do tonight.
10. I love you. I love that you log on and read my ramblings, and I love you, just the way you are. (With apologies to Billy Joel.)

Number 10

One week ago today, I woke up and immediately began to cry. Baseball legend Ron Santo was gone. In those first moments of understanding, I felt incredible loss.

My Tucson family was here, and my crying woke them. Try explaining to a four-year-0ld why you're crying over the death of someone you've never met! But some day, she will understand. Some day, it will make sense.

When I was a little girl, my mother's love of Ron Santo didn't make much sense to me. But looking back, it's really quite simple. There was a time when the greatest players in every game played for the sheer love of their game. There were no great salaries in professional sports, but you could see the joy on their faces as they played. Watching file footage of Santo, that's what you see: joy. I think Mom identified with that.

Mom remained a Cubs fan all her life, a trait she passed on to her children. My favorite players were Andre Dawson, Jody Davis and Kerry Wood, but there was always a special place in my heart for Ron. When I would watch the broadcasts on television, I would turn the volume down so I could listen to Pat Hughes and Santo's commentary of the game. Ron loved the game as much as my mom did, so listening to him was almost like having a bit of Mom still with us.

And so today, Ron Santo was given a final sendoff. The day included a prayer service at Holy Name Cathedral, followed by a procession past the Tribune Building and around Wrigley Field. Watching the celebration of his life, I'm reminded of his courage, having followed his career dream while dealing with diabetes. His sense of humor, as a man who could laugh at his own toupee catching fire. But mostly, his intense love of the game.

We'll miss you, old #10. Thank you for sharing your joy with my mom, and in turn, with me. Heel click, and out.

Fraudulent behavior

Sometimes, I feel like an utter fraud.

I mean, if you're not a great writer, can you call yourself that, even if it is your job title?

Can you call yourself a runner if you still can't run a consistent 15-minute mile? Hell, if you can't run the full mile without slowing to a walk?

Can you call yourself a knitter when you keep ripping out rows?

Can you say you're a good housekeeper when you just found another massive dust bunny?

Can you be a good cook and only just have learned to boil an egg?

Ten on Tuesday, December 7

1. This is me, photographing a group of friends prior to the Santa Claus run on Saturday, December 4. This is also a great view of how much I love books, one of my favorite projects from college, and my leg ... which is smaller than I recall.


2. This is the whole crazy group of Santa runners - Lorna, Di, Justin, Re-Pete, Schlex, Rebekah, Mama Dee, me, Linda and Pete.

3. Same group, with our beards. Ever seen anything so awesome in your life? Didn't think so.
4. Tucson Mike, Racheal and Kaylee were here the end of last week. It was a magical visit, complete with a train ride, the view from atop the Sears Tower, lunch in the Walnut Room (accompanied by the worst server in the history of the planet,) almost skating at Millennium Park, and dinner at Meat & Di's. But the very best part? Watching Kaylee, my little desert baby, enjoy snow. She kept picking up bunches of the fluffy white stuff, throwing it in the air, and saying "This is the best day ever." Yeah, that's enough to make an auntie's day, too.

5. Practice makes perfect. I had my first rehearsal last night for a Christmas show. All music, small cast, very fun. One weekend only, December 17 and 18. Wanna go?

6. I ran last night at the gym. It pissed me off, because I had a much better run than I did at the run over the weekend. Maybe running indoors (instead of on snowy streets) is that much easier. Maybe the treadmill is nicer to my knees. Maybe I'm a wuss. I don't know, but in a half-hour run, I actually ran 23 out of 30 minutes, which is a new record. Now I just have to increase it little by little until I'm running the whole 30 ... and then get to the point where I can handle running an entire 5k. I must be crazy.

7. But I think it might be catching. See, last weekend, several of my crazy friends gathered for this Santa run thing. And much as I know it's not just because of me, they weren't shy about telling me they never would have done it if I hadn't suggested it. Who ever would have thought that I would be the one to organize people and urge them to run? Does it make sense that the slowest runner in the bunch, who can almost but not quite squeak out a 15-minute mile, is the mastermind? Probably not. But fun is fun, and I wouldn't trade it for the world.

8. There's also a hidden benefit to being the slowest in my group: I get a cheering section! I can't explain how amazing it felt to have my friends cheering me on at the end of the race. They make me realize I can finish. I love them for that.

9. I also love Christmas music. But not the crap they play on 93.9 here in Chicago. It's the same songs every time I turn it on. Do they not realize that Hall & Oates are not the only people who recorded "Jingle Bell Rock," or that many artists have covered Brenda Lee's "Rockin' Around the Christmas Tree"? Seriously. If you must play the same song every two hours or so, at least play a different version! I have about 10 different versions of each of those songs; call me, I'll share!

10. There are only 12 more get-ups until my Christmas vacation begins. Holler.

Ten on Tuesday, November 30

1. Can't believe November's virtually over. Now we launch headlong into December ... the greatest month of the year, if only it could be warm. I am just not cut out for this winter stuff.
2. Driving home from the gym tonight, a little snow started to fall. And the song "First Snowfall" came up on my CD ... it was a perfect moment. Chilly, but perfect.
3. The Rices are coming back! Mike, Rae and Kaylee return from their the downstate portion of their vacation on Thursday, and they'll be with me until they have to leave for the airport on Saturday. I love having them here.
4. Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday. I sat down several times over the last week to write and reflect on Thanksgiving, and what it means to me ... and every time, it just came out like a monologue about my dad. I guess that's the real deal. My dad is gratitude, and forgiveness, and joy, and generosity, and faith, and humor. Of all the things in this world for which I am thankful, my dad tops the list. Every freakin' time.
5. I don't understand the lure of American Girl dolls, but I can promise you this: economic recovery is upon us, if the number of people spending money on their products is any indication. That place was SWAMPED on Saturday.
6. One more thing I'm thankful for: Dad's stuffing.
7. Skinny Cow truffle ice cream bars. Get some.
8. Work is driving me completely bananas. But that was a short trip, anyway.
9. This weekend I have my third 5K of 2010. I am determined to run as much of it as I can, although my knees really hurt this week. Ouchie. But one way or another, I will run, and I will finish. (Then, I will eat eggs.)
10. Bath & Body Works "Need a Margarita" body scrub is the best-smelling yumminess ever. Seriously.
    

Ten on Tuesday, November 16

1. I like kale. Tuscan kale, to be exact, and I prefer it prepared by my friend Rebekah, in a soup where it's combined with white beans, turkey sausage and an amazing broth that just makes your taste buds sing. Delicious.
2. I also like cannoli. Someone broght some in to the office today. I ate a quarter of one, and counted the calories. It was three bites of deliciousness.
3. I'm working out hard these days, and it's paying off. Last night I ran for half an hour and did the elliptical thing for half an hour. Almost 700 calories, torched, and felt great in the process. Next step? Metabolic testing. Need to save my pennies, but I want to know my actual zones and where I'm burning fat. I've been guessing, and it's been working pretty well, but I'm ready to maximize my workouts. After I buy new running shoes, that will be my next investment.
4. Which is interesting to me, because slowly but surely, I'm finding that my money is lining up with my values. I have always said that I value taking care of myself, but I had a hard time ponying up the money to really do it. Now, I make sacrifices in order to sign up for the next race, or eat better foods, or have the right equipment. I'm proud of that.
5. Speaking of the next race, yes, I'm doing the Santa Run on December 4. Then after that? The Frozen Zucchini Snowshoe 5k on January 30. Yes, I know ... I'm nuts.
6. I bent the hell out of my fingernail. This does not make me happy. It hurts.
7. Mike, Racheal and Kaylee will be here in a few days! This means I need to clean, buy some groceries, and rescue my twin air mattress from the storage locker. And bake cookies.
8. I had to scrape the ice off my car yesterday using my gym membership card. Guess I need to buy a window scraper, huh? (Busted my old one by slamming it in the back of the Jeep.)
9. Only six more get-ups until Thanksgiving. THANK GOD. Four-day weekend, here I come.
10. My friend Rebekah (she of soup fame) cleaned out her closet again. Which means I got a ton of new clothes, a down jacket, and a carload of stuff to take to Goodwill. I'm wearing this gray sweater today that makes me look far skinnier than I actually am. Yeah, it rocks.

10 on Tuesday, November 9

1. I'm a runner. For a long time, I thought I couldn't use that title, because I have yet to run an entire 5k without taking a break to walk. But I have to admit it: I am a runner. I even smile when I run. (To be fair, I smiled because there was a camera there. Normally, I think I look like I'm dying a slow death while I run.)

2. That photo, for those who don't know, was taken at the Hot Chocolate 5K last Saturday. It was awesome. Beautiful day on the Chicago lakefront, if a bit chilly (at 21 degrees Fahrenheit when we woke up at 6 a.m.) And I did it, running most of the way. The next race? December 4 in Arlington Heights.

3. There are only 11 get-ups until Thanksgiving. There are only 9 get-ups until Mike, Racheal and Kaylee come visit. Damn, I'm gonna need to clean.

4. I really hate it when I ask a question and get a response, but not an answer. I'm generally pretty clear (believe it or not) so I'd kinda like the occasional answer, please. Thank you.

5. Last Saturday night was my sister Kathie's 50th birthday party, at Luigi's House. My dad told me the party was at Key Wester. Yes, he thinks he's funny. (I caught on because I know Key Wester has closed; try harder next time, will ya?)

6. My knee is a little tender today, but it made it all the way through the race happily and without incident. Let's hope this is a trend!

7. It's in the upper 60s here in Chicagoland, and I'm loving it. So far, autumn has been perfect. Some chilly days, some downright cold days, and then days like this. True Indian summer, folks ... enjoy it while it lasts.

8. Of course, the fact that it's dark when I leave work now sorta cuts into my enjoyment of the weather. I'd like to go for a run, but it's dark. Must invest in some reflective gear.

9. I need a haircut. That means I need to go to Wisconsin ... and I don't know when I'm going to have time to do that! Calgon, take me away.

10. I am so looking forward to the holidays ... mostly because between Thanksgiving and the new year, I have 11 weekdays when I'm not working. Between vacation and holidays, I'm getting a much-needed break. A little time to breathe ... is just around the corner.

Ten on the day after my sister Kathie's 50th birthday

1. Today is election day. I woke up early so I could vote before work, because Tuesday is really my only non-negotiable gym night. I always have this moment of panic before I walk into the polling place, as if they'll turn me away or something weird will happen. But I go, and when I'm finished, I feel like I did something important. I'd do it again if I could.
2. What is it about human nature that makes us think, at times, that we are not worthy when good things come our way? I roll pretty well when things go bad. I practically expect it. But when someone is generous to me, or when something incredible happens ... I find it almost impossible to handle. Something to work on, right?
3. I'm really nervous about the race on Saturday. I know I can do it. The worst case scenario is that I'm the last person in the 5k to cross the finish line. I'm a really slow runner; it's possible that I'll crawl across the finish while some of the 15k folks are finishing. I'm trying to be okay with that. My biggest fear in the world, believe it or not, is making a fool of myself. So cross your fingers that we don't have that kind of episode on Saturday, because I'd really like to not suck at this. I've been assured that adrenaline will help propel me forward, and I'm sure the chocolate at the end will help, too. I'll just be glad when it's over ... and I can focus on the next race.


Actual photo of me in my last 5k.



4. The weight is taking its sweet time coming off. Sure, 18.5 pounds over the course of 11 weeks is a little over a pound and a half per week. That's nothing to sneeze at. Do that over the course of a year and we're talkin' major change. But I'd kinda like to don a bathing suit next June and not run the risk of being harpooned. Just whining at this point. Do not send bonbons to soothe my soul.
5. A cream cheese jalapeno popper has 73 calories. Just sayin'.
6. I'm going away but staying home over the holidays. What? Yeah. A friend of mine, who lives in a beautiful big awesome house in Long Grove (a quaint little tourist town to the North) is going away for three weeks, and I get to house-sit. She has two cats, so it might be a challenge introducing Benld to the mix, but other than that, I can't foresee any negatives. Sure, my drive to work will be a little longer, but from December 24 through January 4, I'm not workin', anyway. It will be a wonderful little respite for writing, scrapbooking and relaxing, plus focusing on the diet and exercise. Doesn't that sound like the perfect way to usher in a new year?
7. I will be exceedingly glad when this election is over. I'm a very "live-and-let-live" kinda girl, but when you're ignorant and loud, I really don't need to hear from you again. Thank you for not mailing me any more propaganda; you suck. (This goes for both sides.)
8. Mike and Racheal will be here in just a few weeks. You know what that means? Pie.
9. My sister Kathie turned 50 yesterday. One by one, my sisters are approaching this milestone birthday. Pat did it last year, and Jenn's turn will be in a few years. Then, it will be me. 50. It still seems old to me. I can't believe I have sisters who are 50 years old, much less that I will celebrate turning the same age in ... well ... not too long! (It's out there, waiting!) Lots to accomplish between now and then; look out, world!
10. As much as I'm not a good runner, I'm a worse sit-up-doer. I suck at crunches, and pretty much all ab-related activities. (Which means I need to do them more; grr!) I'm so bad at it that I use every available muscle group to help. Yesterday, I was still feeling the pain from Saturday's workout. In my neck. How sad is that? So, post-race, that will be my focus: discovering the six-pack, buried deep behind the keg.

Think Different

I became an Apple fan the moment I began using their technology in college. They worked the way I think. And their "Think Different" ad campaign really hooked me, so when it was time to buy my first computer, I went iMac, and never looked back.

I do think differently. (And yes, that is grammatically the way the phrase should read.) That's what makes me ... well ... me.

Which got me thinking about our upcoming election, and all of the junkmail I am receiving, all the ads that are playing on television and the radio, all the crap that's spewing about.

The fundamental difference between the two parties, it seems is that Democrats welcome people who don't think, or behave, or live like they do, and Republicans ... don't.

How sad is that?

Every issue, from abortion to immigration to spending to separation of church and state to gay marriage, appears to boil down to the right believing only they are right, and the left thinking there's room on the field for everyone.

Thankfully, the Republicans' world is not the world we live in, and it's emphatically not the country our founding fathers envisioned. And I'm not saying the Dems have everything correct, because they don't. There are flaws on both sides. But the ads and campaign rhetoric is making me crazy with the finger pointing and the ignorance.

It doesn't matter to me how you vote, but I hope you do vote. And I sincerely hope that you do so with your own mind, thinking for yourself. Thinking differently, if that's what works for you.

The fine print: I don't generally post political information or opinions. I find that sometimes it causes flaming language (from people who are clearly not gay.) Don't be that person. Don't attack me for having opinions. That's why this blog is called "Maggie's World".

It's Tuesday, so Maggie must have 10

1. You can seriously burn yourself when frothing milk for your morning coffee. Just sayin'.
2. Daylight saving time can hurry up and end. I'm ready to fall back, and I'm also ready for it not to be butt-crack dark when I wake up in the morning. Sheesh!
3. Running. I'm running. Last night I had the best run of my career to date. (Sarcasm implied.) But I still won't be even close to the Kenyans, who are coming in to run the Hot Chocolate race on November 6. They can run. I saw them on the Subway commercial.
4. After the race, I'll still be running, but probably indoors. And I've challenged myself to try the rock wall. I've always been afraid to do it; no one wants to look up and see that, right? But by the end of the year, I'm going. Who's with me?
5. Nothing makes me wash my dishes faster than curry. It tastes delicious, but when you can still smell it 15 minutes after your food is gone, it's motivating.
6. There are 21 get-ups until Thanksgiving.
7. The creator of Rocky & Bullwinkle (and Dudley DoRight) is dead. That's truly the end of an era. And no, don't pull a damn thing out of your hat.
8. I am still eating to the chicken tortilla soup from last week. I think next time I'll try to cut back on the recipe, so I'm not eating it for a week and a half. Although that does remind me of the time Mom & Dad went on vacation and left us food ... which was pretty much just one huge pot of chili. Yeah, Mom had a sense of humor.
9. There are moments when I still get really pissed at Christopher. I know I'm happier now than I was with him, and I know he couldn't begin to be the person I deserve to be with ... but sometimes it still gives me pain. How is it that he gets to walk off, free and clear, while I'm still dealing, all these years later? It doesn't seem fair. But then, no one ever said life was, now, did they?
10. And then I'm reminded that I may not be where I intended. I may not have the life I planned. But I have a great deal. I have a wonderful family that makes me laugh (and occasionally reminds me that it doesn't matter; a mouse has pooped on it.) Amazing friends who have my back, all the time. I have a kitchen full of nutritious food, a car the runs (and makes me smile) and a home that may seem a little bit like a dorm sometimes, but is really and truly my home. It didn't work out the way I planned, but this life thing? Yeah, it's pretty stellar.

Ten on Tuesday, October 19

1. I'm a little Debbie Downer today. Had a wonderful dinner last night with amazing friends, but I fear I overdid it a bit on the guacamole. I love guacamole. I hope it doesn't show up on the scale.
2. For the first time in many years, this weekend I will be attending Homecoming at my alma mater, Eastern Illinois University in Charleston, IL. I'll be staying with my ish-brother, Chunk, and his girlfriend, Erin. I've been promised chili, a campus tour, and time with old friends. Should be a fantastic weekend. Wish more of my old J-school peeps were gonna be there, but I think a little time in the place where I found myself is just what I need right now.
3. I thought I had turned a corner with the whole running thing, because last Friday I actually had a wonderful run/walk workout. Then, Sunday's came, and I wanted to die. Every run is different, but I have to keep trying. I've come to terms with the fact that I probably won't be running the full 5k on November 6, and I'm okay with that. I'd just like to not feel like I'm dying while trying.
4. Soup is good food. This fall and winter, I'll be making a lot of it. Generally low in calories, impossibly easy to prepare, and delicious ... right up my alley! On Sunday, I made a crockpot full of chicken tortilla soup. I'll be having it for lunch all week, and that's just fine by me. YUM!
5. If Target doesn't have it, you probably don't need it. Seriously.
6. Last Saturday, my friend and former roommate, Emily, took the train out to the Heights to have lunch with me and do a little catching up. It was so good to see her! Hard to believe she's been here for over a year now. I love that she's truly become a city girl. I'm proud of who she is. It makes me happy that I was able to be a part of her fresh start in Chicago.
7. Also last Saturday, I went with my friend Dawn to see "I Love You, You're Perfect, Now Change" in Libertyville. Two of the cast members - "The Scotts", as I call them - were our fellow performers in the Summer Showcase back in August, and it was such fun to be part of the audience and enjoy their talents. It was such a fun day to be around friends ... definitely a reminder of how lucky I am.
8. I haven't been to Wisconsin since my birthday weekend. I need to finalize plans to get up there in November; I miss my people! I'm looking forward to being up there in the fall, even though the leaves will probably be off the trees by then. I'm thinking bonfire. Doesn't that sound perfect?
9. If you sprinkle a little pumpkin pie spice in the brew basket with your coffee, then steam and whip some skim milk to go in your mug with the coffee, you'll have a delicious, spicy concoction that tastes like fall, and is so much better than the bologna latte Starbucks tries to convince me is delicious. Speaking of which, I am going to have to find a way to fit the caloric intake of a peppermint mocha into my weekly allotment. It's almost that time of year!
10. I'm really tired of the political ads and phone calls and mailers and stuff. But what I'm more tired of is Christine O'Donnell in Delaware. She has cornered the market on stupid crazy, and if the people of that fair state vote her in, I just don't know what to say. It's one thing to dabble in witchcraft. I really don't care; she's right, we all did stupid stuff in college. It's quite another to have no grasp on the first amendment, nor any understanding of what it says. Church and state, lady - they are separate. It's okay with me if you don't think that's the way it should be, but the fact that you didn't know ... that's unfathomable.

Ten on Tuesday, October 12

1. I made sweet potato soup/peanut soup last week. It's amazingly delicious. I added a bit too much chipotle, but all fiery flavor aside, I like it. And as co-worker Lisa continually tells me, spicy food revs the metabolism.
2. This running thing is really messing with me, in a good way. I am sleeping like a baby (minus the crying and peeing the bed part) and feeling pretty strong.
3. That in no way should be interpreted to mean that running is getting easier. There is a reason why I've never been a runner. Two reasons, actually. 1) It's hard. 2) I'm not very good at it. But I keep trying, keep practicing, keep moving forward. I do worry about my knee, but I am as careful as I can be. Besides, the more weight that comes off - and it comes off faster when I'm running - the happier my knee will be.
4. Sometimes, it's easy to feel sad and wish that I had someone else's life. Or more of my own life. This weekend, I experienced a computer glitch and just about had a meltdown. It irritates me to no end that I can't just go out and buy a new computer, because the budget can't handle it. It sucks that, at my age, there are so many things that I still have to save for. And then, I think about all the people I love, and I feel like George Bailey - the richest man in town. Except I'm not a man. But then you knew that already. I hope.
5. I am not dressing up for Halloween this year. I'm just not inspired to create a costume. I guess after last year's snake fiasco, taking a year off won't be a bad thing.
6. After my run/walk last weekend, I've had to accept the fact that there is a significant chance I won't be running the Hot Chocolate 5K on November 6. I will be completing it, I just may have trouble running the entire thing. See #3 above for clarification; I am not good at running. (I'm at about a 16.66 minute mile for running/walking. Yeah, I'm a pro.) It's a little depressing, and then I remember that the original goal was to run a 5K in the spring. This is fall. I'm already ahead of myself!
7. Balance. Right now, I'm feeling like my life is in balance more than it ever has been. I find it no coincidence that this is also the longest I have gone in my entire adult life without a significant other. I am the sort of person who gives too much of herself to a relationship, and loses too much of herself in the process. So here I am, enjoying this amazing balance between friends and family, work, health and solitude. Should there ever be another significant other (hey, miracles happen!) I'm sure I will handle it differently. Because this balance thing feels pretty damn good.
8. Along with balance, I'm loving the variety I have in my life right now. When it comes to working out, I have running, dancing, weight lifting, cycling and ellipticalling - well, what else do you call using the elliptical trainer? At mealtime, I have an awesome variety because my friend Lisa and I are sharing lunchtime preparation - I never know what I'll be having. And I'm also spending time with a lot of different people. It's nice to have such a range to choose from.
9. I really wish they'd learn how to regulate the temperature in my office.
10. Can you believe it's the middle of October? This year has flown by, and doesn't show any signs of slowing down. It seems like only yesterday we turned the calendar ... where did the time go?

Ten on Wednesday

1. My friend Kathleen turns 40 today. I have known her since 1989, when we did Godspell together at Aurora University. I like that I have known her more than half of her life. Anyway, the birthday party was last Sunday in Aurora, and so - of course - I went. It was wonderful. Delicious nachos (only a few), monstrous margaritas (I ordered one and drank only about a quarter of it; any more and I would've been sleeping in the booth!) and wonderful company. But the best surprise was seeing Little Jane - my friend Tracy, who played Little Jane in Three Postcards back in 1991. It was a night to catch up, share a little sorrow (we're both half-orphans, and her loss is still fresh) and surround ourselves with love. It was Kathleen's party, but I feel like I got the present.
2. I ran on Sunday. I'm running again tonight. I'm determined; as long as my knee holds out, the thumping in my chest and the gasping for air will get better. Right?
3. My house is a mess. So tonight there are three things on the to-do list: Make soup, run and clean. Doesn't that sound like fun?
4. I don't know if it's the weather or what, but lately I've been waking up with headaches. Coffee seems to help a little, but what I really want is another couple hours of sleep. Maybe this weekend?
5. Probably not. I'm spending this weekend scrapbooking with Diane. I paid my admission to the Sweet Scrappin' Escape weekend with the money Dad gave me for my birthday, and Diane (as incredible sweet as can be) sprung for the hotel room. So it's just us and our scrappy goodness. I guess I'd better pull my supplies together and decide which album to work on, huh?
6. Back to Kathleen's party ... sorry, there were a few nice things that were said to me that I just have to get on record. First of all, when Sherry walked in, she told me I was melting away! YAY! Sometimes it's nice to be around people you don't see all that often; they notice when you change. Then her husband, Jack, was re-introducing me to their son, Jackson, whom I haven't seen since he was a child. (He is now in college.) Anyway, he says, "You remember Margaret. She's precious, and everybody loves her." So there you go - don't forget it.
7. My calendar is rapidly filling up; it's like October is already gone! This weekend, I have the scrapbook "retreat"; next weekend, I have a lunch date with Emily; the weekend after that is Homecoming at EIU, and I'm going. (Ish-Bro Chunk and his girlfriend Erin have graciously invited me to stay with them; blast!) Then the weekend after that is Halloween, which means Ken and Melissa's party (where I'll spend the evening playing with Simon), Hafla-Ween with Teri and other assorted bellydancers, and hanging out on Halloween with Rebekah and her kids. That's it; that's October. And then we get in to November, which kicks off with the Hot Chocolate Run on November 6, followed by my sister Kathie's birthday bash that same evening. Where does the time go when I'm not looking, hmmm? (For the record, I am so not complaining. While I enjoy having a bit of free time, I also love the feeling of being with my many and varied, wonderful friends.)
8. Sometimes, when I get home from the gym, I take a bath and put on cashmere pants. Thanks, Rebekah.
9. Soon, Starbucks will begin serving peppermint mochas again, and I'm going to have to find a way to work them into my calorie budget. I love them. They taste like Christmas to me.
10. Did you know that my birthday is the official start of the holiday season? This was decided during a conversation with Brienne at the office, when I was explaining that September is my birthday month. "Why not just take it all the way to Thanksgiving?" she said. I like the way she thinks.

Ten on Tuesday, September 28

Hi!

1. I can tolerate anything but ignorance. Stupidity I can handle, because the stupid lack the capacity to learn. But ignorant people could do better, and they simply choose not to.
2. Spin class is my knees' new favorite activity. It helps build my leg muscles, puts very little strain on the knees (as long as I'm concentrating on my form) and keeps me in constant motion for a full hour so I torch a metric shit-ton of calories. Sweet!
3. Thank heaven Dad loaned me his hold space heater a few years ago. My apartment has been about 62 degrees at night for the past several nights, because my landlord is a jerkweasel who won't turn on the heat until he legally has to. I stay cozy, thanks to the space heater, and Jenn's gift of an electric mattress pad.
4. I run slowly. But I do run. And stumble. And limp. And complain. I'll be doing all of that on November 6, during the Hot Chocolate 5k in Grant Park. It's a 5k (duh) run (there's also a 15k), followed by a chocolate party. Holler.
5. This is my second year embracing autumn. It's working out very well for me. One of the sweetest outcomes of my divorce is re-discovering my ability to be happy, no matter my circumstances. He hated the cold, and it rubbed off on me ... but now, it's not such a tragedy. It's just autumn.
6. I think the American workday should include a siesta.
7. My friends amaze me. Their generosity of spirit just overwhelms me sometimes. Whether it's Linda providing me with the nutritional supplement that helps my knees, or Rebekah emptying her closet of sweaters she doesn't wear (but are totally my style!), or the simple things like a family member checking in with me (and wanting to do the Hot Chocolate run with me - yay Kathie!), or my sister Jenn giving me potatoes (and anything else I can sneak into my bag when she's not looking )or the countless other ways love just pours out - it just means I am incredibly fortunate.
8. My skin is showing its age. I think I have new wrinkles under my eyes, and can we talk about those creases at the corners of my mouth? Can this be fixed? Or slowed down? Or am I just meant to let my face become a roadmap?
9. I love that Patrick calls me whenever he has a trivia question to which he doesn't know the answer. It keeps us connected ... mostly because my mind is a vessel filled with minutia.
10. I really wish I knew how to play the guitar.
    

Ten on Tuesday, September 21

1. My knee is like a teenaged girl. You never know what you're gonna get. Some days, it's a real asshole, bitching every time I ask it to move. Others, it's completely compatible with my life. It's pissing me off, but I keep moving.
2. I tried to keep moving at the gym tonight, but within the first hour of my workout - strength training class - the power went out four times. When they finally evacuated the cardio floor, many people stayed behind to see how long it would be before they opened everything up again. I, on the other hand, got into my car and drove right on home to have a little nummy dinner. I don't feel guilty - I made the effort to walk at lunchtime - and it just seemed like the right thing to do.
3. I've been cheating on my blog. There's another, and you can find it here. I started blogging to follow my efforts to get all healtified. It's been helpful to have an outlet for the crazy. Read it if you wish, or just ignore it. No big.
4. I totally loved doing the Blackhawks Training Camp Festival 5k with my nephew. Such a fun day! And no, I'm still not a hockey fan.
5. Massage. Gimme. Now.
6. I love thunderstorms. Tonight's was particularly gorgeous, because there was a little daylight happening, so you could see the clouds and the everything and the pretty. Beautiful. Just beautiful.
7. I made chili over the weekend. Chili, with a little whole wheat macaroni, and homemade corn muffins. Sometimes, I am awesome.
8. I received an email from an old friend's wife today. I've never met her (the wife, not the friend) but she sought me out to invite me to his birthday party. You never know when you'll be honored with such a request. I wish I could go - I can't, because A) no travel money and B) I'm actually busy that weekend, but one of these days I'll find myself with a raincheck, and I'll show up. How cool is that?
9. I need to stretch more.
   
10. I always wanted to be the girl people noticed when she walked into the room, because of her clear and undeniable beauty. I got half my wish: usually people notice me because I either fall down or laugh really loudly. It's me. I'll take it.
    

Ten on Tuesday, September 14

1. The intensity with which stupid is applied sometimes makes my head spin.
2. I'm hungry. But then, I'm hungry a lot. A few weeks back, I crawled back onto the Calorie Counting Bandwagon, and I've learned to welcome that hungry feeling. And it's paying off! Little by little, the pounds are melting. Again.
3. Over the weekend, I had breakfast with my friend Jessica - I call her Shakespeare. Anyway, this breakfast was our last meal together for a year. She's going to Ireland to study for her Master's Degree. I'm terribly proud of her, but I am going to miss her face something awful. She is the co-founder of Choose Awesome, and a complete doll.
4. I got cable TV and a DVR just in time for my favorite shows to end their seasons. My Boys, Psych and Royal Pains ... all done for the season. BOO.
5. I was actually going to audition for a show. Wheaton Drama is doing Little Women, which my mother was in back in high school, and I think the story is just outstanding. I would love to do the show, but seriously - they have a performance on Thanksgiving! Nope. Sorry. Not giving up my favorite holiday. Something else will come along.
6. Sometimes I still get sad at having been left by every man who ever promised not to leave. It's not constant, but sometimes ... it just pisses me off. But then I go to kickboxing and learn not to care.
7. I got my boots back out, and actually wore a pair this week. I love boots. I would really like another pair or two this year. Alas ... they are beautiful, but they are not cheap.
8. This weekend, I'm taking my nephew for a walk. He and I are participating in the Mad Dash to Madison, the 5K run/walk or 10K skate associated with the Chicago Blackhawks Training Camp Festival. Should be a ton of fun, especially because he's a huge hockey fan, and I like the Chicago Stadium. Okay, it's the United Center, but I still miss the old Stadium. Anyhoo, hopefully there will be many photo ops and a good time will be had by all.
9. I would really, really like to move. My landlord is just beyond uncooperative, but so far most of the places I'd like to live are cost-prohibitive, regardless of the prices they advertise online. Oh, and the one place I really love? Yeah, it's almost $500 a month more than I'm paying now! Unbelievable. I thought places were hurting for renters? Guess not so much.
10. I lost my favorite sweater. It's black, with three-quarter sleeves and just one button, up at the neck. It was my go-to sweater, and I have no idea what happened to it. It's been gone since before summer kicked into high gear, and now ... I'm not sure how I'm gonna navigate autumn with out it. Have you seen it?

Ten on Tuesday, September 7

The Birthday Weekend Edition!

1. Karaoke on Friday night was an absolute blast. I haven't seen Steve in years, and he was there. Tim showed up, too, fresh from his two-week year in Korea. Add Amber and I to the mix, along with a bunch of really great singers, and it made for an incredible night of music. And that one crazy woman. No, it wasn't me.
2. Saturday was chilly. So much for my day at the beach! But still, it was lovely. Amber and I wandered around town, ate sandwiches on the lakefront, read our books and enjoyed the sun while it lasted. A perfect afternoon, in my opinion.
3. Dale and Candy invited me over for dinner on Saturday night, and in typical fashion, it was delicious. Steak and pork fajitas, red pepper tamales, homemade pico and guacamole ... is there any wonder I keep showing up at their house? To say nothing of watching "Tropic Thunder" and laughing our fannies off. It was an ideal birthday-eve!
4. Sunday morning was fun, because I share a birthday with Amber's boyfriend, Chris. The three of us went out for breakfast, and our server brought Chris and I a pancake with a candle in it. That, in addition to my delicious roasted vegetable skillet ... heaven!
5. Sunday night I was in Aurora, at Millie, Eric and Andrea's place. Again with the delicious food! Can I just say ... potatoes in the smoker? I'm still dreaming of them. Anyhoo, Sunday was my actual birthday, and it was delightful to spend the evening around the fire pit with old friends, new friends and a completely relaxed atmosphere. I can't imagine a better way to cap off my birthday.
6. Monday was a day spent with Dad and Mike. I'm not gonna lie - the whole weekend was pretty emotional, because there's a lot of baggage wrapped up in my birthday, but spending a day back home was the exact right thing to set my head and heart back on straight. There's something about being home, and being with my dad, that reminds me of who I am. It helps me make a lot more sense to myself. And the food there is also delicious. Turkey, sweet potatoes and sweet corn ... does it get any better than that?
7. I hurt my knee in a new and different way on Friday, when I lifted my heavy bag to make my way to the car. It's in the back this time, and I can't straighten my leg. Which is, ya know, just great for a girl who is trying desperately not to interrupt the workout regimen. I'm gonna try to do the elliptical tonight instead of dance class. Hopefully that will be a little more predictable, and I can avoid further injury. Dammit.
8. Sometimes it's really difficult to do what's best for myself. In the moment, ice cream sounds perfect. Blowing off my afternoon walk seems ideal. Throwing caution to the wind is intriguing. But I'm getting a little too old for that, at least if it hasn't been carefully planned.
9. I love that my cat is always happy when I come home. Unless he is sick, he always greets me at the door. I know that this is because he wants to be either fed or held or both, but still, it's the sweetest thing.
10. I had a horrible time sleeping last night. The wind was fierce, slamming against the little plastic accordion things that fill the space in the window that isn't filled by the air conditioner. So picture, if you will, a half-asleep Maggie rising from bed at 2 a.m. to yank the damn A/C out of the window. Yes, it happened. And I finally fell (and stayed) asleep.

Ten on Tuesday, August 31

1. I’m really fed up with dental insurance. My dentist left my plan and is no longer a preferred provider. I realize now that I should have asked before I made the appointment whether he was in my network, but damn, did it come as a surprise that my check up and cleaning were no longer 100 percent covered. Not even 50 percent covered. Ouch. Needless to say … I found a new dentist.
2. Today someone said to me, “You look so nice today.” And I just said “Thank you!” No self-deprecating humor, no explanation of how wrong they are … just thank you. Aging divorcee learns new tricks.
3. Speaking of divorces, my birthday is approaching, and you know what that means: the nine-year anniversary of the dumbest mistake of my life. Getting married on my birthday was a tactical error. Marrying Christopher was just plain stupid. Divorce is expensive because it is so very worth it.
4. My friend Eric’s sister’s boyfriend makes really good pizza. From scratch, even the dough. It’s delicious.
5. People occasionally make me stabby. Ignorant people, even more.
6. So remember awhile ago when my phone crapped out and I was all ready to go iPhone? Yeah. Now the damn Blackberry is working fine, and I can’t justify the cost of changing something that works fine. Could someone please run over my phone?
7. I am not a Blackhawks fan, but my nephew Alex is. This explains why I have signed both him and myself up for the Mad Dash to Madison, a 5k run (or walk, thank God) on September 18. The race is the kickoff for Blackhawks Training Camp Festival, and I think he and I will have an absolute blast.
8. For those of you playing the at-home version of our game, that makes three active events in my life this year – Relay for Life, Muddy Buddy and Mad Dash. Next year, the goal is to comfortably run a 5k, sometime in the spring. It’s a whole new Maggie.
9. There are moments throughout the course of any given day when I would give just about anything to be back home, snoozing in my comfy bed. This is one of those moments.
10. I am kicking off Labor Day weekend in a most unusual and fun way – Fish Fry and a Flick on the Milwaukee lakefront. They’re showing Zombieland, and serving (duh) fried fish, plus they’re having a lobster boil. Yeah, I thought it sounded like a good idea, too. Wanna come along?

10 on Tuesday, August 24

1. Four months from today is Christmas Eve. My favorite day of the year.
2. I do not have good posture. I've been trying to hide behind myself for years, with the mistaken impression that sinking will make me disappear. It will not. It merely makes me look old and hunchy. Working on that. Shoulders back, head up ... smile.
3. Paralysis. Again. I don't know why, but some times, I just can't bring myself to do things that need to be done. Case in point: before I posted this, I made myself call the orthopedic doc and my dentist to make appointments. I'm a few months overdue for the dental appointment, and I should have made the ortho appointment last week. I'm not sure why, but sometimes I struggle just getting stuff done. So here I am, keeping myself honest. For the record, I see the dentist tomorrow at 5:30, and the ortho guy on Thursday evening.
4. It is not a mosque, and it is not at Ground Zero. Because of the surrounding architecture, you won't even see the cultural center from the area we continue to call Ground Zero. There are strip joints closer than the not-mosque. Just because people say things loudly does not mean they are true.
5. A tortilla, a mound of yummy baby greens, some grilled chicken and a drizzle of honey mustard dressing. The perfect lunch, especially when work friend Lisa shares her red grapefruit. I didn't know red grapefruit was delicious. It is.
6. Does anyone know why the television show Buffy the Vampire Slayer is shown on LOGO - the cable channel designed for lesbian and gay viewers? And furthermore, what's with "lesbian and gay"? Doesn't "gay" pretty much sum it up? Why is it necessary to have a special word for women?
7. Last night I slept really hard, but in stages. Woke up at 2 with my eyes crusted over; fell back to sleep and woke again at 4. When the alarm went off at 6:18, I had once again fallen into that deep, yummy sleep. I'd rather have it over the whole night, but either way, I'll take it.
8. I have made my Labor Day weekend plans! You guessed it - I'm returning to Lake Geneva. It's simple, it's close by, and I get to spend time on the water. Amber has promised to make me crab legs. Is it any wonder I keep going back?
9. It took a long time, but I really like water. Other than my morning coffee and the occasional adult beverage, it's pretty much all I drink. Sometimes, for a treat, I have Diet Coke. So when I think that my road to becoming healthy is taking too long, I remember little victories like this. It matters.
10. Got back from my lunchtime walk a little bit ago. We were chased by a skunk. Nope, not kidding. It was cute, and scared the bejabbers out of me.

Weekend Update

I realize I'm not on Saturday Night Live, but it was a packed weekend, and I didn't want to try and stuff it all into a Ten on Tuesday post. So here's my Weekend Update!

Friday night, I stayed home and did laundry. (Seriously, do I know how to party or what?) Saturday morning should have meant gym time, but instead I found myself monitoring my cat's digestive habits. (Thank me now for sparing you the details.) It was late morning when he finally proved he didn't need to go see the vet, and I started packing to head North to Wisconsin. After cuddling Benld and telling him he's awesome, of course.

On my way to Lake Geneva, I stopped to have my oil changed and my tires rotated. Now, that may not sound like a big deal to you, but I always feel like I've made an accomplishment when I take care of my vehicle. It makes me happy, keeping el guapo happy. Soon, I was on my way again, pulling into Lake Geneva just in time to make my 2:30 appointment for a haircut. I loved coming into town and seeing the Ferris wheel on the lakefront - a sure sign that my favorite festival, Venetian Fest, was under way.

After the haircut, I drove over to Amber's house and unloaded my stuff from the car. We said our hells, and I grabbed her bike to ride back toward the lake. I wanted to spend my early evening reading and enjoying the beauty of my little hometown-away-from-home. I curled up on a blanket and watched the clouds go by as I read. It was heavenly.

Amber and I went to dinner at Champs, home of awesome burgers and garlic Parmesan fries. Then, there was little left to do but head home, shower, curl up and read some more before falling asleep.

We both woke up pretty early on Sunday, which made it possible to fit a lot of activity into one day. First on the agenda? Breakfast at Egg Harbor. Mere words cannot describe my lobster/asparagus/tomato fritatta. I would like a bit more of it right now, please. It was breakfast perfection.

There was time to get a few hours in at the pool, so we took our books and big glasses of water out and got our share of sun. The pool at Chez Amber is so pristine, I always feel like I'm at a posh resort. Divine!

After all that activity (laying in the sun can really take a lot out of ya!) we took naps. Seriously - I fell asleep so cozily, and slept for almost two hours! When we got up, it was time to primp and head to Tim's mom's house for his going away party.

This is me, with Tim. He's adorable. Love that guy; I'm gonna miss him.

Tim is returning to Korea to teach. He likes it there. He'll be gone for a year. I love his thirst for adventure! I also love that his mom threw him a great party. Lots of food and music and people who love Tim; is there any better send-off?

When we left Mary's house, we headed for the lakeshore to see the water ski show. So much fun! It's goofy, but I totally love it. We watched for about an hour, and then headed to the second party of the day, at David's. We ate his food and then walked back to the lakeshore to watch the fireworks.

So freaking pretty! The Venetian Fest fireworks are the best in the area. We "ooohed" and "ahhhhed" throughout the display, and (of course) missed Kelly. Although Amber, David, Gene and Julie are wonderful company, fireworks without Patrick and Kelly is just a little off. Not bad, just different.

Anyhoo, when the fireworks were over, it was time to head home. An hourlong drive at 10 p.m. on a school night might not sound like a good idea, but it was totally worth it! When I got home, I showered off the insect repellent and got into bed, falling almost immediately to sleep. Then when I got up this morning, I headed out the door a little early, so I could stop at the grocery store on the way into the office.

Breakfast and lunch for the whole week - check. Good attitude - check. Feeling like I've had an amazing weekend - check. All is right with my world.

10 on Tuesday, August 17

1. August 17. Really? Kids are already beginning to head back to school. All my friends who are teachers are bemoaning the end of summer. How quickly it slips from our grasp!
2. My friend Angelicque celebrated her 40th birthday by throwing a big party, complete with yummy food, lots of friends and family, and the funkiest cake known to man. She also invited a lot of mosquitoes, and one of them bit me. On my big toe. Yes, I'm bitter about that. But not about the pasta; oh, sweet Lord, the pasta.


Me and Angelicque, as the party began to wind down.


3. I graduated physical therapy. I am not "done" by any means, but I had my last appointment today. There is still a lot of homework I'll have to do to stay on the road to healthy knees, but I'm on my way. A little nervous, but I think this might have been a turning point. That being said, I will be very glad not to have to get up at 4:30 a.m. any more to make it to a 6:30 a.m. appointment in Aurora. Makes for very long days!
4. I ate three tomatoes grown in my little container garden. May not seem like a huge accomplishment, but it's a big deal to me! They were delicious. I love that I just had to walk downstairs and pick them, slice them up and chomp. Divine!
5. This weekend, I will be attending a going-away party for my friend Tim, who is heading back to Korea to teach. I don't see him very often, but I will miss him very much. The best part is, this means I will be in Lake Geneva for Venetian Fest - great fireworks, and maybe even a corn dog! Woot!
6. Tomorrow night is tapas with my theater friends. Tony actually found a place that serves all-you-can-eat tapas for $19.95 per person. Considering the fact that my share of a tapas dinner generally comes to about $60, this is a bargain. They may regret offering me this deal.
7. I want a massage. Actually, I would really like a full day at a spa - massage, pedicure, facial, maybe a yummy salt scrub. Alas ... poverty.
8. Totally love having cable. I've been watching a few shows with the "On Demand" feature, and I totally love Psych (seriously, could Dule Hill be any cuter?) and Drop Dead Diva. Can't get too crazy, now - I'm not the type of person to sit and watch for hours - but I must admit, it's nice to come home and just relax for an hour at night, have a few laughs and be entertained.
9. With the weather cooler this week (meaning, not 90 degrees and humid) I may bake something. Doesn't banana bread sound good?
10. I'm intensely grateful for my friends and family. Sometimes life feels tough, and I just need to cry and flail, or sit on my pity pot, or mope. Sometimes, it's all three. And you let me, as long as I need to. Then, you help me up and push me forward. It's good, knowing you're there, with all that faith in me and stuff. I'm a lucky girl.

The inner thoughts of the North American Maggie

It's been a tough week, with a lot of time spent on my Pity Pot. My knee isn't healing as well as I'd like, and after last weekend's performances, it's actually gotten worse. The work is really hard - both at physical therapy and at home - and I'm not sure I'm seeing progress. This makes me sad. I want to feel better. I don't expect the knees of a 20 year old, but maybe 30? 35?

Anyway, on top of all that, photographs were taken at the two performances I was in last weekend. I am in several of them, and there isn't a single one that makes me happy. I feel like I am the fattest, ugliest person in every room, no matter where I go, and now there is photographic evidence to support my theory.

I've never been what I call "traditional pretty" ... but I didn't see myself the way these photos show me, either. I look like an ugly man in drag. It's sad.

So I shed a few tears, and then just came around to accepting it. If that's what I look like, well, fine. I'll be the best damn fat ugly girl you've ever seen!

This morning, I woke up with plenty of time to make it to the gym, and yet I lay there, trying to come up with a good excuse. My knee hurts. I'm tired. One more week won't kill me. And then I remembered that Linda won't be there on Thursday, and I don't want to miss seeing her, and I had already told Simone I would be there ... so I got up, got dressed, and went to the gym.

My friends there love me, and they treat me so nicely. I shared a little bit of what has been troubling me with Linda, Simone and Mama Dee, and they could not have been more wonderfully supportive. I love them. They motivate me just by breathing.

And ya know what? I had a great workout. Before class started, I did my PT on the BOSU - those half-ball thingies that test your balance to the very limit. Yeah, I have to stand on them on my bad leg for as long as I can. Did pretty well, in fact. Then, I did an hour of strength training, followed by an hour of spin. Great classes, tons of calories burned, and a few yummy endorphins to banish the naughty self-talk, if only for a little while.

So that's where I am. Hopeful that I can get over the hump, that my injury will get better and that I will continue to get healthier. And grateful for the people who care about me enough to encourage me to keep going when I'd rather take a nap.

10 on Tuesday, August 10

Lots going on. Lots on my mind. Guess it's time to get it all down in writing, huh?

1. There is no better feeling in the world to me than completely nailing a song, and I did that on Saturday night. In the second show of the Summer Showcase, I served up a rendition of "When You're Good to Mama" that gave me chills. It doesn't happen very often, but when it does, buckle up.
2. I met some incredibly kind and talented people during rehearsals and performances of the Summer Showcase. This is by far the most amazing cast I've ever worked with. Everyone brought their A-game, and yet they were incredibly humble and kind. What a treat.
3. Therapy is going okay. Today, my left glute feels like someone is stabbing it constantly with an icepick. Oh, muscles ... why must you speak so loudly?
4. Sleep and I are not getting along. Sunday night, I think it was because I wasn't at home, so I was out of sorts. Then Monday night, I'm all cuddled up in bed and ... watching ... the ... clock. Sleep kept blowing me off. I'm over-tired, and my body is just not cooperating with me. Soon, I will curl up and find the happy. I hope! Tonight I'm planning to go to the gym and just get myself tuckered out. Then it'll be home, bath and zzzzzzzzzzz ...
5. I have not had a good hair day since June. Ahhhh, humidity.
6. I am not as foolish or forgiving as I once was.
7. Venetian Fest in Lake Geneva is coming up in a few weeks. I think I'm going to take a long weekend and head up there. And maybe go up again over Labor Day weekend. I need to sneak myself a little vacation, somehow. Either that, or save it for the end of the year and just take December off.
8. My stapler is really heavy. I believe in weaponized office supplies.
9. I have still not given myself a pedicure since the Muddy Buddy. That is at the top of my "Things to Do This Weekend" list. Well, that and go to the gym Saturday morning (I've missed my routine!) and possibly take myself to see Eat, Pray, Love. No, I'm not above taking myself out on a date. I may treat myself to dinner, too.
10. I was so looking forward to life slowing down this week. Now that it's happened, I'm a little sad. Wrapping two shows in the same weekend left me with a bit of a hole, and I don't want to fill it with chocolate, so I think I'll try yoga. Again. Seems like a healthy alternative, no?

Standing in the Wings

I used to be incredibly active in theater. I would go from rehearsing one show to another ad nauseum, often overlapping and never missing a beat.

Okay, rarely missing a beat. Seldom missing a lyric.

As I've gotten older, I've intentionally stepped back. It's harder now. It takes a lot of energy to step into the spotlight and turn yourself over to the crowd, working with everything you've got to entertain them. Which explains why I am completely exhausted as I write this.

I spent my weekend rehearsing and performing three shows for two separate theater companies. And while I'm glad I did it, I am equally glad it's over!

Friday night found me rehearsing for the Summer Showcase with Liberty Town Productions. My friend Dustin Helvie recruited me for this show, a musical review of Broadway over the past 50 years. I sang "When You're Good to Mama" from Chicago, and sang duets of "Easy Street" from Annie with my new best friend Tim and "What is This Feeling?" from Wicked with Abbi. Plus there were three group numbers the whole company performed - "The Time Warp", "Seasons of Love" and "You Can't Stop the Beat."

We rehearsed Friday night and all day Saturday, from 9 a.m. until about 5:30 p.m., with breaks for food. Then, shows at 6 and 8:30. This cast was incredibly talented. I loved listening to them sing as much as I loved performing myself. It was a little bit magical.

Kelly drove up from Carbondale to see the show, and I gotta admit, it was amazing to have her in the audience. Because I don't do this very much anymore, it meant a great deal to have someone rooting for me. And willing me to remember all my words.

By the time we ended the last show, I was a marshmallow. My brain was done. It was time to sleep.

And do another show on Sunday! This time, it was with old friends and new annoyances. But my focus was on my old friends. Maybe it was my near-exhausted state, but I was blown away by some of my incredibly talented friends. I really hate The Sound of Music; it ranks among my least favorite shows of all time. But when my friend Julieanne sang, the tears came. Lots of tears on Sunday, actually. Hearing Patrick sing "If You Believe" from The Wiz, and then the all-out weepfest that was Curt Parry's rendition of "Never Met a Man I Didn't Like" from Will Rogers Follies. I just couldn't turn it off.

Curt taught me everything I know about my voice. No one has ever made me work harder musically than that man, and I will always be grateful. Not that I think I have a perfect voice, but I have the voice I have because Curt taught me how to get it. He always treated me with dignity and respect, and always appreciated what I brought to the table ... and all of the admiration I have for the man spilled from my eyes as he sang.

This time, I was surprised to find not just Kelly and Ed in the audience, but my Amber, too. She came down from Wisconsin, sick as a dog but full of love, because she wanted to see me perform. The effort my friends made this weekend just blew me away. It mattered, and I appreciate it so much.

So while the show will never go down in history as one to entertain the masses, it had great meaning for me. It brought me back to where it all began - literally, because we performed on my high school stage - and left me comforted by voices from my past which were now blissfully part of my present.

And when it was over, when the final bows had been taken, I stood in the wings, looking out onto that stage where so many memories have been made. Sometimes, you can go home again.

Ten on Tuesday, August 3

1. Gas is expensive. I'm learning this the hard way, as I'm driving a lot these days. Back and forth to Aurora twice a week for physical therapy isn't cheap. Thankfully, Rice-a-Roni is cheap! I can always cut the budget in some areas to make up for shortfalls in others. Aging divorcee learns new tricks!
2. Yesterday was a wonderful day. Sure, there was the usual Monday work stuff, but after that I went to Physical Therapy, and then stopped at my dad's for a visit. I got to mooch a little dinner and hang out with Dad and Mike for a bit. Alex and Kathie had to run out to get Alex a pair of shower shoes before he leaves for camp on Thursday, and as I was saying goodbye, Alex told me he'd say goodbye to me when I came back after PT on Wednesday. So, I'll be making another trip to Dad's (which means mooching another dinner - see how the budget works out?) because Alex really seems to want me to. Nothing makes an Auntie feel better than knowing her shining light loves her back.
3. After visiting Dad, I called my sister Jenn to tell her I really liked Bernie's potato salad. She politely informed me that she, not her husband, made the potato salad, and asked me to stop over at her house to pick up a yoga block she was holding for me. So I made my way into the woods ... and ensured myself that I would not need to buy produce any time soon. Potatoes, peppers and tomatoes, straight from the garden. I'm going to make the most delicious stuffed pepper when I get home from the gym tonight!
4. To those who are tired of hearing it, I apologize, but I gotta say again - MUD. So much fun! And I've lost count of the mosquito bites. Yowza, getting up at the ass-crack of dawn makes you a veritable buffet for the nasty blood-suckers!
5. This weekend is show weekend, and after that, a much-needed return to normalcy. Not complaining - I like being busy, and I'm having a blast - but it will be nice to settle down a little bit.
6. I think I have a cold. Woke up this morning with a very dry throat, and I've been sneezing my fool head off. Here's hoping my voice is happy for the weekend!
7. The best job in the world? Fairy Godmother. Not sure how to score that gig, but damn, that would be fun.
8. My mind tends to wander, sometimes in the middle of the conversation. I'll be talking with someone about a vitally important topic and hey, did you see that butterfly?
9. I am ready to upgrade my phone. My plan will allow me to upgrade. And yet, I wait. I'm going the iPhone route, after waiting several years to drink the Kool-Aid, but my (sad, pathetic) Blackberry still works fine. In the new financial reality that is my life, I simply cannot bring myself to upgrade simply because I can. Again, aging divorcee learns new tricks. Maybe a birthday gift, from me to me? That may be the best idea yet.
10. Getting to the gym these last few weeks has been challenging, but I haven't missed a Tuesday night class. That feels good - making time to get there, even if it's just one night. I'm supplementing with near-daily walks with co-worker Lisa at lunch time, which serves a dual purpose. We get a little exercise in, and we return to the office sweaty, thereby keeping people from spending too much time with us in the afternoon. Win-win.

A very dirty story

I did it. I set out to finish the race without injury, and I did it. It took Team Inconceivable one hour, 46 minutes and 28 seconds to cross the finish line, but let's face it - it was never about the time. It was about challenging myself to try something different, and I did that.

I entered, participated in and finished the Muddy Buddy Relay on August 1, 2010.

It was an amazing day. I was scared out of my mind. We arrived at 6 a.m. amidst incredible fog. I couldn’t see the Randall Road exit off of 90 when I was on the exit; that’s the kind of fog we’re talking about. I took a few minutes to mentally prepare, got out of the Jeep, put the front wheel on the bike and made my way to the race site. The event took place on Indian Hill Horse Farm in Gilberts, IL. We’re in farm country, folks. Watch where you step.

I got into line to register and waited for co-worker Mike to arrive. He and his wife, Emily, were coming in from Chicago, so they had a bit more traffic (and the same evil fog) to contend with. Soon, we had signed our waivers and were registered, we got our free t-shirts and goody bags, and it was time to get in line. We were in wave 10 of 17 total waves, and I was having an anxiety attack. What if I couldn’t do it? What if I embarrassed myself, and my friend? What if … ? Fear will do that to ya. I looked around and realized I was one of the larger competitors, and decided not to let it get to me. We are all just people. Our stories are different, but the person who crosses the finish line first is not all that different from the one who crosses last. I was just there to do my best. At that, I cannot fail.

Soon, our wave was at the front. I had to pee, but that’s nerves for ya. The airhorn sounded and I got on the bike, only to encounter an immediate huge mud puddle. And I mean MUD. Gucky, mucky, suction to take off your shoes, mud. I rode through it, hearing Emily’s sweet voice from the sidelines cheering me on. She’s taking pictures of me riding this bike, I thought. Great. The world can see my chunky self. I won’t care if I finish!

Off I went. Soon we were on blissful paved road, and I though, p’shaw – I can handle this. Then we came to hills. Way to go, smart ass. But I trudged forward, quads burning. Determination, thy name is Maggie.

When I got to the first obstacle, it was time to dismount the bike and leave it for Michael, who ran the first leg. And then, it was time to climb a wall.Yeah, I said it. I CLIMBED A WALL! Up and over, and down the cargo net on the other side. It was like a seven-foot climbing wall that you’d find in a gym, with the little toeholds along the way. Yeah, I did that. Felt great. Then, it was time to begin my first running leg.

I thought I was going to die. My shoes quickly got muddy, so it was like running with an extra 10 pounds ... but I kept going. I thought I was going to die. I thought my lungs were on fire. Just before I got to the second obstacle, I contemplated quitting. But then, I wouldn't get to say "I did it". So I kept going. And breathing. And moving through this mucky waterlogged soil direct from hell. Finally, I came to the second obstacle.

Time to do my best military crawl, under nets on my belly. Fun, until I hit my head on a pole. I have a goose egg! I was looking down, because if I looked forward my helmet would get caught on the net above me. And the indoor/outdoor carpet beneath the nets was really scratchy (says the girl who would shortly be covered in mud). Oh, well ... on we go.

Got back on the bike, only to realize that I am not an accomplished off-road cyclist. Tall grass, wet ground, and more than a few twigs and rocks made for slow going, and a great portion of this leg I simply walked the bike. There was just no way I could bike it without endangering the other cyclists. Or runners. Or wildlife. When I was able to, I hopped back on for more of the sick burning quad workout, but most of this leg was just not passable for me on the bike. But that was okay – my goal was not to be perfect. My goal was to finish.

Mike met me before the third obstacle with a glass of water. We took a moment to catch our breath, and then it was time for me to watch him hop on the bike and get back on the trail while I tried my luck on the balance beam. I got up onto the damn thing and just did not feel steady. Remember, my feet at this point were still covered in slimy mud! So I looked at the volunteers and hunky EMTs at the end and asked what would happen if I didn’t complete the obstacle. They waved me forward … so kind! And I was off running again.

Running? Stumbling, panting, praying and running. And walking. And wishing I’d trained just a wee bit harder. But I kept moving forward. Amazing people encouraged me as they passed. “You’re doin’ great!” they’d say, or “You can so do this!” My favorite though was when I was tackling this wooded, hilly area (and secretly thanking God that Mike was on the bike now and not me) and making my way gingerly down a super-steep slope. I was going pretty slowly now, just making sure I didn’t fall, when a woman came up behind me and said, “You’ve got this. Let’s jog down together.” It really filled my soul with confidence. It was a great feeling, knowing that so many truly gifted athletes just wanted everyone to finish.

Fourth obstacle? An inflatable wall with a slide down the other side. We had to climb up what was about a big damn puffy wall via a cargo net type thing. I stared at it, wondering if I could do it. And then I stopped wondering. It wasn’t the time to think about it; it was go time.

I stepped up … and realized that the first rope “rung” on the cargo net was higher than my waist. I had to pull myself up before I could get a foothold, and I did it! Up up up I went, until I reached the top. And let me tell you, the breeze I made on my way down was incredible. From here, I knew I’d make it.

I found the bike and hopped on to finish the last mile, which was mostly – blissfully – paved. Until the end. When I had to dismount and carry the bike while I walked through a long, long, long mud pit. And I did that, too, keeping the bike as clean as possible. Others were just dragging the bike through the mud, but it wasn’t my bike; that wouldn’t have been cool.

Shortly after that, it was time to drop off the bike and find Mike (hey, that rhymes!) to complete the final obstacle – the mud pit – together. We met up, and took a few minutes while I caught my breath. It would have been sad to pass out in the mud pit! And then, sploosh – it was time to get dirty. We laughed the entire way through, even when I accidentally stuck my face further into the mud than I intended. BLARGH!

When we came out at the other side, we crossed the finish line and each received a much-needed energy drink. Sheesh, what a way to spend a Sunday morning! Emily was there to meet us and take the “after” photos, and both she and Mike were incredibly supportive of me. Mike was a great sport through the whole morning, never minding that I wasn’t the fastest partner on the course. I felt tired and lucky.

Finally, it was time to find the beer garden and relax while the fine people at Goose Island provided our complimentary (really, they told me how nice I looked!) beer. Cold and delicious … at 10:15 a.m. But when you’ve been up since 4, one beer isn’t that far out of the realm of normal.

As we got ready to part ways, that overwhelming feeling of gratitude washed over me. I did it. With the help and support of amazing friends, I did something I wasn’t quite sure I was capable of. There’s nothing quite like trying something completely outside your comfort zone and realizing you’re capable of it.

And we’re already planning to do it all again next year.

See the album on Facebook for additional photos.

Ten on Tuesday July 27

1. It's 84 degrees out and I just came in from my afternoon walk. I am slimy.
2. Mixed greens, grilled chicken, tomatoes, avocado, mushrooms, honey roasted pecans and feta, with a little Green Goddess dressing ... lunch, to die for.
3. This week began the busiest two weeks in the life of Maggie in recent memory. Monday night, physical therapy; Tuesday night at the gym (can't miss that); Wednesday night, rehearsal; Thursday night, physical therapy and rehearsal for the other show; Friday night, laundry; Saturday I hope to give myself a day of rest, because Sunday is the Muddy Buddy relay! Yes, I will be running, biking and crawling through mud. I should probably have my head examined, but it's one of those things I want to be able to say I did. After the mud, there's more rehearsal, and then we start a new week on repeat, with shows on the weekend instead of mud. I will relax again on August 9.
4. I am so excited to rehearse for the Libertyville show tomorrow night. I'll be working with Dustin Helvie, one of the most awesome musicians from my theatrical past, and Polly Ludena, a former theater nemesis and current friend. Should be a lot of fun!
5. I finally got to turn the A/C off for about 36 hours. It had been running from July 4 until last Sunday, July 25, at around 9 a.m. Not complaining - you know I do my best not to complain in the summer, because winter almost kills me every year - just sayin' ... it's fixin' to be a long, hot summer.
6. My first physical therapy appointment was last night. It is going to be hard, but worth it. And it will feel less difficult because my physical therapist is a very, very pretty boy. ;) He also worked with my dad after one of his knee surgeries, and my brother when he was having shoulder issues. Seems very capable and knowledgeable. The funniest part of the appointment was when we were talking about my activity level. I told him that I walk most days at the office, and that I have a pretty set gym schedule. "You do a lot," he said. "You would, too, if you had as much weight to lose as I do." He asked if I'd lost weight, and I said yes, and as long as the number kept trending downward I was okay with that. Then he asked if I watched what I ate, and I told him not really - I try to eat well, but I don't really count calories or track anything (although I know I should.) And he says - "You know, you'd lose it a lot faster if you'd be more careful with your food." Yeah, I know. And thanks for sounding like a combination of my sister Jenn and my dad.
7. Andre Dawson ... my favorite Cub, ever. He was inducted into the Baseball Hall of Fame on Sunday. He is a complete gentleman, and one of the most talented to ever play the game. As much of a fan as I am, I only wanted the signature of one player, ever, and that's Andre Dawson. I got it, several years ago at a Home Depot. When I handed him the ball I'd brought, and asked for his signature, he smiled, turned the ball to find the sweet spot, and signed his name. I told him that day, "You know, one day I'd like to go to Cooperstown, but I won't go until you're part of the Hall." He looked up at me and smiled. Now, I can plan that trip.
8. A dear friend of mine lost his brother this week. A 40-year-old man, dead in an instant from an aneurysm. In the blink of an eye, he was gone. And of course this causes me to think of my sisters, with whom I don't always agree. It causes me to wonder how I would react if one of them were taken before we are all old and gray. I'm not ready to lose them, or any of the people I hold dear. So if you have it in your heart, take a moment and make sure the people you love know how much they mean to you. You just never know when you might lose that opportunity.
9. I wake up almost every morning looking forward to going back to bed. Seriously, I do love sleeping. I could win a gold medal in sleep.
10. I hate meetings. The end.

Ten on Wednesday, July 21

1. It's sort of like Tuesday to me, because I took Monday off. I treated my Godson, Ross, to an "Aunt Maggie Day". We went miniature golfing (36 holes in 90-degree temps; crazy!), had lunch at Steak & Shake, and then saw The Karate Kid. It was a great day. I got to spend it with a truly awesome young man, and feel a little like a kid again, myself. (The movie, by the way, was thoroughly enjoyable. I kinda want to take kung fu now.)
2. Last night at the gym, a woman I know but don't see often stopped me. "You're wearing pink," she said. Why yes, yes I was. "It looks different. You look different. Your body; it's changing." I think she meant it in a nice way. "I only see you every few weeks, see," she continued. "I notice." Then today at the office, someone said, "You walk almost every day, don't you?" And yes, I do - even when it's sweltering. "You're losing weight." Well, not sure if the scale agrees, but here's hoping!
3. Tomorrow morning - that's Thursday, July 22 - at 8:30, I will see the doctor and learn the results of my MRI. I'm really hoping it's nothing major, and we can clear it up simply and as painlessly as possible. To be honest, I don't know if I'm up for surgery right now. Guess I'll have to see what the word is ... and try not to panic in the meanwhile.
4. I had Chuckles today for a snack. Fat free and delicious!
5. I have every song on my iPod on shuffle. You wouldn't believe how much Christmas music comes up in an eight-hour workday!
6. The family got together for July birthday dinner (that would be both Pat and Jenn) on Sunday. It was great to see my sisters, brother and of course, Dad. It was a delightful evening of good food, many laughs, and only a few times when I just had to let shit go. If only the eight of us hadn't been squished onto a table more suited for six, it probably would have been perfect.
7. I am as overscheduled as the child of a yuppy couple these days. It's not forever, though, so I'm pretty sure I'll pull through.
8. I would like a new pair of shoes. I'm going to pay my student loan instead.
9. Doing things because we always do them just isn't a good enough reason for me.
10. Every now and then, I go through my Facebook friends and weed people out. People who are always trying to sell me something, people who are mean, people who provide nothing but a constant barrage of ignorance ... gone. If I still show up on your News Feed, it's not you. ;)

Wee victory

Yesterday, my friend Krista got married.

Weddings are important events, and I believe when one is invited to one, it is an honor and a privilege. But in the midst of my monumental pity-pot breakdown yesterday afternoon, I almost lost sight of that fact. I almost gave in to the panic in my heart and stayed home.

See, sometimes I look in the mirror and shudder. I have never been a fan of my reflection. And yesterday, I wanted to feel pretty. I didn't. I had that shell-shocked paralysis that almost kept me home, instead. I sat on my bed and began to text the bride, explaining that I was unable to make it because I just didn't feel up to it.

I didn't feel up to it? As I keyed the words into my phone and read them back, I was shocked at myself. Half of life, after all, is in the showing up. It's about being there for the moments that matter - the big ones, like weddings, and the little ones, too. I want to be someone who shows up.
So I put on my best denim, having been assured that anything we were comfortable would be acceptable for this most eclectic gathering, and I took of for the train.

Along my journey, two friends called out of the blue - almost as if the universe wanted to reassure me that I was loved, no matter how I might feel about myself in that moment.

I arrived at the art gallery (yes, I have friends who get married in art galleries. How cool is THAT?) and wandered around, meeting the groom and wishing the gorgeous bride the best and eventually meeting up with some friends. And ya know what? They didn't seem to notice that I wasn't having a beautiful day. They only seemed to care that I was there, and that we were together to celebrate this day.

It was a hard day, one that found me almost constantly on the brink of tears, but that was okay. Everyone cries at weddings, right? And in the end, there was so much joy. I hope to remember last night as a moment when I wanted desperately to hide in a corner, and I chose awesome instead, and found myself letting go of all the things that would have kept me home as the evening progressed. It was a small victory, but a victory nonetheless.

My stunningly beautiful and talented co-workers - Cinthya, me, Bonnie, Bev, Kyra and Brienne.